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About The Oregon mist. (St. Helens, Columbia County, Or.) 188?-1913 | View Entire Issue (Nov. 29, 1901)
A QuMtlM f A(tl ! ' Freddy And can you really and truly remember Abraham Lincoln? Grandpa Why, yos, of course. You see, I'm ft groat deal older than you are. Freddy Sy, grandpa, tow old will I have to bo before I can remem ber himT A MtKuliM Lady's Maid, A BoatoDian while exploring the files of a paper printed in hie town a century ago came aoroa this rattier startling advertisement: "H. Rogers inform those ladies who wish to be dressed by him, either on assembly or ball days, to give him notice the previous day. Ladies who engage to and don't dress must pay half price. When the Mpsrttoa Is Right "But true love, you kaow," urged the young man, "can live on bread and cheese and kisses." ; "That may be true when the pro portion is right," returned the prac tical old gentleman, "but, unfortu nately, in your case, it is about nine ten tbs kisses, ' 'Chicago Pest. - COOD I mm M. S.nd far K -. CTl.k at. KMK. Ud.MI Arch at- rhlliill A Mo renuUty. Haddon Erve I waM to marry your daughter, sir. Mr. Goldrox H'ml What are your prospects? Haddon Erve Fine. She's willing, so it doesn't much matter what any one else saya. Philadelphia Press. Claiming Her Privikju. "I want it understood, mum," aid Bridget before signing with her new mistress, "that I shall have me reg'lar afternoons off during the hot weather without prejudyce to me va cation of wan week in October, mum' Chicago Tribune. Wall Rcorvtd. Simpson We went out last night to serenade the Perkins girls. Hopkins Did it go off all right. Simpson Their father threw half dollar down to us and said please play till daylight maybe it would help him to get some sleep. Chicago Becord-Herald. :. V others will find Hi. Wlnstow'S Sooth ing Syrup the beat remedy to dm lor tbair blldiea daring the f thing period. Robbers. "Henry! Henry!" whispered the wife of the good citisen, "there's robber in the house." "Lot's of them," replied Henry, "in the house and senate, too, but they ain't a circumstance to those in the city councils." Philadelphia Press. Each Aaxioas to Try. "Fame," said the man with the nelancholy eye, "is but an empty bubble." "Yes," answered the friend with long hair "But every man has the idea that if he could get hold of it he could turn it into a dirigible balloon." Washington Star Noblcm Oblige "What are you staring at, Nellie?" "Oh, please, ma'am, w ith your hair like that and your diamonds you do look so like Lady Planlagenet Ging ham that I was own maid to! . Are you any relation, ma'am?" 'Nn at lnaa tin near relation. But you can have that pink silk shirt waist of mine, Nellie. t J. kl;A rM far Can- gumption has an equal for cougbi and cold., Jou P. Bolts, Tnuity Spring, Ind., Fab. 15, 1900. once Hard Reputation. "You are wanted in a hurry at Mr. Gaxiam's!" cried the youngster, hreathlesalv. u In, mat" AlO JVU BIU, kUVJ OT7.IV . wv mIcaH vnnnv Dr. KTilliam. "Yes; they said you could not do any harm, aa Mr. uazzam aying now." Philadelphia Press. ' Peer Start la Life. "When I started out in life I didn't have a dollar to my name, aaid the man who boasts. "That's notihng," answered bis satirical friend. "When I started out I didn't even have all my name It was several weeks before I was christened." Washington Star. Just So. Little Elmer (who has an inquiring mind) Papa, what is firmness? Prof. Broadhead The exercise of will power, my son. Little Elmer Well, sir, and what is obstinacy? Prof. Broadhead The exercise of won't power, my son. Puck XBtn mvn lynwra in inn a ,awu v. eountrr than all other dleeeee put togetaet, ...! .k.l.a w.. A lA M nouoced It a localdlMua, and prrar.ribed lMl and nntil Lha laat few veara waa aUDDOeed to be remedtee, and by aonxunUy felling to eora wttb kooal treatment, pronounced It wearable. Selene fees proven catarrh to bo aeonrtitu- . I Atmmmmm mnA .