weakly reader
Faces in
“We wilt not
cease ... until all
squirrels have a
voice In this
administration. It Is
the dawning of a
new day."
"Las ardillas estan
oprimidas por la
adminiatraclon de
la universidad an
Oregon. Faro, las
ardillas venceran!
(Los mandaremos
armasI)”
the news
“Well, If the Kern
nedys can do It,
why can’t I? I’m
fired up!”
"Let me say that I
stUi often seek die
advice of Henry
Kissinger."
A Physical Plant crew rests after breaking a few windows In Friendly Hall.
Recall the facts!
1) Restoration of the trade balance with the Japanese means:
A) lt's capitalism when it s going our way, protectionism
when it's going theirs?
B) the least they could show is a little gratitude?
C) they could ship us some scrap iron and we could mount a
suprise attack on Tokyo within two years?
D) aw. shucks, if we had a homogeneous society, we could
do it too?
2) 'Linkage' in international relations means:
A) the problems the French have unloading sausages on
the rest of the Common Market?
B) the Russians attack Afghanistan and we attack El
Salvador?
C) the Dodgers sign Valenzuela at a mil, and the Mexicans
agree to forget all the nasty things we said about not wanting
to negotiate through them?
D) the missing evolutionary link between Cromagnon man
and Alexander Haig?
3) The newly-revived Domino theory is:
A) a theory of mob violence based on a study of the Domino
gang in Chicago?
B) Reagan's cabinet falling all over themselves to invade El
Salvador?
C) a theory purporting to show the relationship between the
time a pizza is ordered and the time it arrives?
D) A popular Parker Brothers board game played widely at
the Politburo?
4) The new chancellor of the Department of Higher Education
in Oregon is:
A) a distant relative of Gen George A Custer?
B) second choice after Don Corleone, who could have
provided the University a little protection?'
C) not anticipating moving the office of the chancellor to
Noti?
D) a man about whom Governor Atiyeh said: "Look at them
there 'Bud' Davis eyes?"
5) The U of O football team is:
A) retiring?
B) a great supporter of Pacific Northwest Bell?
C) deceased, but they don't know where to return the mail?
D) going to try to sneak into Canada and request asylum?
6) How many Mexicans does it take
A)oops'
7) People who work at the Oregon Daily Emerald are:
A) without peer? (He left last month?)
B) highely litarate and maticulously journalists7
C) wondering who the hell Cort Fernald is7
D) members of the Torquemada fan club?
8) The U of O basketball fight song
A) has been outlawed in Germany since World War II?
B) has been destroyed to the last copy in Jim Haney's
fireplace?
C) is also the anthem of the Vietnamese Communist Party?
D) was supposedly written by Shakespeare but was proba
bly written by Bacon?
Greeks replace garbage as energy source
By Heavy Instep
Ol Not Th» EfmraM
Fraternity and sorority representatives are hot
under the collar over the most recent energy-saving
proposal by the University Physical Plant. After nego
tiations broke down with Lane County to burn
processed garbage as fuel, plant director Harold
Bodyblock said they were forced to turn to “the next
best thing.
“We feel utilizing the maximum efficiency resource
in this incidence requires us to optimize our potentiality.
After analyzing all available input, we have selected the
alternative of using compacted Greeks - young men and
women belonging to fraternities and sororities — to
regenerate our steadily disappearing ‘hog fuel.’ ”
Biff Izod, spokesman for Chi-Bita-Offa fraternity,
said the proposal "reeked,” and was “really gnarly.”
“There’s no way we’re going to get pumped for an
idea as outrageous as that," Izod said at an emotional
meeting of the University planning committee Wednes
day. Izod said plans are in the works for a giant function
to protest the proposal.
"It'll be radical,” he promised
Planning committee members said they had spent
Not Page 8 Section B
nearly a week trying to come up with several other fuel
alternatives, including convicted football felons, Sony
Walkmans, future issues of the Emerald and whale oil
But Bodyblock said GDF (Greek Derived Fuel) seemed
to be the "final solution.
“We had to consider all factors," Bodyblock said
"There’s less to Greeks, so they compact easier, and
the smell should be more tolerable because of the
amount of cologne and perfume they wear ” And, he
added, “they're less likely to do anything about it.”
Campus planner David Rowdy, said he has already
talked to representatives from the EMU Craft Center
and the business school on future marketing prospects
for the fuel byproducts. James "Tex" Troniks, business
school dean, said he was initially worried that sudden
decreased enrollments in his school might hurt its
finances, but was reassured that he would have access
to a steady stream of 280 Z’s, Scirrocos and Mazda X
19's to sell for extra revenue
Lisa Loom, a craft center employee, read an op
timistic report to the committee on the current market
demand for nicely tanned or grease painted lamp
shades. Detergent distributors have expressed an
interest in soap bars scented with Charley or Grey
Flannel colognes, Loom added
The meeting grew tense when Kiki Rosehips yelled
shrilly, "Geez! You don't even understand our lifestyle,"
and demanded to read a poem that she said she was
"totally psyched about
"Phi Delts," she read, "with the punch that kicks
the jelly that sticks, the Phi Delts put on a production
that was no ordinary function. Gamma Phi's danced the
night away, and we want Buffet night to stay ." Bodyb
lock reminded Rosehips that the proposal still was in
the planning stages and probably wouldn't go into
effect until late spring, leaving plenty of time for spring
formal rush
"I still say we re getting faced" Rosehips yelled, but
committee chairer Bodyblock's proposal is expected to
be signed into law by University Pres. Paul Hohum In a
letter addressed to the planning committee, Hohum
stated “Although I can relate to the feelings the Greek
community must now be experiencing, I think the
solution is a sound one Anything less than what has
been proposed could devastate the University."
Rowdy said he urges other students to comment on
the proposal either directly to him or through letters to
the editor.
Thursday, April 1,1982