By Spider Webb
THEATER
"Waiting to Go." Samuel Bucket?s
classic play of two men waiting in line at
a pay toilet in the Salt Lake City bus
terminal. Oregon Respiratory Theatre.
Thursday through Sunday, 7:30 p.m.
$3.
"Don Geodesic." Modern opera by
Wolfgang Yogurt about famous lover
Don Yaun's many open relationships.
Eugene Opera? Thursday through
Sunday, 7:30 p.m. 50 cents, $8, $100.
FILM
"Droolia, " starring Jane Fondle as Lil
lian Hellperson. Touching story about
Hell person's friendship with fifth colum
nist Droolia, who is working to liberate
Michigan's Upper Peninsula. 180 PLC,
7 & 9 p.m., $1.
“Oh Shit," starring John Denver and
his left hand. 150 Science, 4 a m., five
cents.
"Kitchen Counters of the Third Kind."
The story of a man, haunted by night
mares of stained pink formica, who
goes on a quest for a tea ball that won't
drip. Friday, 180 PLC, 7 and 9 p.m., $1.
MUSIC
Happy Limbo and his Blues Ukelele.
Benefit concert for the Save the Slugs
Alliance. Tuesday, WHEW Hall, 6 p.m.,
$2.
Linda Thermostat. Singer made fam
ous by such hits as “Heart Like a Flat
Tire," “When Will I Be Paid," and "Dif
ferent Tuba.” Thursday, Mac Court, 8
p.m., sticky dollars.
Paul Sinus. Once part of a folk duo
with Artless Garfunkel, Sinus has made
it on his own with his albums “Still Grat
ing After All These Years" and "Here
Comes Whinin' Sinus." Saturday, Civic
Center, 8, 8:30, & 9 p.m., $6.
The Four Heart Murmurs. American's
oldest barber shop quartet, doing rendi
tions of such classics as “Pacemaker of
my Pacemaker" and “Sweet Insulin.”
Sunday, EMU Ballroom, 2 p.m., dona
tion one box of cream of wheat.
MISCELLANEOUS
Writer’s Forum. Quen Quesay will
discuss his novel “Sometimes a Small
Notion," the story of Hank Simper's
struggle against a toothpick conglom
erate. Also speaking will be children's
book writer Goldy Goldenrod, author of
"The Bobbsey Twins Go to Pine Ridge. ”
Tuesday, EMU Forum, 3:30 p.m., free.
Stilldeaths. Photos by Brian Danker
of famous traffic accidents in Eugene.
Museum of Art, now through Sunday,
free.
The Five-Year Dust. Museum of
Natural History personnel will also be
polishing the mineral collection. Friday,
4 p.m., free.
CLASSIFIEDS
ITOR SALE
Let Bast Condom solve your pregnancy problems
Condoms cut to size.
BEST CONDOM COMPANY
69 Hair Street
/ \
EMPLOYMENT
U. S. CENTRAL
INTELLIGENCE
AGENCY
Unique professional oppor
tunities are available for
those seniors and graduate
students completing work in:
Accounting/must be able to juggle
at least two books
Aerospace sabotage
Agricultural defoliation
Arson
Backstabbing
Blackmail
Bribery
Commando operations
Dope smuggling/Golden Triangle,
Bandon, Columbia
Demolitions
Forgery
Foreign languages/Polish, Bengla
Bengali, Samoan, Mongolian,
Latin
Front operations
Garrot
Gun running
Industrial theft/sabotage
$udo/Karate/Thumbscrewing
Keyhole photography
Kickbacks
Murder/simulation heart attacks
Opium dealing
Prostitution
Public relations
Trench Coat tailoring
Wiretapping
All initial assignments are in
Washington, D C., at the Allende
School of Political Stability.
Minimum processing required: six
days. OBTAIN YOUR APPLICA
TION FROM THE UNIVERSITY
PLACEMENT SERVICE BY APRIL
15. (Avoid the protestors by going
through the rear entrance.) Cold
stares and American flag tie clasps
preferred. IQ of 66 minimum.
Minorities and women need
not bother to apply.
On* roommate, good condtlon, acne, can't cor
nhote worth a shit Ask tor Bruce, 666-6666 4:7
Pa* ot Mack leather high-heeled boots Cheap
Cal Max. 818-1111 5:7
Mack leather cat o nine tails whip. Cheap. Cal
Max, 818-1111 5:7
Week lace alp, chains and a brown great Dane.
Cheap. Cal Max, 818-1111. 5:7
Super 8 movie camera, tripod and Ights. Cheap.
Call Max, 818-1111. 5:7
A comb uaad by John Beluahi during the Wming o<
Animal House Grease still intact. Call
239-9999 57
SO gallon* of six-month-old pigeon droppings. Stttl
Ike new. Write Mel Brooks, Holywood, CA. 5:7
1876 blue Cadillac body mktus wheels, doors,
hood, carborators, radiators. Victim oI senseless
vandalism. Cal Hank, 553-6767 5 7
Parta lor new Caddy, wheels, orange doors, pur
ple hood, corporator, radiator Victim ot over
crowded schools Cal Mugsy, 415-9990 5 7
AUTO REPAIR
VW OWNERS
Mein friends und me fix the Fatherland’s most
prized contrtbuton to der ante Industry — der Vol
kswagen Mein fine staff of master race mechanics
kan Mtzkrteg thru your car and (!x der ailments In
minutes. Ve hat vays of fixing your car.
