EDITORIAL April Fools thrive in University community While the rest of the world uses April 1 as a day to cel ebrate silliness, joke playing and general goofiness, we would like to point out the unique situation here in Eugene and. more specifically, at (he University. Mere, every day is April Fools" day. A quick, but by no means thorough, investigation of this past year's Emeralds supports this fact. For example: • The University spent $95,000 for covoretFbicycle racks so students' learning abilities would not be imped ed by wet butts caused by sitting on wot bicycle seats. • Eugene Mayor Ruth Bascom peppered her inaugura tion speech with goofy limericks, raising suspicions that she was actually the Lucky Charms’ leprechaun in dis guise. in the same magically delicious speech, Bascom sug gested University freshman and sophomores not bo allowed to own cars • A little more than a your after suffering a highly pub licized rash of burglaries, another University fraternity is burglarized after leaving its doors unlocked. A frater nity member rationalized leaving the doors unlocked, saying. "If they're locked, people know people aren't there,"' Uh huh. • University students are the victims of an ongoing joke being perpetrated by the Incidental Fee Committee, a great bastion of April Fools. 1FC Chairman Steve Masat said in Novemi>er. "... the committee? was ttlectad to hold incidental fees down, we'll have to reduce funding to many groups." Ma! April Fools! Joke's on us! •The University spent $43,000 on a traffic booth that will ai tually cause traffic problems. Perhaps the best evidence of Eugene's and the Uni versity's perpetual April Foolishness can bo found in the Emeralds own |>olk;o "boat" section. For example: • A University student was found masturbating next to an EMU "art" exhibit. A new twist on the old "starving artist" bit? • A man went drinking with a friend at Taylors's Col lege Side Inn. That night, the friend stole 12 frisbees from the man's home and broke into his car, stealing his radio. The man found his friend the next day. The friend said he sold the items. So they went out drinking again. . • A Eugene police officer attempted to stop a student on a bicycle. The student rode by the officer, saying. "I'll be back in a minute." Nice try. • A Boynton Hall resident got punched after asking a female resident to turn her stereo down, saying, "We don't care if you go in your room and masturbate." Per haps the victim should have suggested going to the EMU "art" exhibit. • And finally, the Emerald received a letter saying a car was loaded with dynamite that would explode if anyone tried to steal it (the car). The ending of that letter serves as a suitable ending to this editorial: "This is not a prank Neither was it written by a crazy, wanklu, crank." Oregon Daily Emerald p O UO* jm loot»*4 0«IC.O*•?**) The Oregon D*iy Emerald,» published daily Monday through f 'KJay du«ng in# school yea* and Tuesday and Thu'sday dunng Ihe summer by the Oregon Daily Emerald PubksJvrg Co Inc al |h* University ol Oregon. Eugene, CVegon The tnwgu operates mdependenlry ol me University with ohices al Su«e 300 0* the E ft> Memorial Union ant) >s a member o' the Associaled P'ess The i ma>aid <1 pnvaie property The unlawful lament) o> uh o< papers is prosecutable by law Naan Editor Editor Is! Editor Graph ice Editor Entaciammant Editor Editor I’al Malach Jake Berg Freelance Editor Martm F oner Editorial Editor Jeh Pasray Sport* Editor F >ey a Morn Supplement* Editor Night Editor Marlin F finer Mope Nealson Fl'ireri Janssen Dave Cnaibonnaau Caiiey Anderson Associate Editor* Tamm, Batey Student Government Act vibes Da’Syn Tiappe Commorvl) CoSeen Pohag JSgner EdPcaftorvAAmnntraaon N*av« SUB Scon Andre. C.n*»t*r Alien Man Bender Justin Brown Sarah Clark Meg Dedotph. Amy Devenpod Jen Efcaon. Amanda Forme. Antfiony Forney. Tareka Muntsmger li*a Mown. Rebecca Mortal. Sieve M>m*. TitF.m MueBrv. Triata Noel. E"en Shaw. Eric* Studemcka. M»«n Suitor Mthole Thompson Agm*. Amy Van Tuyt. Todd A # am* General Manager Judy Fbedi Production Manager Me nor* Moss Advertising Tom leech Sharon Van Seres Managers Shawn Berven OSce Manage je^e tioia. Teresa isabeke Ph.