Si BOO-QUETS
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CWeV SHOWS $1.00
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1888 FrankJin Btvd. * 344-2691 *
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AND MORE...
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"REFLECTION IS OUR BUSINESS"
One of the Largest Selections in the Northwest
524 Valley River Center
*45 l)417
® EUGW5 HILTON
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Rtporttn Hoieboc*
Halloween is here and
the time has come to
start limbering up those
legs
We re not as young as we
used to be, but that is no ex
cuse tor yielding a smaller
candy count And don't pre
tend you don't know what I am
talking about
Yes, I am talking about the
best holiday tradition known jo the people ot the
modern world THICK OH TREATING' And no, you
are not too old to participate
No one is ever too old to lake advantage of
something that is offered for free, no charge, no
down payment, no initiation fee, no deals Just plain
and simply TREE And this is not just any old some
thing for free This is the most valuable of all vatu
able objects offered for tree OH YEAH, CANDY.
FREE CANDY And no you are never too old for
candy
Since ancient times, great mind» have often ar
gued the inherent value of candy They understand
a human s internal quest for something so insatia
ble rt can only be placated by sweets
Yet somewhere along the lines candy lost its in
herent value because a few ignorant adult" folks
continued to insist that we are too old for tnck-or
treatmg and thus too old for candy
These folks have gone astray in life and have
somehow misled an entire generation of would-be
Trick or Treaters Well, the time has come to stand
up and fight for your right to go trick or
treeeeaaaimg
To help maximize your candy count I have de
vised an official candy collecting strategy for the se
rious Trick-or Treater For starters, do you have
one ot those cute lithe plastic pumpkins with a ban
die on it7 Get rid ot it A 40 gallon, 2 ply hefty bag is
a must.
Keep in mind, time is candy To minimize time
wastage, plot your potential path early
When choosing your targe! area ask yourselt
these questions Does the area have treacherous
terrain, i e large hills, barriers between houses, haz
ardous lawn fixtures9 (Trip on a sprinkler head and
your out tor the night ) Or is the area relatively flat
wrth homes set close together, fence free9
Once you have found a neighborhood with maxi
mum yield, you're set Begin your quest at dusk
Now to fill these bags youve got to execute the
fundamontals of trick or treating with an undying
dedication To avoid doorbell delay scream trick or
treat when your approaching the porch so they'll
hear you and have the candy ready as you reach
the door
Conversing with home owners is highly discour
aged Remember, you're on a lime schedule
And a word about dressing-up Costumes,
smostumes Its the candy you're after tlaborate
costumes are sure to slow you down, so just hack
up a bed sheet, align the eye holes properly, and
make sure your running shoes are tied. (It would be
a pity to trip and spill your candy.)
However, candy spillage is nothing compared to
the devastating effects of an apple To avoid those
so called healthy treats," it is a good idea to put
your biggest candy bar on the top of your bag.
They'll think this is the norm and give you the same
In the event that somebody does give you an ap
ple. explain politely that in this day and age you
cannot trust unpackaged goods from a stranger and
could you perhaps redeem this for a Reeses Pea
nut Butter Cup and some Skittles9
So now that you understand the fundamentals of
trek or tiealiny and the laws of maximizing your
candy yield, I wish the best of luck in your Hallow
eon endeavors
Jenny ('arey
YOU ARE INVITED TO OUR
HALLOWEEN
< PARTY
y Friday and Saturday
Come su\* our amazing display oj very
UNUSUAL
FLORAL ARRANGEMENTS
All' ireolioot" *rc original by uui suit
BE A JUDGE
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^ REFRESHMENT
fiii rtlrr. ruuhn fiafiuri
PRIZES
< ufc* AartW [4tir\t*
%tnts JlovJtr !Homt
w T h» Untvftrsiy F k>nsl
610 E. 13th t Pilltnon • 485-3655 • drive-in parking
*5 EXCELSIOR CAFE *|j
BAR OPEN 11:30 A.M.
TIL MIDNIGHT
Our bar is now
non-smoking
LUNCH
11:30-2:30 M-F
DINNER
Seven nights a week
light meals, coffee, desserts, & drinks
342-6963
754 E. 13th Ave.
MONSTER
TEST EROM
mi
We will help
you prepare for
theMCAT.
Call 345-4420
KAPLAN
Thtt answer to the test cjue»Uon