Image provided by: Independence Public Library; Independence, OR
About The Independence west side. (Independence, Or.) 18??-1891 | View Entire Issue (Feb. 22, 1901)
AS MANAGED E ALBERT Si
LBEUT BREAMS stood before
tU pier glatt la tht largo, Bow
' er-dceked drawlng-rootn and
' straightened bit tie. It wat a flu 0g-
urs of a man Uiat greeted bit good hu
moral gas. Albert was suitable
enough when be closed Bit ottto door
1chlnd blm. Though cold, calculating
and uueotuproiulelug In business, thti
aoclal side of hit nature wat strongly
developed. He bad a great capacity
tor tbo enjoyment of little things.
warm love of lire and the good thing
thereof, and reveled In a Joke. 11a was
a thorough going optimist, beloved by
bis friends aud adored by bis wife,
When bis tie preseuted an appear
ance ot mathematical precision eutlrely
satUfactory, be carefully pulled duwu
bis cuffs. Then turning about, bo
glanced at the back of his coat, which
tltted perfectly, following this up by
reiuovlug an Imaginary bit of Hut from
r bis coat sleeve, lie was carefully
smoothing a recalcitrant look of hair.
when a voice bo hi ml him said mock
"Oh, you look perfectly lovely!
Couldn't 1 brlug you a hand-glass?"
Turning, he saw standing between
the portieres leading from the ball the
lovely, girlish Ok ure of his wife. There
, floated about her graceful form the
shimmering toullc-cumeshed folds of a
golden-yellow ball gown, from which
ber white throat aud dimpled arms
shoue radiantly forth. Her dark brown
curls were piled high upou her bead
ber cheeks were pink, aud her big
brown eyes were sparkling with laugh
ter. ' "Aren't you a haudsome man 7" she
Now Albert was a diplomat. "That
isn't the question," he replied, taking
ber by the hand and drawing her to his
side before the glass. "The question
Is, areu't we a haudsome couple Y" aud
be struck a fetchlug attitude.
"Don't lie absurd," she said. "Do I
"You look as aweet as a rose. There
won't be a womau lu the room to com
pare with you.V
"How ridiculous!" exclaimed Mrs.
Breams, but nevertheless she was not
displeased. "Keally. Bert." she added,
regardlug him soberly, "wouldn't you
like uie better If t were tall and fair
and queenly, like Alice?"
lie shook his bead. ".Never In the
world, though, of,, course, your sister
Alice Is a beautiful woman. That re
winds me," , be exclaimed, "Harold
Evans Is lu town."
"Yes. Met him on the street this
fternoou. They tell me he has been
Immensely successful out West. Ity
the way, 1 asked tilui up lo-nlght."
"Albert:" There was a world of re
proach In her tones. "How could you'"
"Why shouldn't I?" be demanded.
"You know as well as 1 do that Alice
la coming and that she aud Harold
have never couseuted to meet sluce
their quarrel years ago."
"Well, be doesn't need to come."
"But he wilt come In all probability.
thinking Alice will not be here or you
would not have asked him. Everybody
understands bow, they feel about It, es
pecially In the family. It will be very
awkward. " Mrs. 1J reams' tones were
"Well, If that Isn't the silliest thing:"
said Albert, In deep disgust. "Two peo
ple who are old enough to know better
quarrel over nothing and six years
afterward neither will go where the
other Is Invited."
"Oh, every one knows bow foolish It
Is, but that doesn't alter the facts of the
"What did tbey tuss about, anyway?"
he .asked, as be threw himself Into an
easy chair and admired the toes of his
patent leather shoes.
"He was Jealous," said Mrs. Breams,
alrlly-"unjustly so, and, of course,
Alice wouldn't stand It What high
spirited woman would."
"I know one who used to stand It,"
She laughed. "Alice Is a very different-kind
of a woman."
"Yes," said Albert, 'she Is the Vind
who loves to distraction, quarrels with
the object of her regard on the slightest
provocation, ruins both their lives, aud
would not marry any other man for the
"1 guess you are about right," agreed
Mrs. Breams, ruefully. "1 am sure she
still loves him, but 1 don't believe any
thing would Induce ber to speak to
"You don't?" he said, blankly. "Not
If he comes here to-night?"
She shook her head; then, chancing to
glance at her husband, she saw that
be was smiling a slow, significant
smile, which at once aroused ber sus
"Albert," she exclaimed, "what fool
ishness have you been up to? Tell me
at once," and, putting her bands on bis
boulders, she gave blui a little shake.
Luckily for' blm Just here the first
guests arrived. What be had done wax
this Chancing to meet bis old friend
Evans on the street that afternoon,
after warm gretlngs bad been ex
changed, he Invited him to the recep
tion he and his wife were giving that
night. Evans was murmuring an ex
cuse when 'Albert suddenly remem
bered the quarrel between him and
Mrs. Breams' sister, Alice, and, acting
on the mischievous Impulse, said:
"Of course, you know Alice Is mar
ried," then with a "be sure to come, old
man," be hurried on. chuckling ro him
elf. "He'll come now Just to sue the
man," he thought gleefully.
As be let bis mind dwell lightly on
this Incident, while he assisted bis wife
In greeting their guests, be was re
lieved that fate had permitted his smile
to go unexplained. Mrs. Breams hurt
once reluctantly admitted that at times
AJbert could go too far, and he sus
pected that this was one of the times.
Nevertheless bis spirits rose when hu
saw Evans enter among the late arriv
als. Tall, dark and dignified, his pale
face was more Impassive than ever as
be made bis way to hlshostand hostess.
"Now. who could tell whether he cares
or not?" thought Albert. Glancing
across the room, be saw his beautiful
Ister-ln-law talking with her usual
calm and stately grace to a group of
friends. "Well, they are two of a
kind." be chuckled. Then he began to
peculate what .would happen If Evans
went op to speak to her as he was al
most certain to do. "By Jovel Sup
pose she won'j notice blm! If I could
get them to talking I am sure they
would hit It off all right." Suddenly a
thought struck blm. Making bis way
across the room, he said:
"Allle, did you know Harold Evans Is
"Who?" she asked, quietly.
