VIEWPOINTS
I Of TOUlALS OPINIONS tCTKRS TO IHt f OitQR
TWo April pranks show
humor can be hurtful
■ OUR OPINION The jofce
was on mmoofies but ft
just wasn't funny
April Fool#' Day is
supposed lo be • time to
trick your mom gullible
friends into believing
something the! isn't true,
then kid them because they
should've known tattler. But
this year, some of the foots
in this community were the
one* playing the jokes
Here on campus, some
prominent minority
students were recently sent
official-looking letters on
University letterhead
declaring that all federal
financial aid based on
affirmative action was going
lo he discontinued at the
University and that a
meeting was scheduled for
April 1 for students lo voice
their concerns. The letter
was a forgery and a stupid
prank, hut looked real
enough lo trick some
recipients into showing up
to an empty EMU meeting
room
The most troubling thing
about this case is not so
much the acts of forgery and
deceit involved, although
those things am disturbing,
Ickc What's really
bothersome is the fact dial
someone apparently thought
this prank was a funny thing
lo do The idea of ending
affirmative action,
controversial as it is, is not
what's offensive; it’s the
singling out of active
minority students for a joke
that can only have the effect
of making them feel less
welcome at the University
The message, whether
intended or not. is that
speaking up when you're a
member of minority is an
invitation for harassment on
this campus
Whether the person or
people responsible for the
letter wan true raciiti or
(uat jerks, however. will he
impossible to toil unless
they're taught — an
unlikely possibility at beat
For now, it * bawl to taka
thia opportunity to remind
ourselves that minorities am
not just calling wolf whan
they *ay discrimination ia
atlll a problem in thia
community
Another dumb joke waa
played out aero*# the river,
when student* at
Springfield High School
publiahed an April Foola'
edition of the school
newapaper. containing a
cartoon depiction of
(tereotypkally Hispanic
looking extraterrestrial* in a
low-rider spaceship below a
heedline that mad, “Alien
gangs surface at SHS." An
editorial in the issue also
joked that the U S -Mexico
border should be mined so
illegal immigrants would
“explode" upon entering the
country.
The students responsible
for the issue apfummily
convinced their adviser to
allow their "joke" to go to
print. They must've been
very eloquent in making
their case, because it seem*
pretty obviously offensive to
ua — a* it did to the 20 or to
angry atudenta who
demanded a meeting with
the principal and the
authors of some of the
articles in order to resolve
the issue.
Both of these incidents
can only serve to alienate
minorities at a time when
the University and the
community both are
struggling lo earn a
reputation for honoring
diversity. On April 1. the
foola came out thia year.
And they made us all look
had
Emerald
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Watch out for cops, naked men in attics
’ n fortunately the Second Amendment
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Anonymout
| Whilst perusing the Emerald a few
week* bet k. I •tumbled m to** a very interesting
front page «tble dealing with the buct of a
methamphetamme leb It all seemed pretty basic
— some white trash yahoo trying to play Mr,
Science and Dr Feelgood at the Mine time in hi*
garage the SWAT team gearing up for an assault
on the house. the eventual arrest of the suspect,
etc... etc. yada. yada. yada
Then I got to the last paragraph It aoem* that
the reporter writing the Don had not quite ful
filled lu>r inch requirement for the article and *o
another little tidbit of information about the
bust wa» added
It appear* that a certain SWAT team member.
Derel V Schultz. abut btmaelf in the foot during
the raid Literally
Oh. SWAT by the way *tand* for Special
Weapon* And Tactic* Yes* tree bob, that wa*
one bell of a tat tle St huh* employed And he
oven did It with what Mr Roger* would call a
very spec sal weapon — a Heckler A Koch MPA.
the very tame Weapon that Navy SEAL team*
IKt
Now tell me this — what kind of jackass goes
and ahoots himself in Ihe foot f Some rednet k
from Springfield with too many cheap Imert in
hi* belly? A wacko from Idaho playing weekend
warrior? (>r could it be a meml** of Eugene**
elite SWAT team1' Hmmtnmm
The police say that the gun went off sodden
tally Well even though I don’t have a lifetime
itibtM upturn to Gun* A Ammo, I do know that
HK» don’t just “go olT accidentally The reason
that the military and SWAT team* use UK* is
bemuse they don't just go off. They are solid as
a brick and perform flawlessly If they didn’t,
military strike team* and SWAT team* from
small podunk lawns wouldn’t use them Kanibo
was probably trying to play cop* and robbers a
little too zealously and forgot that when your
sneaking and peaking about looking for the bad
guy. that you keep your finger mi the outside
trigger guard (if the safely * off) and not on the
damn trigger, or you get — case in point — a big
owie in your foot
Great And my hard earned tax dollars went to
pay for his hospital bills and for the workman t
compensation that I'm sum he ll get for "injur
ing" himself on the job Nothing I like better
than paying for someone else * stupidity
So Schultz sc rewed up. Now he ha* to deal
with the pain, ihe suffering, Ihe rehabilitation,
the loss of his pride and the asinine comments
of some college puke Damn straight he does
What if Einstein here hadn’t shot himself in the
foot» What if instead his gun had gone off •acci
dentally’ and he plugged an innocent bystander
COMMENTARY
n I i-t'S-H r11 ft] | 1 'I ^^ q H j 11rV ^
or a cop?
Al»o remember that he was stomping around
a methamphetamine lab. What if a round went
off straight into the garage? Meth lain are known
to use large amounts ether and other fun chemi
cals to make their little goodies And ether isn't
especially well known for reacting well to gun
fire You see, it tends to explode very easily So
now the garage goes boom and all of the oilier
chemicals in there go up with it, Those that
don't explod« are then scattered all over the sur
rounding neighborhood Instant superfund site
and cancer mocca, I'm glad that it was just his
foot.
This loads to the question; How well does the
Eugene Police Department train Its SWAT
loams? As well as those trained in LA or New
York Should they be? The KPD doesn't usually
have to go into gang territory where criminals
ar* armed to th» teeth No, instead they go after
half naked middle aged fat guys hiding unarmed
in their attics Well perhaps after Schuhx's little
accident' the EPD should reevaluate Its training
procedures such as how to keep your finger off
the trigger if the safety's off until you are certain
that you're going to fire the thing
Then them are those who would say that
since 1 wasn't in the situation, I don't know
what the hell I am talking about. They're right t
don't know what it's like to dress up like the
cover of Soldier of Fortune and try to flush out
an unarmed partially nude coward from the
attic that he has lieen cowering in for tlx hours
No idea I imagine I'd get to play with all those
neat little toy*, dress up in those cool cloth«*s
and talk about the danger and the rush we all
felt over cheap beer with the boys in a local
saloon after it was all over
Or perhaps if I had half a brain, my partner
and 1 could just dress up in plain clothe* and
nail the guy on his way out of the grocery store
— **ving me from having to buy myself a new
pair of sneaker* Oh. wait a minute! that was
already dona a couple weeks ago. The unarmed
perpetrator was shot in the back "accidentally"
while trying to get away My. my. my, the EPD
certainly seem* to be having a lot of "accidents"
lately
I wonder if a jaywalker will have an unfortu
nate accident. And you know. I'll bet that Rod
ney King * beating was just an accident' too I
certainly hope that someone doesn't "acciden
tally" knock on my door at 2 a.m with a big
black slick.
/e**e / Bohmr-Clancy. a senior majoring in Bio
i hemutry. is a columnist for the Emerald E-mail
jbclancy&gladston* uormton edit