All my children Wjk
If there was ever a good
reason for corporal punish
ment in the home, little Phil is it.
In fact, he’s making a complete
asshole of himself.
With Tara still in bed after her
fall, little PhH has been staying
with the Martins. But Wednes
day, Phil decided to go pick
him up and bring him home to
spend the night. Everybody
advised him not to, and little
Phil wasn't real hot on the idea,
but PhH pressured him into
doing it ‘lor his mother.”
At home, PhH went off to
cook supper, and little Phil vis
ited with Tara. After the first I
love yous were over, little Phil
announced that he wanted to
go shopping to buy a birthday
present for Tad. Tara told him
to forget it, and little Phil's reac
tion was to bounce up and
down on her bed untH he finally
spilled her dinner all over her.
Enter Phil, a few good swats
on the butt, and little Phil is off
to the phone to call his dad to
come get him. When Chuck got
there, little Phil had already
been sent to bed as punish
ment, and Phil and Tara
wouldn’t let Chuck see him.
That left Chuck pretty pissed,
and prompted little Phil to
sneak out of the house after
Phil and Tara had sacked out.
Don’t be surprised if little Phil
runs into trouble before he
makes it to Chuck's.
And Chuck’s already got
enough on his mind — he’s try
ing to convince Donna that she
should marry him. She wants
to, of course, but she isn’t sure
it’s such a good idea. Phoebe
dropped by to see her the other
day and warned her that if she
"continues to chase after my
grandson, you’ll regret it more
than you've regretted anything
in your life." Chuck and Donna
ought to just quit fooling around
and move in together.
But as one relationship be
gins, another ends. Nick told
Erica to shove it toe other day.
Seems he was upset about the
fact that Erica told Mark Dalton
the truth — that she and he
were sired by the same man.
“I'm finally starting to see
you for what you really are,
Erica, and frankly it makes me
sick.”
Even Danny Kinnicott had
problems this week. Being toe
nice guy that he is, he offered
to show Devin (she's the
By GLEN OZONEWOOD
Of the Emerald
daughter of that new divorcee
in town) around the University.
At the student union, they ran
into Brook who asked Danny to
split up to the lake with her.
Danny explained that he was
busy for a while, but that he’d
meet her there later.
Well, Brook doesn’t enjoy
people who don’t do as she
asks, and she up and went
home, leaving Danny love-sick
and worried. Looks like that
weekend of fun and sex the two
of them had planned for the
coast might never happen.
Finally, Phoebe got some
bad news this week. Re
member those pajamas Benny
stole from Mona's house? Wei it
turns out that by themselves,
they don’t constitute legal proof
of adultery. It’s going to take
some photos to convince the
court.
This is the house Aitian built
An architecture professor at the University, Grady Aition, has de
vised a building which he is convinced will bring an end to the construc
tion of the neutron bomb. In the event of a neutron bomb explosion,
according to Aition, his building falls down. "Yippie,” said Aition upon
making the discovery.
Name game: Gary-Gary-bo-bary
Gary Fieldman, a long-time champion of the feminist movement,
has once again decided to change his name. "I think it's only fair," said
Fieldman. As of today, Fieldman said, he will be known as Gary Field
person.
Void P.O.ed at pool presence
Vandals and mischief makers moved identification signs all
over campus Tuesday, causing hundreds of new campus residents and
visitors confusion.
“Are you sure there's not a swimming pool in here," asked one
would-be freshman climbing up and down the stairs of Deady Hall.
To avoid further confusion, students should make the following
changes: the building labeled "Honors College” should be labeled
“sewer," the building labeled “Hamilton" should be labeled "Gerlinger
Annex" (this is the place where you will later buy your books), the
building labeled "University Health Center" should be labeled “mor
gue," and the buildings labeled “Mens" should in fact be labeled “Uni
versity of Oregon."
Said University Pres. Nullon Void, after walking into the room
marked ‘‘Void’s Office" and finding him seif in the Gerlinger pool: “I’m
pissed."
Dear Mom and Dad,
Am really enjoying myself at Early Orientation. I’ve spent all day
taking official ‘Tours of the Dorms.” This guide takes us around to every
room and points out wierd growths and flora on the rugs.
In the cafeteria, you will be glad to know, they list the four basic food
groups, and serve each of them in equal proportions; vegetables,
meats, dairy products, and grease.
Remember Kathy and Dianne, the girls I grew up with? Kathy used
to come over to our house for lunch every day, and Dianne and I were on
the basketball team together. Well, last night I lost them in the EMU, and
they are presumed dead.
I’m still trying to vacuum up my wierd neighbor who has taken up
residence on my floor.
Hope you are f>ne, Love
Bertha
HOME FRIED TRUCKSTOP
THURSDAY
Breakfast JAMES THORENBURY
tuned BILLY
Dinner ED STEVENS
FRIDAY
Breakfasl ROSS HOGARTH
tuned DAVID GREENFIELD
Dinner JAMES THORENBURY
SATURDAY
Breakfasl IAN
Lunch DAVID WILLIAMS
Dinner MITCH LIES
SUNDAY
Breakfast GRADY AND DAVE
Deiner ED STEVENS A NO GILA
AUDITIONS FOR MUSICIANS EVERY
TUESDAY at 2 pm
SEE CLAUDIA GISELLE at Vie TRUCKSTOP
on 14th befteoan Httyard and Aldar
01996:2
CINEMA 7
ATRIUM BUILDING. SECOND FLOOR
10th and CMve. 667-0733
TONITE THRU SUNDAY
A HUMPHREY BOGART Double Feature
TREASURE OF THE
SIERRA MADRE
PLUS
JAMES CAGNEY m RAOUL WALSH S
THE ROARING 20’S
SMOWTIMES: TREASURE 7:30 pm
ROARING 20 S 6 SO pm
tBDMTE SHOWS FRL S SAT.