"Harold Evans. Just came In. Met
blm ou the street this afternoon and
asked him up. By the way bad you
beard of bit marriage?"
Alice's heart gave a great throb and
then stood still. Then, at hearts will,
It began to beat furiously. The room
swam around aud lu the midst of
friends aud laughter the was conscious
of an overpowering loneliness. But Al
bert's eyes, keeu at they were, were
permitted to see none of this.
1 "No, I bad not beard," she replied,
evenly. "I shall b glad to tee blm
"Here be It now," exclaimed Albert,
at Eva us came up. "Hello, old chap,"
he cried, with a cordial handshake.
"Decided to come, did you? Looking
as fresh as a daisy, too. Awfully glad
to see you. Yet, here's Alice. By the
way, Allle, I waut Evans to see our tine
orchids. Show him around, will you?"
and with a nod aud smile, be moved
Alice greeted her lover of former
days with smiling graclousuess. As
they entered the conservatory be
thought bitterly: "Evidently she is
happy lu her marriage." Would he
have had ber unhappy? She thought:
"I wonder where his wife Is!" Ills
wlfe-anothor woman! How strange It
seemed! They moved among the How
ers for a time. Allen elm tied vivacious
ly of their beauty. Happening upon
one of (hose seats with which every
properly-conducted conservatory It sup
plied, they sat down.
Wheu did you arrive in town?" she
asked with polite Interest.
"This afternoon, t am only here for
a few days."
"He cannot stay away from her long
er, I suppose," she thought, aud there
was a dull pain at her heart
"Oh. you like the West?" she asked,
Oh, yes; I like It well enough," he
said, sighing lu spite of blmself. "Who
is the mau?" be woudered, miserably,
How happy she seems!"
"How strange be does not speak of
his wife!" thought Alice. "Oue of us
must" Swallowing the lutnp la bi-r
throat, she said:
1 have never bad an opportunity to
Congratulate me?" be repeated,
"Certainly on your marriage."
"My marriage!" be echoed, "1 am
not married. Who could have told you
such a thing?"
She gave a little gasp. Surely she
had not misunderstood Albert. How
could such a mistake have been made?
Aud In the midst of her astonishment
and coufuslou ber heart grew light
"How did you get such an Impres
sion?" he asked, with a slow smile. "1
was Just about to speak of your own
Alice sat bolt upright thoroughly
aroused, ber cheeks adame. Her whole
attitude, aud expression spoke Indig
"You are not married?" be exclaimed,
"1 am uot," she declared with Indig
"But Albert told me that you were,
this very afternoon. It Is Impossible
that I could have misunderstood blm."
Albert! She ground ber teeth. He
bad dared to meddle In ber affairs.
Just then Albert blmself-uulucky
man came up to them.
"Have you seen my wife?" be asked
gayty. "Some people want ber." Sud
denly be became conscious of the
"Albert" said Alice, rising to her
feet her voice trembling with anger,
"did you not tell me a few moments
ago that Mr. Evans was married?"
"I did not," he said promptly, "l
asked you had you heard It."
"But the Inference!" she protested,
her eyes Hashing.
"I know nVthlug of that," Interposed
Evans sternly, "but you certainly told
me of Miss Alice's marriage lu uutuls
takable terms this atternoon."
"I did. You are quite right, my dear
fellow," was the cheerful reply. "I pre
varicated. Just a lltle Juke, yuu kuow,"
aud. turning ou bis heel, he deliberately
The two stood facing each other In an
"Albert Is Incorrigible. I will never
forgive him," she said, finally, with
tears In her eyes. Not receiving a re
ply, she stole a glance at her compan
ion. To her surprise he was smiling.
"Albert Is a good fellow," he said,
gently. "We are going to have to for
give blm." Then he dared to take her
bands In bis. "You see, Albeit thinks
If we nre not married we ought to be,
He thinks we should be married to each
other, and I for one agree with him."
She was silent "Don't you?" he
She slowly raised ber head until her
smiling eyes looked Into bis.
"Well perhaps," she said softly.
New Orleans Times-Democrat.
Cluny MacpherBon, whose death oc
curred recently In Scotland, on a certain
occasion, having dealings In his castle
with oue of the very poorest of bit
cransmeu, led him lnt,o one of the rooms,
which had Just been redecorated at
"What do you think of this?" queried
the chieftain. "The varnishing alone
of this room cost me 150."
"Tbut's uaethlu' ava," was the aston
ishing response. "If ye'll come oloug
tac ma bit boose, A'll show ye a room
thut cost faur malr than that (no be
And so an appointment wns mode,
the colonel wondering that he had
never heard of It before. When be vls-
ittid the place a poor-looking, thatched,
little "blgglng," he was shown Into a
room so dark that be could scarcely see,
with Its walls literally blackened by the
smoke from a pent fire.
."Here's ma room," exclaimed the tri
umphant tenant "A mnk oot that It
took five hunner loads o' pent tne coat
It, and at 10 shillings the lond that
makes 250 pun." London M. A. P,
Had the Heat of It.
Tommy Atkins had taken a Boer
prisoner, and, the two getting friendly,
talked about the prospects of the war.
"You may as well give It up; you will
never win," sold the Boer. "'Cot
why?" asked Tommy. "Because we've
the Lord on our side," said the Boer.
"G'arn," said Tommy, with great con
tempt, "why, we've three lords on our
tide, and ono of 'em's made a bloomln'
bass of "Imself!"
The baby will have to divide Its
stock of safety pins wltbiltt mother
again next summer the tllrt waist It
The solar orb would appear blue to
anybody who should view It outside of
tbit plauet'a atmosphere.
