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About Just out. (Portland, OR) 1983-2013 | View Entire Issue (Oct. 1, 1986)
The day 1 arrived in Portland felt auspici ous. The clear June afternoon in 1973 af forded a great view of the most evocatively female mountain I had ever seen, the intact version of Mt. S t Helens. At the time, my life seemed like a series of pit stops and at the ripe age of 22 I was ready to settle down. I wanted to be part of a community. I wanted to live with a group of people who considered my well-being vital to theirs; to know them over time so we could watch each other and our children grow and develop. 1 wanted to understand and be understood. I wanted part ners in making a better world. It’s been 13 years now. Mt. St. Helens and I have gone through some changes and so has the lesbian community. It's been a long strange trip from the fervor of the early seventies to the relative quiescence of the mid-eighties. Back then many lesbians were eager and able to live on next to nothing so they could work on political and community projects. We created a bookstore, a resource center, a liberation school, a credit union, a health clinic, a battered women's shelter, and more. News from CAP by W.C. McRae “AIDS is an emotional issue," says Mike McGowan, Board of Cascade AIDS Project Chairperson, “and AIDS organizations attract, emotional people.” Emotions have indeed been running high at CAP. On August 24, the CAP board voted to replace Executive Director Brown McDonald with Tom Koberstein. The move was greeted with surprise by many, and with a great gush of rum or by those who do not always follow the sometimes wayward course of the orga nizations that have emerged in Portland in response to AIDS. Why did McDonald have to go? The situa tion that led to McDonald’s dismissal as ex ecutive director of CAP is historical, and points, at one level, to differences in adminis trative focus between partisans of two organi zations, CAP and CHESS (Community Health Essential Support Services). At the same time, however, and at a higher level, the conflicts reflect a collision of mainstream gay politics with the dynamics of AIDS activism. Beginnings Cinder D irector Reese House, CAP began as a com m itte e w ithin Phoenix Rising. The early CAP organization undertook the respon sib ility o f providing both education and ser vices. Som ew hat later, CHSS (later CHESS), in itially a subcom m ittee o f CAP, sought to im prove support services fo r PWAs and PWARCs by founding the PAL p ro je ct which is patterned after San Francisco’s Shanti Pro je c t The B rinker Fund, nam ed fo r the late C hester Brinker, an Em press o f the Rose C o u rt provided direct m onetary su p p o rt and was a response to the financial devastation th a t often accom panies A D S . As CAP and CHESS (m erged early on with the B rin ker Fund) became independent and evolved, the differences o f the ir emphases, education vs. support services, cam e to be personified by their respective boards. A dm inistrative assistant Leslie Waygren observes, the split between the organizations follow ed an objective/subjective philosophi cal dichotom y: CAP, as the educational arm , attracted factual, nuts and bolts types, dynam ic com m on-sensical, and objective; CHESS, dealing with direct support to PWAs, attracted board m em bers w ho were sensi 1 . .• »• * • • • • • • • • • .• -••• • * * ...............‘ Just Out, Qpiqber 1986 • • • •••••••••••••• tive, caring, emotive, “touchy-feely,” subjec tive. According to Waygren, these were also dichotomies — and boards — that spanned new politics vs. old politics, conservatives vs. liberals. The board of directors that make up CHESS have included figures from the Court system, Parents/FLAG, and people with ties to mainstream politics. The CAP board has been largely made up by newcomers to poli tics and activism — outsiders: unknown and untried quantities. These realities led to different dynamics and priorities within the boards. Prior to the merger and directly after it, CAP and CHESS were reduced to sharing one office — CAP on the one side, CHESS on the other, with the no-man’s-land of the volun teers in between. Hostilities were legion. CHESS had an administrator, an assistant administrator, and two part-time service co ordinators. CAP had an executive director and an educational program director. The organizatons shared one volunteer office manager. Add CAP’S 8 member board and CHESS’s 15-member board, a phalanx of volunteers and PWAs, and you have a situa tion endemic to antagonism. Money A nd throug h it all, funding was ever an issue. A bout a year ago, big m oney started co m in g to CAP and CHESS. And w ith it a new visibility. CAP won tw o $ 19,000 grants fro m the N ational Conference o f Mayors, and $47,000 fro m the State Health Division. CHESS