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About Independence monitor. (Independence, Or.) 1912-19?? | View Entire Issue (Dec. 1, 1916)
-tT) Der German Cobbler He Likes to Have Fun With the Public t JSpi" THINK it was better for me to got aeiitinluted nilt de pooblick. 1 t lJ If tlu don't know dot my cobbler shop vhas here und if dey dou t uuderstanu tint I vhns some pood fellows uey don t bring no work to do. Dat vhas plain ash soma noses on your face. One ulght 1 fix oop a sign und put it in my wiudow. It shust reads: "Butcher Shop." I don't hardly set my doors open In the morning Then a man cnms in und Bays; "HuU'her. 1 vhant two pounds of mutton chops, uud you get some hustles on you." 'Iis vhns no butcher shop." I says. "I!:it you have n sijni lu dcr window. It pars 'Butcher Shop,' und you haf no butcher shop. Maype dot vhas some sjiokes?" "Yes. I guess it vhns ha, ha, ha! I hope you bring me work." I says. "I try to be funny mlt aU der peoples." "So you do ha, ha, hal" laughed der mans as he slapped nie on der back. "Hans, dot vhas der best slioke of der season. You put a sign dot says 'butcher shop,' und I cum in here und find a cobbler shop instead. 1'ot Tims rich. I hurry riclit home und tell my wife, und sfte laugh for ten minutes. Ky George. 1 vhas glad we hnf ttot some funny mans luit us!" He goes out, und a womans cums in and says: "Butcher, hnf you softie nice ba con?" "Not n piece," I says. "Vhell." she snys as she looks around, "dls vhas the queerest butcher shop mit no meat. Can you tell dip how It vhas?" "Because It vhns no butcher shop." "But der sign in der window say It vhas." "Oh. dot sign vhas for der butch, shop two Mocks down dcr street." She snilied and started to laugh, but changed her mind und kicks me three times und went out. A shoke Is not alvhnys a shukc but it makes you acquainted nilt der peoples, und dot brings custom. Ier next caller vhas a mans. I don't like his looks vb( n be cums in. He looks like a minis who vhas hunting for troubles. He looks around my cobbler shop und den says: "Butcher, vheie is der meat?" "I haf no meat," I says. "Den vhy, do you put out a sign dot dls vhas a butcher shop?" "Vhell, I likes peoples to cum In und shoke und laugh mit me. I vhas glad to see you. Let us laugh together. Pot butcher shop vhas two blocks down ha. ha, ha!" "Oh, 1 sees how it vhas!" said der innns. "You shust put oop dot sign for some shokes. Vhell, I laugh mit you." t'nd he knocks me against der wall und over my bench, urnl he mnkii Booch a ruin of my place dot It takes me one hour to tlx things oop. I don't complain, howeffer. If you vhnnt to let der poobllc know dat you vhas a good fellows you must cxupct to meet mit troubles. At anodder time I put a cat in der window uud hang oop a sign above here which rends: "Vhat Animal Is Dis?" It vhns no more den ten minutes before a mans st:ips nn;i says: "Hans, vhas you sooch a fool dot you don't know it vims a cat in der win dow ?" "Do you say it vhas a rat?" I says. "Of course it vhas a cat, und a darned scrub cat she vhas. Hnf you got bo blind dot you can't tell some cat from a coal scuttle?" "VhelJ. mans, if you say it vhns a cat f take your word for it. but I hope I you Thill not deceive me. Are you sure it vhasu't a youiur lion?" , "Oh, I see how it vhas!" said der mans. "You vhns making a shoke I about it Vhell, dot vhas all right. I like some one who slmkes. I shall go home und get some old shoes for you to fix oop. You put u cat In der win dow und ask vhat kind of a wild animal It vhas ha, ha, ha! Vhy, Hans. J If you should write for der papers you get feefty dollars n week." t'nd der next caller vhas a womans shust der same. I saw hor looking J at dot cat, und she smiles und grins to herself. Don she cums In und grabs dot cat from dcr wiudow und says; i 1"I can tell you vhat viid animal it vhas. She vhas a kangaroo, und