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About Oregon daily emerald. (Eugene, Or.) 1920-2012 | View Entire Issue (Aug. 3, 2000)
‘Chicken Poop’ dumps a load of dim-witted humor MThe ‘Chicken Soup for the Soul’ parody opus, ‘Chicken Poop for the Soul,’ could use a little satirical fertilizer Possibly the best jewel of wis dom I've ever received was that “The best laid plans don’t al-. ways get you laid the way you Review Bret Jacobson planned.” Sage advice when you consider that execution is ab solutely critical to carrying out good ideas. Such is the case in books. Millions have come to love the “Chicken Soup for the Soul” book series, which has sought to inspire and uplift any who would pore through the tales of love, warmth and achievement. And then there’s “Chicken Poop for the Soul II: More Droppings,” a parody of the series which of fers the bold guarantee to enter tain the cynic in all of us. Unfortunately, this Pocket. Books release by author David Fisher won’t get anybody what they were seeking because the humor isjiackneyed, pedestrian and underachieving. And bad. Not good. The book is split up into 50 vi gnettes theoretically designed to make the reader laugh due to sarcasm and today’s brand of misguided and uneducated irony. For instance, the work enti tled, “My First Date,” is the sto ry of a 16-year-old girl’s first date and the overprotective fa ther who questions the date’s ability to take proper care of the girl.'The story, in a pitiable at tempt to mock the rite of pas sage, descends into a mangled mess of father posing such pos sible circumstances as terrorist hostage-takers, a fire in a movie theater with no escape and car jackers stealing the young woman. The far-fetched story is so far outside the realm of anything a normal person can relate to it loses its appeal. But the ill-fat ed date story was not the only egg laid by this chicken. The recipe for the “Ultimate Fat-Free, Low-Cholesterol, Low-Sodium Diet,” is so banal it makes a Louis L’ Amour book look like “The Hunt for Red October.” The prescription “was discovered thousands of years ago and has been proven to work through the annals of recorded history,” including the ancient Egyptians. Obviously the book refers to starvation, which has its own place in com edy lore, but fails to pull off the feat because the joke simply is n’t funny, thought-provoking or new. All this disappointed criti cism is not to say the book does n’t have its moments. “The Sev en Secrets of Highly Rich People,” is some what amusing. The simple methods of at taining riches appar ently is as follows, in order. “1) Don’t tell anybody anything about anything; 2) Es pecially don't tell the IRS anything; 3) Never respond to writers’ questions for inter views about how you earned your money; 4) If the writers call, have your secretary tell them that you’re out of the country and she doesn’t know when you’ll be back; 5) Don’t let your relatives know anything about your fi nancial situation; espe cially your husband or wife; 6) If Donald Trump wants to take credit for it, let him; and 7) Remember, there is no such thing as a secret if more than one person knows about it. But in the end, “Chicken Poop for the Soul,” is a sad attempt at a promising idea. No series de serves more mocking, parody or sarcasm directed at it — except, maybe Oprah’s book club — Excerpt from'Chick en Poop for the Soul’ Have you ever wondered where •yourtimegoe's? Well, if you’re the average person, you spend about 15 hours a year, that’s two and a half minutes per day, brushing your teeth. But you also spend slightly more than 106 days fast asleep. Those are only some of the surprising statistics contained in a recently issued reporton time management issued by the U.S. Bureau of Waits and Measures. As it turns out, Americans spend almost 1,000 hours annually on sex. That includes 600 hours think ing about it, 150 hours reading about it, 150 hours wishing we could get some, 26 hours making up phony descri ptions to be used in answering personal ads like “Sophia toren look-alike” or “ ruggedly handsome” when it re ality it should be “still breathing," 13 hours lying to friends about get ting it, 10 hours of phone sex, 41 hours in close personal relation ships with ourselves, and 15 hours of real sex. SOURCf: 'Chicken Poop for the SoulII: More Droppings’ than the “Chicken Soup for the Soul” series. But this just does n’t cut it. The best laid plans? Perhaps, but you know the rest. Student GrowUdvertiseyourupi coming events Call (541) 346-4343 or stop by Room 300, Erb Memorial Union to place your ad today. P.O. Box 3159, Eugene, OR 97403 E-mail: classads@oregon. uoregon.edu On-line edition: www.dailyemerald.com CLASSIFICATIONS t>mk events 085 Greek Announcements 090 Birthdays 095 Personals 100 Lost & Found 105 typing/Resume Services 110 Instnution/’nuortng 115 Garage/Moving Sales 120 Miscellaneous For Sale 125 Fumiture/Appliances 130 Cars/Trucks 135 Motorcycles/Scootcrs 140 Bicycles 145 lomputers/blectromes 158 Tv & Sound Systems 155 liHtnunents/Miistc Equip 1*0 Pets 4 Supplies 165 Sport Equipment 176 Photography Equip 175 Wanted 180 Travel & Lodging 185 Business Opportunities 190 Opportunities 195 Recruiting 288 Work Study Positions 285 Help Wanted 210 Houses for Real 213 Houses for Sole 215 Apartments (Furnished) 220 Apartments (UnfomHxd) 225 Quads 230 Rooms for Rent 235 Duplexes for Rent 238 Sublets 240 Garage/Storage Space . 