received $30,000 from M ultnom ah County. C ity N ights G roup, a self-acknow l edged “ bunch o f guys w ho like to throw parties," form ed to hold dance parties as m a jo r fundraisers fo r Portland A D S organiza tions. However, not everyone viewed their purpose so altruistically. “ It was the old boys netw ork trying to control what happened with A D S by con tro llin g the purse strings," asserts a fo rm e r CAP staff m em ber w ho chooses to rem ain anonym ous. C ity N ights’ first benefit with Sylvester en abled them to donate $8,000; the second dance party w ith Pamela Stanley raised $800; and a th ird benefit in late August w ith Claudja B arry plunged its organizers into four-digit debts. C ity N ights, through econom ic c lo u t poli tica l ties, and alliances with CHESS, was able early this sum m er to enter into discussions w ith CAP to becom e a fourth arm o f the organization to do fundraising. The consoli *,* *,* • • • • • ------ • • ............-•« «•« .’. ’.V t *,* Dealing With Differences "Differences must be not merely tolerated." Audre Lorde says, “but seen as a fund of necessary polarities between which our creativity can spark. Only then does the necessity for interdependency become un threatening. Only within that interdependency of different strengths — acknowledged and equal — can the power to seek new ways of being in the world generate. Difference is that raw and powerful connection from which our personal power is forged." Short Circuiting Lateral Hostility Internalized powerlessness and passivity set us to picking on each other instead of confronting our real problems; and this we must interrupt when we see it happening. Supporting Our Successes Internalized sexism has taught us to under mine, resent, or demand perfection from female achievers and leaders. When an indi vidual or group is willing to take risks, to go out on a limb, we must make sure that the women following behind aren’t carrying a saw. Linking the Generations A community that doesn’t recycle the experience and understanding of its oldest dation has been tentatively postponed due to consideration of CAP’S not-for-profit status. Power Under conditions determined by CAP’S board, CAP and CHESS voted to merge early this spring, partially to shore up CHESS financially, and to unify Portland’s response to the health crisis. And to end the confusion (CHSS? CHESS? CHESS/PAL? Old CAP? New CAP: Super CAP? Or perhaps CAN? (Cascade ADS Network)?) In the process, “The fish that ate the fish, got ate," (Waygren). Under the terms of merger, the CHESS board of directors was cut from 15 to 8, to match the number on CAP'S board. The new 16 person board kept CAP’s name. But who would staff the new organization? According to Steve Fulmer (member of the original CHESS board), the CAP and CHESS senior staff “was at each other’s throats.” CHESS administrator Farley Peterson was discreetly fired, leaving Brown McDonald as the natural choice for interim director of the new CAP. However, as a condi tion of merger, the CHESS board insisted that a nation-wide search for executive di rector be conducted. A ccording to Terry W right, present CAP board m em ber and head o f the personnel com m ittee, the search com m ittee received 80 resumes. From this num ber 7 prelim inary candidates were selected. Two candidates were subsequently recom m ended to the board w ithout bias. O n August 24, the board voted 8-7 to nam e Tom Koberstein as CAP executive d i rector. The vote split along CAP/CHESS party lines. The sixteenth and absent voter was a CAP board m em ber, who now resides in San Francisco, and was not present In the fracas that follow ed, three board m em bers announced the ir intention to resign (tw o were later re-instated). Brow n M cD onald says, “ The board's deci sion wasn’t based on anyone’s m e rit A ccom plishm ents d id n ’t have anything to do w ith it” Fulm er says, m inim alistically, that the board was "bilateral," adding that the deci sion was based on who could best lead a new organization. C hief am ong the reasons given to replace M cD onald was his bad relations w ith the Im perial C ourt system, C ity N ights G roup, and the R ight to Privacy PAC. These bastions of gay po litics found M cD onald's personal style “com bative." Said one insider, “ W hen they members or educate its youngest is seriously impoverished. Feeling connected to the gen erations ahead and behind posits us firmly in history and imparts a profoundness to the idea of lesbian community. It implies a debt to the older generation that is to be paid off by responsibility to the younger one. We need to be in touch with both ends of the age spectrum if we are to truly understand how we got here or where we might be going. C o m m itm e n t Lesbian community is not a consumer item or a cafeteria of happenings. It is a web of