1. When Have All
The Airheads Gone?
Walking down Alder Street
the other day. I saw a guy
standing on the sidewalk,
staring into a hand mirror
I know frat boys are vain, but
this was a bit much I asked the
guy what he was doing
"Trying to find myself," he
replied
"You re right there," I told
him
"Thank God," he said, throw
ing his mirror down. "I wasn't
sure anymore You see. I used
to be an Airhead "
Ah, yes — I did see The tips of
his hair betrayed traces of a
perm His faded designer jeans
bore cheap patches And as he
walked, he scuffed the con
crete. trying to slide as if he
were still wearing roller skates
We walked into a tavern,
where he ordered a pitcher of
Miller
It's not fair," he began "I
was a faithful Airhead Discos
were my stomping ground I
could hold my Pina Coladas as
well as anyone And I once
talked for three hours straight
without saying anything intel
ligent
"Suddenly things changed —
everyone turned Cowboy on
me "
Poetic justice — those who
live by the fad die by the fad, I
thought to myself.
The Airhead continued
"Have you ever tried to chew
tobacco without spit dribbling
down your chin? Have you ever
tried squeezing your toes into
those pointy boots7 Have you
ever tried to dance after break
ing your back on a mechanical
bull7"
By now he was reduced to
tears, and he left to cry on the
Captain Fantastic pinball
machine I found myself pitying
him, strangely enough — all he
wanted to do was conform
2. The Party's Over
As I sat there, a tall dark figure
approached me The hooded
cloak he wore hid his face, but I
knew who he was because he
carried a sickle No, wait — it
was a diploma
"I have come for you, Mike
Lee," the cloaked man said
ominously
Please, not yet,” I pleaded
It's not my time I —I don't want
to graduate'"
"Don't be so naive — you
knew what you were getting into
when you took all those classes
Economics, history, literature —
you knew that if you mainlined
college too long, it would all
come back to haunt you "
He stopped and pulled off his
hood, sending shivers up my
spine The man was my adviser
“It s time to face up to reality,
Mike Lee,” he said. “Respecta
ble young graduates looking for
a job don't go around playing
frisbee golf in their shorts."
“They don't?”
“Not if they want to eat "
“But it's not fair," I com
plained “I came to college four
years ago to escape reality "
"And now it’s time to go
back," the man said, and he
pushed me out the door, into a
very thick fog
3. Reality
The tavern s doors slammed
shut behind me I tried to open
them, but they were locked
tight
I could hear more doors
slamming in the distance, like a
chorus of wooden angels, all
over campus And then, the
piercing CLICK! of a giant lock
being turned
I was alone
Through the fog, I now heard
the giant thunder of rolling dice,
an ethereal game of chance:
Nine You will be stuck in an
elevator between floors with the
woman you later marry. Four.
The plane you missed because
your car wouldn't start will
crash Seven. I'm sorry, sir. You
just crapped out.
Frightened, I ran through the
fog, not knowing where my feet
would land I ran and I ran, until
ask the sexpert
Since my wife's spinal cord
injury, her self image —
especially m regard to her sex
uality — has really suffered Are
there any places we can go
locally for help or information
about sexuality and physical
disability?
For many disabled women
and men, developing a positive
self image can be a difficult
process One local person who
has helped others in this area is
Darrell Ackerman Ackerman is
currently the director of Con
sulting and Personal Services,
an organization that provides
consulting services to the
handicapped This summer
Ackerman will be conducting a
sexuality workshop for the disa
bled Topics will include self
esteem, assertiveness, com
munication and coping skills,
and personal feelings about
body image For details on this
workshop, you can reach
Ackerman at 345-2825 or
343-3315 We also would
recommend reading Toward
Intimacy.'’ an excellent booklet
dealing with sexuality concerns
of physically disabled women A
library copy of this booklet can
r~
T
McKenzie
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Mayflower Building
782 K 11th 342-2071
be found at the Women's
Awareness Center. Room 336
EMU
The Center is wheelchair ac
cessible from the elevator of
the fishbowl Copies of the
booklet are also available for
purchase from Planned
Parenthood This office, how
ever, is not wheelchair accessi
ble
My penis curves slightly to
one side during erection, which
is cause for concern Can, and
should, anything be done about
it?
There are very few penises
that are perfectly straight A
slight curve in an erect penis is
just a normal variation, and
shouldn't be cause for concern
A severely curved penis, how
ever, could be an indication of
either penile chordee, or pey
ronies
Penile chordee is due to a
congenital — present and exist
ing from time of birth — anomaly
or to a urethral infection, such
as gonorrhea
Peyronies is an accumulation
of plaque in the erectile body of
the penis The erectile body
then loses its elasticity, and
curvature results Peyronies is
usually found in older men
Unless the curve in your penis
affects penetration during inter
course, or causes pain for
yourself or your partner, there is
no need to consult a physician.
This column is written by
Planned Parenthood, 134 E
13th Ave., Eugene, 344-1611.
Please send questions to Suite
EMU 300 or to Planned
Parenthood Planned Parenth
ood is a private, non-profit Unit
ed Way agency providing com
prehensive family planning ser
vices, pregnancy testing,
education, information and
referral.
CASH
For Textbooks
Mon.-Frl.
Smith Family
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768 E. 13th
1 Bl. From Campus
Pti 34S-16S1
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the fog suddenly cleared — a
shaft of sunlight about 20 yards
across
And in the center, the most
hideous sight ever to sear my
eyes: four middle-aged people
sitting around a rickety card
table, playing Bridge
“No!" I screamed
'Nooooooo!"
At my feet lay the Airhead’s
mirror I picked it up, looked into
it, and saw a full-length mirror in
the reflection.
I turned around. Yes, there it
was. Just my size, too The mir
ror was clear in the fog; sooth
ing, inviting I put my hand out —
and it went through
Temptation overtook me. I
stepped through the mirror, but
on my way through, I tripped on
the lower bar.
The last sound I remember
hearing was the mirror crashing
behind me
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