I half her for a pet more as two years. I now take tier home." X Und she runs vhny mlt my cat, und der shoke vhas on me, hut I don't feel bad about it. She vhlil become one of my customers ome day. J und dat vhill make it nil right. I vhas learning dot If a man sooccecds in peesness in America ne musi let aer poomic Know vnere ne vims una dot he keeps oop mlt der times effery day in der week. . M. QUAD. Z Copyright, 1916, McClure Newspaixji Syrulieuti! VORRBSPOMDEEC P u "Do you say it vhaa a cat?" An Appropriate Christmas Gift FOR Mother, Wife, Sister, Sweetheart 100 Visiting Cards Neatly Printed by the Monitor, $1.00 Engraved Cards $2.(K) and Up. BUENA VISTA Mrs. Ed Prather was on the sick list the past week. Lena, the 15 year old daughter of Mr. and Mrs. Bert Snyder, was taken to the Dallas hospital for an operation for appendicitis on Friday. Mrs. A. Z. Richardson was confined to her home the past two weeks on account of sick ness. Gale Prather, who has been employed in Portland all fall, was called home by the serious illness of his mother. However, she is much improved at the present writing. Martin Prather left Saturday for Portland where he will enter a business college. Rev. Atkinson and family Sun dayed with the Georgie Wells family. Geo. Simmons, who was em- nlovpd hv F!rl f.irritv rlnrino- flip X 11 work, left Sundav mornine his home at Fox Valley. county. Th.Lfidies Rural v. luu met last Thursday with Mrs. S. W. Leonard. A good time was en joyed by those present and a nice luncheon was served by the hostess. The next meeting ii at Mrs. E. M. Lichty. Dec. 7. Mr. and Mrs. Clarence Grounds were in Independence on busi ness Saturday. Mr. and Mrs. E. M. Lichty were in Independence on busi ness Saturday. Services at the M. E. church next Sunday evening at 7:30. Rev. Atkinson, pastor. The school mates of Miss Inez McCarthy gave her a surprise party on Monday evei ing, it be ing he- 15th birthday anniver sary. A good time was had and a dainty luncheon server). SUVER Joseph James has returned from Kandon. J. W. Brown shipped a car of sheep from here Saturday morn ing. The children of the Suver school nre more than grateful for the new well which is nearly fnished. for they have felt the need of it for nearly a year. East Go UNION PACIFIC SYSTEM SUPERIOR SERVICE Through Sleeping Cars PORTLAND to Chicago, Kansas City. Omaha. Denver mid in tei mediate points. Dinin Car Service second-to-none. The Route is via the famous Columbia River The O.d Oregon" and "Pioneer" Trails-wonderful in seenio mid historic interest. Automatic biir nals Riiardin the entire main line, and 1.140 miles of double-truck are guarantees of the MtJn standard the Union Pacific sets. UNION PACIFIC SYSTEM Joins West iiitd i:.ist With n Koulevunl of Steel Tickets, reservations and travel service to suit your needs upon application to CITY TICKET OFFICE, Washington at Third WM. McMURRAK, Ceneral Passentfcr Agent, Portland. Endorsed By The Monitor Editor The Normal Training School It is proposed to use the grade schools of Independence as a training school for the Normal. Many favor, many oppose, and there is much discussion con cerning the proposition. The Monmouth Herald submits an affirmative argument in part as follows: The proposal should be advan tageous for Independence. It will save the district of that city the expense of four teachers. It will improve the quality of the four remaining teachers, who will rank with instructors in the higher institutions of learning. The student prrctice teachers are the same as those which a few .months later are taken as con isidcrably above the average 'teacher and given good positions. : In their practice they are better : than they will be when they are graduated for now they are on their mettle. Their work is con 1 centrated on a limited period of ! Instruction each day. In addi ' tion eiich