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About The west shore. (Portland, Or.) 1875-1891 | View Entire Issue (Nov. 23, 1889)
FOUND AT LAST. Farmkr Ti'rniptop Umbrellas recovered. By pin I'm goin' in there and tee if I can get back that old umbrel I lout lant time I was to town, HE MKP. A man rushed frantically into a Kansas deot jurt In time to miss (lie train. The crowd sympathised wilh his evident disappointment. " Doubtless you were going on your annual vacation and feel the enforced delay keenly," said a tourist from Ronton. " No, stranger," said the left mun, almost tearfully. " I am a real estate agent and a customer overpaid me for a corner lot by f.)0. He' on that train. I just found out the mistake and wai hurrying to give the money back, and" " Liar ! liar" shouted every man in the deot. Juwry'i Wtrkly. (KNTi.cmtN (to intrudor) Why do you begin to beg up here on the fifth story ? Why don't you begin at the bottom and kg up ? HiMUB You nee, boss, if I begin on the top floor, and am kicked down a flight of stain, I can keep right on begging ; but if I begin on the first floor and have bud luck I am kicked right out Into the street. See T Taai Siftingi. ANOTHER VICTIM OF Til K I KM ON DUINK. raoiiiniTioNiHT (to prisoner) Well, my poor man, what brought you here? I'rihunkr (weeping) Hum. I'hohimtioniht (Uklng out note book)-Ah, how was Ihsl? l'aisosw (breaking down completely)-The Judge and jury were both drunk.-Jfuniey'i Wukly. J Avi r?i'B4TT I shall come Into a fortune neit week. Uaxk Kirns Why, your rich uncle Isn't dead, Is he? Jack Pcratt-No, but I hear he called In a couple of Chris t Ian science healers yesterday . J vdgt. ' SHORK. ,131 DIDN'T 8K.E THF.M. " I understand you have Juit been down to St. Louis? " " Yes; Sient three days there." " Did you see any of the big-bug of the place? " "No; I went to a brand new hotel," Mp, Dinqi ss Shadbolt, can you give me two five-dollar bilU for a ten ? Siiadimlt (wondering where Dingus ever got Urn dollars) I think I can. Yes, here they are, Pinucrs (feeling in his vest pocket and looking surprised and vexed) lUh it to stagnation and back I I've left that hill In my other clothes. I'll hand It to you to-morrow, Khad bolt. (Hurries off with the two fives ) Chicago TYihune. Inhcrancr Auknt Now that you are married, I supKee you will take out a policy ? Yoi'nq Hhkkih Oli, no, I guess not. I don't think she's gqlng lo le dangerous. Ttm llnult A'jpmi, THE OI'KN IIEAHTF.D SUIH'UHAN. "What did the fellow want?" " Money. He'd BHnt thlity cents in railroad fare to come here to see me In the hoe that I'd give hliu something." " Well, of course you helwd him? " " Yes. iave lilm thirty cents to go back homeon." JUW $ty'$ Weekly. An " anxious inquirer " Is Informed that It la not railed the Century " Life of Lincoln " because It la going to take a century to finish it. NorrUtuu n UtrM. WANTED CKEPIT FOR IK)INU KVKIIYTIIlNfl Ann sti s-I don't think Diimley Is so conceit! aftor all. Hi admitted to me the other day that he sometimes made fuol of himself. Ilnm-That's Just like Pumley ; Uklng credit for himself of doing occasionally, what nature did once for all, In the beginning.