EDITORIAL
April Fools thrive in
University community
While the rest of the world uses April 1 as a day to cel
ebrate silliness, joke playing and general goofiness, we
would like to point out the unique situation here in
Eugene and. more specifically, at (he University.
Mere, every day is April Fools" day.
A quick, but by no means thorough, investigation of
this past year's Emeralds supports this fact. For example:
• The University spent $95,000 for covoretFbicycle
racks so students' learning abilities would not be imped
ed by wet butts caused by sitting on wot bicycle seats.
• Eugene Mayor Ruth Bascom peppered her inaugura
tion speech with goofy limericks, raising suspicions that
she was actually the Lucky Charms’ leprechaun in dis
guise.
in the same magically delicious speech, Bascom sug
gested University freshman and sophomores not bo
allowed to own cars
• A little more than a your after suffering a highly pub
licized rash of burglaries, another University fraternity
is burglarized after leaving its doors unlocked. A frater
nity member rationalized leaving the doors unlocked,
saying. "If they're locked, people know people aren't
there,"' Uh huh.
• University students are the victims of an ongoing
joke being perpetrated by the Incidental Fee Committee,
a great bastion of April Fools. 1FC Chairman Steve Masat
said in Novemi>er. "... the committee? was ttlectad to hold
incidental fees down, we'll have to reduce funding to
many groups." Ma! April Fools! Joke's on us!
•The University spent $43,000 on a traffic booth that
will ai tually cause traffic problems.
Perhaps the best evidence of Eugene's and the Uni
versity's perpetual April Foolishness can bo found in the
Emeralds own |>olk;o "boat" section. For example:
• A University student was found masturbating next to
an EMU "art" exhibit. A new twist on the old "starving
artist" bit?
• A man went drinking with a friend at Taylors's Col
lege Side Inn. That night, the friend stole 12 frisbees
from the man's home and broke into his car, stealing
his radio. The man found his friend the next day. The
friend said he sold the items. So they went out drinking
again. .
• A Eugene police officer attempted to stop a student
on a bicycle. The student rode by the officer, saying. "I'll
be back in a minute." Nice try.
• A Boynton Hall resident got punched after asking a
female resident to turn her stereo down, saying, "We
don't care if you go in your room and masturbate." Per
haps the victim should have suggested going to the EMU
"art" exhibit.
• And finally, the Emerald received a letter saying a
car was loaded with dynamite that would explode if
anyone tried to steal it (the car). The ending of that letter
serves as a suitable ending to this editorial: "This is not
a prank Neither was it written by a crazy, wanklu,
crank."
Oregon Daily
Emerald
p O UO* jm loot»*4 0«IC.O*•?**)
The Oregon D*iy Emerald,» published daily Monday through f 'KJay du«ng in# school
yea* and Tuesday and Thu'sday dunng Ihe summer by the Oregon Daily Emerald
PubksJvrg Co Inc al |h* University ol Oregon. Eugene, CVegon
The tnwgu operates mdependenlry ol me University with ohices al Su«e 300 0* the
E ft> Memorial Union ant) >s a member o' the Associaled P'ess
The i ma>aid <1 pnvaie property The unlawful lament) o> uh o< papers is prosecutable
by law
Naan Editor
Editor Is! Editor
Graph ice Editor
Entaciammant Editor
Editor I’al Malach
Jake Berg Freelance Editor
Martm F oner Editorial Editor
Jeh Pasray Sport* Editor
F >ey a Morn Supplement* Editor
Night Editor Marlin F finer
Mope Nealson
Fl'ireri Janssen
Dave Cnaibonnaau
Caiiey Anderson
Associate Editor* Tamm, Batey Student Government Act vibes Da’Syn Tiappe
Commorvl) CoSeen Pohag JSgner EdPcaftorvAAmnntraaon
N*av« SUB Scon Andre. C.n*»t*r Alien Man Bender Justin Brown Sarah Clark Meg
Dedotph. Amy Devenpod Jen Efcaon. Amanda Forme. Antfiony Forney. Tareka Muntsmger
li*a Mown. Rebecca Mortal. Sieve M>m*. TitF.m MueBrv. Triata Noel. E"en Shaw. Eric*
Studemcka. M»«n Suitor Mthole Thompson Agm*. Amy Van Tuyt. Todd A # am*
General Manager Judy Fbedi Production Manager Me nor* Moss
Advertising Tom leech Sharon Van Seres Managers Shawn Berven OSce Manage
je^e tioia. Teresa isabeke Ph.«p Johnson H. Ctvi* Kane* Jeremy Mason. Van V O'Bryan
II. CVUian Oh. Machad Tun Ange W.ndherm. Brian Wndhem
Classified Becky Merchant AAmager Barry logon Sharon Seuve
Distribution Brandon Anderson N*k Mann ing Graham S<mpsoo
Business Kathy Carbone. Soperynor Judy Connolly
Production Ingnl While. Production CoorOnaky Khstme Granger Dee Me Cobb Stacy
Mucha*. Jenrvter Ftoland J#nr*t«r Smith
Nawsroom ___ 346-Mil Display Advertising MO-3712
Business Oftics J46-6S12 Classilied Advertising 346-434]
GRIWjOCK
in t*n-:
USCONCiMvS*
awmfti
VON&f>!