Sunlight It a bundle of rays of light
red, orange, yellow, green, blue. In
dlgo nnd violet all mixed together. The
mixture of all colors I white light, the
absence of all rolora la utter darkness.
Every traveler In France has been
struck by the night -of multitudes of
slender iwplnr tree growing by the
roadsides and brooksldes, Two or three
times In twenty years the branches of
these Poplars are trimmed, and the
light wood thus obtained Is dried and
told to bakers, whoso practical science
bat Uught them thut the quick, Intense
beat produced by burning poplar It ex
col lent for giving a thick crust to tbulr
It Is said that the production of artl
Aclal Indigo by chemical process bat
uow advanced so far that It threatens
the producers of natural Indigo with
very serious competition. The East
Indian Indigo cultivators are urged to
call In the nld of science to Improve
their methods tH'fore It Is too Isle. Nat
ural Indigo still rctalna oue advantage
over the artificial product In the pre
ence of certain substances which ft
cllltate the operation of dyeing, and
which are not found lu artificial In
While It It found that the glacial flow
In the region of wbat Is now the Con
noctleut valley was directly southward
(at we kuow by the glacial scratches
aud atrlae on the tipper surfaces of
ledges recently denuded of soil, and by
trains of boulder), It was eastward,
or at least east by southeast, over the
region bordering on Massachusetts
Bay. The geologists find evidence also
that the forward edge of the glacier
extended some fifty or more tulles be
yond the present coast line. Georges
Banks and the sands of Cape Cod are
the abiding visible record of the gla
cier deposltlou that went on not far
The sea la blue tteeauss the water re
flects the blue rays of light, but shal
low seas are green, because the blue
light la mixed with the yellow reflec
tions frum saud aud stones at the bot
tom. Green la a mixture of blue and
yellow, lu this green light of shallow
water all seaweed grow, and, for
waut of the ml ray, they have golden
and tawny leaves. Green and rod ten
weeds are the exception, and blue sea
weeds are as rare as blue tree leaves.
At this rate, land plants grown under
glass ought to turn golden brown, like
seaweed. They do. Experiment has
shown Hint under green glass plants
grow nearly7 a well as under clear sun
light, Mr. Marconi has lately succeeded In
modifying hi revolving ami trans
mitting appliance In wireless teleg
raphy lu such a way that they will only
respond to each other when properly
tuned In sympathy. The result Is that
messages can now l transmitted
without danger of their being under
stood at any station except that which
Is furnished with the proier receiver.
In this manner two message have
been sent simultaneously to the same
place, each being recorded only on the
apparatus specially attuned to receive
It without affecting the other appar
atus. The necessity for extremely high
masts from which to transmit and re
ceive the electric waves has beeu done
DO NOT KEEP THE SABBATH.
Ansrlca'a Nw Knbjrrt In h Konth
Oppmwd to Humlsr Law.
Polbly uo other naval mau ever
had to take action upon so radical a
measure as that which has been pro
nosed to Commauder Tllley by the new
est Americans of all, the Samoan peo
ple of Tutulla. After much debate the
native population have asked Com
mander Tllley, who Is their governor,
to repeal the fourth commandment.
Tbey do not waut to keep the Sabbath
American 8a moans, .those of Tutulla
and Manna, have lost no time lu re
linquishing their former monarchical
Ideas and becoming what they are
pleased to consider the real thing In
the way of fellow eltlxens of the great
republic which lu formal deliberations
they call the "I'nnlke Seknke Meleks,"
or Meleke for short After the king
the only system of restraint upou tlieiu
came from the church, or If not, from
the resident missionaries of the London
Mission Society, at least from the far
less prudent and responsible native
ministers or "fulfeaus."
There Is no better Job In Samoa than
to be falfeau of a village church. Where
all are Idle he It conspicuously free
from all necessity to work. His duty
Is to conduct the village school at dawn
and sunset of secular dnys and to
preach three sermons on Sundays, and
one at the Wednesdny evening prayer
meeting. In connection with his gen
eral duties he considers himself a spe
cial olllcer of the moral law, and at the
village councils he reports all offenders
and demands that they be punished. No
other offense, lu his opinion, can be half
no heinous as failure to observe Sun
day with a strictness only to be match
ed In the Plymouth and Massachusetts
Bay settlements of the puritans, Fine,
hard lnlwr and deprivation of church
privileges await (he offender who slnyt
contumaciously away from church, who
sings on that day other than hymns,
who tells stories except those lu the
Now. when the Americans of Tutulln
found that their first plunge Into a re
publican form of government freed
them from the necessity of sending
their most treasured possessions to a
king In distant Apia they began to see
their way to another nibble at tbo ex
cellent enke of Independence, and the
Sunday observance was the next rnlly
Ing point for patriots. The news was
carried from village to village and was
secretly discussed In every village and
every household. Except by the nntlvo
pastors, the Idea met with a ready ac
ceptance all over Tutulla and the vil
lage chiefs found themselves practic
ally Instructed on the point by their
constituents. In due time, nnd nothing
In Samoa Is nllowed to be damn Red by
excess of haste, the chiefs met, nt the
village of the high chief Maunga In
Pngo-Pngo, It was found that they
were unanimous that It wns an outrage
to accept any longer the restrictions
which the falfeau hnd so long placed on
Despite their courage 1n declaring
their opinions on this Important matter
there was not a chief In TutuIJa who
dnred violate a single one of the Sun
dny observations. Bo they decided to
appeal to the governor. In what form
to ask remedial action from the gov
ernor a recent Instance bad taught
them. An early ordinance of the new
government, one really based on tern
portry condition of the stale of war'
bid been but a short time before re-1
pealed smt proclamation of that action
dulv made. Accuidltit tha ,-hlafa a.
tembJvd lu I'amPao tnvit.d Uo.
