LA GRANDE EVENING OBSERVER MONDAY. MAY 2. 1910.'
PAGE SIX.
The
n
i 1
crap
Book
Collecting a Nickel.
The conductor looked worried and
was in an ugly mood. lie bad been
counting tils cash, and it was evidently
short, as hU scowl
declined as he
dropped it back in
his poc k et and
glanced at the indi
cator.
Just then two
worklngmen, one
an Italian and the
other an Irishman,
boarded the car
and found seats.
The conductor call
ed for the fare, and
each man handed
j 11,10 d,me ne
stT' J dropped . them In
and turned away
without giving any
change. " '
"I want da
nick," complained
tho Neapolitan.
"You've got your nick. No more
ticks for you. Beer and the conduct
or lunvcul tn thA
rear platform.
The Italian sat
meekly In silence,
but uio iriautuau
employed different
tactics. He went
to the doorway.
"Olm me folve
clnts change," said,
be to the conduct
or. "You've got all
the change you're
going to get," was
the retort
"See here," ex
claimed the Irish
man, "you may
play that chune on
hand organ, but
you can't play It
on a harp. Gimme
folve clnts."
And he got It '
y.r-fxwj (jnrrj there i"'
" Tla OU Paduy riyuuT Ar ye t
boss?" "I nm." said Mr. Ilobart
"Well, thin." yelled Flynn, "sthlck
yor head out ' av th second sthory
windy wbolle 01 sthep out on th sold
walk. 01 want to talk r yer-Lippta-cott's.
THt COKDCOTOB
LOOKED WOBBIED.
"gimme rorvx
currs." .
Let Us 8mile.
The thing- that goes the farthest toward
making life worth while, ,
That costs the leaat and does the most, la
Juat a pleasant smile.
The smile that bubbles from a heart that
lovea its fellow men
Will drive a war the cloud of gloom and
co the sun again. :
It's full of worth and goodness, too, with
manly klndneaa blent
It's worth a million dollars and doesn't
cost a cent
f , , National Magaslne.
' The Fool Man.
!;;A man who prided himself on bis
keen sense of. humor., bad been In
vited to an evening party. He wanted
to go,1 but his wife declared' that the
bad no gown suitable for the occasion
and asked him to tend regrets to their
boat ess., Tho man went down to his
WSee and penned this facetious not
of declination: K"v ; : . ;..
"We regret that your kind invitation
bust be declined for all tho conven
jtional reasons, bur tho real reason Is
that half the family has nothing, to
wear, My 'wife's latest dross Is over
three weeks old, and her bat Is twelve
bours out of date. Yon will appreci
ate the hopelessness of the occasion
and excuse us."1 v; t ; ..,
lie thought this pretty good, and be
determined to write a note to bis wife
also explaining that be would not; be
at borne for an early dinner, as she
bad asked him. He said In this, note:
"I have turned! down your Invitation
because I am going out to another
evening party where the guests are
not expected to wear anything of Im
portance. Borry I won't be there to
kiss you good night' t .
' And then the fool man carelessly
gent bis wife's note to the hostess and
the hostess' note to his wife.
At FLEASANT REMARK.
It Was the Only Ono the Crank Made
During the Game.
At a whist club in Brooklyn was an
old fellow who enjoyed the reputation
of being a great crank, and his an
imadverelons against his partners were
so severe and . his manners generally
so bad that it was rare, indeed, that
he could get any one to play with
him..
One night, however, a man happen
ed in from the west and the avoided
one promptly assailed him with a re
quest to "sit ln.t The western man
was about to comply when be was
quietly taken aside by one of the mem
bers of the club, who told him the
reputation of the crank.
"I don't care," he said. "I can stand
It I guess."
At the end of the evening be was
approached once more by the curious
member. '
"Well," said the member, "how did
you manager
"First rate."
"DWn't be insult your
"Why. no." . ' ,
' "Didn't he browbeat your
"Not at aU."
"Didn't he say anythingr
"Nothing special. He only spoke
once during the whole course of the
game." '
"Whit did he say then?"
"Why, I didn't get the cards out
right In the last round, and be looked
over at me very pleasantly and said,
"Why, you can't even deal, can your
-Life. '
The Tale That taft Told.
While spending the winter In Geor
gia before bis inauguration as 'presi
dent Mr. Taft went to the city , of
Athens to deliver an address to the
students of the University of Georgia.
He met a member of the faculty a
stanch Democrat who said:
"Judge, I voted the Democratic tick
et, but wanted to see you win."
Judge Taft replied:
"You remind me of the story of Br'er
Jasper and Br'er Johnson, who were
both deacons In the Shlloh Baptist
church, although avowed enemies..