-f .M 11 i rM MnatltlW tionl treatment, Hall'i Catarrh Core, man. ntaetared toy r. 1. caeney im Toieao. i tbeonlyoonecttntionei eoreon th market. It ie taken Internally In doiee Irom 10 drop to . ... I . ..H Vi hiMwl anilHiueooaenrtaeMof thaayiton. Tbeyoaer on hundred dollar for any cae it fails to cure. Send lor circular and testimonial a. Ad- area, r. J. tatnti a vu.,otew,w. Sold hf Drnggiita, 76a. BaU't Family yiUrthhet. No Oiuwtnj Hunger la Forbid. Brown I wonder whv bis strikes alwava come on or come off in hot weather? t -n. t,Atv WMtl.Ar a man generally gets the idea that he could sustain life on pump water Chicago xtecora-neraia Rlahnn PhllDotts. of Eieter, went to stay with a friend In Devon shire. "It's a beautiful place. Is It not?" remarked somebody upon his return. "Yes," said the Bishop. "It Is a beauti ful place; If It were mine, I would pull down the house and nil up the pond with It That would remove two on- jertlous." Attomnv laldor Kavner. one of Bear- Admiral Schley's counsel in the court of Inquiry, was once Interrupted by Thomas a Reed, while making a speech In favor of a reduction of tne tariff with the remark: "Did not the gentleman hear my speech Saturday?" No." rvulled Ravner. "1 was at uumo preparing a speech of my own." ir la mint m1 that Feebler was mors than once the victim of an outspoken London gallery-god. On one occasion, in melodrama, the tragedian waa slowly psylng over a sum of money to the villain. Everything depenaea upon whnther he had sufficient money for his purpose, and the paying out waa moat deliberate o deliberate, inoeeo, toac monitor of the audience, wearying of the scene, enlivened the proceedings by yelling: "Say, Mr. reenter, give uim check." nnro. when the Secretary of War, Elihu Boot, had approved a punishment of an offender In the Pblllpplnea with a severity which seemed somewhat dis proportionate to the crime, a visitor ventured to ssk mm wnetner ne uiu nut consider such a penalty a good deal like the old law of England which hanged a man for stealing a sheep. "Oertalnlv." was the answer, "ana we Impose It In the same spirit, not as an expiatory sacrifice, but as a preventive. The thief was bsnged, not because a stolen sheen wss regsrded as worth human life, but In order that more sheep should not be stolen. When President Roosevelt was a po lice commissioner of New York, In 1885. Dr. Ahlwsrdt, the anU-Semmc agitator from Berlin, visited the me tropolis. Not a few of the New York anti-Semites came to Kooseveit in alarm lest the Jews should rise and mob the orator on the night of his first address. The commissioner's response wss to select from the whole police force a souad of Hebrews whose physi ognomy bespoke their race most con spicuously; these officers ne pmcea iu him of the hall where Ahlwsrdt waa to appear, with a reminder that In this country of free speech tney coma snow their rood dtiienshln in no more sinn ing manner than by protecting the very man who had come to nun coweuipi and abuse at their people. The effect of this bit of comedy wss to make Ahl- wardt ridiculous, and cause ms wnoie crusade to fall pitifully flat a wealthv American who took the waters at Carlsbad this summer waa given minute Instructions by his pny siclan, who dismissed him with this In junction: "As for smoking, you must limit vourself to three cigars aauy; three light cigars and no more." After a few days, the patient visited us pny- sldan, who asked: "Well and how are your "I ahould be all right" repueo the patient "but your orders about smoking are difficult to follow." "I am sorry," the doctor said, categorically, "bat no more than three cigars a day. Tou must just put up with ,lt" "But doctor, it really is an awiui Dusmeaa. Wouldn't two a day do? I feel 111 every time I smoke." "Why, man, whst In the world do yon smoke for at all. If that Is the case?" the doctor roared. "But doctor, wasn't It you yourself who said three cigars a day and no more?" Of course, I thought tney were rrt nf the cnrc. snd began upon them. though I never In my life smoked be fore." SQUIRE'S WIFE TIED KNOT. Berth Caroltaa Hmmn Marries Coapla la Hnabaad's ADeace. Sonire Wade Balles Is a North Caro- tin. Trial Jnatlco who lives In the neighborhood known as Btewarttown, which Is twenty miles from any town. Half of his bouse hsngs In Chester field County, South Carolina, and tne hp In rh Tar-Heel Btate. th. Rtato of North Carolina requires iiMna to be obtained for marriages. In South Carolina there Is no such re- artiMlnn. Hncanae