Tllley to debit with tbetu oo a tuttttr h'l-. 1 thriving
of great Importance. Then, were the bult-Mt m tplte ot bit Inability to we.
usual coucotultants of such Baiuoau Edward Mai. proprietor of the Cadll
meeting, (he wvarlaom, rouud of kava c barber shop, during bit bllndnest.
drinking, of dancing girls, of baked pig wu,l'u ''d fur v,u B,"'
and otb.r food aud of hours of compll- hI uI btuluett utlrly by touch and
mvnitrv speeches. ' Last of all, when uearlug.
they got down to bn-tues. the chief ' wu'l l"'" "bat even custowert
described to the governor the offensive 8f loUKw' tttndlug would bsltate be
custom aud liesoughl blm to repeal the for" "lu " 'uull no
fourth commandment Mnd they would bul Mr- M" uo unl 't '""
be hsppy forevermore iuf ulJ customers, but hat added
It Is not known whether the power of "w " '
a naval officer In eomuinnd of a eolllwr b tight
like the AlM.renda aud a colonial de. ' young Iwiklng. pleas-
pendency extends a far as this, nor it ". bo carries out fait ap-
It at all clear that the action could be Piwuef lu hit disposition. II wtt
accomplished If submitted lu regular ,lul ' describe the way In
f,.rm iik i).n KH.-ri,i. v uf in x.v. At "' he carries on bit business In
II events Commander Tllley had given
no answer when last beard from. -New
INDIAN TERRITORY DOQ RAIDS.
Kapvrt l.arlat-Throwr Hith Cur
The dog (atelier uf a town In ihe lu
dlau Territory can give a Chisago dog
catcher cards aud spade and then beat
blm at a capiurer of csulut aulmai
An expert cowboy bunts dogs as bo
does cattle. He ropes them the same
way. Clad lu a pulr of buckskin trou
sers, aud wearing a big sombrero, witn
rope lu hand ur ou the saddle horn, s4
six-shooter lu his bolt, he stuns down
the street ou his broncho looking for
dogs. As be side one which hat Uo
legal right to roam at large bo sticks
the spurs to his pony, grabs his rope
aud begin operations. II usually
ropes the dog around the nock, draws
him to the pony's side aud shoots him
lie then stuffs the carcass Into a sack
attached to the saddle aud gallop off
after more "game."
If a stranger Is watching the per
forms tic the dog catcher does some
fancy roping. He will rope the dog
around the fmut foot or bind foot, or
around the body between the feet He
hardly ever misses his mark.
Dogvslchlng lu the Indian country
It a more ticklish bushiest Hum It Is lu
the cities lu the States. The catcher
uot only has to dodge Itatlmus, mop
sticks, tud brooms thrown by Irate
women (for a wild looking qoivboy with
a six (hooter has uo terror to an Indian
Territory woman), but be hat ludlaus
to deal with.
An Indian thinks almost as much of
his dog as be does of bis kids, aud If
the dog catcher by mistake kill It there
It trouble. Dogs belonging to ludlaus
are exempt from taxatiott. But the lu
dlans must brand them. The dogs of
uou eltlsens sre the one d srrlmlusted
aaalnst. If their masters fall to 1)0 V
tax ou them then tbey miM pay the
Pf ualty of death, lu order to evade the
tax neeasloually a nou-clilxeit forges a
brand and marks bis dog s If It be
longed to an Indian, lu order to pre
vent frsuils uf this character the dog
catcher must lie an expert on dog
brauds. -Chicago Inter Ocean.
lAtofcs l.lkn Mr. I.lm-oln.
In the persoti of J. Wayne Amos,
San Bernardino. Col, has a living
Image of the late President Abraham
Lincoln. Like Mr. Lincoln. Amos I
tall and spare, bis shoulders slightly
stooping, his feature kindly, but firm,
aud hi eye keen. Aud he Is ever so
homely. The likeness In all respect It
so startllngly apparent that It seems
hard to Mlcve that It Is not the real
Instead of the double who stands be
fore the observer.
Like Mr. Lincoln. Amos Is an Inveter
ate story teller, full or common-sen
philosophy and dry humor, fond uf a
practical Joke, and Is the embodiment
of good nature. While by no means
awkward In his ee-b or manner, be
give one til liupremlou Hint he I
double Jointed In siHtls, while his
length of nether lltnli Irresistibly re-
calU'lho story of Lincoln's Inability to
lie it full length In a steamer's berth.
and his solemn suggestion to the ship's
carpenter who came lu to n out the
partition that h saw part of his legs
Strange to relate, during Lincoln's ad
mlulstratlnn Mr. Amos was a govern
ment employe In the Treasury Depart
ment at Washington. Uo Is a native of
Baltimore, was brought up In Ohio and
lived In Kansas for many years. In
that State his farmer friends sent It I in
to the legislature, w here he served his
constituents faithfully nnd ably. He Is
man of education, virtually self-made
aud has had an Interesting career. He
Is now flo years old.
"And now, darling, It only remains
for you to say w hen "
But at this moment the automobile,
which hud reached the top of the hill.
started down the other side with fright
The young man hastily applied the
It fulled to work.
He shut off the power.
It was too late.
The maddened machine raced down
the steep grade.
At the foot of the Incllue there wns
sharp turn to the left.
Here the automobile left the turn
pike and ran down tbo embankment,
throwing the young couple out and
landing them In a big pllu of snnd.
Never mind, darling," exclaimed the
youth, who, with lint gone, collar loose
nt oue cm! and coat ripped up the back,
was presently engaged In dlgglug snnd
out of the hysterical tnnldeu's mouth,
this Is oue time that the course of true
love ran smooth, even If It did get a bit
of a Jolt ut the end of the run."
