^ steve spotz
^ Beavers have the perfect replacement
What s it going to take to deliver Oregon State out
of the football doldrums?
That's the question that just about everybody who
wears a cowboy hat and milks cows in Corvallis has
been asking this fall And rightfully so There's no two
ways about it — the Beavers are terrible, and even the
most staunch fans are starting to get uptight about it
With head coach Craig Fertig being fired effective at the
end of the season, and athletic director Dee Andros in
danger of losing his job. the picture is even more murky
A lot of things have gone wrong with the Beavers
this year And it's tough to pinpoint just what needs to
be done to enable the Beavers to have a little respect for
themselves A look back at the season sheds few clues
to the problem
Billed as a must-win year for Fertig. his team has
produced but two victories — both almost too embar
rassing to be discussed The Beaver win over Stanford
came when a Cardinal kick returner got trapped in his
own end zone and was tackled for a safety in the final
two minutes The other victory came when Arizona
State. 45-0 victors over the Beavers on the field, was
forced to forfeit all of its Pac-10 games because of
ineligible players used this season Hardly what you d
call overpowering wins
And this weekend, the Beavers will meet a revived
Oregon team, headed by Rich Brooks, a man who
applied for the OSU football opening, lost out to Fertig
in 1975, and took his act to Eugene where he's been
doing the unthinkable — producing a competitive
ballclub Brooks might easily have been doing his thing
for the Orange and Black except for the choice of
Fertig and that fact has alums upset at the man they call
‘‘The Great Pumpkin" — athletic director Andros
VWio can the Beavers get to salvage the sinking
ship of OSU football? When Fertig arrived in late 1975. it
was hailed as a virtual Second Coming for the Beavers
Unfortunately Fertig didn't have any miracles in his
pockets, and the result looked like the wrath of God
incarnate Are there any unemployed messiahs out
there that would want the job of raising the dead9 If so.
the Beavers have an opening for you.
Personally. I think the coaching job over in Corval
lis needs a fresh face Definitely not someone
connected with the current OSU football program, or
maybe not even involved with college football at all
Hell, the Beavers could hire someone who doesn t even
r
know what a football is, as long as they can put some
wins on the board to please their long-suffering fans
Graph «c by Tom Ettet
probably a lot more will Except for one fact The
Beavers already have their coach I learned it just last
week
The info hasn't been leaked to the public yet. but I
got the scoop through a secret informant in Corvallis —
they ve found the man they think can end the drought of
wins that the Beav's have been suffering through My
source managed to plant a tape recorder in the office of
—-1 r
l
Dee Andros before the job interviews took place It
seems that both Andros and OSU president Robert
MacVicar were in the office holding the interviews when
the perfect man finally showed up
Andros Next applicant, please
MacVicar Have a seat here. Billy "
Billy O K -
Andros Could you please tell us about your work
experiences. Billy"
Billy Well I make Lite Beer commercials and I won the
world championships for the team I used to coach
Andros Hey. that's super'"
Billy And I also bench guys named Reggie and punch
out writers and marshmallow salesmen
MacVicar "Oh. I see Well. I'm afraid this job isn't for
you. Mr Martin
Billy Oh my God. not again Hell. I was fired even
before l got the job Even Stembrenner wasn t this bad
Andros Well, Mr President, this is the last applicant I
hope he s a good one "
MacVicar 'So do l Dee But l don t like the looks of this
last guy He s got the worst five o'clock shadow I've ever
seen, and those beady eyes' Looks like a crook to me
Andros Well, we should listen to him at least
MacVicar "Come on in and sit down sir
Dick Thanks, you can call me Dick '
MacVicar "Well, it looks like you have quite an impres
sive record. Dick, except that you resigned from your
last job Why was that9
Dick Uh well the job was kind of bugging me,
and I wanted a break in the routine
Andros "What kind of football experience have you
had Dick9 '
Dick Hey I'm glad you asked me l once suggested a
play to my friend Ed Williams, the owner of the Wa
shington Redskins, for them to use in the Super Bowl
against Miami "
Andros The pro s. eh9"
Dick "Yes, it was real tricky "
Andros Well, how did it work out for you9"
Dick "Uh actually it lost nine yards "
MacVicar Hey sounds like the kind of plays we like
here at OSU I think you're the man for the job Mr
Nixon, you re hired
Dick 'Great' I already have my coaching staff ready to
go There s Spiro as defensive line coach. HR as my
offensive coordinator "
Give thanks.
Feets is here.
Whatever your running needs, Feets has the selection
and the expertise for you Stop in during our opening
Sale to take advantage of our sale bargains or just to
visit
Feets For great feets in sports
Special Thanksgiving
Holiday Sale
Saucony 1980 Trainer or Ms. 1980 Trainer
Regular: $33 95
Now $27.95
Osaga KT-26 or Ladies KT-26 Etonic Streetfighter
Regular: $39 95 Regular: $33 95
Now $33.95 Now $27.95
Brooks Vantage or Lady Vantage Tiger Tigress DX
Regular: $31.95 Regular $35 95
Now $26.95 Now $28.95
Special. . .
FREE: Two pairs of socks with purchase of any
regularly priced shoes
St. Charles Runners
Wristwatch
Regular $39 95
Now $31.95
Selected
Raingear
& Warm-ups
10% Off!
Sale ends Saturday.
December 1. 1979
13th & Oak Eugene
Phone 683-5535
Keepsake guarantees a
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There is no finer diamond
ring.
Keepsake
Roistered Diamond Rings
Student accounts invited
Fine jewelry, watches
and gifts
DoitA jewelers
Keepsake Corner
Valley River Center 484 1303
Daily 10 009 10 00*6 Sun I l 00-«
BONG &
PIPE SALE
10% OFF
Lazar s Bazar
10.16 Willamette St.
6X7-0766, 6X7-0110
Separate
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