Skills for active listening enhance
relationships with parents, teachers
By Jennifer Koch
Henry David
rhnreau vaid it
heM in a U eek on
tht Concord and
Merrimack Mi vert
"It takes two to
speak tnc trutn
—one to s|scak ant) another to hear '
In verbal communication, the actu
al worth spoken to communicate arc not
the only ecvential quality. Ihey arc nee
cssary, but not sufficient in communi
cation Ihe other essential component
is listening Communication cannot
occur without it
We attempt to communicate with
other people hundreds of tunes each day.
without thinking about it. Some of the
most important communication that
takes place in our lives occurs between
our families, friends and teachers here
at the university.
Usually, communicating with friends
is relatively simple and uncomplicat
ed Most of out friends in college are
around our same age. so there is not a
“generation gap " Also, most people
choose as friends those people who they
can readily communicate with and those
who understand them well. This is not
to say that thtre is never miuommu
meat ion ot misunderstanding between
friends.
It seems, however, that student-par
ent and student teacher relationships are
more difficult. Ihe first step in learning
how to communicate more effectively
with patents and teachers is to under
stand some fundamental "communi
cation terminology "
According to /hr Art oflutningby
(•raham Mcf i regot and R.Y 'S hite, a
communicative breakdown occurs when
participants of conversation perceive tfut
something has gone wrong for instance,
the actions of the listener usually indi
cate whether he ot she undcrstosid what
was said.
Mciiregor and White explain that a
misunderstanding is a disparity I let ween
the speaker's and the hearer's semantic
.injlv.iv of a given utterance. In other
wotilt, the heater does not understand
the meaning or particular uve of a word
or phrase that the vpeaket has said An
crumple of this might occur wficn some
one older uvev the word "gav" in a ton
text meaning "happy," and someone
younger interprets the word gav to mean
"homosexual "
A miscommunication ian take place
when there is a mismatch between the
speaker's intention and tlie fleam s inter
ptrtation An example would l>e it you
told your dad that someone you liked
was "hot." hut he thought that the pet
urn to whom you referred had a fever
Misunderstanding and miscommu
location are very similar concepts Use
difference lies in that a miscommunica
tmn is concerned
with ihc disparity
between the
speaker's mien
non and the
interpretation
liken by ihc lis
tener. Ihe
speaker did nm
convey whit
he/she intend
ed to. A mis
understanding,
however, is con
cerned with the actu
!
is
al meaning ol (he words. inti a
problem arises when wsirds have more
(han one meaning or arc synonymous
As ihe previous example of mis
communication with a father shows us,
communicating with parents is not
always a simple task. Some families nuke
it look easy, hut my experience has been
that it isn't Oftentimes, see tend to take
our parents for granted and we become
upset when (hey don't understand us. It
is easier to fight and become annoyed
with parents than with friends, since we
take it for granted that our parents will
forgive us.
Also, as college students, much of die
lommurtK .King that w Jo with our pur
cuts »' at a distamr and usually over the
phone Our parents are removed from
our lives and aren t seeing our cipen
cnees first hand Ihrv have a tendency
not to understand our needs and
demands, especially since they are both
usually for money
In looking at and dealing with the
situation, parents deserve a little slaik
I hey want to understand us and they
trv to by communKJtmg with us Wood
communication betwren parents and
children should accomplish the follow
mg; I) fsplain thoughts and feelings. 2)
Kefram from assuming tfut your par
crus have been in your shoes or that they
know how you feel. 3) Refrain from
assuming that your parents will never
understand your feelings and that it's
not wonh the
time in bothei
eiplaimng
It often
help* id pul
youfwlt in ihc
4 other penon’s
dux* iiitl 10
md. try 10 look. 41
Wl thing* ftom
hn or her [Xi
ipcinn
He* pell oihci
people and
what they have
in lay. at well, and
chances are that
they will do the umr.
In ihcn article, Mc< >regor and While
suggest (hat people are very seldom In
tened to because ‘(he person they ire
try ing to get to listen to them i» watting
devjx-fitely and impatiently lot a t haute
to lie lutencd to himself ot herself*
It tcerm at though we all find our
velvet impatiently anticipating someone
to fimih what they are taving to that we
can jump in. tay whit we wjnt to say
and have them linen to u». Why ire we
Turn to SKILLS, fUft 2
Discussing needs reduces stress
By faun Thru*
Are you
(named with
children. a tin
(tic parent, or
do you have a
I l partner wun
children? Art
you returning in school liter a
homcmakmg mission or titter
change and wondering how you're
going 10 cope with ill the necessary
adjustments ind demands pined on
you by yout fimily ind your own
academic goals1
Miny students returning to
school find iheir change in role as
primiiv tire provider crenes sttess
ind commumtition difficulties it
home, which mi> adversely affect
their success it the university. The
children and the spouse/pattner
may experience anger and resent
ment because they are not receiving
as much quality time with you at
they previously did. As a student,
you may experience feelings of guilt
or even a sense of loss because you
aren't able to give as much support
to the fimily as before.
Your spouse/part net may expect
you to still have time to taxi the
children to then activities, cook the
meals, do the laundry, clean the
house, do the grocery shopping,
spend a little lime with the kids
before bed. put in some study lime
with reading, writing and more
reading, and then be in the mood
for romance, spelled capital S.K.X!
Did you know that one of the
body's firsr responses to stress may
be a lowering of tcsual libido?
