Clergy Recommends
Pre-Marital Counselina
By MAXINE ELLIOTT
Regardless of its size, a Kiri’s
wedding will remain forever a
special event in her mind. In or
der to make the wedding as per
fect as possible, certain customs
should lie observed.
Of course, the wise couple dis
cusses these with the clergyman1
when reserving the church. How-1
ever, a certain familiarity with
some of the customs should he a
prerequisite before meeting with j
the pastor
Oenerally speaking, the couple!
will be asked to participate in prc-;
marital counseling. According to i
the Rev. James E. Merlin of Eu I
gene's Emerald (American) Bap-1
tist Church, counseling “is not a
requirement, but I advocate it
and, in some instances, practic
ally insist on it." Rev. Merlin said
that his view is "probably pretty
representative of most Protestant
ministers.
Pretty Well Educated
“Usually I meet with the cou
ple for at least one 45-minute
session. We'll discuss things such
as financial arrangements, em
ployment, family relationships —
things like that. . . . Birth con
trol? They're usually pretty well
educated on this point,” he chuck
led.
“Most of all. though , I try to
emphasize the spiritual aspects
of marriage—that it’s an insti
tution ordained by God.”
According to Rabbi Louis Nei
mand of Temple Beth Israel, he
tries to work out counseling ses
sions prior to the wedding.
"They’re rather elastic, depend
ing on how much time we have
and how much interest the couple
shows,” he commented.
"We assume they know enough
about the economic and physio
logical side of marriage, but we
do discuss the religious value of
marriage.
"The subject of birth control
sometimes comes up,” Rabbi Nei
mand admitted, "but since Juda
ism has no specific teachings on
the subject, our talks usually cen
ter around the couple's attitude
towards children and the sex re
lationship as a spiritual concept.”
Sometimes a Necessity
A local Catholic clergyman told
the Emerald that “premarital
counseling is a necessity only
when a non-Catholic marries a
Catholic.”
Counseling involves six one
hour sessions during which time
the couple are instructed in their
mutual rights and obligations in
religion.
."We frequently counsel other
wise,” he said, “but this is not
ordained by church law.
“Birth control is not as big a
topic as you might imagine," he
said. “Regarding the sex act, we
believe that artificial control frus
trates the essential meaning and
is against nature.
“You realize,” he continued,
"that the topic of birth control is
very involved. I’d suggest that
couples discuss this very thor
oughly with their priest rather
than take my word for it.”
Concerning marriage of per
sons with no religious affiliations,
reaction was divided.
Itev. Merlin said he would per
form the ceremony if the couple
had a healthy attitude toward a
religious marriage. “Some pastors
won't however,” he said.
“Theoretically, I suppose,” the
priest said, “1 could marry such
a couple. 1 mean, they have a li
cense and I'm legally able to do
it. 1 doubt, however, that I would,
since there are just so many c4her
things to do.”
No Disabilities
Rabbi Neitnand pointed out that
according to Judaism, there
would be "no disabilities in per
forming such a marriage, if at
least one of the persons involved
is Jewish heritage. You must real
ize that in our faith you’re always
a Jew unless you embrace an
other faith.”
Both Rev. Merlin and Rabbi
Neitnand agreed that they would
marry divorced couples in the
Church. Rev. Merlin pointed out
that all Baptists, regardless of
which branch, are free to marry
whomever they choose.
“I’m happy to marry such cou
ples in instances where the di
vorced person shows real repent
ence for the failure of the mar
riage, and understanding of the
marriage and subsequent di
vorce,” he said.
The Catholic clergyman pointed
out that such marriage are legal
under church law only under cer
tain circumstances.
“It depends on whether the
former bond was a true one,” he
explained. “This might include
civil ceremonies, death of the for
mer spouse following the divorce,
proof that the former spouse ac
tually means "I don’t” when he
said “I do.” or that the former
spouse had no intention of having
children.
"Again, I advise that the couple
discuss this pretty thoroughly
with their priest.”
Advise Against Large Wedding
The three clergymen admitted
that they sometimes perform cere
monies within the church when
the bride is pregnant.
"They don’t usually tell you
she’s pregnant, Rev. Merlin said,
“and sometimes you wish they
would.
“I’d marry them, anyway, since
I believe marriage would be the
best solution for most couples,
but I’d advise them against a
large wedding.
“Many brides want one, regard
less of whether or not they’re
pregnant, but it's not really right.
Aside from the fact that it isn’t
proper, the large wedding and
accompanying publicity often
serves to fix the wedding date
in people’s minds, and later, they
may wish that everyone wasn’t so
sure of the date,” he concluded.
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THE LOFT AT
From the Datiy Aztec,
Sen Diego State College
American colleges are turning
out a multitude of educated wo
men who are unprepared to deal
with the life of frustration they
will face.
An increasingly large number
of coeds who find their niche in
colleges these days, are pampered
and spurred on to achievement
during their four years and are
given to expect great and stimulat
ing things following their depar
ture from the ivy halls.
Sadly, the young college gradu
ate often finds .she must play the
dual role of feminine mystique
with the men in her life and the
aggressive entrepreneur in the
profession she has chosen.
Sociological studies show that
the vast majority of college grad
uated women are married within
two years after graduation.
Once in the firm bonds of matri
mony, the woman finds herself
majoring in diapers and deter
gents. Some try to escape the four
walls with outside jobs, but such
time consumption is not long tol
erated by the husband, who right
ly assumes his wife should keep
up her part of the bargain by
tending the hearth.
This is a heavy price to pay for
beingtaugbt to think logically and
independently.
Hopefully, the coed will meet
the man who will ■ encourage tier
to grow intellectually along with
him, but for the ones who don’t
meet the understanding one, how
long can they accept this dual role
and stifle their educated talent for
thinking?
Rent to Cut Costs
Rental stores can provide many
different types of furnishings for
weddings and receptions that
otherwise .would have to be pur
chased.
Besides the usual banquet tables
and folding chairs, rental stores
usually carry candalabra, flower
baskets, punch fountains, punch
bowls, cups, serving trays and
silverware.
It pays to help cut costs by plan
ning ahead and deciding what can
be rented instead of bought.
I
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Photo by BHI Johnson
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