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About Oregon daily emerald. (Eugene, Or.) 1920-2012 | View Entire Issue (May 20, 1977)
General Faculty votes By CRISP ABNORMAL Of the Immorald A 65-year struggle to oust the ASUO from campus ended Thursday when the General Fa culty voted 11-0 to eliminate the student government organization. University psycho Prof. Brain less McConnaugher has fought for 65 years to abolish the ASUO and recently became known as ‘Old Diehard” for his perennial and usually feeble attempts to crack the student organization. McConnaugher's motion to throw out the ASUO was based on the moralistic and ivory-towerish impulse that the ASUO “doesn’t even represent a majority of the student body...and lets young adults dabble in fanciful politics only to build a few egos. ”We, the General Faculty, as mature, experienced persons should provide a guiding light to those young punks who try to deal with the University on an equal basis. Don't they know by now, the biggest mistake anyone can make is to think I can make a differ ence.” If the motion is accepted by University Pres. Nullen Void, McConnaugher said he'd spring for a kegger for the entire faculty. The motion is being appealed, however, by Stupid University Assholes Board (SUAB) mem bers. A SUAB spokesperson claimed the General Faculty meet ing didn’t allow full participation from either the SUAB or the full faculty. The spokesperson charged in a memo that the vote was held at an invitation-only patio barbeque party given by Void. The memo also charged “collusion, conspi racy and down right unethical tac tics.1’ In response to the charges, Void said, “So what.” ASUO Pres. Jan Partofer said, “Hell, it doesn't faze me. I’m on my way out. I picked up my 250 clams a month and am headin’ to Frisco. I just have to leave my kids at the day care center and I’m off.” Gary Feldperson, newly elected ASUO president, was unavailable for comment because he was sit ting in the Millrace after being on the losing side of the Greek Tug of-War All my clones Well, it was a tough week for Phil. His job at the Federal Gene tics Control Bureau is really get ting him down. Seems migration control broke down near Pine Val ley, and a number of Phil’s clones made their way to his city. It really got heavy when he found his way home and found that he was al ready in bed with his wife. He’s beginning to regret the day he sold those cells to that man with the funny suit. And things didn’t go real well for Ann either. You’ll remember that she took a hand full of bio scramblers last week due to her despondency over the death of her young clone, Beth. Ann was sad enough in the first place, but what really topped it off was her husband’s observation that “it doesn’t really matter, there’s plenty more where she came from.’’ Over at the Morths, Mona’s big secret is about to get out. Everyone in town thinks she was cloned from some high class stock in Omega 4, but in reality she’s nothing more than a Gamma C mutant, many of whom were re tarded when their yeast supply was cut off during the war with the cows. When the truth is known, Mona’s marriage with chromozone magot Ivgot Yours is sure to take a slide. But for Doc. Tyler, things are looking good. Tyler, one of the few natural people in the town (he was born before they changed the water) has started up a relation ship with young and forlorn Donna Beck. Donna, the product of a sub-standard research lab in Hoboken, was happy that some one with only two eyes and ten fingers could have anything to do with her. The doc was thoughtful enough to remember Donna's birthday with a three-sleeved sweater and a pair of two-heeled sandals. Partofer says children part of election ploy Sweet 4 is still shaking from the news that Jan Partofer really isn’t the mother of three. In a suprise announcement Thursday, Par tofer revealed the news to a stun ned staff. “I know it seems under handed,” said Partofer. “But I just didn’t think being a minority would generate enough sympathy to carry the election. After all, Jim ‘We Try Harder’ Avis was Jewish.” Partofer pointed to the fact that this campus is ridden with middle class guilt and that she wanted to offer the mainstream students on this campus a chance to get rid of it. “Do you realize how many stu dents slept better all year knowing they had been part of a movement to elect a black. If I hadn’t thrown that mother bit in there, there’s a good chance I would have lost that election.” Partofer was reported to be on her way to California thi i morning, financed by the child care pay ments she’d saved all year. CLASSIFIEDS FOR SALE MUST SELL-LEAVING TOWN. 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