Image provided by: University of Oregon Libraries; Eugene, OR
About Oregon daily emerald. (Eugene, Or.) 1920-2012 | View Entire Issue (April 13, 1979)
IFC still greasing Greek palms These IFC members feuded over how much of the small fortune to give to the Greek organizations on campus. They finally settled on a $50.000 gift Shown from left to right are Dusty Dodes. Maria Pboto by Shtv* Deli Yoyo. Janet Piggleston and Rocky Racoco Another IFC feud is set for sometime this weekend Major domo dazzles dowagers Study useless, sez prez University Pres Nullon Void today finally conceded that a college education is absolutely useless The startling admission came at a Eugene chapter meeting of the National Organization of Old Ladies Who Like to Bitterly Complain when Ms Lily P Snip told the president of the University, My son attended r—.—■ 1 - the University and majored in Medieval English Now all he's good for is drinking at the local bar and singing bawdy pre Elizabethan ballads I hold you responsible for this!" President Void said he un derstood Snip's dilemma "Just last month,",’ said the president. I was speaking before a chapter of Men Who Like to S»t Around Discussing their Banal War Experiences, and a man griped that his college-junior daughter talked all day about Sylvia Plath and kept threatening to put her head in their gas oven, but wouldn't even heat up a Swan son's Hearty Eskimo Dinner for him because of her philosophical qualms “My dream was to watch my best friend blow his brains out playing Russian roulette. The Army gave me the opportunity. ” Michael_ Airborne Rangers Army ROTC is interested in offering everyone a chance to evaluate Genocidal Science in a scholarly and practical manner. If killing, maiming, raping, and plundering sounds attractive to you, please contact: THE DEPARTMENT OF GENOCIDAL SCIENCE University of Oregon 555-7682 It’s not too late to add WAR to your schedule. i ..Oregon .. daily immorald Don t just blame Jock Hatfield or Kevin Harden for this mess There are a bunch of other jerks who contributed to this pile of crap that we shouldn't mention but if we don ? they may have our knees surgically removed Okay, okay here they are. in no particular order of impor tance John Crowley Closet Catholic William Kogut Tom Wolfe Berme Schwartz Ron Taylor Sally Hodgkin son Chris Philips Jerril Nilson Cathy Siegner Glen Gibbons Melody Ward Marv Fjordbeck Entertaining Spiritual guidance That's his real name Terrorist She's young, give her time A friend of Berme s Great Boobs" Radical Missed the deadline Didn't help Chronic Journalist Patrick Sullivan Tom Ettel Ken Sands Tamara Swenson Judy Emerson Kathleen Monje Keli Osborn Jim Wechsler Lorraine Nelson Jack Condlilfe Glenn Boettcher Mary Foran Yvonne Michael and Joan Who? Just a Ireshman Sleeps a lot Sorry, we cut your story Building a gazebo Pronounced Mon-gee Was once a cutle He's not Jewish Drinks a lot Still in puberty Like a French bread, small Slightly wilted Nauseated typists Any similarities between reality, people known and unknown, living and dead, and those mentioned in this issue is purely unintentional 1 By SALL Y HODQFINSOUP Of the Immorald The Incidental Fee Commit tee allocated $50,763 11 to the Interfraternity Council In Its budget hearing Thursday night Dusty Dodes, IFC member, praised the program for its "ex tremely padded budget It's great to see a program try to screw us over By the way, I saw a great movie on TV last night starring John Wayne " Kevin Changehers. IFC member, said,"I have no problem with this budget "We bring rich, white males with fast cars to campus." said Greg Great, president of the council "We never pledge freaks with *lts, fat. or kinky hair They |ust don't fit into our style.” The Asian American Student Union recieved $1 01 of their request for $5,000 for cultural activities after extensive debate on whether the IFC should fund cultural events "Were not restricting your activities," explained Jammlt Ptggleston, IFC chalrer "You can use the money for any cul tural events you want It's up to you " The IFC also dented funding for YWCA's volunteer programs The budget hearing for the EMU administration was rescheduled for next week after Dodes accused EMU director. Adell McVillain of using a $50 entertainment fund to hide contributions to a Communist group plotting to overthrow the IFC The meeting was temporarily disrupted when a fist fight broke out between Dodes and Piggfeston Ptggleston said she is tired of Dodes nitpicking "You make me sick Rusty I hope you rot in heck." The rest of the meeting was postponed after IFC members Scarry Slicks and Rocky Shit* left to attend a toga party at their fraternity, leaving the committee without a quorm Women veiled; Iranians held i wo university Iranian students were arrested and charged with veiling women in Valley Creek Center Saturday afternoon Eugene police said the two, lhatolhya Sowabowdit of 143 Bakhtiar Drive and lam Deef Twodashar of 517 Commingle Circle, were subdued by of ficers while attempting to force a struggling young woman, Twinky Sweetums of 319 E Southeast Ave , to don a chaul dor — the traditional robe worn by Iranian women Out on bail, the two students readily admitted to perpetrating numerous hit-and -run veilings We want to bring the Iranian revolution to America." proclaimed Sowadabowdit "We were tired of seeing American women walk about almost naked," said Twodshar We were tired of staring at taut bare legs, high pert rumps, round and firm breasts, and all the rest of it We were tired of being tempted " Sowadabowdit said the American people could learn a lot from the Iranian revolution He said there would be fewer muggings and pockets picked if Islamic justice were meted out here "It's hard to pick a pocket if you don't have the hand for the job,"' said Twodashar, " and hard to mug if you have to have the gun in your teeth — muggers have both hands cut off in my country Have you ever tried to pull a trigger with your tongue?" But both said they are really more concerned with everyday behavior and morals They contend the West is decadent We don't car© about your fast cars, your Cokes and your burgers." said Twodashar We hate color television and football We would rather eat brown rice and gruel and pray all day. but as foreign students, we sacrifice in order to get along with our fellow students." Sowadabowdit said he has watched innumerable televised NFL games — the Rams. I es pecially detested watching the Rams How could they lose that last playoff?" - in the EMU. and eaten innumerable burgers and tons of fries "just to be friendly " But we are through with compromising our integrity." he said Sowadabowdit said that even now Iranian students are plan ning picket lines for theatres showing such "decadent" films as "Ice Castles" and "Bedk nobs and Broomsticks" and sit-down demostrations In bars to protest the consumption of liauor and hear Bring your favorite shirt in iand we’ll shit all over it. That’s our speciaity. Croup rates for large or real messy jobs. Wide variety of shit to choose from