of his location Balles has found that fees for marriages constl- tn a laree nart of his Income. Vnrth Carolina couples who are un able or unwilling to pay for a license. or who are in an especial hurry, are initl Into the South Carolina side or the house and there the service Is per formed. Knrvthinc went smoothly until a few days ago. In the absence of the niiriitnia a vounc couDle drove harm w nn and demanded marriage In South . HV Carolina. The squire's wife toil them her husband was away. She said that ahe could perform the service, as she knew it by heart, and also knew the iMtna scale of charges. Tha young persons were satisnea; th were taken Into the bouse and -- - married. ftomral days later, says a Fhlladel- nhia North American special, the girl's father heard that a woman bad played minister at his daughter s marriage, ue nmmnfir orocured a license and a nreaxnor and had the knot retied. ' . . ...... Mrs. Bales Has Deen nounea not to do any more marrying, but she cannot understand why. ; Newt Frarn th Interior. "The new telegraph editor is i humorist" "Well?" "He heads aa account ot the can nibal islanders eating the Germaa SCieuwata, iruuuio iu iwii Cleveland Plaindealer Not bitercsttd la Hay. "They say the hay crop this year will be immense." "How about the gasoline crop?" "The what?" "Hang it, man, didn't you know that I had bought an automobile?" Cleveland Plain Dealer. MENDING POCKET KNIVES, Saatiaaaatal Beaaoa that Lead People to in Catler chop. a man of an Inquiring turn who had mii mi tha front of a cutler's shot) the dgn, "Pocket Knives Bebladed and Ko- hanAiad." and woo recalled tne ract that whan ha was a boy. he used ts get a new blade put In sometimes when he broke one out ot ms unite, round, upon inquiry, that boys stIU get new blades put in knives as they used to, but that as a matter of fact the peo ple who have pocket knives repaired am moatlv older persons, and that the knives are likely to be valued for their associations. Tve carried that knife for fifty years," aays ens gentleman, ana ne bauds over a kuue mat ne s carneu since he was a boy, and that he'd hate to lose. Manv knives brought la for repairs are prised because they are gifts; or they were bought In some foreign coun try, or they jtirt suit ths baud of the man that uses them, 'mere are vsnous more or lesa sentimental reasons why a man may prefer to keep the old knife rather than discard It for a new out. Then It may be that In some other cases the knife la too valuable to be thrown away. So that Bret and last and for one reason and another out of tha Vaat number of Docket knives car ried a good many come In to be mended. The repairs made to pocket knives are of a varied character. They may consist for example. In the putttng on of on new pearl aide on a pearl-handled knife to replsce a side cracked or flawed. With long use the blade at the hinged end or the spring In the handle or the rivet by which the blade la held mav get worn so that the kntre blade won't close properly, or may be the spring le no longer as It ahould be, flush with the back of the knlfo. In fact, a great many things can happen to a pocket knife, and of course the more blades the more thlugs can happen, but th cutler repairs them all. The phrase "rebladed and renanaiea suggested, of course, the Idea of a com nlnta renewal, and the Inquirer won dered if It might not be possible that with the repair or a anue in one yt and another such a renewal might oc cur. And the cutler said that not oniy was It possible, but that sometimes It actually did happen that with auccee slve renewals of Its various parts the whole knife came sometimes to be en tirely renewed, and there waa lert or the original knife nothing. Looatlna; Bmokeleaa Goo. Tha Ena-Uah war office's new scheme for tha tralnlns of. Tommy Atkins In maneuvers embraces many novelties, whtch will la due course see tne ngoi of practical demonstration. Among these noue la more Interesting or frsught with greater possibilities than the device fo- training soldiers to lo cate guns firing smokeless powder. Arrangements are being made to carry out experiments in this direction at Airirahnti nd the sappers have al ready constructed an Ingenious battle