"Cyrus Wlnterbottotn," she said, hnlf
an hour biter ss they were Journeying
toward home In a farmer's wagon, "I
believe you did the whole thing on pur
pose, so you could have tbo chance of
saying something smart," Boston
Education In Japan,
What happened In the Industrial life
of Japan also happened lu her cducn
tlonnl life. Students went to foreign
countries and entered all departments
of learning. Those who could not go
abroad rushed lo the government and
mission schools until all of these were
filled to ovorfiowlng, and the rapidity
with which the pupils acquired foreign
knowledge was evidence of their ability
and of their deep Interest. The num
ber of schools nnd pupils Increased ns
rnpldly as the financial condition of the
government would nllow, until nt the
present time there are no fewer thnn
80,000 schools,, having 100,000 teachers,
500,000 graduates nnd 5,000,000 pupils,
while the annual outlay for educational
purpose Is not lesa thnn $7,500,000.
After a woman chases a rann, and he
gets away, she frcquontly says: "O,
these men!" 7
Some people can't resist a solicitor;
tbey will buy anything that It pushed.
BLIND BARBIR IN MICHIGAN.
sharp la Usarlaar Mas l fr
' ill Lack f Vlaloa.
I Detroit, MJcb., there It
spite uf his great baudlcap.
"I csu tell whereabouts lu the shop
my men are and what Ihey are dolug,
Just as vastly as though I were look
ing at them all," he said, good nalured
ly. "I know them all by their step, lud
when tbey move I csu tell where they
go. Every man, ss you kuow, bat an
Individual walk, just as he bat an In
llvliltml temperament, and at the differ
ent barber In my shop walk about the
marble floor I know w hether It It Jim
my, who la nervous, or George, w ho la
slow and very careful. It Is. of course,
easy to tell whether a man's hair or
heard I being cut, lb ring of the
shears being very different In each
"I ran tell when man It being
shaved by the scrape of the rasor, and
sometimes I know whether the beard It
a stiff or a toft one,
"When a man It hiving an egg sham,
poo I hear the egg shell cracked and
the egg beaten and I hear the customer
go to the fountain afterward to wash
"This may seem a little farfetched,
but everything done lu a barber shop
has tome very characteristic sound,
and If you had bern lie Hie balr-cuttlug
business as long as I have you would
recognise these movements and sounds
as I do.
"I can tell Just about what the doy't
business has been slid w hat we ought
to have made. My daughter Is the
cashier, and when she is away I mnk
the change myself. I ran tell all the
coins by the feeling, but, of course. I
do not kuow one bill from another, and
I never attempt to make change for
anything but a ft bill."
HUMOR IN THE AMBULANCE.
Uoetor'a Hiory ot a Maa and Wontan
with llroli l.sr.
- wurn i was an ambulance sur
geon." said th young family physl
clan, "I u.e,l m start like a fire hors
at the sound of Hie calL I was Just
as much Interested In the work at the
end of two year as 1 wss the day 1
began. It was the excitement of the
life that mad mn so fond of It. I hsd
all sorts of experiences at all sorts of
hours. There was an element of dan
ger lu It, too, but that only added to
"Oue night I had a call from the
West Sldo lu the neighborhood of
Chelsea square. It was for a drunken
man who fell down and broke his leg.
Ou the way back to the hospital with
him I picked up a drunken woman to
whom a similar atH-ldeut had happened.
There was uothlug to do but put her In
the ambulance along with the man.
"After that the ride acres town wa
exciting enough for a cowboy. At first
the patient sympathised with 'each
other. Ibcu they begun to cry In
chorus. Al Broadway they fell to kiss
ing each other. At Third avenue they
were lighting like a pair of Kilkenny
rats, aud I had my hinds full In keep.
ng them apart The woman had
icratched the man's fact dreadfully
and hs bad nearly closed her eye with
punch. When we struck the asphalt
In '.'tlth street they were singing, 'We
have all been there before, many a
lime,' and such singing! The uproar
attracted a crowd, who evidently
thought I hud an ambulance full of
lunatics, Whea we reached the gale
they swore eternal friendship and nt
Ihe olllce Ihey parted lu tears." New
Mr. Gillette' Tobacco Habit.
William Gillette claims there Is no
righteousness In his tobacco reputation,
le admit be like a good cigar, but
tenle that smoking Is with blm a con
tluuous performance, aud asserts that
.-olucldeuce rather than lutcutlou hn
made It necessary for him to simulate
a devotee of the weed In the majority
of his plays. It was Connn Doyle, be
says, who made Sherlock Holmes a
worslilHT of pipe aud clgnr, while It
was the dramatic effect of tobneco, as
Indicative of the stoicism of the smoker,
which appealed to blm when he equip
ped Col. Thome of "Secret Service"
with the habit.
Yet he does not deny that a cigar It
his most frequent stage companion. An
odd result of the association Is the pref
erence which the actor now has for the
extremely dry cigar. Before he smokes
a clgnr he places It on a steam radiator
and lets It dry almost to the crumbling
point "I found," he explains, "that a
dump, fresh clgnr would go out If I laid
It down for a few moments. That would
not do, for Hie relighting might prove
decidedly embarrassing. A dry cigar
will burn on. So I took to drying the
lgnrs I smoked on tho stage, and after
a tlmo I got to like them. Now I enn-
not smoke a freshly mndo rlgar." Bos
New Jersey Fossil.
In tho blue sbulcs of a valley a few
miles from Montclnlr, N, J are found
fossil fish of a kind which Is almost
extinct, only three specimens now sur
viving. Tbey belong to the order of
ganoids, which possessed no Interior
bony skeleton, but only tin outside cov
ering of bony or cartilaginous plates.
They were the earliest known verte
brates. A mi tuber of excellent speci
mens show distinctly the shining, bony
sciilcs of this peculiar species of fish,
which, according to -geologists, must
have existed ages ago.
Wants More Settler.
A body of capitalists hns contracted
with the Outnrlo government under
heavy bomb) to place In Algoma, west-
em Ontario, 600 settlers per month for
five years. The representative of the
npltallsts, Mr. Clergue, sailed for En-
gin ud recently and will open emigra
tion agencies forthwith. It It expected
nnd hoped that the emigrants will be
chiefly British nnd will consist largely
of skilled workmen.
