Humor in the Union
Right:
Kill l-arujers, 29, activities
director of the Htudcnt
Union, and friend
appears to be poking fun at an
aspect of rushing activities. ( per
haps this issue of Old Oregon
should he suppressed. At least the
wiles should be held to a mini
mum. i
The author uses the device of
the literary letter to make his
point It is a letter from the rush
chairman of a fraternity to an
old alumnus explaining why the
son of that alumnus had to be
rejected for membership.
Ir the course of the letter, the
rush chairman reminds the father
that though the house in question
did not accept the boy, at least
the Upsilon Nu house did. "I tell
you truthfully, Brother Harrison,
there w <• r e some mighty long
faces in the front room the night
we dinged him," says the chair
n an. "Kvei-y one of the brothers
know that the Upsilon Nu house
got a really great kid when they
picked your boy Al. The Ups i Re
mem her our old song, 'Oops.
There (toes Another Kreshman
Ker-Plopp-?) have a great house
here at Oregon and they will cer
tainly benefit from the leadership
qualities of your boy Al."
AN A I* DISPATCH some time
ago mentioned that Sen. Olin
Johnston <D-SC) wanted Presi
dent Eisenhower to take Soviet
Premier Nikita Khrushchev to
church while he was visiting in
the United tates. "It is never too
late for a sinner to repent," John
ston was quoted as saying.
This inspired Util Landers to
write a short play, depicting the
President and the Premier in
church. An excerpt:
K: Who is that idiot who keeps
turning around and leering at
me ?
Ike: Shhh. Senator Johnston of
South Carolina.
K: That suit he's wearing is the
most hideous color I’ve ever seen.
Ike: Shhhhh! For God’s sake,
don't let him hear you say "color."
He’s a bit sensitive there.
This man Landers has a flair
for things scientific. In his as yet
unpublished article called “The
Passing of Gas,” an article sug
gesting that the use of petroleum
products in transportation is
being ushered out by the Atomic
Age, can be found as concise a
description of the operating prin
ciple of the gasoline engine as you
would want.
“The most important part of the
American car,” Landers writes,
"is the tailpipe which protrudes
from beneath the rear bumper. It
is through this tunnel that air is
sucked into the motor part and
combines with the gas to produce
fumes. It should also be men
tioned here that before reaching
the motor part the air must pass
through a device called the ‘muff
ler.’ This gadget is designed to
warm the air that might be
, sucked in on col<l <lays and bring
j it to compatible temperature with
the gasoline. Fumes are now
formed in the explosion chamber
| while an instrument called the
; piston' is depressed electrically
j (Juice supplied from a storage
battery) and compresses the
i fumes to such a degree that there
is ar. explosion. Since the cham
ber where the explosion takes
place is funnel-shaped, the great
est force is exerted on the large
end, or front, of the funnel, and
consequently the car moves for
ward."
• * *
RELIEVING THAT hi-fi and
stereo demonstration records have
overworked the sounds of freight
trams and ping pong tournaments,
Landers, in another essay, has
cone up with suggestions for
"new and exciting sounds." Let
me share with you his ideas on
two of the bands of his ideal dem
I onstration record.
“SIDE ONE. BAND ONE —
Night sounds in a TB ward. This
| would show stereo to great ad
vantage ... By closing his eyes,
i the listener could hear the full
range of really sincere coughing.
“SIDE ONE. BAND TWO —
i Fingernails scratching on a black
i board. Should be particularly
effective for straight hi-fi.
Whereas most demonstration rec
ords show up mss sounds, this
would give the treble range
chance for appreciation.”
Perhaps you would have a sug
gestion as to what Landers could
do with this manuscript. I mean
in the way of selling it.
AND SO IT GOES. One after
another (I believe that is the or
der), these articles and stories
pour out of the Landers type
writer. There is quantity here,
yes. But quality? I think we have
him there. There are flaws in his
writing, I feel sure. I know he
has to look things up in the dic
tionary. And I can t help but feel
that Landers does not really take
himself seriously in his writing.
And what about the ethical
question involved here—a busi
ness manager’s butting into the
already overcrowded w r i t i ng
field ?
So intent is this man on per
petuating the upstart Landers
Studentmanship
(Continued from page 3)
| the instructor and yourself, you
may chart your course with more
: certainty. There remain, however,
those little bits of instruction that
accompany each individual test.
Nowhere on the collegiate scene,
perhaps, is there more room for
! misunderstanding.
Some typical test instructions
are given below, and their correct
meanings follow in parenthesis.
Master these and you're well on
I your way to getting a four-point.
Identify briefly. (This is an
j abbreviation for "Identify brief
| ly and you’ll get an F.” Give
every fact, relevant or irrelevant,
about the subject.)
Give your opinion of. (“Give
the instructor’s opinion of.”)
He specific: (“Quote the text
book.” )
Discuss. (“Tell everything you
know about the subject.” )
Compare and contrast. (“Tell
everything the instructor knows
about the subject.”)
Write an essay about. (“Tell
everything anyone in the world
knows about the subject.”)
Multiple choice: pick the cor
rect answer. ("Multiple choice:
pick the least ambiguous an
swer.”
IV. OPINIONSHIP AND
MATURITYSHIP
This is the subtlest approach
to not studying, and therefore the
most dangerous. Its success rests
upon one of the real weak spots
of the humane teacher: he will
not flunk a mature student who
obviously is in school to learn and
to form opinions.
Gpinionship should be employed
only by students with heavy
beards, although married coeds
can also use it to advantage.
Express yourself. Disagree with
the instructor occasionally, pref
acing your remarks with a state
ment like, “I’ve found in my
experience that...” Hint that
you’ve traveled around the globe,
at least, and perhaps have even
written a few books.
Or says, "Don’t you think, hu
man nature being what it is, that
maybe ..
If you are truly an older stu
dent, and your instructor is on
the young side, you can under
ideal situations risk a remark
like, "You know, I used to feel
the same way you do about it.
The longer I kick around, though
And there is this added ad
vantage: if your eyes reflect a
hard glint of assurance, your in
structor may actually be afraid
to argue with you.
(I can't help adding here that
Crenshaw once actually con
vinced his instructor that he—
Crenshaw—had written the text
book under an assumed name.
The instructor, who was fresh
out of college, left the teaching
profession within a few weeks.)
If you try this method it's a
good idea to sprinkly your con
versation with phrases like, "G.I.
Bill . .. my first wife ... before
the war .. .the other day my kid
said..
literary legend that he is now en
couraging his seven-year-old son
■Jeff to write stories. Here is “The
Mountoun Climber,’’ the latest in
a series by young Landers (I be
lieve it should be quoted in full):
“Once there was this moun
toun climber, his name was Dick,
every time he tried to climb a
mountoun, he tumbeled down, the
others laughed at him. and every
time they laughed at him, he got
angry, and chased them away.!
and that happed so on, and so on,
and so on. every time he chased
them, they Told the boss. Dick•
was thinking of a way to get rid
of them, then he got an idea, he
put water on every mountoun I
they know of. one day the men
were climbing mountouns, and
guess what happed? they slped,
and tumbeled down, this time
they chased him. Dick ran to the
Boss, the boss fired him. Dick
went home with a mad look, the
end.”
What is the point of this story ?
I doubt that young Jeffrey could
tell you. There is a vagueness
here. A frustration. The story is
depressing. And one can hardly
help noticing the errors in punc
tuation. spelling, capitalization. I
have nothing against this boy per
sonally, but it's obvious he's not
much more of a writer than his
Old Man.
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