«p Johnson H. Ctvi* Kane* Jeremy Mason. Van V O'Bryan II. CVUian Oh. Machad Tun Ange W.ndherm. Brian Wndhem Classified Becky Merchant AAmager Barry logon Sharon Seuve Distribution Brandon Anderson N*k Mann ing Graham S! / GKIPIjOCK IN THE _ Russian Congress* Stalin/ / Participate The ASl'O Klections Commit tee has extended the deadline to gel on the ballot for the up< om ing ASUO elei tions Why? Not enough part it i pat ion Administering student fees and representing students to the higher eduuition superstructure and empowering students are not only essential for an accessi ble and enjoyable college expe rience for every student at the University, hut these duties also provide excellent opportunities to hone your skills for any job market. Defeat opathv on a personal level Become active in student affairs by n-gistermg as a candi date for executive positions. K.MU Hoard, IFC and the glori ous Student Senate Michael Omogrosso ASUO Senator Journalism Two standards In the state House of Repre sentatives. a hill (IIB2H06) was introduced to give domestic partners (homosexual or hetero sexual) insurance lienefits The hill has the sponsorship of OPF.ll General Council. This IhxIv governs the union that rep resents many employees, including most i lassified per sonnel hero at the University I am a steward for this union, and I am outraged our leader ship would undertake such a sponsorship without consulting the membership We have been asked to respect the diversity of our fellow employees' sexual choices, and the majority of us do. I fully believe we should not discriminate against homosexu als in terms of employment or their right to express their views. However. I do believe that as a society we have to huve boundaries We can give credit to many sourt es for the laws and standards we live by. whether it's God (whom 1 believe), the law. Allah or any other standard. We. as a society, have set these standards As a Christian who has stud ied both biblical and secular his tory. it is i lear that when soci eties begin to abandon their laws and standards, societies are destroyed. I think it is time to finally say to the gay community that we will accept you; we will honor your right to live and work in our society. We will not honor your demand to (.all your choice of lifestyle as normal and deserving of each and every benefit that society as a whole has received. Gordon Melby University Housing Offended I am writing in response to Jake Berg's article on Playboy coming to town to "recruit" models for the magazine [ODE. March 30). I am amazed by the fact that the story never referred to the reason why Playboy is objected to by some women’s organizations and feminist women — because violence against women and pornogra phy are connected It is the exploitation of women for male entertainment that offends us so. I find it iron ic that the most important fai ls you focused on were how much you can get paid and how regrettable it is thev have not recruited here since 1UH5. What about the links between violent crime and the sex indus try7 How about the economic trap that forces women into ser vicing men and selling them selves to pomographers7 What about the dehumanization of female sexuality and the making of commodities of the fomale body and sexual expression7 It would not take you long to find facts to support the fact that there is a high correlation between sex offenders and per petrators of other crimes and pornography or that pornogra phy is on a continuum of vio lence against women This could have been a much more informative article. Shoshanah Oppenheim Volunteer Coordinator Project Saferide Logic battle Before Greg Jacobs makes another attempt to communicate with me at "eighth grade level," he might wish to return to the eighth grade for further instruc tion. Mis letter (ODE, March 11) features a "logical truth" intend ed to evict me from the politi cally correct purgatory in which I currently languish Mis eighth grade axiom "All men are created equal" was indeed penned by some illustri ous examples of "VVMPAAMism." Still, anyone knows that the men who pro duced the Declaration of Inde pendence practiced affirmative action They hired only African Americans for the highly esteemed job of slave Jacobs' argument stems from fus statement that because peo ple are created equal, prejudice should not he a problem Even my infantile comprehension of Jacobs' prized logic tells me that equal "creation" does not ensure equal opportunity. An example? 1 assume that he and I were created with equal brains, yet Ins indoctrination into a unique and mystical brand of logic allows him to cudgel me with rhetoric al truncheons that. n< cording to my inferior "nor mal" logic, are gibtierish. One of us grew up stupid Secondly, even an illogical doofus like me knows that "should" has no place in a logi cal proof. Jacobs should stop burdening us with letters to the editor. Don't bet on it. Finally, regarding acronyms: perhaps Jacobs’ guilty con science caused him to read filthy innuendoes into my letter I. however, refuse to perform similar prejudicial acts upon his acronym. Until clarified, both the M in WMPAAM and Jacobs are free to be either homosexual or heterosexual. Steve Close English LETTERS POLICY Letters to the editor must 1h» limited to no more than 250 words, legible, signed and the identification of the writer must tni verified when the letter is submitted. The Emerald reserves the right to edit any letter for length or style.