relationships extending over time. Our organizations, newspapers, teams, bars, theatres, and stores, etc., are the structure of these relationships. Without structure, rela tionships tend to dissipate. These structures need active and tangible support. Share a portion of your resources, time, or talents by writing a check, volunteering, or consulting. And do it regularly. Developing lesbian identity and com m un ity are creative projects larger than our lifetimes. With varying degrees of intent we are all part of the process, part of the web. Diverse and evolving, partially shaped by economics and political forces beyond our control, we will, nonetheless, become what we make of ourselves. wanted to help, they got hostility." McDonald, in turn, claims that these or ganizations were threatened by CAP because :•:• they couldn’t control it "The question here," says McDonald, “is who’s pulling strings and why. Certain selected people are allowed to pull strings. They do now, and they will later." McDonald was particulary censured for not getting along with the City Nights fund raisers. McDonald responds to this criticism by asserting that he was able to raise $ 17,000 with his Bike-for-Life fundraiser. Also, because of alleged inefficiency and confusion in the CAP office, McDonald had the reputation of being difficult to deal with, and of being hostile to any but his own direc tions. He was also accused of not being a "people person,” and not good at network ing. “ He’s a prima donna," said one observer. Others accused him of taking a narrowly de fined task — educating about ADS — and turning it into an enormous bureaucracy. “ CAP represented a different kind of organization," claims McDonald. “ It was grassroots, process-oriented, and staffed by volunteers who were there in response to ADS. CAP was fueled by concern, not ambi tion,” he says. M cD onald’s supporters on the board claim ed that it was the w rong tim e to change adm inistration. One board m em ber claim ed, "You d o n 't change leaders du ring a tim e o f change." “ If M cD onald is replaced, the o r ganization w ould be set back a year," som e asserted. O thers dism iss the allegations that the vote reflected ill feelings tow ard M cD onald, and assert that K oberstein was sim p ly the best person fo r the job. M cD onald feels the board ignored his ac com plishm ents. "It was politics, not m erit," he says, that rem oved him fro m his position. So w hy did M cD onald have to go? Many cite office politics and long-tim e intransigence and m istru st between board m em bers o f CAP and CHESS. O thers say it was a hatchet jo b by p o litica l insiders. Leslie W aygren captured the sense o f in evitability: "P art o f the buy-out w ith m erging was th a t Brow n had to go." M cD onald carried w ith him the w eight o f the collective history — the frustrations and the expectations — o f P ortland’s response to ADS. A new beginning. We wish Cascade A D S P roject Tom Koberstein, and CAP supporters the in tegrity o f th e ir New Attitudes. • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •••••• •••• • «• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • f .»«« - n . t V * i « i- > - ti- * * W - ^ v .* V jV .v « v « v * v « v * v « v « y .,av » y . v . v . v . v . v « v . v « v . ' . v « v . ,» v . v « v - v . v . v . v . v . v . v . v . * . v . v . ,. v . v . V i • • • • • ...............................v . v . w . v v . v . - . v • •,* i I i m i t n u i n u m u i by Cdthy Siemens What we accomplished was truly remarkable. However, sometimes our zeal bordered on righteousness. The insight, "the personal is political," was stood on its head and became an excuse for scrutinizing an individual's clothing, her love-life, and her dinner. In re trospect, it’s understandable how a nascent and beleaguered minority community, in order to develop identity and cohesiveness, would set norms that became rigid. For those comfortable with the norms, the experience was validating, suportive, even liberating. On the other hand, for those un comfortable with the norms, their experience was the opposite; unauthentic, hostile and confining. When correctness and conformity are greater values than community, mistakes and differences are occasions for ostracism rather than education and discussion. We’ve learned that sisterhood isn't simple. It’s as problematic as it is powerful. Politics are about people, not purity. To put it another way, differences are difficult and very few of us are either all bad or all good. Today, many of the projects started back in the '70s no longer exist and the community now feels fragmented. We need to re-vision, re-inspire both the idea and the experience of Lesbian Community. It’s time to heal and move forward again. I suggest we consider the following challenges: m i The challenge of community •••••••••••••• 11