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About Oregon daily emerald. (Eugene, Or.) 1920-2012 | View Entire Issue (Feb. 14, 1990)
fc „ » * *■-»»*• ■ UiJVtfrri THE STUDENT HEALTH CENTER NEWSLETTER INTIMACY and TRUST What IS intimacy? For the pur pose of this article, it can be de fined as that feeling which is most private and personal, close acquaintance or association with; very familiar (an intimate friend), and/or the promotion of a feeling of privacy, coziness, ro mance, etc. (an intimate night club). Intimacy is manifested in frank and serious talking, power ful physical attraction, and merely feeling content and com forted just by being in your part ner’s presence. Realistically, intimacy is diffi cult to define because it is so in tangible, and we all have differ ent ideas of what it should be like. Some people fear intima cy-others crave it. One of the concepts which is most essen tial to true intimacy is trust. Without trust, you cannot have a healthy intimate relationship. Trust is essential on both a physical and emotional level. Building trust requires time and patience mixed with shared ex periences, good communication, and respect. Of these, communi cation is the one which you probably have the most control over. There are several commu nication skills which help to fur ther trust and intimacy. One of the most important is knowing how to constructively handle bad feelings when they occur in your relationship. It often helps to get your feelings out by shar ing them either with your partner or with a close friend. Ex plore your feelings —understand where they are coming from, and take action to change them for the better. Another important aspect of communication is allowing your self to make requests for changes. If you don’t ask for inti macy, you may be letting your partner’s fear of it govern you. A partner who fails to respond to your love is making a statement about him/herself, not about you. You can’t MAKE anyone love you or be intimate with you, nor should you want to. Keep in mind also that you shouldn't have to settle for less than the qualities you consider most im portant in a partner. Why shouldn’t you expect happiness, intimacy, and excitement throughout your relationship? But don't forget —turnabout is fair play, and your partner is al lowed his or her own expecta tions of YOU also. Informing your partner of what is going on in the relationship is another communication skill which can avoid misunderstand ings leading to needless argu ments. If you are going out-of town for a week, TELL your part ner—don't simply assume that they have ESP. One of the most important as pects of trust is respect. This means respect for your partner’s feelings, space, and needs. One important need which is some times neglected in intimate rela tionships is the need for person al space in which to grow. Many people are afraid that if they give their partner space to grow, the partner will grow away from them. This is not necessarily the case, but smothering a person is a surefire way to get them to leave. Respect involves allowing for the fact that your partner may have ideas or beliefs which differ from your own. While ma jor differences may cause prob lems, minor differences can sometimes be accepted if they are tolerable. Ask yourself if it is worth being with this person enough to overlook some things, and take a look at the big pic ture. Remember. NOBODY is perfect, nor should they be ex pected to be. _ Anna C Oudey /^ROM THE HIP n r nadha Depression ACOA Who Is Me and much more.. Is stress or depression making the winter seem longer than it really is? Depression and sires are common to the col lege student and de serve attention Stop by the Health Center arid check out books on a va nety of topics related to mental health How are your New Year's resolutions to eat better doing9 Is eating in a healthy manner difficult to you9 Make an appointment to talk to a peer health nu trition counselor They will give you inforrna tion support and further resources Call 686 4466 for an appointment £§ All of you women out there... It's 1990 and perhaps time tor your annual exam An annual exam is trie best way to ensure physir al sexual and re productive health and to detect STDs or other conditions while they are in their early stages Cali the Women s Clinu at 686 4449 tor an ap pointment At loose ends? Feeling sad. irritable or distressed without any identifiable cause? The Student Health Center has three psychi atrists Aho are available to help you work out the blues and identity the sources Cat1 686 4441 tor more information urul or an appointment