A Cruel American Parent.
The Mother My dears, your father Is
obdurate. lie says that after raking
nnd scraping, ns he vulgarly expresses
It, and getting Into debt, nnd making
other sacrifices, be can only allow you
$500 apiece for your clothes.
The Girls (In chorus, weeping) Well,
we'll get even with him yett Life.
STRANQE THISaS WASHINGTON WOULD
SBB W HE WERE ALIVE 10-DAY.
' s-is 0&m
WvV IMP .(
IF WASHINGTON CAME BACK.
If H'sblustba eouwl ruiuv, lu lls,
AUM lake (uuS suulll.
"l u ssi tu -urs lUsl u would say
oui tblusa mi nil wriim out;
Tbv iruliry slut III l.fibu
Huuiil uiak liliu lu auil tiara,
TU llrraii would fUi lo bilu
A ttouurrlul sRair,
Aud ttbt-n I bo huilu il rlprra
Wrm Ulssiug uusu tu irark
Ills V'gisil luisul atautl up Iulrs4
VI liaugiUtf Uuwu bis baik
At star luru, a,uu uadruua tblug
To laka bia lirrsib sway,
Tin- nuia sad ru.li sou, a tusk blui jut.
If h sr bvr lii da;,
If Kslbsr Umtrs arvra bar lo da,
Auu, UMm uiua to i't,
lianoul u ailaud S pis
Auu sol tit Set liars
lb li.gi-t i-iuku sa ursaSlBg 10,
U ba suuld a sud brar
Soma turns lo uiaa sou Ibauk tbt star
lUal Msribs au l uaarl
Ml t-uevsa would uuru, his '!
Aud ba srould bl.Ii- bis facs,
Aud ttoudrr ftU lb iSUIvs Ulltd
lo bun froui Ilia plai-s
-l) Ul) I"
lie il sift),
"I wundrr oust ia turning- aril)
I auuUvr wbat tbv d a
it I su up sua tfrsuevd ui bsl
Auu atlek sud aaut sw
gouuda! ttbai la lual iuv'r salog Bosrt
Aud bat la tbsl 1 sea!
Ilaras bti I paasl-aiab wa la trust
t ur I'aeauc aud Ujc! '
If U'aaUliistou ruuld font to da
Aud liraak lulu lb art
WUrl uul tbua wliu (raaly pay
tun vrr bop lu get
Wbara UJ) Msud sud Couulrta May
tbalr alisvu (almoin swub
Aud pupi ss ' our graca ' lo bar
M bose granus prddU'd Ilntl
Wlii ra uisiruua bumi lu duke sud tsrla,
Aua ku.guia aud lord ar thick,
II uiiK'tl u ue.v.'U lu U;iu bia baad
Aud say: "Una awkea nt l.-h!"
Ur i, pftcbaux,
He'd un-r. g.auca
Aroiimt as uue lotaskru,
Aud as: ' tour pttrUou, plraa; I tbougbt
'1 tot w is tb Isud tr nbUb I tougbt
I r that I lu uoatskiu:-
Tbia la King lii-uigii't realm, or (bat
Which was Ida, vtc h Ul.d;
I'rs tell ui how I Ural lus St
I pou th other side
Aei oaa I ha ar(
Wbi-r iiu'ii ar fn-
And sit srs iisla uoru
Vtlirre blue and lords ar sll uukaowa
Aud t-'n-adoiu's lieseou ll-lit
Ar blsilug up front ton lu sou,
Aud sll b ft in I r'glils!"
If Wasltlugiuu rnuld apt-lid dsy
luck, brr upou tin- a.irih
Aud - Hi bsuira that portrsy
W bsl soiu of ua ar worth
If lit- touiil view th sp.eiidor of
'Hi uewcr lords liu-d
II in i.-Ut lir moved lu tuiu awn
Aud, iloiilillus, bung bia bead
Vrl. lira ss h liirurd sud lit
Tit man, uisuy wuu
Must srn he could uot fall to mark
lbi'lr urw enntiiiiou too,
lo I'll' of all Ih woeful soiinda
Thai snill my rsrs, sr bleat
As never Hi llial lul.rd have beta,
tlvfort litem, hast ur Wvatl
( an It Ii
Thai I b
Jlrr I tie hsm-at thnl has gmwa
Kruni Ihe ed I helped lo sow I
Whrn-for do ihey niosa and gross.
Why ihs no rmura from below t
mill I t"v gruuililr. still lhy slgk.
Htlll the Ihrritlen. ntlll decry,
Kvrn ss thry did whr-n I,
Prsylug Hod in gulil ni. stood
As s tnrsei fur thrlr duns,
tilling sll that iimrtsl rould--Itrlng
r I won their histU!
Yel, O let t li"iii kli-k swsy!
I l,ui klekeil Bom 111 111 V (Isvt
Kl.-Vrra niak th world go round,
K Iik era keep It III IIS plsi-:
Whrre must kiekrrs msr ! found
Th.. I.,..k fi,i flu, riillii rait"
8. K. Klser. In Clilcnito Tlmea llersld.
WASHINGTON THE MAN.
Had the flenln, Character and Cottraa;
thst vake th Horn leader.
Sharp nnd derisive tvtis the line of de-
mnrkstlon that sepnratetl tho youth of
(ieorge Washington from his manhood.
Washington the boy censed to exist at
nit early age. Washington the man took
his place. Nut that WusliltiKton wns an
enigmatical prodigy In the smooth chin
ned period of life, lie had his fnneles
and his lovo ntTalrs like other men. But
he wns a man who early showed thst
fntu li n il fitted biui to command men.