"Br'er Jasper died, and the othedea.
cons, told Br'er Johnson be must say
something good about the deceased on
Sunday night At first he declined,
but finally consented. ; u- ;
'Sunday night, when time for the
eulogy arrived, he arose slowly and
said, Urederen and state ren, I prom
ised ter say sump's good, 'bout Dea-eon-
Jasper tonight, an' I will say we
all hopes he's gone, whar we knows
be ain't" - - ' " ' .; i
A Word ef kindness.
There are Uvea of wearisome mo
notony which a word of kindness can
relieve. There is suffering which
words of sympathy' can make more
endurable, ' and often, even " In the
midst of wealth and luxury, there are
those who listen and long In Tain for
some expression of disinterested kind
ness. Speak' to those while they can
bear and be helped by you.'
The Doctor's Order. '
An old farmer was walking out one
day looking very glum and miserable.
He waa a man who ordinarily dearly
loved a joke. But Jokes seemed ' a
long : way , off Just then, and the old
I man was thinking deeply , when be
was accosted by a tramp, who' made
the usual request for a night's lodg
ing and something to eat as be ex
plained be had bad nothing for two
I -: :. Struck a Sksptie.; -
A food faddist was lecturing to a
large audience1 on the marvelous re
sults to be obtalued from chewing
soup or eating nut butter or some
thing of that kind. lie was lean and
small and not a very Imposing person
' physically; but, swelling out his chest,
be slapped It thrice . with the palm
,,: and cried:
"Friends, two years ago I was a
walking skeleton, a haggard, miserable
t wreck. Now, what do you suppose
i brought about this great change In
mer . . ' ,..
; He paused to let his words sink u,
' tand a voice asked:
i "What changer
l' ' ;
Wanted Plenty ef Room.
U A solemn looking .Irishman entered
,n business bouse and, walking up to
one of the men employed on the lower
floor, asked: . . ,; 1
. "la there anny cbanst far a mon f
get a Job ar wur-rk berer
v.. "I don't know," . saia the man.
'You'll have to see Mr, nobart"
"An phwere Is her . '
V "Up on the second floor," was the
.answer
' -ShaH Ol walk up an talk to hlmr
"No need of that Just whistle In
that tube, and he'll speak to you,"
Dolntlng to a speaking tube.
The Irishman walked over to the
tube and blew a mighty blast In It
Hearing the whistle, Mir. nobart r
to the tube and Inquired: '
"' WlLKXD ON BIM.
whole days. The effect upon the
farmer when he said this waa magic
al, t
"Why, man," he said, "I've been
looking for you all day."
Ana then without more ado he
knocked him down and walked on him
rrom one end to the other. The tramp
sui up, loosing very Btaggered, and
aaea mm why be had done that
"ww said he, "my doctor has or-
norta me to walk on an mntv tnm.
and bow that I have fulfilled bis
nctlon I can go and have a good
d:
Newest Dishes
Tastiest Flavors
Best Seiyed
Ice Cream
Selder's
Gonfectionery Store
mm
i1 it
... ' .
Unless Tour. Underwear Fits. ; Lewis. Underwear is nade
to Fl, and Fit to wear. Because-
Every garment Is made tlr BEST TABS of Its kind procurable. 1 - V '
Shorter stitches are taken Jlha a on any ether make of underwear. ' ( , r
year ly all of the thread us for stitching Is TURU THREAD SIlK.
AH BUTTON HOLES are with THREAD SILK. Only FIRST GRADE BUTTONS ARE USED.
All BUTTONS are sewed on with SILK THREAD. .
The CUFFS AND ANKLFS are so knitted and shaped that they wiU hold the sleeves and legs of the
garments In shape. ".:'t -iL f.
A STRAP Is put on the SHOULDERS of each shirt and union suit which Is' elastic and yet does not 1ft
the garment sag and drop down on the arm. .
A NECK OF SPECIALLY KNITTED DESIGN s put on each skirt snd union -suit
V Onr Full Fashioned Good are FULL FASHIONED THROUGTIOUl nre hand knitted and conform to the
lines of the body..'; " .,' -.'S..; - . '.,";.. V,- : V ' '
Gar cut and sewed goods n re made on SPRING NEEDLE Mi'chines. .The latter cost twice as mnch
as latch needle machines; tli fabric h FIRMER; garments made from these HOLD THEIR SHAPE BET
TER and wear longer.
For twenty-fire years LEWIS underwear has been recognized as the HIGHEST QUALITY of any made.
And cost no more than inferior makes.
"If its the Style we have I"
teMTni
L
i.,.
"It is asrled by the promoters of the t
that there ista ViMt .6untv6f -
out almost daily to creameries in distant localities.',
- in the Air. 27th issue
f:6f, Ae:Moriiiii&S
stated that not a can of cream liad been shipped
;::;by;a:&r'rroL;&
A CORRECTION
v
We overlooked the fact that two cans were
shipped out last summer. Thiactstdan be veir
ified by , the express office records.
: Sif
7 nroiids.-";Thr Insurgents Toteo-wnn ti : --.t- .