The west shore., July 01, 1884, Page 208, Image 10

208
THE WEST SHORE.
money I might obtain a wife as beautiful bb Helen of
Troy. But why turn pirate ? Here was the money of a
pirate ready to my hand, and no Holon could bo fniror
than Lucy. But there were two obstacles the hog-yokes
and my enlistment However, as true love never did run
smooth, I was rather glad of these difficulties, for like
Hercules and Jason, and other heroes about whom I had
read, I would prove my worthiness to aspire to the hand
of Lucy by my fortitude and perseverance.
I stood in the center of the room while making these
reflections, for the Hardys were not ceremonious and had
not asked me to be seated. Lucy was setting the table
for Bupixir, and had passed out of the room as her mother
pointed to her. So we hod not sjxtkon. New she was
returning. I felt that a most important crisis in my life
had arrived I must appear to advantage, and so try to
fascinate her at first sight But how? I had always
boon a boy and an " underling," as the Yankees culled it
I had never talked love to any one, and, besides, I was
dreadfully embarrassed at the thought of making love to
one who seemed more like an angel than a mortal.
But I had no time to think. I could hear her little
foot pattering on the floor, and my heart beat a tattoo in
accompaniment Something must lie done and immedi
ately. So I braced myself like David Crockett in a fight
with wildcats. My attitude was certainly as graceful as
that of a boar rubbing a beehive. I lockod my hands in
front, not of my heart when in health, but where I
imagined it might le on its way down to my Ixxits. Then
I tweodlod my thumbs. Next I tried to twist my face
into an interesting shape and stretch my mouth into a
bewitching smile.
From the best of my recollection I think I must have
succeeded most admirably. My impression now is that
my smile resembled that of a monkey grinning over the
effect of an indigestible dinner. All this took place in
much less time than it Likes to tell it The putter of the
little feet was drawing nearer and nearer. My angel
would have passed me without so much as a look, but
having gotten myself up expressly for the occasion, and
having already missed a good thing on the hog-yoke
question, reversing the tweedle of my thumbs and in
creasing their (peed, I mode an effort to confront her
boldly, comforting myself with that beautiful passage
which snys, " Faint heart never won a fair lady." But,
unfortunately, as I made the flunk movement, I stepjHxl
upon a large and healthy clam. My lower limbs beiug at
an anglo of nearly ninety degrees, their remoteness was
uddonly increased. I felt myself falling. 0! the agony
of that moment! Ten thousand hog-yoke questions were
m nothing to it I again reversed the tweedle of my
thumb and crowded on all steam. It was no go. The
augle between my legs was becoming excruciatingly wide.
Suddenly another fear came over me. Half-crazy Feter
Hardy had told mo wheu to cut hog-yokes. Supjxwe, as
he looked at me, the insane idea should seize him that a
time had arrived for cutting one. The thought was mad
deuing. In the energy born of despair, my tweedling
thumb buzzing like a bumble-boe, my grin elongating
until the top of my head was nearly an island, I squeaked
out:
"Howderdo?"
By that time the angle aforesaid had increased to two
hundred degrees; my body came down on the floor, and
there I lay, my grin unabated, while the tweedle had
grown positively ferocious. Of course, Lucy made a
halt, gazed down compassionately upon me, opened her
ruby lips, displaying her pearly teeth, as she softly mur
mured: "Pooty well, I thank yer; how's all yer folks ter
hum?"
For a moment all was still as the house of death. To
my mental anguish was added acute physical pain, caused
by the strain which I experienced before falling. It is
often remarked of a dude lover, " See him spread him
self," having metaphorical reference to an old gobbler or
peacock. Finally the embarrassing silence was broken
by old Peter, who kindly remarked:
"There, wife, I said he was not the young man we
were looking for. He didn't know when to cut hog
yokes, and now he is bo spread out of shape that he is
good for nothing, not even to make a hog-yoke."
Lucy was kind enough to turn away and leave the
room. Then her mother came and helped me up, while
the old man took a walk in the open air, evidently greatly
diagusted.
Mrs. Hardy was very kind to me; told me not to
mind the old mun, for he was crazy about hog-yokes, and
we would get Kidd's money any way. Thus encouraged,
I managed to get up and limp along to a chair. My ex
perience in love-making had been brief and not very
brilliant So I resolved to pretend .that it was all a joke,
and that I fell down on purpose.
Lucy soon returned, completed the arrangements for
Bupier, and I accepted an invitation to partake of their
hospitality. Old Peter seemed entirely absorbed with
his own thoughts. Lucy was also silent A good oppor
tunity was thus afforded Mrs. Hardy and myself for
arranging our programme. She did the planning, and
being perfectly satisfactory to me, I accepted of all the
conditions. It was agreed that I should smuggle my
clothes on shore, and that while sailing down the " Reach "
(I think called "Edgemoggin Reach") I should slip
overboard and swim to Deer Isle, get my clothes and
hurry to their place, for it was already time to begin
cutting hay.
After suppef Lucy and I were left alone. This was
very awkward for me, and seemed bo for her. Although
very beautiful, I could not forget how her salutation had
betrayed not only lack of education, but good sense and
goal breeding. My idea of a wife was that she should
be highly intellectual, educated and accomplished. True,
there was nothing about me to win the love and admira
tion of euch a lady, but the youth of eighteen, however
undeserving, U likely to enthrone, in his airy castle, a
ady vastly his Buperior. For beauty Lucy could fill the
bill, but her greeting, Pooty well, I thank yer; how' all
yer folks ter hum?" took all the romance out of her beauty.