Even If It detracts from the spirit of
reverence for the memory of (Jeorjje,
truth compels the eetiitement that he
don rly loved social gittlierlnits, he rev
eled In pleulcs, mid was tptlto a spurt
when it came to cards nnd billiards. The
pleasures of tho table were keenly en
joyed by Washington, and for women he
always hnd a warm spot in his heart.
Washington hnd been the vliero of Innu
merable, love nlTalra before he met his
fate In the person of the widow Cnstii,
who became Martha Washington.
Qeorgn was then 27, nnd a (la inly. Tall
and graceful, with handsome features,
somewhat marred by the fact that small
pox had left its murk there, ho had
shone for some time In the best social
circles of America.
As a soldier WiiHliliitftnn has been de
clared by one of tho greatest generals
that ever lived to have been the great
est general the world ever saw. Con-
cord, Lexington, 'Banker Hill, the mas
terly retreat from New lork, the decis
ive victory gained by crossing the lela
ware nt a critical period of the struggle
for Independence, nnd the glorious gen
eralship that carried the patriots from
Valley Forge to Yorktown, nre all en
during monuments to the greatness of
Washington's military (ten I us. -
Then Washington the President. The
mr.n who hnd mnde the country free
ruled It ns a free people should be ruled
with firmness and discretion, building
tho foundation stones of the structure
that has risen to lis present vast dimen
sions, solidly nnd welt, so that It should
stnnd like the everlasting rocks. Through
dlploinntlc difficulties nnd homo troubles
he steered the ship of, state with the
same unerring judgment that he had ex
hibited In the heat of -battle. Wtsbing-
'Bill!!, jtSSK "nbRJII0 Si
s ' ll
cot esi H 3j,sN!V7t y J
! ton the uiatt, the soldier, f he ststesmsa.
wss clearly destined .for the-great part
be played In each scene of life.
Washington aud the Farmer.
A welter in III" Indeiendent aays that
the Hev, Alfred Ely, who wss for sixty
years puslor of tho Congregational
t'bsn-h In Muason, Mass., snd who did
lu lHisl, told this story;
When boy, Ii workitl on s farm in
Weal NirliiKhei, and one day in tt au
tumn of 1TMI, be, with his employer, wss
gathering a load of rorustulka In a field
not far from the ( 'mined init river. The
farmer had driven the loaded tram from
the lot, and left the boy, ss usual, to
put up the burs. While he was thus en
gaged, he iiotli-ed the approach uf four
due horses, drawing the open vehicle
kiiowu as a chariot. There was no driv
er, but astride the lilgh horse of each
spnn was a young mulatto postilion.
There were also two outriders and B
poatillou, and within the csrriiige sat s
gentleman of very Imposing appenrnui-e.
The outriders gsllnpeil on In idvsnee.
snd held parley with the farmer, who
waa (M-t-op)ing the entire road with hia
loaded cart. It was to be seen ti.at h
would yield iioiie of his rights, tor the
chariot was detained by the rsrt until
S turnout was rem lied, when the cortege
The little Isiy hurried on. and asked hi
employer who the ireutlciiinn could be,
"(ieorg-e Washington," wa the evawt-r.
Then he licgtfcd permission to ,un on
sud catch another -1,'lliiiime of the great
American. There wa no bridge across
the Connecticut, sud be hoped that the
ferry bout would be on the opposite side,
and that he might reach the bank tie Cor
it arrived. Hu was nut disappointed.
He found !en. Washington st a nil ing on
the blink of the river, erect and digni
fied. At thst iiiomeut one of the postil
ions rnme up sud suld. uncovering his
head and speaking most deferentially,
yet with nn expression of Injured dig
nity: "Your Kxcelleuey, ss we were driv
ing along, s little way back, we overtook
s man with loaded enrt, who occupied
the entire road. 1 asked him to stop hi
team snd let us pass. He declined. I
then told III ui that President Washing
ton was In the rharlot. He agalu re
fused, and said that he had as good
right to the road us lieorge Washington I"
"And so he had," said Washington.
The poslllion looked nt him fur an In
stant in astonishment, nnd then quietly
put on his hat nnd mounted his horse.
Itrpela Kuunesllon of Dictator.
"With a mixture of surprise sud as
tonishment I have read with sttentioa
the sentiments you have submitted to my
perusal. Be ssstirtil, sir, no occurrence
lu the course uf the war hss given nt
more painful sensations than your in
formation of there being such ideaa ex
isting in the army ss you have express
ed, sud (which) I must view with ab
horrence mid reprehend with severity,
l'or the present the communication of
them will rest In my own bosom, unless
'some further agitation of tha matter shall
make a disclosure necessary, I mi much
st a loss to conceive what part of my
conduct could have given encouragement
to nn address which seems to me big
with the greatest mischiefs that can be
fsll my country. If I am not deceived
In the knowledge of myself, you could
not have found a person to whom your
schemes are more disagreeable. At the
same time, In Justice to my own feelings,
I must add that nn man possesses s mora
sincere wish to see justice done to th
army than I do; and ss far as my power
tnd Influence in s constitutional way ex
tend, they shall be employed to the ut
most of my abilities to effect it, should
there be any occasion. Let me coujur
yon, then, If yon have uuy regard fot
y6ur country, concern for yourself or
posterity, or respect for me, to banish
these thought from your mind and nev
er communicate, ns from yourself or any
ono else, n sentiment of the like nature."
Washington's reply to letter suggesting
that he use tha army to overturn th
government nid make himself Dictator.
Lrln.1 Necesaarr Now.
Tbe goad George Washington, they say,
Did always stick to facts. -
But the he did not have to pay
That beastly Income tax. I
In Holland It Is the custom for wom
en to wash the china and silver used at
breakfast and tea Immediately after
the meal In the presence or the family
Hew 'Twat tone: Old Gentleman
Here, sir, bow Is It I catch you kissing
my daughter? The Lover-By sues
lug In oo us, sir.-Philadelphia Press.
Mn. Cobwlgger 8o ihey are not la
our set' Mrs. Proudfut-No, Indeed.
