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Best condoms magically vanish
THE FINE
PRINT
BY PAT MALACH
Working In the nows "bldness (not to be
confused with the ol‘ bulness practiced in
Texas) is a constant battle of Irving to
measure and balance what's important and what’s
going to interest your audience
One recent example of that tug of war Itetween
interest and importance could obviously lx- seen
in the coverall* ot the William Kennedy Smith
rape Inal Smith was acquitted of the rape ( barge
in front of a live "gavel-to-gavel" audience on
CNN That night it was the to]) story on all of the
network news programs and the next morning it
was on the front page of all the papers
You i an debate for many moons whether the
coverage afforded to a single rape ( ase one of
approximately 90,000 rep or fed forcible rape cases
in this country every year is justified simply
because of the name of the defendant It s also im
portant to look at some of the other stories that
lost out to Willie in the coverage tug of war
On a night when Willie's K-rulod trial garnered
the top spot on ail three networks, one of the sto
ries that lost out was a little tidbit ubout the Sovi
et Union Ixnng officially disbanded The end of
the Evil Empire, the Ked Menace, the Communist
Experiment, a country that has been key to U S
foreign policy lor the past 40 years, was judged to
be less important than our apparent need to know
when and where Willie ejaculated
The nation’s voyeuristic yearnings also domi
nated coverage on a day when Terry Anderson,
an American who had been held captive for more
than seven years, was finally reunited with his
family, including a daughter he had never met
Another example of pandering to the public's
most base instincts happened just last week when
the president got the flu and lost his chips at a
state dinner Sure, it was fun to wutch Bush fall
victim to something all of us cun relate to. but
how important was it really? Personally, I'd rath
er see what they were serving for dinner before it
was partially digested
Even with these examples, sometimes it takes a
really glaring case of irony to make you realize
how things can get twisterd. Note the [an 14 Issue
of the Emerald Pages 9 and 12 were devoted to a
lively debate over whether Magic Johnson should
Ire allowed to play in the NBA All-Star Came
The end of the Evil Empire, the
Red Menace, the Communist
Experiment, was judged to be
less important than our
apparent need to know when
and where Willie ejaculated.
One writer argued lh.it because Johnson hull ofti
ctally retired from the league th.it In- was ineligi
tile The other writer vullevetl hut k with the argu
merit that it Mugit gut enough votes he deserves
tins hist game ,is .1 farewell tribute because he is
one id the game s all-time greats
Doth arguments were well-conceived and arte
ulated. and a lot id NIIA and Stage fans will tie
watching tills debate .is it develops
No problem there
Now turn ti.uk to Page H it lurried an artii le
utxiut (nndom use and s.ifets It also had a |ik ture
of the world's largest condom jumbo si/e The
sad part is that a related stors with information
about the top-10 safest condoms providing the
must prolei lion hud to tie axed because of hit k of
space
Now the irony Let's look at the value judgment
inherent In these three pages Thirty-nine column
ini ties were devoted to the debate over Magic, a
man who had to retire be< uuse he contrut ted the
HIV virus due to tils promiscuity and lack of
knowledge about safe sex. and 27 ini lies were de
voted to the story providing safe sex information
to sexually active University students
l or those of you who haven't already moved on
to Calvin and Hobbes. let me try and make tilings
clearer If Magu hud been aware of the informa
tion provided in the condom story that was left
out, the entire argument about his eligibility for
the All-Star (lame would tie moot He would still
be in the league da/./ling fans So. instead of pro
viding information tii.it might help alleviate the
ignorance that caused the tragedy in the first
place, we end up debating if u victim of tti.it igno
rance should get to throw a hall through a hoop
To me it's a classic case of the ol‘ switi heron
Rather than having condoms prevent spreading
the virus, we've got the virus (results) preventing
the spread of the condom (Information).
I'ul Mtiluch is thr managing editor of the Liner
aid
I Velcro Jumping
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THE FAR SIDE
By GARY LARSON
Colonel Sanders at the Pearly Gates