245 Roommates Wanted 250 Boarding Houses 255 Housing Wanted 20© Announcements 265 Elections 270 Meetings 275 Club Sports 280 Counseling 285 Services 290 Health & Fitness 295 Food & Drink 300 Campus Ministry 305 Campus Events 310 Arts A Entertainment 315 What's Happening? RA1ES/DEADUNES/POLICIES UNIVERSITY RATES (Musi be an enrolled 1)0 student or affiliated UO Group or Dept) 3 line minimum $3.00/day Additional lines $1.00/line PRIVATE PARTY RATE (non-u nivergfty/non-bttstness related) 3 line minimum $330/day Additional lines $l,10/line (approximately 35 spaces or 5-6 wants per fine) Deadline: 1 p m ONE business day prior to publication Gall (541) 34M343 fcr BUSINESS RATES. PAYMENT: Prepayment, is required unless billing bus been established. We accept Visa, Mastercard, American Express and Discover. Receipts may be requested at the time of ad placement. A purchase onto must accompany all university departmental and student association ads. Tearsheets provided upon request. ERRORS/REFUNDS: Please check your ad! The ODE Will run a classified ad one additional day as a result of any typographical error that changes the meaning of the ad, if reported by 1PM. No cash refunds will be issued ACCEP TANCE: The ODE reserves the right to revise, 1 reclassify, reject or cancel any ad at any time. Political ads an payable in advance and must clearly identify the advertiser. All real estate advertising in this newspaper is subject to the Federal Fair Housing Act of 1968 which makes it illegal for any person to cause to be published any advertisement minting to the transfer, sale, rental, or lease of any housing which expresses limitations, specifications or discrimination of any kind. NOT ACCEPTED: Mail-order ads (unless a sample is supplied for review prior to publication); Adoption ads by anyone other than a licensed agency; Airline ticket sale ads by any one other than authorised agents. Four easy ways to place an ad in the Oregon Daily Emerald Classifieds: 1) Stop by Suite 300 EMU, M-F 8a.m.-5p.m. 2) Visit our website: www.dailyemerald.com 3) Call 346-4343, M-F 8a.m.-5p.m. 4) Fax 346-5578 105 TYPING/RESUME SERVICES At 344-0759, ROBIN is GRAD SCHOOL APPROVED. 20-year thesis/dissertation background. Term papers. Full resume service. Editing. Laser pr. ON CAMPUS! 115 GARAGE/MOVING SALES SONY 21 in TV w/built-in VCR, $200; AIWA stereo 220W output, $250 (still in box), One door refrig erator, $50. obo. Must sell. Email teshima@gladstone.uoregon.edu I Look for the Online Fall Moving Guide Aug. 23-Sept. 18 y ^ ^KssssMsssssssssam 120 MISCELLANEOUS FOR SALE Betsy from Berlin says “shopping is more fun at the C.H The Clothes Horse Buy, Sell, Trade 720 E. 13th • 345-5099 The First Annual McNair Scholars SYMPOSIUM Faculty, Students & Staff You are invited! August 3-4 1 84 Law School Presentations of summer research by undergraduates AUGUST 3, 2000 AUGUST 4, 2000 9:00 Carla Gary - keynote speaker 10:00 Biology 10:45 Biology 11:30 Chemistry 2:15 Mathematics 3:00 Ethnic Studies / History 4:15 Ethnic Studies Education Psychology Political Science Sociology Philosophy Comparative Literature Anthropology 5:15 History/(Honors College 4:30 Anthropology 120 MISCELLANEOUS FOR SALE 1987 Ford Bronco II, 4-wd, 71,000 original miles, looks & runs great. $3650 obo. 345-7839 or 554-3234. 1988 Black BMW M3 Rebuilt, Excellent condition. Stereo system & sunroof. Best offer! 541-389-1968 • 12p-9p Great Truck! 73 K5 Blazer. Looks and runs good. This truck has been running longer than you've been alive! MANY years left in it. Own a clas sic tailgating truck for just $2900. Call 689-0138 zmm*0 150 TV & SOUND SYSTEMS CASH! We Buy, Sell & Service VHS VCR's & Stereos. Thompson Electronics, 1122 Oak, 343-9273 155INSTRUMENTS/MUSIC EQUIP. Perfect time to play guitar, piano, or bass. Learn YOUR favorites! For lessons call. 342-9543. 135 BUSINESS OPPORTUNITIES The Oregon Daily Emerald assumes no liability for ad content or response. Ads are screened for illegal content and mail order ads must provide a sample of item for sale. Otherwise, ads that appear too good to be true, probably are. Respond at your own risk. Need a part-time job when summer’s over? Morning person? Now hiring and training for fall term. Newspaper Delivery 6:00-8:00 am Monday-Friday. Requires your own RELIABLE vehicle. Work study ok. Apply in person, Monday-Friday, 8-5, 300 EMU. The Oregon Daily Emerald is an equal opportunity employer committed to a culturally diverse woitplace.