field upon Ash Ranges, wnicn wui make field firing very realistic. In the trial to come an Infantry force will approach the ranges, and will Imme diately be fired upon by distant gun. Endeavor will be made to locate the field pieces and the Infantry will move forward In cover. As they advance anmrlaa taneta representing cavalry and mounted lnfsntry will spring upon flank and front an armored train win run out and all the feature of a mod em battle-field will be represented against the advancing force. This method will call for great Initiative from commanders, and the target will be so made that good shooting will be recorded by the target being knocked over. Aa an Inducement to make Infantry take cover a new device has been adopted. Artillerymen are to accom pany the advancing columns, ana when a distant gun fire It dummy ahell thev win produce a correspond ing explosion among the a tuckers by means of a small mortar thus teach ing the lesson of cover and caution aa no other means short of live shell could do. London Express. Found Fortune and lxnre. On of the most Interesting romances of tha a-reat Southwest has recently come to light and Miss Maxlne Double- day, a young school-teacher at the lit tle town of Laurel Valley, Tex, is the heroine. Many years ago Maximilian Doubleday waa In love with the girl's mother. When she married his brother he enlisted In the Southern army and the family lost trace of him. The soldier, however, always kept bis sweetheart s picture, later ne naa a Ufe-alse portrait of It made and of re cent years It has hung In a costly frame in his handsome castle at uoraova, Mexico. It was this picture which led to the discovery of his niece. She hss since her father death sup- nnrted herself and mother by her chool-teachlnar la the little Texas town. A few months ago she went on visit to Braxos county, 'mere sne mat a Tonne man. Lee Payson. who told her of her marked resemblance to the portrait of a beautiful woman whom a friend of hla loved In bis youth. s "And It la a curious fact" the young man added, "that his name 1 the same a yours Doubleday, Maximilian Doubleday." Why. I wonder If It can be my lost uncle!" the eirl exclaimed. Further In quiry proved that such was the fact A reconciliation followed. X ne wealthy Doubleday found hla boyhood sweetheart who Is now his wife. He baa made his niece bis heiress and ahe una to wed Parson, the young man Instrumental In bringing about all this good fortune. - A Sand Bow, a rariona phenomenon was recently witnessed from the Antelope Island. In tne ureal can utae, v. a. um noon a gentleman saw what appeared to be a fine rainbow between the Island and the mainland, yet no rain was fall ing anywhere In the locality. The bow was double the breadth or an ordinary rainbow, and there war a secondary bow above It On looking Into the mat tar he traced the bow to a cloud of sand from the shore of the lake. Th sand Is "oolitic,'' to use a geological word, and the pearly spherule reflect ing the sunlight produced the bow. A Wonderful WelL M. E. A. MarteL the French explorer of cavern, whose discoveries under ground have attracted much attention, reports that be ha found In the De partment Haute Alpes a cavity la th form ot a "natural well," the depth of which exceed that of any other known. He has sounded It to the depth of about 1,027 feet, but th actual bot tom ha not been reached. Whenever you hear a girl refer to a man as an Idiot If dollar to dough nut that she I to love with him aad be la In lov with some other girl. True wit sever give birth to 111 thought. FROM r'l-WaUa&M-W aaii-i ...ii i At., .'rag, rsaam FJV.3Ti' s; 'T If 1 rA. :' ' -a..c.rt. ' . u ' . ij r m rt- r rtstviec. Wj'JiaWM,JrJ. i " (IM ) tMEilt'JflHpO (PLUQ 3MOKNO.) ElOBSLE SEdB ri 1 LJ3 oral leaf (PLUG SMOKING.) . "PIPIRHI1B DOT JACK (PLUQ SMOKING.) AtaT ID 19 iff E. RIcj, Greenville," "J. T.," "dcod Luck," Cross Bow," "Old Honesty," " Brandy wine," Jolly Tar," "Standard Navy," "Planet," "Nep tune," Razor," "Tennessee Cross Tie," 0ran-er Twist" (Tve M Granger Twlat" tag balag equal to on ol other mentioned.) TA05 MAY.Ba ASSORTED IN SECURING PRESENTS, Our new illustrated CATALOGUE OF PRESENTS FOR 1902 wm"tneluBuny articles not shown her. It wlfl cbhutn the most artractlva List ot Present ever offered foe Tap, and wOl be sent by mall on receipt ol postage two cent. (Catalogue will bo toady tor mailing about January set, too.)' ' ' '1 Our offer ot Pro eats for Tags will expire Nov. aoth, tees. C0KTWEKTA1. TOkACCO COMfAMY. Write your asm and sddrsi on outsld of packsgs cootaioln Tags, and ad them and requests (or Present to C Hy. BROWN. 