BITCH
BOX
By MARTHA BUXX
Of the Immorald
Broken-up bivouac brings
computered complaints
Dear Bitch Box,
I am a computered science major and have to spend 25 hours a
day in the biology robot lab programming myself into the University.
Since I hardly use my quad anymore, I decided to just bring my folding
king-sized bed along with me yesterday to the lab and set up house
keeping there until this term is over This way, I don t have to pay rent on
a seldom-used quad and I can really tune in to my programs.
When I awoke this morning after a short nap, I couldn't believe my
sensory input feeders. The custodian had the nerve to scream at me for
moving in. He pointed to the "No Overnight Camping" sign and or
dered me to leave
This University has gone overboard on its rules. My bed was only a
minor roadblock for the custodian and I don t even have to use the lab s
restroom now that I'm programmed. How in the world could the Uni
versity consider my modest setup "overnight camping"? I didn't even
bring along my Coleman stove or tent.
Disgustingly yours,
Robbie Robot
Dear Robbie,
Bitch, Bitch, Bitch. That s all you robot types ever do. What I
suggest you do is program yourself for non-sleep That way, you won't
have to sleep or use the restrooms.
But you do have a good point about the University going overboard
on its rules. I heard just the other day that the registrar is going to limit
add/drops to only that student whose first name begins with the letter u,
last name with o and whose hometown is either Canyonville or Maple
ton. The reason? Just a change of pace, according to Registrar Les
Turnurd. who declined further comment.
Editor s note: The Bitch Box is open to anyone who wants to bitch
The Immorald will answer and publish only the bitchiest letters. Please
include your name, rank and serial number in case Uncle Same gets
ahold of your letter.
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If given the chance
Geery to tackle Brooks’ post
By AL RAFFO
Of the Immorald
Thurd Geery announced today
he is challenging the appointment
of Rich Brooks as head football
coach of the Oregon Ducks.
In a totally unprepared state
ment for the media, Geery lashed
out at the Athletic Department for
their “sneaky, conniving and un
derhand tactics” used in making
the selection of the new coach.
“This is tantamount to a col
lossal quarterback sneak on the
part of the athletic department.
Who did they ever consult on this?
Were you asked about this? I sure
wasn’t,” Geery said.
Geery said he applied for the
football coaching job “as soon as I
heard the assistant golf coach’s
position was filled.”
“I repulse being subservient to
capitalistic capriciousness, in
nuendo, pestilence and all
encompassing existentialism. I’m
a derivative of the working mas
ses. I know animals. I should be
coach," Geery contended.
With the ebb of Oregon football
i'»i times at an ;.ii-time low, Geery
was asked how he might improve
ihe seemingly impossible situa
tion.
"Easy,” Geery smiled. “Well
have everybody park in Autzen
Stadium and play the games in the
parking lot. It’ll be just like 1968 all
over again. Ya know, people run
ning around all over the place
beating the shit out of each other.
Of course we’ll have the Dead
play at halftimes.”
Geery was asked what qualifi
cations he possessed that would
make him a competent coach.
Geery replied that while he had
“never even bounced a football let
alone participate in the sport” he
does have one obvious attribute.
“I’m deranged,’’ Geery leered.
“Besides I grew up in the same
state as O.J. Simpson.”
Geery s challenge will now be
brought before the athletic
department’s Football Grievances
Committee. Committee members
include Brooks, his wife Lilian and
his dog, Rosebowl.
The hearing will be held Mon
day at 1:30 p.m. in the Athletic
Department towel room.
Grab for all the gusto...
When the door swung open, I couldn’t believe the goddess that
stood before me. Her body must have been poured into that black silk
halter dress. Her firm, round ass and slim waist only accentuated her
large, tanned breasts that seemed to want to pop out of her dress, like
two plump doves escaping to feeedom.
A light dinner of oysters with bananas, grapes and tomatoes and
several glasses of sparkling Chablis set me in a passionate mood, and
our locale quickly switched from the dining table to the couch.
I gently stroked her thigh as I felt my own torrid blood surging
through my body... pulsating... it throbbed with each beat of my
heart.
She responded ecstatically, her brown firm orbs rapidly heaving up
and down as she dreathed deeper and faster.
The wine had done its duty as she sucked out the inside of my
(Continued on Page 9)
^When your ta^te grdws up,
should your cigarette
WARNjpJCi: (ilen Ozone wood has dcter
that pot \% ill grow hair on youj- lace.