BOmtANN-S IMPORT AUTO REPAIR
1991 Argentine Drive 666-1939
5:7
ff
PLANTS/FLOWERS
SIXTH STREET POPERY
Featuring kilos of the finest uncut Columbian. No
preservatives or oregano added. Premium qualty
and the lowest prices Always.
10tfi and high
5:7
HELP WANTED
NEED HELP?
LIZ RAY IS HERE
LOOKING FOB
SECRETARIAL HELP?
The Liz Ray Girl Service Is here tor you. All our
employees dress in the skimpiest mni-eklrts, hove
grapefruit size tozombazs and hash the sexiest
smiles. They type too. Hourly stenography rates
available: lap sitting, extra; overnight rates negoti
able
Liz Roy Girls
A Division of Lb Ray Service
1000 Undercover Arcade 239-9990
0000010
ASUO desperately in need of new student body
president. Former president lost somewhere on
vacation in Calfomia. Pay is low. but the rewards
are great. The job enables you to make colorful
statements about vital Issues concerning students
then sit back and do absolutely nothing about them
WASPs and frat boys need only apply. 5:7
Oregon Dally ImmoraM needs a variety of sick
humorists and people with chips on their shoulders
to wrle tor future edWons Applcants shoiJd have a
working knowledge of Ibel laws, defamation and
the best ways to go about both WNte, Anglo
Saxon. Protestant. Good-fearing, Heterosexual
males only. To all others, the Immorald don't want
your kind around here 5:7
GRAND OPENING
a new slow-foods restaurant
The Taco Tomb
“We ignore your order before it’s placed”
featuring
The Taco That Time Forgot
This week only:
a free cup of cold coffee with every order
Don’t hurry now!
EVENTS
The Dying Fucks gymnastics team presents. nearly
alve and almost a person, an encore performance
by
Karl
Wallenda
April 8 between sessions of the NCAA QymnasUcs
Championships, above 920 PLC Tickets $10 on
IhebuMngs, $15 at point of imped from any Dying
Fuck, or coach BM Balance-Seam. 5:7
EMU Cultural Forum preeenta
NILES NOSTRIL
ANO
HIS NINE NASTY
NOSE PICKERS
M THE MUSICAL SMASH
“I’VE GOT, YOU,
YOU BUGGER, YOU”
$1 Mac Court
5:7
N.Y.P.D. PRESENTS
SHOOT ’EM
AGAIN, SAM
Starring
WOODY ALLEN
as David Berkowttz
$1 PLC
(Anyone carrying a .44 calber pistol half prtce)5:7
ENTERTAINMENT
Richard Nixon
and
Allenwood Trio
Inhnnii >ilt h.M —_ -
Jonnny wicnM on uvnMH
"Vassal" »*-«-*- - ----
r»ppjf ntnsmin on impmu
John Doan einglng
A David Float Production 5:7
KNUT
MIDNIGHT
KICKS
Every Fri. and Sat.
Wacky Bi-Cinema
This Week
Teach Me, Now,
Behind the Screen Door
STARRING: Susie Eaze
5:7
PERSONAL
SENIORS SHOULD BE SHOT
Last requests usuaty granted
Cigar and blindfold provided
VA approved
Show time: higfi noon. EMU 5:7
THE HIT SHOP
Tired of dementing, unreasonable professors who
refuse to give incompletes for your early trip to
Nevada's Mustang Ranch 7 Tired of fellow students
who constantly peer over your Nioukfer during
tests? Tired of feiow students who refuse to let you
peer aver their shoulders during tests? Tty The Hit
Shop We can Iqildate your problem in a matter of
minutes. No job is too big for our boys Whether you
prefer big bangs and cars or ground glass and
soup, we can handto it.
119 Underworld Avenue 789-6676
34322
STUPID? YOU HAVE A FRIEND AT MORON
RIGHT. Confidential Information (we won't tet any
one who doesn't ask) and a free IQ test Call
873-6659 5:7
LANE MEMORIAL SPERM BANK
The Spermmobile wK be at 831 E. Hitartson today
Calf 666-5486 for how to make a donation
DONORS NEEDED . ..
with units of al kinds. 5:7
Arterial
Damage
All the cholesterol you can stuff into you (excluding
salads) every Tuesday and Thursday. 8 p.m. —
midnight
Lasagne Whorehouse
572 West 1/2 St
(Continued on Page 12B)
OPEN
PANTIES
DEUUlESfN
You’ll enjoy the variety and quality
you’ll find at the panty delicatessen
inside McKey’s Market, 112 Black Lace
Ave. One stop shopping for taste bud
delights.
112 Black Lace Ave.
Eugene, Oregon