Bouncin Gives
Farewell Talk
(Continued from page one*
•nly expression was one of sur
prise. In a whispered asside he
said to an Emerald reporter:
‘‘Write this down, will ya' ? Re
minder—underscore that. Have
l.ois darn up the hole in thq toe of
my left sock the yellow ones.”
The reporter took down the mes
sage and then looked at the presi
dent’s feet. Sure enough, there
was his big toe shining in the
moonlight.
Steps on Seal
OUAS President Fairy Bouncin
then stepped onto the great seal
and planted his feet firmly in prep
aration for his address.
Flash bulbs flared and reporters
from the wire services rushed for
telephones to file first leads of
this historic occasion. This was
really news! The first time in the
history of the University of Oregon
that the OUAS president had de
livered his farewell address while
standing in his stocking feet on
the great Oregon seal at a few
minutes past midnight on a moon
light night.
Our own Fairy then began to
speak in a voice that was clearly
audible for a quarter-of-a-mile. He
said many things and in all fair
ness and so that there will be no
chance for a misquotation his ad
dress is printed in its entirety as
follows:
“My fellow students, blah—blah
■—blah—blah . ..”
Petitions Due—
Come on kiddies, it's time to turn
in all your nice little petitions for
some of the following stupid activi
ties. Student government takes the
cooperation of everybody, and gra
cious! you wouldn't want to be the
one that brought student govern
ment to a standstill, would you ?
Well, then, unclasp your grubby lit
tle hands from around that bottle
and start filling out a petition for . .
Phi On Ewe, national service fra
ternity for ex-Cub scouts. Minimum
g.p.a. of 1.25 is required. No experi
ence needed. Plenty of room for ad
vancement. If you want to get
ahead, join this forward-looking
group. Deadline is May 15.
Theta Sigma Phi, small girl's
mud-pie and sewing group, rumor
ed to have some connection with
journalism. Requirements: Must
speak English, high school gradu
ates preferred but exceptions made.
Turn in your petitions to your local
bartender.
U. S. Army, recreational and so
cial group, numerous positions op
en. Short hours, good pay. Forward
I petitions to Josef Stalin, Kremlin,
Moscow.
-SDX
And. to paraphrase a Southern
patriot: "TNE ain't dead; it’s just
restin’ awhile!”
-SDX
Type for this special issue was
set by a one-eyed Linotype opera
tor named George, who was drunk
at the time and continually mum
bled “etaom shrdlu" “etaoin shrd
lu” under his breath.
CAMPUS QUEEN
; Qun-n Jrannr CX.Vll smiles for
camera after grasping control
of the 212th annual Lost Week
i end.
The motto of the congressmen
who have cut flood control project
funds seems to be: •‘Millions for de
fense, but not one cent for tribu
taries.
Campus
Will-Qa-Round
Hendricks Hall i
Seven births were reported In j
Hendricks this week-end. All of j
the wee ones are doing fine, said !
the housemother. She said the]
house cut. Dimples, presents Hend
ricks with a family about this
time every spring. "It's amazing,’1 j
she said vaguely.
Stan Ray Hall
Eighty-five per cent of the resi
dents in Stun Ray Hall have gotten j
married during the past two weeks.!
All of the married men intend, to’
move out of the dorm en masse
and buy the nearest motel. Arlo
Giles, counselor, had little to say.
“I'm not a political hack.” he said,
"but if they'io not married they
should be. My campaign didn't cost
me one red cent and that'o more
than Taft can say . .
McChesnev Hall
The fellows in McChesney voted
unanimously to become members
of P&nhellenic. Walt Kreauff,
counselor, indicated he was de
lighted over the vote. "My opinion
of sororities and fraternities is
well known," said Freauff. "We
plan to welcome them with wel
come arms."
Sigma Nu
Jerry Crary doesn't live here
1 anymore.
Sherry Ross Haii
All the felows In Sherry Kohs
were Him ply dollrlctm with joy to
discover thnt Hon Barnes had
pinned Turkey Nekelin in 1(1 sec
onds flut the other night. The
bout was fought under Marquis of
Quernsbury rules. Dave Strauss
also pinned Cameron Thom and
Carl Anderle fought a draw with
Mrs. Williams. The nature lovers
are going on their weekly flower
gathering trip this Wednesday.
Delta Delta Delta
The tri-dells held their annual
beer-bust in the basement of .John
son Hall last Saturday. Dr. Slow
btirn served refreshments until re
lieved .by Donald Duck Shoeahine
Iri the revi i.th. No hits, no runs, i;$
errors. Three trl-delts received
their diplomas.
Barrister Inn
The fellows in Barrister Inn have
signed a non-swearing pledge ret
roactive to the first of the year.
This is in keeping with their policy
of clean minded living. Only uae
member of Barrister objected
the retroactive clause. Walt I'ro
bret said he considered it un
ethical, irrelevant, and beside the
point. "Besides," said Wattle. "I
have use.I 4700 cuss words since
Jan 1. 1951. My conscience will
never be purged."
PHOTOS TAKEN ON CAMPUS
SYLVIA REAMES
LONGWOOD
COLLEGE
54
NO UNPLEASANT AFTER-TASTE
OVER 1500 PROMINENT TOBACCO GROWERS
SAY: "When I apply the Standard Tobacco Growers’
Test to cigarettes I find Chesterfield is the one that
smells Milder and smokes Milder."
A WELL-KNOWN INDUSTRIAL RESEARCH
ORGANIZATION REPORTS: "Of all brands tested,
Chesterfield is the only cigarette in which members
of our taste panel found no unpleasant after-taste."
LIKE THOUSANDS OF AMERICA'S STUDENTS
MAKE THIS MILDNESS TEST YOURSELF AND GET
WHAT EVERY SMOKER WANTS
4
LEADING SELLER
IN AMERICA'S
COLLEGES
HESTERFIELD