lesson is planned in advance, and is criticised by the critic teacher. The practice schools of Normals are always highly considered by educators. We have in mind one school in the east which has a waiting list and parents consider themselves fortunate when their children are admitted to the school. Aid fh l 1 . V Vste U'lawM"'1' r 1'..' . JCA T Mtv) In I i "' 'I WwJP . -re . - BAPTIST W. S. STEWART, Pastor. Sunday school at 10. Preachinc at 11. The subject of the aermor will be "The Most Talked of Subject in the World." li. Y. P. U. at C:30. The evening service at 7:30. The snbject is: "Independence and the City Election." This is a most im portant service. All are made welcome. CHRISTIAN F. Claude Stephens, Pastor Important Services, Lord'a Day, Dec. 3. Bible School at 10 a. m. Divine service 11 a. m. Theme: "A Voice from Husbandry. " ChrintUn Endeavor at 6:30 p. m. Evening service, 7:30 p. ra. Theme: "Confessions of Consci entious Man." The Public is invited to enjoy thctse services with their benefits. PRIiSI3YTKR!ArST Dr. H. C. Cunsmorc, Tastor 10 a. m. Sunilay school. 11 a. m. ) Public Worship with 7:30 p. m. Sermon. We invite you to ail our iervires. Strangers cordially wlcomeil. METHODIST Thos. T. Yarneg, rastor. 10 A. M. Sunday .School. 11 A. M. XJi vine worship. 3 P. M. I.oyal Temix-rance Legion, fi .'iOP. M. Kpworth Leanue. 7:30 P. M. Lvenir.g nervine. All are cordially invited to these services. Independence, Ore., Nov. 14, 1916 Chas. K. Spaulding Logging Co., City, Gentlemen: Your Briquet coal which sells at $9.50 per ton is Just the stuff. Used in the kitchen range, it give3 plenty of heat, lasts longer and costs less than wood and is more easily handled. CLYDE ECKER. Eat Well - Feel Well Do Well It all depends on what groceries yoti buy, where you buy them, and w hat you pay for them. If you buy GOOD j?ro cries you eat well. If you eat well you feel well. If you feel well you 'will do well in your business affair.". Can we tell you of a better reason why you should buy your groceries from us? I:very one knows of the high standard of our )ood. Calbreath S Jones the newspaper. All others are vanity and vexation "of spirit. To have learned this fact has tireatly helped my enterprise. blamed fool mule never did have any sense. -Salem Capital Jour-nal. BILLY SUNDAYS Some of you have sat in the pews so lonK you're mildewed. i Come on. you cigarette smok-i ing sisters, I've got your number, i i I wouldn't let a chap who! called on my (laughter turn down the light tin). 89 I had a hole , bored thru the ceiling and had a . un trained n him. 1 THE GKEAT MERCHANT JOHN WANNAMAKEK ON ADVERTISING Our little allowance of adver tising, states Mr. Wanamakf-r, went to the newspapers then hi it does now, nearly altogether today, because if I ever have a moment far discovering any thing it will be for findinir out that the oi.'y advertising of dirct and instant benefits i9 in Cougnt Up Civil War Bucfcthot. Par!. III. Mirk r.oiiliiiiiii. Rcifiity- mo jf iirn nl'l, i oiK'IhiI up a liickHhut v. hl h livli'i-d In hl neck t Ilie h'hi1 l.nttU-Vf ( nrli.lh. fifty four yc!ir z. II. Ill 11:1111. H Till -in I M-r of OjIIIJiIIIiT i"., Twi'lfih lliliiol ihfiintry, n Klmt liy Ijusli I r tii'rx Ir V. A. Hnflian;in s;ivh I .'i' I. Jill Hiiiki.".! ilHi-lf tutu the iinlili' WHAT A FOOL MULE DID At Marysviile a few days ago a rr.ule kicked its ngro driver in the head. The drive- is at work as usual, but the mule broke its leg 'nd was ahot. A AFTER THE MARRIED MAN WHO FLIRTS A Texas newspaper is urging the passage of a law to prerent flirting by which married men fhall be required to wear some distinctive token, as the wedding1 ring of a married woman, for instance. We would respect fully suggest a brass neck-band, to be padlocked on and the key left with the wife. We have often noticed how easily a wed ding ring slips off. Portland News.