Jacksonville post., July 01, 1916, Image 2

JA CKSONVILLE POST-:
Official Paper at lhe City of Jacksonville, Oregon
A weekly newspaper published every Saturday at the county seat of Ja uson
County, Oregon. D. W. B agshaw , Editor and Publisher
Entered as second-class matter June 22, 1907. at the post office at Jacksonville
Oregon, under Act of Congress of March 3, 1879.
1 he Old Showman
He Tells How He Invented a
New An:mal.
By M. QUAD
Copyright, 1916, by the McClure
Newspaper Syndicate.
You Are Very Lucky!
“Gentlemen.” began the old showman
ns his little crowd of admirers asaem
bled to listen to his tale, "did any of
to get “The Post” and read these lines. It brings the Best News
SUBSCRIPTION: One year by mail $1.50. Advertising rates furnished on you ever heur of an animal CUllrd U
application.
that you have had in many a day. East or West, North or South
"guyastlcutus?”
“There never was such an animal,"
Opportunity is always found: Here we are with
replied one. "There is such a word as
i guyastlcutus, but it is u slang word.
| When you call u man a guyastlcutus
you express your contempt for him.”
“My friends, you are wrong, and 1
shall take great pleasure In convincing
you ot the fuct 1 can’t say that such
an animal exists now. but he surely did
forty years ago, Jkr I invented him
to meet your requirements. Dry Goods, Notions, Hats, Caps, Shoes,
myself.”
"Give us the yarn!” was called
Millinery, Overalls, Pants, Jumpers, Ladies and Children’s Furnish­
from every one.
"Well, I was head keeper of the
ings, Monopole and Red Ribbon Groceries, Feed, Grain, etc.
nagerle traveling with the circus,
had started out of winter quarters with
Until you have used Pure White Flour you have not tried the Best.
five hyenas in the cage, but four of
them had gone dead on us. I guess it
Quality considered, our prices are always the lowest.
was pneumonia that carried them off
The one left was an old he hyena, and
See our extensive Lines before going elsewhere.
Honoring Queen Lithia inspiring Music Every­
he could stand any sort of weather and
and King Sulphur. Mile^ where by All, Three Days
take the bumps of the country high­
Price, Style, Quality and Service at
ways. However, after his companions
tnd Nights.
of Floats.
had departed this life we saw a change
in him. He didn’t fall sick, but he got
lonesome and sulky.
“There were daily complaints that
our hyena was a fraud, and 1 was
Feature, Pendleton Cow Every Morning at 10:00
wondering what we could do about it
when tlie boss came to me one day
Boys, Indians, Horses Between Medford and
and said:
Weed Teams.
lhe People’s Store, where
and Cattle.
“ ‘George, that old hyena is making
trouble for us. What’s the matter
with him anyhow?
f f
“ T guess ho is tired of being a hy­
ena,’ I replied.
“ ‘But he can’t be anything else, can
Staged by Seattle^Ex- Water Sports at Natator-
he?’
perts who Illuminated the ium, Dancing, Confetti
" ‘Why, wo can’t make a bird of him,
Battles, etc.
but maybe I can make some other aid
Frisco Expo.
PIIONE 112
mal of him.’
“ ‘Then do it, man.’
"I changed the hyena’s food a dozen
Round-Up Tickets: General Admission and Grandstand $1; times
and gave him whisky to lap
Instead of water.” said the old show­
General Admission and Bleachers, 50 cents
man, “but it didn’t Improve him any,
and I set myself to wonder how 1
could make him over. The bright idea
The connection between Oyster Bay
i Loses Weallli Before Death
came to mo at last, and one Sunday, chpter Of Accideuts in
and Chicago was one of the busiest
when wo had a lazy day of it. I bought
One Family At Freewater. .
■ ».— —
lines in the history of the telephone
Acres of greensward, shade, seats, rest rooms, rustic various paints and brushes. There
Aberdeen, Wash., June 29.—J. G. last week.
was a farmer’s hired man hanging
tables.
Children’s Playground.
Splendid water ac­ around the show. He had deserted the Freewater, Ore., June 28.—Mrs. J. Durdle, a pioneer of this section and at The fact that the pen is mightier
plow for the romance of the circus. L. Goellea, of this city, while drawing one time wealthy, was found dead yes­ than the sword does not induce Col.
cessible on every hand.
He had offered to work for $5 a week a nail with an ax. accidently broke her terday on his ranch. During his dayB Bryan to toss it into the plowshare
and his board, but I had no room for
of affluence he built at Montesano the heap.
him. When I got the idea of making nose, causing a hemorrhage and badly finest house in the county. He lost
Even political harmony resembles the
bruising
her
face
when
the
ax
flew
the hyena over I beckoned to this chap
popular
sentiment ballad in being as­
heavily
in
a
smelter
investment
at
Ta
­
back. Her husband, on the same day,
and said:
sociated more or less with heartaches.
