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About Just out. (Portland, OR) 1983-2013 | View Entire Issue (July 1, 1985)
Touching experiences by Sandra K. Pinches, Ph.D. T h e longing to touch, hold and cuddle is one of the strongest and most basic of hu m an needs, but few of us get enough physi cal contact O u r society places a sexual con notation on touching between adults, then discourages sexual behavior between people w ho are not lovers. Many single people feel inhibited about touching or asking to be touched by anyone, because they don’t want to be seen as making a sexual advance to ward the wrong person. Even couples may limit physical affection to their sexual interactions. T h e extreme extent of the suppression of physical contact in our society is evident from observations of other hum an cultures and no n -h u m a n primates. Monkeys and apes spend hours touching, as they groom and flea each other, or huddle together while rest ing. Gorillas as a species seem to be less sexual than humans, but are physically af- Family Business Traffic Workers Comp. Dtvorce Custody Support Modrfication Visitations Gay Couple Agreements & Break ip s Contracts Licensing Admin. Hearings Partnerships Corporations Smal Businesses Tickets Suspensions Accidents D a rk Driving Hearings Appeals Preparation Other Wills Bankruptcy Property Medical Consents I Ben Merrill 2 9 5 - 2456 408 S W Second , Suite 519 Downtown Portland 97204 EXPOSE YOURSELF TO 1U G0 o •For gays of all ages «A fte r Hours • The best in music, sound, and action! ^ 6 2 4 S.W . 13th 2 2 4 -C IT Y ^ ^ v (between Morrison & Alder) So we offer a number of services ^ Home/Business Hauling-Large & Small Lana Maintenance Errands Odd Jobs Recycling You Name It! INT/EXT Painting Sign Painting Clean-up Gutters Windows REDBIRD PRODUCTIONS 235-9177 Terri (^>. 16 ^ fectionate with each other and with other animals. H um an societies which do not sexualize all touching tend to touch more than we do. In som e African countries it is co m m o n to see adult m en walking together hand in hand. W o m e n and m en in some cultures sleep in the same sex groups with bodies intertwined, like litters of kittens. Even in our own country in the last century, adolescent or adult sisters could share a bed and snuggle without being suspected of incest S om e humanistic psychotherapists believe that deprivation of physical contact is responsible for m any emotional problems which have previously been attributed to m ore complicated causes. Psychotherapy clients w ho get close to the source of their suffering often do identify their feelings as an unm et need to be held. Unfortunately, most people have repressed their need for physical affection so deeply that a lot of insight must be achieved before they recognize what they w a n t Touch-deprived individuals usually develop doubts about their self-worth and attractiveness as an explanation for the lack of affection shown to them. Rather than risk m ore rejections, they try to stop having the need to be touched, resulting in a loss of awareness of the body, a hardening of de meanor, and feelings of tension, depression or irritability. Many people turn to food or drug binges for comfort, since these forms of substance abuse are actually more permis sible and obtainable in our society than is PORTLAND: 1005 W. BURNSIDE BEAVERTON: LOEHMANN’S PLAZA non-sexual physical affection. O f course, most people try to find socially acceptable ways to meet their need for touch, which drives them into sexual relationships. Single people who could and should perhaps wait longer before jum ping into a new rela tionship are less able to hold back when there is no other form of physical intimacy in their lives. Sexual passion may fade early in a rela tionship if sex served primarily as a means of being touched. Th is development can be even m ore disappointing when partial satisfaction of the need to be touched is fol lowed by a re-evaluation of the chosen part ner. Severe deprivation generally leads people to see what they want to see, where they want to see it W hen the rosy distortion produced by wishful thinking goes away, the partner m ay appear m uch less desirable. Lesbians and gay men experience more severe difficulties with touch taboos than do heterosexuals, because homophobia c o m plicates the sexualization of touch. A hetero sexual woman, for example, when touched by a male friend, may misinterpret the con tact as sexual and politely refuse him. If she is touched by a wom an who is openly lesbian, however, she is m ore likely to be disgusted, offended or threatened, and to reject all phys ical contact with the lesbian. Within the gay com m unity as well, touch ing can be easily confused with sexual be havior. Gay people are defined as such be cause of their minority sexual preference, which can lead both gays and non-gays to overemphasize the sexual aspect of ho m o sexuality. At bars and other gay meeting places, m any individuals appear to go out of their way to color their communications with sexual innuendo. Th ey seem to need to broadcast and affirm the fact that they are attracted to same-sexed partners, which probably stems from gay identity issues m ore than from sexual desires. This behavior pattern is understandable as a response to the social stigmatization and suppression of homosexuality, but it decreases still further the already limited opportunities for gay people to touch non-sexually. O vercom ing inhibitions around physical affection is difficult since fears of rejection or misinterpretation by others are often justified. People who want to increase the am ount of touching in their circle of close friends can sometimes make the changes more smoothly by discussing the issue first Most people are touch-deprived and will welcome more con tact but they dislike the anxiety which ac com panies the change. T h e sensitivity groups of the late 1960s owed m uch of their popularity to the fact that they offered a space in which touch was encouraged, where parti cipants could increase physical contact with out appearing to be conspicuously different from the norm. In the 1980s high touch services tend to involve individual attention rather than group interaction. T h e rapid growth in visibility of the massage profession is an example. Not only does massage help to meet people’s needs for touching, but legitimate massage professionals have done m uch to convince the public that intimate physical contact need not be sexual. Th e weakening of the associa tion between sex and touch allows people m ore freedom to initiate touching without triggering anxiety about sexual taboos. Students of social trends are generally pre dicting that high touch values will continue to replace our culture’s traditional restraints on physical contact Individuals at the cutting edge of social changes experience most of the anxiety, conflict and negative conse quences which accom pany new behavior, so the present generation will undoubtedly go through som e awkward moments. We can, however, look forward to a warmer, cozier, happier world, as physical affection assumes a m ore prom inent role in our lives. Just Out. July 1985