Campus Republicans, Democrats unite
Not an Emarald photo
University Democrat* President Quiche Frohnmayer (left) and College
Republicans Chairman Goliath Wryandour (ultra-right) try to look non
chalant after announcing the merger of their groups Monday.
Raging administration officials were
cautious in their reaction to the recent
merger of the University Democrats and
College Republicans.
Secretary Upstate Alexander Keg said
“this inexorable conspiratorial modus
operandi should not be perceived as
exacerbating the enunciation of domes
tic homogeneity."
When Pres. Ronald Raging was asked
to comment on the situation, he said only
"I have no prepared remarks, however”
before he was hustled away by a band of
aides.
University Democrats President
Quiche Frohnmayer and College
Republican Chairman Goliath
Wryandour announced the merger at a
press conference Monday, proclaiming
“a new spirit of compromise and an end
to partisanship.”
"We got tired of being the tokin' liber
als on campus,” Frohnmayer said
cheerfully. “We wanted our work to
result in something other than more talk.
Besides, if you can't beat 'em, join ’em.”
Wryandour, said the College Repub
licans agreed to the merger in order to
revitalize their tired ideas. "The Repub
lican Party has been focusing on issues
that have been around for years, like the
economy and foreign policy. We want to
use a more eclectic approach to the
political reality in the United States. We
want to examine issues like windfall
profits for ticket scalpers.”
Wryandour has sent a letter explaining
the merger to President Raging and
College Republican mentor Rarely Falls
well. He said there have been threats to
cut off funding for the group, and that the
group may be in for some tough times.
"We may be in for some tough times,”
he said.
Chancellor Search
Continued from Pago 1
Faith Adorya
Don Brutlstl
Gan. D.E. Baucha
Ohm Ontherange
Not Emerald Photos
in the job, and was buying a new tie for
the upcoming interview with the bored in
Portland
Ed Hurts, bored president, said he was
delighted to have found such qualified
candidates at such reasonable prices
Hurts said he was glad the bored did
not reach an agreement with Davis,
whom he described as an “arrogant,
sunny beach ”
Bauche. 80, served in the Army Eire
Corps for 27 years before being dis
charged for mispronouncing “Faith an'
begorah to ya' your worshipfulness ”
He has been active in education since
1977 in several unsuccessful attempts to
get Catch-22 banned from local libraries
Adorya's philosophy is similar to
Bauche She is a long-time advocate of
the "Three R’s" method of teaching
which emphasizes a repetitive regimen
of rabbit-punches as a way to enforce
discipline in rowdy classrooms
Ontherange, a 35-year old whose
favorite building material is sheet bricks,
is running on the platform that tired
education in this state needs to be rein
forced
"We need to shore up the structure of
tired education to lay a foundation for
youth in this state, and tear down old
programs while putting a floor on budget
cuts and a ceiling on faculty pay in
creases,” he said.
Ontherange is best known for his role
in constructing the coalition that lead to
the building of Animal House, the
rehabilitation center for household pets
suffering from drug abuse.
He does not wear ties.
The Lord Chancellor is responsible for
overseeing activities at all eight colleges
and universities in the Stateless System
of Tired Education He receives a salary
of $75,000, use of a luxurious three-room
residence close to the railroad tracks
and a state moped. Only the governor,
secretary of state, state treasurere,
speaker of the house, senate president,
state department heads and 357 janitors
and stockroom clerks in the Executive
Department receive higher salaries.
The chancellor’s job is often used as a
political diving board. Former chancel
lors include such political falling stars as
Slain County Commissioners Jerry
"Marijuana" Bust and archie-rivals Reg
gie Weinstein, and perennial presidential
hopeful Harold Stassens.
g
Ronnie Reagan sez...
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you've seen ’em all”, so **
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