MAWLYN CHAMBERS la back in
THE RESURRECTION
OF EVE
RATED X — OVER IS
Required aapawla adwVaalnn
016812
PERSONAL
SELF-STOR
individual storage unit rentals
sizaa S ft. n 5 ft.. S ft. x 10 (L,
10 ft. x 10 It , and larger.
344-2710
Watt 11th and Bartalaan Road
0291 ftittn
EVERY WEEK AT MAX S '
Wednesday — Pretzel Night
Fnday — Pitcher Sale 4-6 pm
Sunday — Dart Tournament
7:21
TINO’S
DELIVERS
OUR 23 DELICIOUS
VARIETIES OF
PIZZA
Piping hot Right to your door And now we
have two delivery trucks to gtve you (aster
service Cal 342-S111 Now open until 1
a m Monday to Saturday: Midnight on
Sunday 00628Tin
PREGNANT? YOU HAVE A FRIEND AT MRTH
RtOHT. Confidential information and free pre
gnancy test CaA 687-0651
U of O CANl> CENTER is open erery night from
S p m to 8 a m to help you with any problem
Strictly confidential. 686-4488 14546 8-9
UGLY FACIAL HAM, HOW EMBAR
RASBBSGI Everyone notioes. Can be removed
safely, and permanently. Phone 687-9181 or
343-SOW Etectrology by Marian. 01816ifn
DO YOU FIND JOE INTERVIEWS
PRtOMTEMNG? Learn to increase your Aaaer
ttueneas and SeH-Confidsnoe in Job Inlorwews.
Telephone Catos* and Placement. 688-3235. aak
lor Tom — lor information about our Job Interview
Skids Workshops 7:26
THERE WILL EE a Christian Science Organization
weekly testimony meeting tonight al Wesley Censer
(13th and Kincaid next to the U.O Bookstore) 6
p.m. A* am welcome to attend 01199*4
ARE YOU BMV? N you are a woman who feats
uncomfortable in most social situations, the nstiuc
tional materials we are developing may be of help
The materials are designed to leach ways of com
fortably talking to others H you are interested,
please call the Psychology Department at
686-5050.019W:21
THE VIDA BARN — Now takipo reservations for
summer term PARTIES. MEETINGS. PICNICS.
DANCES, etc. *75 and up. 896-3913. 02885:tki
ERA SHOULD BE a matter ot your heart and con
science
Mot
751
LOOKY HERE!!!
TO THOSE NOT CONVERSANT VWTH THE
SUMMER CLASSIFIED
DEADLINES
Be advised that t you went an ad n a Thursday paper
is gotta be n by 1 pm Tuescfey Contranwne. lor a
Tuesday we have c have it by 1 pm Thusday The
locators ter ptaong ads reman the same EMU Man
Desk. llrivereffy Bookstore, and tie Emerald Offices
3rd floor of tie EMU
So. there you have it in black and white
77
TEACHERS! MATERIALS AND TEACHING
AIDS for all your classroom needs! Graduate
summer workshops too! S-T-E-P Ahead. School
Supples. 1231 Olive, 485-1041 9to 5pm Mon
day through Saturday 01943:21
PLEASE SUPPORT DEB at P C C in her dnve for
ERA Mot
7:28
LANE MEMORIAL BLOOD BANK
DONORS NEEDED
O pos . 6 units; O neg . 2 units: A pas . 7 units: A
neg, 1 unit: B pos.. 1 unit: AB pos.. 1 unit
Donor Hours: Monday thru Thursday 10:30-1:00;
Tuesday thru Thursday 2:00-4:30 and Fridays
3:00-6:30.
Calf lor appointment 484-9111
RFRG’S Eu9ene’s Qua,ity
Dcnu o Te||||js ^
Rackets by
DAVIS — HEAD — DUNLOP
WILSON — PDF
PRINCE — YONEX
RACQUETBALL SUPPLIES
24 - Hour Stringing Service
Birkenstock.
136 Las! !lth Ave Tue Sat 12 6
Ref n; rs & Resol i r ig 687 r)065
Choir Director
Wanted
Part-time. Local Protestant Church.
Minimum salary $2,000 annually.
Experience Required. An Equal
Opportunity Employer. Send resume
and references to:
Search Committee
1475 Ferry St.
Eugene, Oregon 97401
PSYCHIC
can advise on business,
love & personal
direction
Jamil
P.0. Box 10154
Eugene, Oregon 97401
Phone anytime:
^ 342-2210 484-2441
Giving your
dog away is
easier...
than training him.
But, is it fair?
“Heeling Free"
DOG OBEDIENCE
SCHOOL
484-0329
GENTLEWOMAN
presents
new ideas
for your summer wardrobe
Where
clothes
are more
than a look,
they're a
feeling.
ii
I r^f— -<
Jr.rx
tii
1639 E. 19th Ave.
19th & Agate
343-9655
MWF 10-8, T-Th-Sat 10-6,
Sun 1-5
£> EMERALD