“ ‘Joshaway, 1 will give you $5 a while hauling hay, had his horses run coma.
John Bull seems to be whistling to
week and your board If you will do away with him, thowing him out of the
what I want you to do. It concerns wagon, breaking three ribs and lacer­
keep his courage up as he goes thru
the old hyena In the cage over there. ating his left ear. Both are seriously Policeman Gels Patent
the waves.
I want to make a guyastlcutus of
injured.
him.’
On Cattle Stanchion Doesn’t the editor who compares Wil­
son to Lincoln realise that he’s infring­
"Joshaway promised, and the first
ing on a celebrated patent?
thing to do was to tie the old hyena
Match Manufacture
up. We got ropes and straps around
Ashland, Ore., June 26.—John B.Wi­
No matter how persistent a drought,
his legs and a muzzle over ids nose,
mer, a member of the Ashland police, the politicians can always find ample
and then went to work with the paints.
The substance used to make match has been granted a patent upon an im­ material for mud slinging.
He didn’t give us much trouble; he
proved cattle stanchion which is favor­
We suppose every normal small boy
was too lonesome and homesick for tips now cost $700 a ton. Two years
that We gave him bright green ears; ago they cost $35 a ton. It would be ably mentioned by manufacturers of goes through a period when he wants
we gave him a bright red nose and dismal enough to live in a matchless dairy equipment.
to run away and join a gypsy band.
The new stanchion is of steel and is
red eyebrows; wo spotted hfs body world, yet a hundred years ago the
Foreign enemies will of course, wait
hero and there with green, red, blue, ■ friction match was as undreamed of as operated by a novel locking device. until our new big Navy is complete.
yellow and black paints. We put a the electric lamp.
The particular point which has attract-
Would it be alright to refer to the
dozen rings around his tall, and we
ei the most interest is a device by
painted his legs ono color and Ills feet
which any number of stanchions may stories of the Italian operations as run-
another. Say, boys, when we got
be opened and the cattle released by ning accfiunts?
through with that hyena we had to sit Bov Drowns As
If Lloyd-George succeeds in pacify-
the movemeet of a single lever. Mr.
back and roar with laughter..
ing
Ireland, he ought to get a whole
sev-
Wimer
is
considering
offers
from
Resulf
of
Cloudburst.
“We had a special cage made for
pack of Nobel peace prizes.
eral eastern firms.
him and gave it such a position that
sg)e
only the front with its iron bars could
Even the extra hour of daylight pro­
be seen. Behind it on a chair was
bably
won’t hinder the censor from
Walla
Walla,
June
28.
—
Dick
Reser,
Will be sold exclusively by
Joshaway, the young man who was aged 10, was drowned yesterday after- Portland Lawyer Uses
keeping England in the dark.
looking for romance. lie did all tho
Fist in Salem Court A Palm Beach suit is like an automo­
talking, but it seemed to come from the nojn on his uncle’s farm near Prescott,
bile—the initial cost is cheap enough,
guyastlcutus. Joshaway had a voice Wash., as the result of a cloudburst.
but oh, you upkeep!
like the filing of a saw, and his talk The uncle and family made for high
Salem, Ore., June 27.—After impos-
was a great success. The animal in ground having a narrow escape from
What has always f< oled us, though,
front of him wont on with a long rig- drowning. The hcuse, barn and live- ing a $25 fine on N. S. Richards, a is how the fool and his money happen­
mnrole ns to his forest home in Hon­ stock were carried away. Near Lam- Portland lawyer, for striking Grant ed to get together in the first place.
duras and what he did there.
ar. a Northern Pacific bridge, 30 feet Corby, a local attorney, in court yes-
And what has happened to the old
"The fatal day did not arrive until long, over a small stream, washed out. I terday. Circuit Judge Galloway remit-
fashioned rural swain who used to car­
we had shown that guyastlcutus for A crew of men worked last night to | ted the fine.
ry his best girl out buggy riding on
two years and a half. I renewed the
The encounter arose between the two
paint on him every other Sunday and repair the damage.
Sunday afternoons?
•--------------------------
I lawyers during an argument of habeas
■
«■»» .
saw to It that he had the choicest kind
corpus
proceedings.
Richards
is
said
of food.”
to have interrupted the argument of
A Government Blunder
“But what ubout the fatal day?” was Refugees From West
queried.
