EDITORIAL
Weirdness follows
hapless Beavers
Gan# Green (noun) Death and decay of body tissue,
often occurring in a limb, usually following traumatic
injury' on the gridiron.
Giardia (noun) Cumbersome intestinal infection
resulting from drinking water tainted by diseased Heaver
droppings (protozoan Pettlbonitis).
Hy more definition, the Beavers have nothing to offer
this state but a perennial lasing record and a bad case
of the runs. On the other hand, the Ducks bring a fear
some defense and the ability to consistently post win
ning seasons, not to mention thp fact that Duck football
players can spell their own names
And don’t forget that Oregon State University is the
only institution in the nation to offer a dual major In
biology and agriculture — so its students can graduate
knowing their asses from a hole in the ground. Wo won’t
oven go Into that nasty business of that professor in the
Animal Husbandry College getting arrested for taking
part in those immoral breeding experiments.
How can you tell an Oregon State student has an
above-average IQ?
She transfers to University of Oregon.
But such tidbits ignore the very nature of Corv allis and
the people who live there We must acknowledge that
Corvallis Is unlike anywhere else in America, save for
the Ozarks and the bayou c ountry of Southern Louisiana
Where olse in Oregon can a man walk into a room and
introduce his wife and sister — with those people being
the same person? Without Corvallis, we wouldn’t have
an overpass to go under 30 minutes into the drive to
Portlanti.
How do you know you are in Corvallis?
• Whon people refer lo (he sixth grade "as my sonior
year,”
• When only half (he cars on the university presi
dent's lawn will start,
• When drunken driving is considered a sport,
• When the locals believe Blitz Is really a micro-brew
ery.
• Two words: Possum Casserole.
We must question the intelligence of any team that
would name itself after a small, water-loving rodent with
an ovorbito.
Have you hoard the one about the Duck and the Reaver
walking through the woods? It seems both simultane
ously stepped Into a hunter's trap. The Duck says. "My
daddy told that if I ever got caught in a trap to chew my
leg off." The Beaver, terrified of pain, tells the Duck he
Is insane to maim himself. The Duck shrugs, chews off
his log and hops away. When the Duck returned throe
days later, the Beaver is still in the trap. "Your daddy is
crazy." says the Beaver, "1 done chewed off three of my
logs and I'm still stuck.”
Kemomher. when in Corvallis, the home of the
Beavers, don't drink the water. Wo recommend bringing
your own in the form of multiple 12-ounco bottles.
CO DUCKS!
Oregon Doily
Emerald
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■ OPINION
Majority favors school prayer
Brian Womack
Clinton ha* really done it
this time. He's gone
beyond all bounds of
rationality and pulled the plug
on his slick brain.
What, you may isk did he
do? Say the Paula Jones thing is
true? Start a war with North
Korea? Reptai <• Al (.ore with
Marion Harry?
No. he said he might be open
to the idea of a constitutional
amendment to allow school
prayer
Never mind that he's pro
posed a government takeover of
one seventh of the economy
Never mind that he's fumbled
foreign policy all over the glolie
Those things pale in compari
son to an issue the Republicans
espoused in their r« ent steam
roil.
I’ve seen liberals jumping ship
to anywhere else besides with
the man in the White House
They may end up running Mario
Cuomo in 1096 if Clinton keeps
this up
But they shouldn't panic so
much. This smells of nothing
more than a trial balloon
For those of you who don't
know, a trial balloon is when
politicians "float" an idea into
the media to s«o what the
response is. If it doesn't play
well, they’ll hack-pedal on what
they "previously indicated '' If it
plays well, they'll float some
more.
It's classic Sin k Willie — try
ing to appear to agree with
everyone, even if he hasn't indi
cated he held this view before
I can see why he would want
to support this side of the issue.
A survey released in 1993
indicated he'd lie agrvteing with
a vast majority of Americans Of
1,500 whites, blacks and His
panic* questioned, over 80 per
cent said they would lie in favor
of allowing voluntary school
prayer. That's a big number.
Once again, I have to agree
with the majority of Americans.
Newt Gingrich's push for a
constitutional amendment guar
anteeing a right to prayer in pub
lic school is on target.
This generation hasn't exactly
flourished since the early 1060s
when God was shown the exit
door in schools
Since 1960, there has been an
approximately 400 percent jump
in births to unwed women. In
1990, a whopping 26 percent of
all births were out of wedlock
Compare that to a mere 5.3 per
cent of births in I960.
Despite the fact that the U S.
population has increased 41 per
cent since 1960, the rate of vio
lent crime has skyrocketed by
500 perron!
Culm down. Before you
implode, I'm not saying that the
absence of school prayer in
schools has done all of this,
(Everything from sentencing
relaxations to the media could
Ixe blamed as well.
When principles are kicked
out of education, things are
bound to crumble in some fash
ion With no principles to go by,
society will slide into the depths
of relativism. Standards will
become lower as our country
disintegrates into a moral waste
land.
Vet many will say that the
problem with a sc hool prayer
amendment is that it may not
line up with all the religions stu
dents mav have.
This will discriminate, they
contend, against other religions
The problem is they forget
schools discriminate every dav
against other religions.
Some religions hold that cer
tain races are better than others
Are we. as the majority, not
going to offend these people’s
religions and change the cur
riculum? Of course not. And
they shouldn’t.
The same idea should lx* held
when we approach the issue of
school prayer.
A vast majority think it's fine,
so it should be fine to approve a
school prayer amendment.
Also, most Americans still
hold to Judeo-Christian beliefs
Surveys show that 9 out of 10
people believe in God, hut
because God is not as politically
correct as tolerance, we're
inclined to forsake the idea.
l.et's remember a few things.
The House and Senate open
each session with a prayer.
If the most important legisla
tive branches in the country can
pray, why can't schools pray?
Acknowledging a higher pow
er is something our Declaration
of Independence felt was impor
tant when it said that all men
have a Creator
Why shouldn’t our schools
pray as well? There's no good
reason to stop schools from
praying.
So. for all who are jumping
ship because Clinton floated this
balloon on school prayer, don’t
panic,
Clinton will be hack in the
fray as soon as he realizes he's
offending the only people still
willing to vote for him.
Hriaii Womack is a columnist
for the Emerald.
■ COMMENTARY POLICY
I he Oregon Daily Emerald welcomes commentaries from the
puhiu; concerning topics of interest to the University commu
nity.
Commentaries should be between 600 and 800 words, legi
ble. signed and the identification of the writer must be verified
when the letter is submitted.
I he Emerald reserves the right to edit any letter for length or
style.