Oregon Daily Emerald
Thursday, October 21, 2004
“He who dies with the most toys
is nonetheless, still dead. ”
Anonymous
■ In my opinion
RYAN MURPHEY
MR. SOPHISTICATION
Not-so-lofty
goals keep
fun times
coming
It took Vanessa almost a full minute to
say hello. After repeating herself four times
through fits of uncontrollable laughter, I
was able to make out the words “Tim,”
“Andy” and “adult diapers.”
I was on the 1-5 about 30 minutes
south of Portland. I was calling to explain
why I was going to be nearly two hours
late, but after listening to my friend nearly
choke to death trying to greet me on the
telephone, my attention shifted. It wasn’t
who was missing me, but what I was
missing. The most absurd and revolting
duo that I have ever had the pleasure of
calling my friends were at it again, and I
was miles away.
Tim is an incredible singer, guitarist and
songwriter whose financial skills appear
to be the direct inverse of his musical abil
ities. Andy is a self-proclaimed success
story who strives tirelessly toward the
goals he has set for himself. These goals
are currently to live in Portland and drink
a lot. Whether alone or together, intoxicat
ed or sober, Tim and Andy are less con
cerned with trivial matters such as the fu
ture and bills, and instead they focus on
topics more relevant to their lifestyles, like
Smirnoff Ice and toilet humor.
At some point during the previous
week, Tim and Andy had purchased
a package of Depends, and tonight these
full-grown men had decided to spend
the evening at Andy’s girlfriend’s house
wearing only adult diapers. Over the
phone I could hear Andy’s disgusted girl
friend berating them for acting like a cou
ple of attention-starved children who had
nothing better to do than act like asses for
the sake of other people’s entertainment.
A diaper-clad Andy protested, pointing
out that this was not the first time they
had worn them that week and that no one
other than them knew about it until
tonight. Tim further demonstrated their
commitment to this new interest by point
ing out that he had been using them on a
regular basis.
“It’s the best thing ever,” he proclaimed.
“I had to pee while I was at the movies the
other night and I realized, ‘Hey! I don’t have
to miss anything now!”’
I have never been to any bars in Port
land. Though plans are made every time I
am there, the night invariably ends up at
a house on 39th Avenue, affectionately
known as El Half-ass, engaged in some
kind of infantile activity. I just can’t imag
ine having more fun at a bar than I do
there, or taking these people to any kind
of public area.
There have been good times spent walk
ing around a stranger’s party in hot pants
speaking terrible Spanish, breaking into a
private pool on the roof of a downtown
apartment high-rise, or just having inane
MURPHEY, page 6
.. .. . Erik R. Bishoff | Photographer
Making a stop in Eugene on his Slacker Uprising tour, political activist and filmmaker Michael Moore took center stage at the Lane County Fairgrounds Monday afternoon.
■ Reporter's notebook
Filmmaker turns political figurehead
Michael Moore redefines political groups
as his popularity skyrockets and people listen
BY RYAN NYBURG
PULSE EDITOR
In an election cycle that has
pulled up the dregs of political
commentary, Michael Moore
stands out from all the other pun
dits. He’s a firebrand, a lightning
rod for criticism who has polarized
an already divided nation into two
new groups: those who agree with
him and those who do not.
Though he had been a figure of
note before 2001, Moore’s Oscar
speech set him up as a target for a
barrage of criticism from conserva
tive commentators. He responded
with the film “Fahrenheit 9/11,” a
scattershot assault on the Bush ad
ministration. Since then, the praise
and outrage has been strong. The
film has garnered awards and ac
cusations of inaccuracies and has
inspired a few films of its own
(“Michael Moore Hates America”
is a typical example). Moore is
now on tour, doing get-out-the-vote
rallies across the country. Last
Monday he came to Eugene, bear
ing Top Ramen and clean under
wear as incentives for slackers to
get their asses to the voting booths.
1 made it to the rally at the
Lane County Fairgrounds in the
white heat of caffeine and jour
nalism. Political rallies of any sort
just get me high. 1 was rushed im
mediately to a press room to
MOORE, page 8
■ Book review
Cannabis book
a user-friendly
marijuana manual
Author discusses everything from the history
of the 'demon weed' to inventive 'green recipes
BY AMY LICHTY
PULSE REPORTER
Pot. Bud. Weed. Mary Jane. No
matter what you call it, cannabis is
a controversial drug surrounded by
government scrutiny, activists who
hate it and stoners who love it.
And for that last group of people,
“The Cannabis Companion” is a
book to treasure.
Before 1 read this book, my
knowledge of marijuana was very
limited. 1 knew you could smoke it
and that it was illegal, but that’s
about all. Not until 1 read this book
did 1 really comprehend the
cannabis plant. I can now tell you
what good bud looks like, the his
tory of the plant and reasons for
the laws against it. 1 can tell you
about the cultivation of it, the con
sumption of it and many different
ways to inhale it.
“The Cannabis Companion,”
written with humor, intrigue and
honesty by Steven Wishnia, is an
excellent book for those attracted
to marijuana, not just as a drug
ar a prescription, but as a plant
that has changed and shaped our
:ulture. This informative guide to
pot travels through the origin and
history of the plant, from ancient
CANNABIS, page 7
Courtesy
Steven Wishnia's "The Cannabis Companion” is a well-thought-out guide
to marijuana, perfect for amateurs and aficionados alike.