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Can you spot the graduating senior?
Guest Commentary
Elizabeth
Weishan
All over campus you can
see the signs that another
year is drawing to a close.
The freshmen look pan
icked at the thought of having an
other round of exams. The sopho
mores are just now realizing that
maybe they should attend those
last few weeks of classes to make
sure they don't fail. The juniors
look depressed that they have an
other year of this ahead of them.
The seniors, especially those sen
iors completing their fifth or sixth
years, have that look of total apa
thy.
So here I present to you the top
nine ways to recognize a graduat
ing senior.
1. Seniors can be recognized by
their lighter backpacks. Many sen
iors have given up carrying all of
their books and notebooks with
them. Some have even converted to
the "one notebook is good enough
for all of my classes" style of learn
ing.
2. In smaller classes and labs,
seniors can often be recognized by
their listless posture and inability
to rouse themselves to participa
tion. Aimless rearranging of lab
supplies is a sure sign of senioritis.
3. Seniors can often be found out
at bars during the week, toasting to
the fact that they have an exam the
next day. Let's listen in on a typical
exchange between a graduating
senior and another student.
Graduating senior to non-gradu
ating friend: "Hey what's going on
tonight? Wanna go to the Plaza?"
Non-graduating friend: "It's
Tuesday."
Graduating senior: "I know,
that's when all the good drink spe
cials happen!"
Non-graduating friend: "But I
have an exam on Thursday."
Graduating senior: "I have one
tomorrow, but it's not stopping
me."
Non-graduating friend: "No
thanks."
Graduating senior: "Wuss."
4. Over in engineering, graduat
ing seniors have another distin
guishing feature: the weirdly
formed grin of terror. This particu
lar trait, while not unique to engi
neering students, does seem to be
more predominant in this species.
The cause seems to be the fear that
results from not yet having a job to
start immediately after graduation.
The grin of terror is particularly
easy to spot this year in light of the
declining economy. To observe the
grin of terror, simply ask a graduat
ing engineer: "So, what are you do
ing after graduation?" The grin
should appear instantly.
5. Graduating seniors are also
highly recognizable through their
unique speech patterns. They use
an unusual number of place
names, for example: "Well, I sure
don't want to stay [here]. I'm think
ing Portland, San Francisco,
maybe Seattle."
This can also be observed in the
graduating senior who is looking
for graduate schools. "I got into
Boston and George Washington,
but I really want to go to American.
I haven't heard from them yet." The
uninitiated are usually left to nod
wisely as though they care about
these topics.
6. The graduating senior also
displays a highly developed ability
to justify his or her actions. Mottos
like "C's get degrees" and "Here we
go, two-point-O" are just some of
the ways graduating seniors justify
hanging out, skipping classes and
going to bars during the week.
7. Graduating seniors may also
be discovered through careful
analysis of schedules. Graduating
seniors take an unusual number of
"easy classes" like physical educa
tion electives and 100-level lec
tures with 300 or more students.
"Yeah, I'm taking the last class I
needed for my major, Music Ap
preciation 101, Ballroom Dancing
and Anthropology 104 — 'cause I
needed an ethnic-studies class."
8. Right now graduating seniors
can be found if one waits patiently
in the [bookstore]. When a graduat
ing senior passes the newly re
leased stack of Fall 2001 [Sched
ules], he will usually slow down a
little, look at the pile and smile
happily (and not a little smugly) to
himself.
9. A very specific species of
graduating senior can be distin
guished by their complete inability
to write about anything of sub
stance in the opinion section.
Elizabeth Weishan is a senior majoring in
history and anthropology at the University
of Wisconsin. The Badger Herald is the in
dependent student newspaper at Univer
sity of Wisconsin. Visit the paper's web site
at http://www.badgerherald.com.
© The Badger Herald, 2001
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