COFFEE BREAK
6B — THE OBSERVER
SATURDAY, MARCH 21, 2020
Joy at fi nding love can’t diminish pain of twin’s loss
DEAR ABBY: I have had
a serious boyfriend for six
months. He’s wonderful, a dream
come true. But I fi nd myself
more depressed
and suicidal than
ever. Mom tells
me I don’t have
any reason to be
depressed since I
have a boyfriend.
It’s like she thinks I have no right
to still be despondent over my
twin’s death because I now have
a signifi cant other.
My eating disorder and self-
harm have gotten worse, too. I
feel like I’m holding in so much
sadness I’m not allowed to show
that I’m turning it all inward in
self-destructive ways. Although I
love my boyfriend, I almost feel
like breaking up just so everyone
won’t expect me to be Pollyanna
anymore. The third anniversary
of my twin’s suicide is coming,
which is making everything more
unbearable. I just
don’t know what to
DEAR
do. I just want to
disappear.
ABBY
— THINGS
AREN’T OK
DEAR THINGS:
If your mother truly believes
a death in the family (particu-
larly a twin!) is something that
can be “fi xed” by having a boy-
friend, she is deluding herself. You
need professional help and right
away. There are support groups
for survivors of a family mem-
ber’s suicide, and you are three
years overdue for fi nding one. I
urge you to contact the American
Foundation for Suicide Preven-
tion. Someone there can help you
to fi nd a support group for the sur-
vivors of a loved one’s suicide. To
fi nd them, go online to afsp.org.
If you are feeling suicidal, call
the National Suicide Prevention
Lifeline and tell a counselor about
what’s going on. If you do, you
can be directed to a licensed ther-
apist in your community who can
help. The toll-free number to call
is 800-273-8255. PLEASE do not
put it off.
DEAR ABBY: My daughter and
I have been estranged on and off
for many years, most recently for
the last 22 months. At that time,
she angrily took her 8-year-old
daughter and left our home,
where she had been living since
another eviction. She said she was
going to tell everyone I kicked
her out. Then she blocked me on
Facebook, removed my access to
my granddaughter’s classroom
progress reports and my name
from the school emergency card. I
had no idea where they went. My
poor granddaughter was in tears.
She had been upset moving back
in with us again, and told me she
wished her mom would get a job
so they could stay in one place for
real.
After no contact, I have been
told my daughter is being mar-
ried. “Save the date” cards have
gone out. I have no desire or
intention of going to a wedding
of someone who has spent half
her life being cruel to me, lying,
ignoring me, being jealous at her
sister’s wedding and so on, with
never an apology for her hor-
rible behavior. She’s a Jekyll and
Hyde.
We live in the same commu-
nity, and I do all I can to avoid
seeing her. I’m happy for her and
delighted my granddaughter will
fi nally have a bedroom of her
own, but I have no intention of
playing happy family to someone
who regularly sharpens knives in
my back. How do I answer any
inquiries that may come up about
the wedding?
— CAN’T TAKE ANY MORE
DEAR CAN’T: Do not engage
in a litany of complaints and accu-
sations. You can get the message
across to anyone who asks about
the wedding by saying that you
are not involved in the planning of
the wedding and questions should
be directed to your daughter. You
do not have to discuss it further.
It’s short and sweet and gets the
message across.
U.S., Canada closing shared border to nonessential travel
Truckers,
snowbirds exempt
from the restriction
By Roib Gillies
and Eliot Spagat
The Associated Press
WASHINGTON — The
United States and Canada
agreed Wednesday to tem-
porarily close their shared
border to nonessential travel
to confront the coronavirus
pandemic, bringing a halt
to tourism and family visits
but leaving the fl ow of trade
intact.
The announcement by
President Donald Trump
came as his administration
prepared to immediately
return to Mexico all people
caught illegally crossing the
southern U.S. border. Trump
said he would announce that
step “very soon,” perhaps as
early as Wednesday.
These combined actions
would further isolate the
United States, affecting
two borders that have
been treated in starkly dif-
Photo by Jeffrey T. Barnes/Th e Associated Press
President Donald Trump and Canadian Prime Minister
Justin Trudeau have agreed to close the U.S.-Canada
border to non-essential travel in order to slow the spread
of the coronavirus, but trade will not be affected.
ferent ways by the Trump
administration.
The fl ow of travelers on
the northern border, the
world’s longest between
two nations, has been rela-
tively open. By comparison,
Trump has made clamping
down on immigration, both
legal and illegal, across the
southern border the corner-
stone of his presidency.
The Canadian restric-
tions, unlike those under
consideration with Mexico,
were agreed upon mutually
by both governments.
Canadian Prime Minister
Justin Trudeau said travelers
will no longer be able per-
mitted to cross the border
for recreation or tourism,
but that essential travel will
continue.
“It is critical that we pre-
serve supply chains between
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both countries,” Trudeau
said. “These supply chains
ensure that food, fuel and
life saving medicines reach
people on both sides of the
border.”
Trudeau made his com-
ments in front of his resi-
dence where he is self-iso-
lating after his wife tested
positive for the virus.
Trump tweeted the
restrictions on the Cana-
dian border will not affect
trade between allies eager
to maintain their vital eco-
nomic relationship. Canada
relies on the U.S. for 75% of
its exports and about 18%
of American exports go to
Canada.
Truck drivers and Cana-
dian snowbirds, who live
in the U.S. for part of the
year and are returning to
Canada, are among those
exempted. Completely
closing the border would
cause severe damage to two
economies so closely inte-
grated. Much of Canada’s
food supply comes from or
via the U.S., and 98% of its
oil exports go to the U.S.
Mexico responded cau-
tiously to news reports the
U.S. may turn back people
who illegally cross into the
U.S. The Mexican foreign
minister said Washington
had not shared a “formal
proposal” and, if it did,
then Mexico would respond
“in defense of its interests,
considering, among other
things, public health and
human rights.”
The U.S. proposal
would apply to anyone who
crossed the U.S.-Mexico
border between ports of
entry, including those who
claim asylum. It would
amount to one of his most
aggressive attempts by
Trump to curtail illegal
immigration.
The Border Patrol aver-
aged about 1,000 arrests a
day in February. During
the U.S. budget year that
ended in September, only
20% of those arrested were
from Mexico; many of the
rest came from Guatemala,
Honduras, El Salvador,
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Cuba and Brazil.
The situation at Cana-
da’s border came into focus
Monday when Trudeau said
he would close the coun-
try’s borders to anyone who
was not a Canadian citizen,
an American or a perma-
nent resident. Even then,
those people are required to
self-isolate for 14 days on
arrival.
Many in Canada criti-
cized the decision to give
Americans an exemption,
including British Columbia
Health Minister Adrian Dix,
citing the surge in cases in
neighboring Washington
state. Canadian Deputy
Prime Minister Chrystia
Freeland said then the
border is vital to the daily
life to people on both sides.
“Nearly 200,000 people
cross that border every day,
and that border and that
traffi c that goes across that
border is literally a life-
line for both the Canadians
and the Americans on both
sides of that border,’’ Free-
land said.
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