Corby and the latter to have said:
“Oh. yes, about that fatal day,” re­
“If you will come outside I will lick
Coast Coast
Somebody blundered when the gov­
plied the old showman. "Well, It came
i you.”
about in this way. That young man
Brought North According to report Richards immed- ernment through Secretary Redfield is­
Joshaway undertook to eat nn nppie
sued an appeal to the public to save
( iately srruck Corby. Subsequently
while he was giving his talk, and tho
waste paper. There is no sale for the
Richards apologized and the fine was
seed of the fruit got Into his throat
stuff at a price that would pay the
Washington, June 28. —Five hundred
and stuck there. He had to choke and American refugees from the western remitted.
freight charges on a fifty mile haul let
cough and sputter, and the fact that
rav
alone paying expenses of bailing and
Tuxedo is the gripping smoke, a boon to every buyer;
there was a man somewhere hidden be­ coast of Mexico are being brought to
cartage. A little investigation or th«
hind the guyastlcutus could not be San Diego, Cal., on the naval transport
Electric Sparks
you take your pipe of English oak, of meerschaum,
part of officials before the appeal was
concealed. There were shouts of ex­ Buffalo and the supply ship Glacier.
clay or briar, and fill it with the fragrant weed, the
issued would have saved a lot of use-
(From Off Our Wireless)
citement and derision and calls for an In reporting this today. Admiral Win­
Investigation. Half a dozen men press­ slow said the Buffalo had most of the
less correspondence and given the peo-
choicest man can gather; and then you have a smoke,
ed forward and seized the cage and refugees aboard, having taken an her ' When Germany takes to getting its pie generally a higher regard for the
indeed; and are you glad? Well, rather. Tuxedo
pulled It off its benches. That same last contingent at Guaymas.
meals at municipal kitchens doubtless opinions of the higb-up government of­
half a dozen men seized Joshaway by
has no kick or bite, suggests no “morning after;” its
The state department has requested | it will be the policeman’s fault if ficial«. Will the Secretary now please
the neck or somewhere else ns he still railroad** to grant refugees half fare somebody fcrgets to mark the milk issue a bulletin telling us where we
mission is to bring delight, and
choked and sputtered over the seeds
card.
might find a market for this paper?
fill your heart with laughter.
and brought him out for the crowd to rates from the ports at which they lan­
ded to their homes. Some of the rail-
pick
on.
in
just
one
minute
it
was
It
is
the
central
states
that
need
It caught the sunshine of the
plain that the public had been swin­ roads have already consented.
rousing to preparedness. The coast Bell Phone Company
south, when it was green and
dled for years. They had had a guyas-
and border states are roused by­ their
tlcutus instead of a hyena and had :
growing, and brings that sun­
own manifest needs.
Will Pay War Benefits
double their money’s worth, but they
shine to your mouth, when
If Russia has the dictating of the
wanted their revenge, and they took it Man With Thousands
The cage was kicked about until It was
peace terms, we are sorry for the sten-
out the smoke you're blowing.
Portland, June 27.—The Pacific Tele­
Sick From Exposure. ogr-phers.
smashed
and
Its
occupant
was
kUled.
1" ** I uxedo s in a class alone," its
phone
& Telegraph company will pay
and they stepped on Joshnwny and
King George’s birthday honors show every employee who has been, or may
smokers are declaring; “it has a
poked and pounded him until he would |
he has no ambition to be a peerless be, called to the colors for service at
never again feel romantic, and the fight |
fragrance all its own, that baffles
the border full salary for three months
spread until something like a thousand : Aberdeen, Wash., June 28. — Theo- leader.
all comparing.” And thus it
and full salary less the amount paid
men and women were engaged In it. dore Kissel, poorly clothed, was found
Charles E. Hughes certainly would
We had to stop the circus performance ! sleeping in a lumber yard last night.
grips the men who smoke, and holds their true affec­
him by lhe government for nine months
be a wonderful man to whom to go to
and
pack
up
and
move
on,
and
we
had
and
exposure
has
brought
on
pnemonia.
more. Also it will put its boys back
tion ; their trusty briar pipes they
to go for a full hundred miles before In his clothing was found considerable confide one’s secrets.
to work when “Johnnie comes march­
stoke, and never know dejection,
we heard the last of our scheme to 1 cash and certificates of deposit for sev­
“Congressmen”, says an exchange, ing home.” Notice of the patriotic in­
outdo natural history."
»
eral thousand dollars issued by Port­ “earn $625 a month. Not at all. Con­ tentions of the corporation was posted
gressmen get $625 a month.
this morning.
land and Seattle banks.
SATURDAY.
JULY
1.
1916
F CELEBRATE July 4-5-6
EVERYTHING
At ASHLAND
Formal Opening $250,000 Park and
Dedication of Fam us Mineral Springs
3 Great Parades 1 Concert Bands
$10,000 Round-up Base Ball Games
Firework Display Gaiety
Carnival
Taylor - Williams Co
“The World is Growing Better
Jacksonville
FREE CAMP GROUNDS
Reduced Rates From All Points.
On and after July 1
Nurmi BUTTERNUT
and
PAN DANDY Bread
TAYLOR-WILLIAMS CO.
Nurmi Baking Co
Tuxedo’s Grip
by Walt Mason
Oregon