/
GKIPIjOCK
IN THE _
Russian Congress*
Stalin/
/
Participate
The ASl'O Klections Commit
tee has extended the deadline to
gel on the ballot for the up< om
ing ASUO elei tions Why? Not
enough part it i pat ion
Administering student fees
and representing students to the
higher eduuition superstructure
and empowering students are
not only essential for an accessi
ble and enjoyable college expe
rience for every student at the
University, hut these duties also
provide excellent opportunities
to hone your skills for any job
market.
Defeat opathv on a personal
level Become active in student
affairs by n-gistermg as a candi
date for executive positions.
K.MU Hoard, IFC and the glori
ous Student Senate
Michael Omogrosso
ASUO Senator
Journalism
Two standards
In the state House of Repre
sentatives. a hill (IIB2H06) was
introduced to give domestic
partners (homosexual or hetero
sexual) insurance lienefits The
hill has the sponsorship of
OPF.ll General Council. This
IhxIv governs the union that rep
resents many employees,
including most i lassified per
sonnel hero at the University
I am a steward for this union,
and I am outraged our leader
ship would undertake such a
sponsorship without consulting
the membership We have been
asked to respect the diversity of
our fellow employees' sexual
choices, and the majority of us
do.
I fully believe we should not
discriminate against homosexu
als in terms of employment or
their right to express their
views. However. I do believe
that as a society we have to huve
boundaries We can give credit
to many sourt es for the laws
and standards we live by.
whether it's God (whom 1
believe), the law. Allah or any
other standard. We. as a society,
have set these standards
As a Christian who has stud
ied both biblical and secular his
tory. it is i lear that when soci
eties begin to abandon their
laws and standards, societies are
destroyed.
I think it is time to finally say
to the gay community that we
will accept you; we will honor
your right to live and work in
our society. We will not honor
your demand to (.all your choice
of lifestyle as normal and
deserving of each and every
benefit that society as a whole
has received.
Gordon Melby
University Housing
Offended
I am writing in response to
Jake Berg's article on Playboy
coming to town to "recruit"
models for the magazine [ODE.
March 30). I am amazed by the
fact that the story never referred
to the reason why Playboy is
objected to by some women’s
organizations and feminist
women — because violence
against women and pornogra
phy are connected
It is the exploitation of
women for male entertainment
that offends us so. I find it iron
ic that the most important fai ls
you focused on were how much
you can get paid and how
regrettable it is thev have not
recruited here since 1UH5.
What about the links between
violent crime and the sex indus
try7 How about the economic
trap that forces women into ser
vicing men and selling them
selves to pomographers7 What
about the dehumanization of
female sexuality and the making
of commodities of the fomale
body and sexual expression7
It would not take you long to
find facts to support the fact that
there is a high correlation
between sex offenders and per
petrators of other crimes and
pornography or that pornogra
phy is on a continuum of vio
lence against women This
could have been a much more
informative article.
Shoshanah Oppenheim
Volunteer Coordinator
Project Saferide
Logic battle
Before Greg Jacobs makes
another attempt to communicate
with me at "eighth grade level,"
he might wish to return to the
eighth grade for further instruc
tion. Mis letter (ODE, March 11)
features a "logical truth" intend
ed to evict me from the politi
cally correct purgatory in which
I currently languish
Mis eighth grade axiom "All
men are created equal" was
indeed penned by some illustri
ous examples of
"VVMPAAMism." Still, anyone
knows that the men who pro
duced the Declaration of Inde
pendence practiced affirmative
action They hired only African
Americans for the highly
esteemed job of slave
Jacobs' argument stems from
fus statement that because peo
ple are created equal, prejudice
should not he a problem Even
my infantile comprehension of
Jacobs' prized logic tells me that
equal "creation" does not ensure
equal opportunity.
An example? 1 assume that he
and I were created with equal
brains, yet Ins indoctrination into
a unique and mystical brand of
logic allows him to cudgel me
with rhetoric al truncheons that.
n< cording to my inferior "nor
mal" logic, are gibtierish. One of
us grew up stupid
Secondly, even an illogical
doofus like me knows that
"should" has no place in a logi
cal proof. Jacobs should stop
burdening us with letters to the
editor. Don't bet on it.
Finally, regarding acronyms:
perhaps Jacobs’ guilty con
science caused him to read
filthy innuendoes into my letter
I. however, refuse to perform
similar prejudicial acts upon his
acronym. Until clarified, both
the M in WMPAAM and Jacobs
are free to be either homosexual
or heterosexual.
Steve Close
English
LETTERS POLICY
Letters to the editor must 1h» limited to no more than 250
words, legible, signed and the identification of the writer must
tni verified when the letter is submitted.
The Emerald reserves the right to edit any letter for length or
style.