4241 Feisoa'Ave. St". Leuto, Mo. 19D)2A I : V,aHI II ll l l?..- . ... .Staief, leataaMif I . V ! f .1 J) V aanraaaMf taw.' . Jt airaas ra nr. on Yf rgm aa 00 CAmr, n nil nU v WW HfhviA . sa mufS- . ""! """" . SanaaaaassaawaajsaseBani., ar i' i 1 1 ,, rantt. . A. M - if w I Tsrribl PrtMurt, "The barbarians buried their pris oners in a kind ol cement that con tracted as it hardened. You can't imagine how horrible it must have been." ' "Oh. vea I can. I have been in a tight bathing suit when it started to shrink." Chicsgo News. Pain. RnrTerlns-. Wizard Oil could not live together, o pain Sud suffering moved oat. Ask your aruggiat uwu i. Nat entirely Muts. He What ' I feci for you, Muriel, I can never tell you in words. True love is silent. Muriel Oh, no, I assure you. It speaks to papa. . Colonic a Kingdoms. ' Queen Elizabeth was commonly spoken of as queen of Virginia. Vir ginia and Carolina were kingdoms under the Stuarts. Massachusetts was recognised as a sinter kingdom by Cromwell's parliament. . A Surs Cars, you say that And you say that Jorkins was eured of a bad case of insomnia by suggestion?" . "Yea, purely by suggestion; His wife suggested that since he could not sleep he might as well sit up and amuse the baby. It worked like a charm." Chicago Becord-Herald. Sort On the 014 Man. "He said he'd rather go to jail than pay hi divorced wife' ali mony." "Did she let him go?" "Yes; she said she'd rather see him save bis money behind the bars than spend it over them." Cleve land Plain Dealer. A tight Rtpait Hungry Horace Kind lady, can't ye gimme somepin ter eatt I ain't ate nothin' sence day before yester day. " Kind Lady And what did you eat then? ' , Hungry Horace Nothin' but de market report in an old paper. THE, D&ST vmmm? clothing III THE WOULD v. - . aTT "41 mm kukmhui TAUK3S.7ITUT oh sujtmmmt CaTAkaeuureit iL SHOWINffULL UNtO SARMENTi AND HATA VJ.TOWSa CO.,tOTON.M.'l. s Patents Send no Money- Bat model or drawing trim a oencnptiuti. and w will advlM yon. J. S. Duffi cnCD A Co., (Dt. A) Waahlngton, 1. C, 1 EBTABU8HE0 1S70. iNOORrORAIBU an 12U a-aoa V., Sfoai- yyaaAfaefan, Pmrttmntt, Orgof. Tho Lamdlna mnd Rallablo furrier of tna nortnwtnu rur Coats, Cap, Cellarettee. Sosa, lie- Mao In all th FaenlonatHe far , gat Trtinnilnst, Ho bee and Huge. nenii lot batatogu. gFara ramodelad and repalrtd. Writ aa SCHOOLS UNO COLLEGES. ri.nri" n.f in- vr ti it-it ...Columbia University... Academic and Collegiate Halls. COCKHE8-Clanleal, Literary, Snlentlus and Commercial, tor particular, appljr to REV. E. P. MURPHY, President, Untvenity Park, Portland, Oregon. DHght Man Wanted WANTED A bright young manor woman to reprtacnt us in each local ity. A" good opportunity for steady andlucrativeemployinsnt. Address, UNION PUBLISHINQ CO., IV 3 TV AlllttUilllt, 8tb nd MorrUon hu., POUTI.AND, ORB fct 1 iflagnT'" " Summer Resolution tk Kccloy. Curb , Sua relief bom ltqaor, ovinia aad tobaaae aaMU, MadbaTBariUuiMnta fSfliaV iBSlifllfl "ed to tJO William, THE STAR OF STARS ;?rf. i V " : STEEL J STJIH ' vii;:d Itaa ball bearins In tnm-tabl. I iirnt Ireely lo tlx wind. Hall bearing thrntt In Wheel, Inmrln Ushieat running qnalltlee, and reMrrlng greateat amount of power lor pumping, Ualvanluul alter making. 'ut togethet with galyanited bnlta, doubla-nuUeili no part can nut or gel Iwae and rattle, Wright regulator; perlent regulation. ! nrlng to change ttm.Wm with ererr onang ol tvintieratiim, and grow weaker wltb age. Kepaln alwaye on hand. Three thinga are worth mnney to TOO. Then whr not buy a START MITCHELL, LEWIS A STAVZFI GO. POKTUMB, CHCOOM. JOHN POOLE, Portland, Oregon, Vestal Mefrlswttn Can gjy yon th best bargain la Buggies, i'lows, holler and Engine, Wlmtmills and Pump and General Machinery. Be us be lor buying. Mo. S101." Wuait writing a adrartlcor pie snauMaai tabj bsbom