Jacksonville post., March 21, 1908, Image 1

JACKSONVILLE POST
VOL. 1
JACKSONVILLE, JACKSON COUNTY, OREGON, MARCH 21, 1908
NO. 47
ers I ever knew. It probably served as may be found on the walls of even | publication opens its mouth and mum-
an official barker at a side show during the poorest lodging houses in the bles a few mumbles it is time to begin
its wild career. It can get right up in land. The trade mark consists of I to sit up and take notice,
P ublished A t J acksonvile , O re ­ front of the largest audiences at a a large red spot embellished and trim­
I shall mail a marked copy of this ar­
gon , F or S eventeen R easons A nd moment’s notice and put in several med with the imprint of the heel of a
ticle to President Roosevelt marked
H ollering A ll T he T ime F or I ts hours at barking without running short No. 10 patent leather shoe.
“Non-Explosive” and I expect him to
T own , I ts C ounty and I ts S tate of bark.
But I could go on and on until 20 make some sort of an apology for his
I ndependent O f E verything B ut
As a special inducement to the first minutes after 2 scattering little splotches j lack of appreciation. He will probably
W ealth A nd T axes .
comers, a dog chain and charm will be of wisdom, relative to birds, here i reply by freight. Until his reply is re­
given with the dog absolutely free; also and there and the reader hereof would ceived I will not even mention his name
The Post Publishing Co. 22 sticks of dynamite and a small vial | know less about the matter than I i as a candidate for office. I hate to use
Mile» Overholt, Editor & Managet of nitro glycerin which I have tried to when I first started writing this. And such harsh measures, but he brought it
feed the dog at various times, but that would be asking too much of the upon himself, so let him abide by the
S ubscription P rice $1.50 A Y ear which failed to catch on, as it were.
j reader. I am willing to ask a good consequences.
I n T he U nited S tates , C anada
many favors of the reader at all times,
A nd Y amhill C ounty , O regon The Joyous Undertaker
! but I would hate to have my worst en- The Swimming Hole
The time is nearly here when more j i»"ny know less than I. It would be \ Summer time’s a-comin’
I ssued E very S aturday W hether
sympathy should be donated to the lone­ I clear out of reason.
You L ike I t O r N ot .
Water’s gettin’ clear
some and down-in-the-mouth undertak­
I Soon we’ll go a-swimmin’ —
W hen C onvenient S ubscriptions
Surely you can hear
S hould B e P aid I n M oney ; O ther ­ er. While the great world kicks up its About the President
wise M ortgages ,
M ines A nd heels and cavorts around it’s axis with
I have been worried exceedingly if The blackbird a-callin, ’
M ules W ill B e A ccepted ^ more or less fun, the weary and de­ not more lately about a certain little
Callin’ to his mate,
spondent undertaker goes through life i matter. It is not with a great amount “Hurry up an’ build yer nest,
with a warped heart and a sad and of frequency that the president s busi­
Season’s gettin’ late.”
lengthy face. About the only time he ness stops the progress of this expo­ Turkish baths and bath tubs and hot
A Bargain
Right here I want to announce to the can smile safely is after the lights are nent of juicy joy and untrammeled springs are all right in their place, but
public that I have a wonderful bargain dim and low and he has locked himself gladness, because outside of a few for pure unalloyed blown-in-the-bottle
in dog which I am offering to the read­ in the cellar and tied a string to bis ! paragraphs in his messages, the said enjoyment the old swimming hole down
ers of this. I want to give a black, gloom. For who ever heard an under-| president pays but very little attention on the creek where us kids used to
stump-tail canine to some man who is taker grin! No matter if he has swal­ to my affairs, and he is noteven a dead­ contaminate the water so that the fish
about to leave the state to avoid going lowed a feather or is burying his re- j head subscriber.
would turn up their toes to the calm
to the penitentiary. I want to give the spected, but not overloved mother-in-1 But this third term business that is moonlight for miles around, is 300 yards
dog to a man like that, because there law, he must carry three or four gobs of | spreading over the land like hot gravy in the lead and gaining with every heat.
will be no immediate danger of his re­ gloom on his countenance and sow little ■ i over a plate of mashed potatoes de- We didn’t bother much about bathing
turn. Any man who is temporarily un­ seeds of sadness as hetrods slowly along ' | serves two or three sleepless nights.
suits, us kids didn’t. Clad only in birth
Sometimes I almost feel as though I marks and freckles we would parade up
der a cloud of this calibre and who towards the blue and painful presently.
hasn’t all the fleas he needs in his busi­ Even at the funeral of his worst enemy, should not have anything to do with and down the stream, and loll around in
ness will do well to call at this office at while little gurgles of untrammeled the election of the president this year. the hot sand, while the sun burnt blisters
any hour, day or night and carry the tickelishness run up and down his The last time I helped elect Mr. on our backs as large as a soldier’s
wind pipe and choke him until he has Roosevelt I didn’t really expect to be home. And then, while we were ab­
animal away.
