News Flash
Harvard School of Public Health
Stop the press! Those Harvard geniuses have
produced yet another earth-shattering study: drunk
en sex increases students' AIDS risk. For those of
you who have never worn beer goggles in your life.
Harvard officials say drinking alcohol can decrease
inhibitions and lead to unprotected sex. What's
next? A follow-up study to disprove the commonly
held belief that alcohol can also make you better
looking, smarter and one hell of a dancer?
Send in the Clones
Texas A&M U.
It's common knowledge that dogs are man's best
friend. In fact, throughout the centuries, people have
gone to extremes to ensure the comfort and longevity
of their pets. But a couple from Dallas has gone com
pletely over the top. They have donated $2.3 million to
Texas A&M to clone their
beloved pooch, Missy,
The Missyplicity Project
is currently underway
after urging from the
couple, who told the
scientists in a letter. "I
howled at her. and she
raised her nose and
howled at the roof. I
barked at her and she
barked right back. I
whined, she whined."
We are afraid. We are
very afraid.
Skin and Bones
Milwaukee Institute of Art and Design
Don't call this model a bag of bones. Pegi
Taylor, who poses for students at the Milwaukee
Institute of Art and Design wants to donate her
entire skeleton to the school and its future
sketch artists. In fact, she's asking the U.S.
Senate to designate the university as the
nation's official skeleton production facility.
Sounds like putting her heart and soul into her
work just wasn't enough.
The
Naked
Lunch
U. of
Kansas
When
patrons at
Perkins
Restaurant
located in
Lawrence,
Kan., ordered some dessert late one night, they
ended up getting more than they bargained for. Jaws
dropped as two KU students and a local high school
student entered the restaurant, sans clothing, and
proceeded to distribute candy corn to all of the
tables. But don't worry, these naked tricksters did
have some semblance of modesty — they were
wearing veils.
Kiss Off
U. of Alabama
Kissing: It's not
just a recreational
sport anymore: it's
educational, too.
Four lucky Alabama
student couples got
up close and per
sonal to demon
strate a variety of '
smooches as part
of a lecture on the
art of kissing. Lip
locking techniques
shown ranged from
% ART • ’ NSSIM6
the conventional to
the bizarre, like the “spanking kiss" and the
"violent Trobriand Island kiss.” Sounds like
they're taking the term “tongue wrestling" a lit
tle too seriously.
Poop on You!
U. of Arizona
Though we rag on them quite
a bit. we must admit school
administrators have a tough job.
But at Arizona, being an admin
istrator is really for the birds.
They have been sturggling with a
very pressing issue: pigeon
poop. They've tried decoys,
they’ve tried cages, they've
even tried drugging them, but
the pigeons keep on going ...
and going ... and going poop on
everyone's heads. We say give 'em a taste of their
own medicine — throw it back.
Your Friends
and Neighbors
Pennsylvania State U.
We have to agree — there's nothing like a nice,
hot shower after a night of drinking. But here's
some advice: make sure you're in your own bath
room before you get butt nekkid. One Penn State
student failed to follow this helpful hint and wound
up with a citation from the local police department,
after he was found in the buff in a total stranger's
apartment. Apparently the young man tossed down
a few brews and wandered into the wrong building
by accident. So much for neighborly hospitality.
The Marching Mauraders
Southern U. vs. Prairie View A&M U.
He was on the 50-yard
line. Suddenly, a hulking
figure came hurtling
toward him. He braced
himself for the impact of
... the tuba? No, this is not
a story of a football game
gone awry. Not exactly,
anyway. During a football
game between Southern
and Prairie View , the half
time show erupted into a
brawl between the
schools' marching bands.
And the fight got pretty
ugly. In fact, several of the
participants pelted each
other with weapons like
drum sticks and trom
bones. Guess that's what
they mean by battle of
the bands.
Buck the
System
Metropolitan State
College of Denver
Fed up with million-dollar
lawsuits? Check out the compensation a judge award
ed to a group of professors at Metro. You could say the
profs made a fast buck, but that was it. One dollar was
all the restitution given to 72 professors who filed a law
suit over what they felt were unfair salaries. Wonder if
they headed to Taco Bell to splurge after the decision.
Royal Flush
Princeton U.
It's tough to sleep in a wet bed, especially when
you're not the one who doused it in the first place.
Hopefully Princeton freshman Abigail Bagley-Young is
sleeping a little more snugly since the university has
given her humble little abode a complete disinfection.
Bagley's dorm room ceiling caved in earlier this school
year, dumping raw sewage all over her bed. Four days
after Bagley-Young caused a big stink over the situa
tion. the university got around to the clean-up.
Cow Chips
California State U.,
Fresno
Scientists at CSU
Fresno have discoverd
the secret to milk pro
duction: potato chips.
That's right, the cows
there — which rank
14th in the nation for
milk production —
munch on about 10
pounds of chips a day. Well, cows, munch away. Just
don't start making bar-b-que flavored milk.
Talk Dirty to Me
U. of Michigan, Flint
Sure sex sells, but does it sell schools? The U. of
Michigan tried (although inadvertently) and ... sur
vey says: no. In a slip-up of
Freudian proportions, the
school's admissions office sent
out 25,000 letters to prospective
frosh with a misprinted toll-free
number. Yep. Michigan goofed
and printed a sex-talk hotline
instead. So. when unknowing
high school seniors tried to call
the university, they were greeted
with heavy breathing and dirty
talking. We bet the number of
applications went way up.