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About The west shore. (Portland, Or.) 1875-1891 | View Entire Issue (Dec. 21, 1889)
WEST SHORE. 47.1 GROUND FOR HIS SUSPICIONS. " Pshaw t Her father doesn't look as it he were a million aire. " Why, he wears elewnt clothes and lives on the top shelf." " Yes ; and that's what makes me suspicions." Judgi. AT HIS OWN SHADOW. A man aroused his wife from a sound sleep the other night, sayinK that he had seen a ghost In the shae of a donkey. " Oh I let me sleep," the irate dame rej lnd, " and don't be frightened at your own shadow." Tf.rni Sifting: NOT A PAYING BUSINESS. A. Who was that shabby looking man you stopped to speak to? B He la a lecturer, Jtut returned from a trip in the west. A But do lecturers Ix k as seedy as that after a trip? B. -Not generally, hut he has been giving " A Reply to Bob Ingersoll." Ttxat biftingt. JUSTIFIABLE ENVY. Manaoino Editor You say here that you have cnl Ivsted hot-huw lilac bushes that have attained a height of over fl.ty feet? Horticultural Editor Yes j why? Manaoino Editor (musingly)-Nothlng, only I wish I could lilac that. Ttxat Hiftingt, HE WOULD TROVE HIS LOVE. Ahklia (In an Insane Interval) Oh, Arthur, I fear you do not truly love me I Arthur (struck to the heart)-Not love you, my darling! What can I do to prove my devotion T Amklia (frantically) I know not! Arthur (after a pauw)-Will you will you play something on the piano 1Pwk. Bunco Stkerkr-Eicum me, sir, but Isn't this Mr. William Green, of White Moun IT Dodge Is my name, and I rwnsmber meeting you one day last summer when I was up In Mielilgin -In Silas Brown's store under the poet offlce. Glad to see you in New York. How's HilaaT Ma. Grrkn-How d'ye do, Mr. Dodge! Why In the dooce don't you fellers git some new directories? Mia was burnt out winter before hut. lancaittr lift. A SURE SIGN. " Ma, I think pa and the men In the other room are playing carda." " The Ideal What makea you think so, my son?" " Why, I hear them whistling religious songs."-Timt. IN ETERNALSUMMERVILLE. Hotrl Waiter (In Southern CelifornlaJ-Orangwawlred-quarU-ivdatewedfrledbsked? Gt'tsT (dwperate!y)-I don't want em' In any shaps. I want raet and potatoes. WaiTiR-MealT Gum Yes, meat I Waitir-Potatoes? GrisT Yes, potatoes! . Warm (to proprietor a few moments WO-Hend I" V police; crasy man la the dining room.-oWa lar. HAP THE BEST OK THEM. A bankrupt banker had ju-t made out his schedule of awwta, " But lmt will you say when you meet your creditors?" asked a friend. " Oh, I shan't meet them; they travel on foot, while I al ways take a cb."-jin. THE EXCHANGE FIEND. Stalks he in with a grand, superior smirk, And a sli-fdr a dime cheroot. IVmsnds he the Kalamaioo Ktjtrh, Or the Jordan JimyttfuH, Willi a nerve that would make a dodo blush, And a million volts of gall, He yell: " I'm In an awful rtiOi, But thought I'd make you a call. " Would yon like to save the Snitgvilte Bhri,h And the Odikosh Ofntgunt And, while I'm here, will bke a eep At the Frogtown Family 'mm. " Jusl lay Vm by fur me on a fhelf And I'll cull tor Vm every day. Was a Journalist year ag my-elf Used to be on the Jlmtown oy. " Could handle the ste and shears right slh k, And wasn't slow with the n To edit a npaper ain't no trick For liuilllo', brainy men, "What amldoln' now, 'dye say? I drift with the busings tides, Cleikln'for NIxeyA Nevcrpay, iValers In rags and hides." Jtfiiintjnii 7Vif)MH, A VALUABLE ANIMAL. A man, while crowing lot, was attacked by young bull calf and was severely bruised. Just aa the victim had landed on the aafe side of the fence, an old negro came out of a cabin near by, and, calling the nun, eald- " Ifcjrs yon wsnler buy dat animal, salt?" No; I want to kill the Infernal thing, and I'm going t d it If 1 have to wlk ten mllrs for a gun." " W'y. wbut isyoiilnliluiT" " )ilu'l you see him butt me over the fence?" " W'y, .mk yere, he dldn' mean dat tr tie buttln'. He thought he wns 'cominerdailo' you, aah. In he'pln' ym olwr. I's trained him lr he'p folks dr de fence, an' dat's w'y he ao valu'hle. W'y, let' wlnleu w'en I had de rheiimstia 1 eouldn'ter got erloiig wldoiil Mm."-Ark Ttr,Ur, AT THE iienheu-on HOP. Miss Waitr (who has len a wall fJowar all the evenlng) A walls? Mr. Henderson, yoo are too kind I Mr. H sites (bout of the ocisslon)-Nul at all, Ml Walie. Voti know the performance of one's duty Is som.tlme wetter than ac tual ptessnre.-nrjwr'i J.wir. TO STAY WITH THE OLD MAN. "Oh, Aniline, Hove you I" And the mstdrn shmiU-d, "HUipl What have )oo r live npoo?" I softly anseertd," Pop!"
