t
II
Two Xmas Carols
by Scott Swentek
I
T h e swivel chair creaked as Carol stuffed
the last of her papers into her satchel.
“N o w we can go to the beach and m ou n
tains,” she continued. “A nd it gets really good
mileage." She scanned a notepad on her desk.
“D id you know that twelve doctors can be
trained for what one B -5 2 bom ber costs."
“I d o n ’t care," Lester said pointedly. “What
difference does that make to me."
“W h y Lester, everyone should concern
themselves with the issues.”
“Bullshit; everyone should concern them
selves with themselves. If you’re so concerned
with the issues, why did you buy that polluting
chunk of steel?”
Carol held her satchel firmly in front of her.
“It’s far m ore economical and ecological for
J im and I to get one car instead of one each.
We got a foreign car only after assessing all the
socioeconom ic considerations. Good grief,
Lester, you’ve known me long enough to
know how m uch time I spend considering
things.”
"You could have gotten bicycles." Lester
turned back to his overtime paperwork. He
had a family Xm as to support
"You’re being obtuse on purpose.” Carol
patted his back as she walked o u t “Hope
you’re in a better m ood after the holidays.
Merry Xmas."
“Merry dam n Xmas," Lester growled.
T h e car was waiting by the curb.
“More work," J im moaned as she got in.
“C a n ’t you leave it here once in a while.” He
put the car in gear.
“If I did we’d still be riding the bus.”
"At least we had time to talk." Jim paused.
•"How’d itg o ? "
“ New report to work on and Lester was a
bit grouchy.”
"He puts up with a lot"
“T h a t’s mean," Carol pouted.
“Well, what was it about?"
“He thinks our getting the car is bourgeois."
“ He’s right” Jim turned his eyes from the
road to meet Carol’s glare.“Seriously though,
d o n ’t you think now that we've started on the
Just Out. January, 1^5
co m m unal property we should continue to
the connubial.” He pulled the car in the apart
m ent driveway and killed the engine.
“Jim , we've been over this."
T h e y got out of the car.
“We each need our own space." Carol
opened her door and indicated her cluttered
kitchen table as she took off her scarf. “If we
lived together we wouldn’t know where one of
your reports began and where one of mine
left off."
“I’m not as messy as you are and if we lived
together we wouldn’t have to keep hustling to
keep up two apartments." J im kissed her ex
posed neck and Carol broke away into the
kitchen. “We might even consider raising a
couple of monsters," he called.
“Jim , you know I’m not into the maternal
trip." She poured two cups of instant coffee
and paused. "Think of all those poor C am bo
dian babies." Tears formed and she shook
them away. “God, Jim , this world’s too hel
lish." She handed him his cup.
"I decline any resemblance to Faust"
"O h , Jim .”
Carol looked at the half-decorated tree
dominating the room. "Let’s finish the tree
and exchange gifts. You can put me on your
shoulders so I can put on the star, just like
daddy used to."
With a moderate am ount of horseplay they
finished the tree and Carol, hunched on J im ’s
shoulders, put the star on top. J im tumbled
them onto the couch.
“Jim , stop.” Carol punched him in the
chest and bounced to a kneeling position.
"N o w what'd you get me."
J im pulled a small jeweler’s box from his
pocket "You first"
“Tease.” Carol handed him an envelope
from the sidetable and watched him open it
"R em em ber how upset you got when the pill
screwed up m y hormones and I was crying all
the time. Well, I decided to do something to
keep our relationship meaningful."
"F ro m me to you and you to me your very
own vasectomy," Jim read incredulously and
held up the coupon from Planned Parenthood.
"Clh huh, now we ll be able to relax I did it
for you."
J im stared woodenly at her as he tore the
coupon to tatters.
"Ho, ho, ho," he said.
T h e custom er’s swing knocked Carol’s
Santa cap awry. She stepped back, smiled
and readjusted it over her bandana.
“These are great" the man said, twirling
the flashlight equipped baton. "W hat’d you
say they were for?"
“They're light swords; the kids use them to
beat on each other."
“ Great" Th e man lowered his baton and
squinted at her. "W hy you wearing a bandana
under that? You hafta wear it?”
Carol tugged at a wisp of hair. "No, just the
Santa cap. Th e bandana's ’cause I got cancer."
T h e m an grimaced. "It all fall out?”
"N o, they cut it”
“W h y’d you let yourself get cancer?"
“G o d did it to me," Carol said indignantly, "I
didn’t do it to myself."
"W h yn ’t you go to Fiji and eat coconuts.
Get healthy and stop beating yourself." He
examined the baton judiciously. “I’ll take three
of these; can’t leave out anyone."
Carol nodded and collected three boxes.
"Batteries included?”
"Batteries included," she confirmed.
A frigid wind blew in through the door with
Carol; she kicked it closed and put down her
bags. In the living room the T V set was still on.
“You kids re supposed to be in bed," she
yelled. 'T u r n that off and get your tails under
the sheets." She put her coat on the peg and
her Santa cap on her chair. Scuffling noises
and childish cries came from the living room.
“Christ, Jim ." Carol walked into the room.
“C a n ’t you get them to bed on time." She sat
in her armchair. "You had your baths?"
"Yes."
“Hah.”
“Loisey didn't take hers.”
Louise poked Jam ie. “I did too."
T h e younger kids tussled until J im grab
bed each other by the rear of their pajamas.
“C u t it out," he ordered. “You heard Mom, get
your tails upstairs." He rushed them up the
worn staircase.
Carol sighed and leaned her head on the
grim y fabric. Th e heat wasn’t working right
again. T h e air was hot and sticky with the
d a m p smell of little children and old clothes.
T h e wall that had been bare that m orning was
covered with sm udged crayon pictures of
rotund Santas and anemic reindeer. She didn’t
' want to go into the kitchen. Th e pain in her
abdom en increased sharply and she groaned.
W hen she opened her eyes there was a joint
before them.
"W here’d you get that?”
“Pete next door,” Jim supplied.
“I told you not to take things from him.
C h rist you use more drugs than I do."
Behind her was an invisible smile.
"Yeah, yeah," Jim said.
“Yeah, yeah," Carol mimicked. "Well what
do you want me to do with it stuff it up m y
nose?"
J im m oved to the front of the armchair, he
was wearing her Santa cap.
“D o n ’t get it dirty, I gotta wear it tomorrow."
Carol closed her eyes as Jim puffed the joint
alight "Th a t bastard your father send the
check today?"
"Nope, I turned in some bottles though;
we’re all right" He passed his mother the
jo in t
“Long as the kids get fed." Carol puffed at
the jo int J im rose and walked away.
"Yeah, yeah."
T h e pain subsided as m uch as it ever did,
Carol smiled then frowned. “And d o n ’t take
any more grass from Pete." She glared around
the chair back.
Jim paused at the stairs and pulled the
Santa cap over his eyes.
"Ho, ho, ho" he said.
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