Tbey go to a gymnasium, while we at
tend a physh si culture class. Judge.
Husband (angrily) Don't forget,
uiadaut, that you are my wife. Wife
Oh, never fear. There are some
things oue tau t forget. Detroit i'rtf
Towne That was a rather disreputable-looking
uiau you Just spoke to.
Browu-Hirl that was my brother."
Towne Oh, beg pardon; I might have
known tbat.-TIt Hit.
The Indignant Cltlxeu-Dou't drag
my name Into print lu connection with
this absurd affair, but If you do be sure
to spell out my middle name lo full.
Cleveland Plulu Dealer.
lu the awful presence; "Hush! Not
so loud. We re having a conference of
the Powers." "Eh; who Is confer
ring," "My wife, my uiotber-lu-law,
aud tbe cook r Til Bit.
Culler-Is Mrs. Kafllppe at home?
Ellen (Just oven-No, mum. Caller-Da
you kuow where she has gone? Ellen
Yls, mum I'o shtulrs, be Ibe back
way. Chicago Times-Herald.
Mistress (astounded) You cau't read,
Norah ? Uood gracious! How did you
ever learn to cook so well? New Cook
Mhure, mum, 01 lay It t' not beln' able
t' rade tb' cook-books. Brooklyn Life.
Judge This lady says you threw
both arms arouud hei waist while try
ing to get her pocket book. Prisoner
1 was simply uiaklu' love lo de lady,
your honor. 1 am a foreign uoblemanl
Blanche Oh, girls! 1 put a piece of
May's wedding cake under my pillow
last night, and " Tbe girls (breathlessly)-What
happened? Blanche I
ate It all before I went to sleep!-Brook-lyn
Medical Consultation: "How do you
find uie, doctor?" "Very bad. You art
worn out and It It necessary that you
give up all bead work." "That would,
ruin me, doctor. Don't you know I'm
a barber?" Ex.
Invaluable Assistant - Old that
wealthy bridal couple have many
trunks? "Truuks? They keep a li
brarian who doesn't do anything but
take care of the trunk catalogues."
High Btategy: Captaln-Wbat It
ttrategy in war? Give me an Instance
of It Irish Sergeant-Well, strategy
Is when ye don't let tbe enemy dis
cover ye are out of ammuultiuu, but
keep right on flrlu'.-Tlt-Blts.
"Well Bonis." said Naggus. the em
inent llterarty critic, "I see you began
the new century right." "How's tbktr
asked Bonis, the struggling author. "1
don't understand." "You didu't write
any poem about lt."-Chlcago Tribune,
"I wlsb to see a bonnet." said Mist
Passee, aged forty. "For yourself,
mlss'f" luuulred the French milliner.
Yea." "Marie, run down-stairs, and
get me bats for ladles between eighteen
and tweuty-flve.", Bonuet eold.-Tit-Btts,
"What do you think my mother-in-
law says?" "Uooduess kuowJ A ba
Is Itf "She says when I get rich she
wants me to put a moving sidewalk
on our block, so she can sit ou It aud
sew, and get In all the uews."-Iudiau-spoils
"Has he any show at all In public
lifer asked one politician. "Ouly one.
There la the remote possibility that bit
enemies will abuse blm so continuously
that a lot of people will get sorry for
him and vote for blm out or sympathy."
Miss Streeter-1 should think It
would be horrid standing behind the
counter all day. Miss Kasbkaller Not
nearly so bad al standing In frout or it
for only a Utile while.' There are no
bargain crowds on my side, you know.
Styles I do bate to see a woman
hanging on to a strap In a reet-car.
Barton And so you always give a wo
man a seat when you have one to give.
Styles No. I never go quite so rar at
that 1 give my whole attention to my
- newspaper, you see. In that way my
sight Is not offended by the poor, weary
woman. Boston Transcript
"Do you subscribe to this statement
that a woman ought to look up to her
husband?" Inquired Mr. Meekton's wife,
"Well, Henrietta," he answered, cau
tiously, "1 do think that when there Is
anylcture hanging or auythlng like
that golug on In the bouse it's a man's
doty to assume the position of perlloua
responsibility at the top or the step-ladder."-Washington
"Henrietta," said Mr. Meekton, "did
.you say you bought this necktie be
cause you thought It suited me per
fectly?" "Yes." "Well, I'm glad to
bear It. I'm going to wear It and go'
out luto the world with renewed hope
and courage. You kuow It's nu old say
ing that baudsome men nre not as a
rule the ones who really achieve
things." Washington Stnr.
First Clothing Salesman I do bate to
have a man bring In bis wife when be
wants a new suit It Is a case of satis
fying two, aud the woman Is the hard
er of the two. Secoud ditto That's
because you don't know your business.
I never try to couvluce tbe lady. I Just
compliment ber upon tbe beauty and
flue set of her own garments. Then I
can shove any old thing onto her hus
band and she will smile sweetly all the
while. Boston Transcript
The Largest Incubator.
New South Wales hns not only the
largest duck farm In the common
wealth, but also probably the largest
incubator In the world. The farm and
incubator are situated nt Botany, near
Sydney, the latter, according to a Syd
ney paper, having a capacity of 11,440
duck eggs, or 14,080 hen eggs. It Is not
uecessary that It should be tilled at any
oue time. The eggs cuu be put In at
Intervals, as they Are available, with
fifty eggs only It will works Just as well
as If it were filled. The Incubator was
designed and constructed by Its pro
prietor, with the aid of an Ingenious
Removal of the Siumat-h.
Of tbe numerous operations In which
the stomach of a patient has been en
tirely removed, one at least has been
completely successful. A San Francis
co woman bad her stomach removed
wo years ago has since been lu remark
ably good health, eating considerably;
and without discomfort.
. Old love affairs are bo wretched and
humiliating that, really, new lovers
should not be Jealous of them,