I am not particularly fond of dogs and seven spasms and four fits, he must ex­ appointed janitor-plenipotentiary-extra­ sorbed in the laudable occupation of
I became the owner of this one entirely tract his black-rimmed handkerchief ordinary of the White House wood knocking the spots off each other with
and absolutely against my will, but it from the caboose of his trousers and shed or any other elevating office like large handfuls of mud, some of the ol­
secured papers of adoption one day last deftly weep with exceeding great weeps. that, but it would have been no more der boys would hide our clothing and
Do you think I would be an undertak­ than right if the president had sent me we would walk home in the twilight.
week and came in and took charge of
But those days have left. They don’t
the waste paper basket and wanted to er? No sir! Not if the price of coffins a box of cigars, express prepaid, with
be loved. It is true that I have a great were to raise fifty per cent, and it an invitation to stop at his house seem to be hanging around to any no­
deal of affection that I am not using would cost a man more to die than to when in town. I am willing to spend a ticeable extent. They have just natur­
now and which is not drawing any in­ live. Because some time when we were ce tain amount of my twu-dollar-and ally packed up and left for parts un­
terest, but at the same time I can’t see planting some old codger, who had seventy-five-cent time in holding the known.
Some day when I get the mortgage
my way clear to wasting it on a dog cheated the penitentiary by dying a cork while the festive voter looks at
that has no reputation to speak of and natural death, somebody would accident­ the sun through a pint flask, but when paid off and the sun comes out and
one that might have a shady past. I ally slip and fall into the grave and I it comes to locking the dog in the par- teases me until I can’t stand it any
always try to be careful and not love would laugh right out loud. And then lor and selling off the chickens so that longer, I intend packing up my tooth
anything too much that is not deserv­ the relatives of the deceased would I can leave home and drive in a brush and handkerchief and tobacco and
ing of a gentle, trusting love such as I probably whittle me down to a point Republican majority, then I want some hike back to that creek and take a bath
always carry in stock. And, so, I real­ and throw what was left into the waste recognition. In 1904 I printed a great all over once more, whether the health
deal of matter of a decidedly compli­ officers demand it or not.
ly think I had better dispose of this dog. paper basket.
mentary nature to Mr. Roosevelt and
“Stump,” as I have named this little
didn’t charge him a cent, but did he re­ Orders for tickets for the new theatre,
canine, has one good sorrel eye and one Bird Study
that is slightly damaged. Frequently
I am in receipt of a cute little book- spond with an invitation to the inaug­ which will be opened on May 1st ‘at
I kick Stump between the fifth and let from the Audubon Society of Ore­ ural ball! No! One hundred and fifty Medford, may be left at the Bank of
seventh rib, or try to. But usually I gon in which is printed some pictures times no! That’s why I am troubled Jacksonville. Haste is necessary, if
miss the bulls-eye about
feet, be­ of the crow and robin and yellow ham- and my mind is so scarce. I lost my you desire to secure a good seat.
cause whatever else may be said of this i j mer and other birds of. prey. Most mind once and never found it until it
dog, it is spry. It can dodge a kick people think 1 don’t know much about was so badly warped and sunburnt it
The Colonists rates in effect from
better than any dog I ever saw. And, birds, but that’s where they are wholly wouldn’t work when the weather was March 1st to April Sth, 1903 will be
$33.00 from Chicago. From Missouri
then, when I miss it and fall into the ; and undeniably left. In my youthful below zero.
woodbox and skin my shin, Stump > I days I followed a woodpecker thirty-
But that has nothing to do with the River Common points, Council Bluffs to
stands respectfully to one side and two and one half miles with a package matter. If the president expects to Kansas City, Mo., also St. Paul, Min­
winks her good, sorrel eye while I am | of salt in one hand and with the earn­ act as business manager of this com­ neapolis will be $30.00, St. Louis
exhausting my delicate vocabulary of est intention of capturing the bird and monwealth for a few years or more it $35.50. Denver, Colorado Springs and
cuss words.
j studing its habits in the other, but the will be necessary for him to make him­ Pueblo will be $30.00.
Dogs in stories usually know more latest accounts obtainable state that self known to his influential suspenders
The Southern Pacific has granted the
I mean supporters by the grand
than a college professor and will pine the woodpecker is still at large. Why
extremely low rate of 3 cents per
away and die unless they can save the do parents palm off that salt story onto hailing sign of the order.
lives of two or three hundred people, kids anyway?
Before I forget it, I would like to hundred on arsenate of lead from Port­
but I think I can say without fear of I I also know a few thi^g about the swal- mention that the hat which occasionally land to Southern Oregon points. This
successful contradiction that this is an­ 1 low. I know a few things about adorns my double-column Italic head is used largley for spraying purposes
other breed of dogs. It has about all several swallows. They are the origi­ was given me by a gentleman of the op­ and this rate will be of great benefit to
it can do to preserve its own life and nators and discovers of the bed bug posite political faith who had the cour­ the orchardists.
support its large and growing family of and were the first to place the bugs in age of his convictions and bet a 60-cent
fleas in the regal style to which they ' circulation, and from a little one- hat that he was right. He wasn’t.
"The kind your Grandfather used ’ ’
have been accustomed.
horse business, which was started in This s:mply goes to show that I knew and he was of rare judgment, Profit
Another great feature about this dog the 17th century, they have made addi­ what I was talking about when I made by his experience and use Old I. W.
is its often and perpetual bark. It is ! tions and multiplications, and increases such a ponderous wager and to prove to Harper whiskey. Sold by E. H.
one of the best extemporaneous bark- 1 i until the trade marks of the bed bug the world in general that when this H elms .
Jacksonville Post