Well, if all of these problems
sound vaguely familiar and the mere
thought of all those demands hasn't
brought on a major anxiety attack
by now, then just wail until
midterms or finals That's about the
lime your five year old will come
down with the chicken pox, or sim
ply feigns illness because the so des
perately wants you to stay home and
lust ijKnd time wah her.
Doe* it round like IVe been
there? I have. and u> have many
other uudeim reeking (he post mat
iul diploma Vt'nh ruth high aspi
rations jnd mi liulc lime in (he day.
we muri find a way (o meet (here
demands bravely and head-on,
Sandy Truneyothi. Staff I’sy*
thidogist 41 (he U ol O C minteling
Cenier. and Kathy (amine. naff
ctiuntelnr ai Springfield Na/arene
Church (who recently obiamed her
Master's Degree by commuting in
Portland every day), offer (he fol
lowing ruggertituit for melhodt ol
communicating and coping with the
necdr and dillicultie* of rtudenir
and then families.
Communicate Your Neetit Sit
down, talk and work on a precise
plan together for scheduling family
need* and activities fell your
spouse/partner and children that
there will be a change in the dune*
of each family mernbet and the
amount of time you will be able to
tpend with them. If you previoutly
cooked all the family mealt and now
find (hit burdemoene. ray. "I'll need
someone elie to cook dinner on
Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday."
He ipeciftc! Don't cipect family
membetr to read your mind or just
happen to notice what necdr to be
done around the house
Manage Year Time Wtiefy. This
i* probably the biggest obstacle to
lire** management for rtudenir. It
may be helpful ro lit down at the
beginning of each week with your
rpoure/partner and make out a
schedule of hi* or her time commit*
tnentr, family activities and your
needs for academic success. Your
family must understand that your
intellectual grub are serious and just
as important a* any time commit
ments for their personal pursuits. It
is also very important for
lpouscs/partncrt to schedule at least
Turn to NEEDS, page 2
INSIDE
• Norplant Less Hassle
• Women and AIDS
THE BOn^ONTuNE
FREE Cholesterol Screening
every Tuesday from 9:30
11:30 a.m. in the Health
Education Room across from
the Pharmacy (Bring your
student I.D.).
Be a Peer Health Advisor—
call 346-4456 or 346-2728
for more information.
I It isn’t who you are...it s what you do
By Sarah Nayur
Slop and think foi i vet
oimJ. Can you njmc all of the
people that each person you
know hat had sexual rela
tions with’ And what do you
know about their medical
mtiory. sucn ai me numocr
of surgefies or blood transfusions they've had?
Before you make the decision 10 share a needle
with anyone, you should be able to answer these
sorts of questions.
Ilte HIV virus can Ise in a person's blood
stream without that person showing any symp
toms. It is very possible that an intimate
acquaintance of yours contracted the HIV' virus
from simply being in the hospital when he or she
was in high school or even during childhood, so
play it safe. As we have all been warned, unsafe
sexual contact with a person who is carrying the
HIV virus is extremely risky However, we should
not overlook the second leading risk factor
involved in the transmission of HIV, the sharing
of ncrdles
In an article Irom the NfW York Iimn, Aug. 7.
1991. Dr. June Osborn, Chairperson of the AIDS
commission, explains. ‘"Ihe flash-fire potential of
HIV transmission through iniection drug use has
turn demonstrated repeatedly in this country ami
around the world It n an issue of the greatest
urgency,"
Studies have shown that 29 percent of the
known people with AIDS are biseiual men, 17
percent are IV drug users who have shared needles
with other people. 8 percent fit into both of the
previous categories, and at lean 4 percent are het
eruseiuals. I his means that 25pererntdf the peo
pie with AIDS were involved in the sharing of
infected needles. Of course, it is necessary to note
that the phrase ”IV drug user" does not necessar
ily mean "those heavy duty dudes who shoot up
heavy drugs " The phrase does include addicts
such as these, hut it also includes people who
eapcrimcnr. Once ii all n ukru
HIV/AIDS can be contracted through any
dirty needle use. I hese risks involve the use of
steroids, tattoos, ear-piercing, and acupuncture.
Regardless of what substance is in the needle,
sharing needles with other people exposes you to
their blood
I hc danger of exposure is not with the stereo
typical groups of people who transmit
HIV/A1DS. it is the actual belug^, \X'e need to
recogni/e that no one person is immune to the
M1V/A1DS virus All it takes it one dirty needle
Many people arc willing to try anything once.
(mainly experimenting with an intravenous drug
a few limn does not mean you are a drug addict,
but it does make you a uwt of a needle (>ne rag
ing patty, a great "bu/a." and someone you think
you can trust, these are a//potential situations that
may allow you to put yoursell into a risk category
without even knowing "what’s up.”
Il it impossible to know whether or not a per
son is carrying the HIV virus unless he or she has
been tested and re tested. And get. clean, outward
ly healthy, intelligent, financially secure people
contract the virus.
Hie two highest risk behaviors involvrd with
the spread of HIV/AIDS (unsafe sexual contact
and shared needles) are especially prevalent on
college i am (wises because these behaviors arc more
prominent among people age 18 to 2S I he dan
gers of IV drug use (including steroids) arc defi
nitely an area of I lealth Education that »c need to
address, especially with the ever-rising trend in
being ''buff' and physically fit with the emphasis
on body-building and athletics \X'r nerd to ipread
the word.
When we hear "IV drug uir. we need to
trmember that this (deludes any substance that
involves needles I bis could be tattoos, acupunc
ture, ear piercing, steroids or other drugs.
Any uir of dirty nrrdlri it only Ijlrn onte
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