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About Oregon daily emerald. (Eugene, Or.) 1920-2012 | View Entire Issue (May 11, 1945)
Just so you won’t waste any time reading when you could be looking, we’ll make it short and sweet. The luscious object of your attentions is Yvonne De Carlo, the girl whom Producer Walter Wanger picked from 20,000 beauties to be his exotic Salome in Universal’s “Salome, Where She Danced.’’ Okay, now you can go back to looking. SlUjJdhf, Hixjid Sinuoit By BILL BUELL Beneath the placid surface of the University of Oregon academic world sinister forces are at wrork attempting to undermine the great American economic system of free enterprize that has made .our country what it is today. Together with the American economic sys tem they would destroy the Am erican form of government, the American church, the Americau home, and the honor of American womanhood. The leader of these radical agents who subtly seek to poison the minds of American youth with -Iftreign ideologies is Dr. Calvin Crumbaker, professor of eco nomics. Dr. Crumbaker openly advocates an expanded PWA after the pres ent war. At times he has even gone so far as to demand that the gov ernment waste more of the public funds in the construction of more such useless dams as Boulder, Bonneville, and Grand Coulee. Such public projects, as everyone knows, are nothing but the opening wedge of socialism. Students in Professor Crumbak er’s class testify that he has openly and maliciously criticized the Pews, DuPonts, Morgans, Rocker fellers, nad other great leaders of American economic democracy. Comrade Crumbaker is a blind disciple of such utopian and mud dle-minded radical dreamers as Lord Keynes, Alvin Hansen, and William Beveridge, advocates of social security, compensatory econ omy, full employment, and other socialist doctrines. In addition to such intellectual heresies as those mentioned above, there is definite documented evi dence that Crumbaker is in cno stant contact with various radical leaders and organizations. On January 21, 1944 Tovarich Crumbaker was seen in the College Side inn drinking a Coco-Cola with an intimate acquaintance of an acknowledged member of the Com munist party of America. On January 23, 1944, Crumbaker sent a check of $.50 ot the terasur er of the Community party of Am erica. The receipt sent to Crum baker by the Communis tparty is in our files at the present time and any of our readers who wish to do so may eprsonally examine it. J"mbhmi nds.A-& ETAOIN ETAO On September IS, 1945 Comrade Crumbaker mailed a check for $.75 to the National Citizen’s Political Action committee. According to the unassailable word of Republi can Presidential Candidate Thomas E. Dewey, the NCPAC is. a Com munist front organization. Several times during winter term Crumbaker was seen talking with the notorious Bolshevik agent, Robert E. Hinds. Hinds wears red socks. The most incriminating evidence against Tovarich Crumbaker is a letter from that wel-known har binger of radicalism, Henry A. Wallace, to the rabble-rousing red labor leader, Sidney Hillman. Wal lace, writing Hillman, states that “Calvin Crumbaker, an economics professor at the University of Ore gon, is one of the staunchest sup porters of the Century of the Com mon Man.” No more pernicious and un-Am erican doctrine than that of “The Century of the Common Man” has ever been propagated on these shores. Calvin Crumbaker is an en emy of America. He would replace the Stars and Stripes with the red banner of atheist Communism. He should be publicly exposed and dis honorably discharged from the position of trust which he now holds. Shakily Sell ol Buell By BILL SINNOTT Probably the best known reac tionary professor of the campus is Hoyt Franchere. This constant reader of the Chicago Tribune and the Reader’s Digest has been com mended for his efforts to innocu late the principles of the American Way of Life in his students by Elizabeth Dilling, Martin Dies, and Gerald L. K. Smith. Mr. Franchere is believed to be the author of the scheme by which the National Association of Manu facturers plans to propagandize kindergarten kiddies in favor of that antiquated system of free en mprise. The professor believes children of that tender age should not come under the pernicious in fluence of such economic heresies as one finds in comic strips such as Little Orphan Annie. Mr. Franchere’s idol is Herbert Hoover—his fellow Iowan. He re grets keenly that Mr. Hoover is not president in this crucial per iod. Mr. Hoover realizes that car tels are necessary to combat the dumpings of Red Russia; whose leaders Mr. Franchere once so aptly termed “the crocodiles of the Kremlin.” . Franchere’s current crusade is directed against the so-called Lublin government of Soviet stooges. He regards the London government-in-exile as being made up of the representatives of the only classes that matter to him— the aristocrats and the officers. We have discovered that Mr. Franchere’s vacations are spent at the South Carolina plantation of Clare Boothe Luce. La Luce has great confidence in Franchere’s ability to bamboozle the masses. He has thought to have collaborat ed with her in her famous “G. I. Jones' Speech.” Another friend of Mr. Franchere is Vivian Kellems. Miss Kellems, according to Professor Franchere, is a striking example of the initia tive and driv ethat our competitive system develops. Her patriotism was libelously attacked by some of those bureaucratic communists who have never met a payroll in their lives. • Mr. Franchere believes that ad vertisers should control the edi torial policies of our free press. After all, Mr. Franchere argues, haven’t our big corporations the principal stake in our country? Recently Mr. Franchere gave an enlightening talk to the Lane county chapter of Pro-America. He told these patriotic citizens not to read the Register-Guard. The edi tor, Bill Tugman, was in the pay of Moscow. Mr. Tugman had de sired the nomination of Henry Wallace, that starry-eyed crack pot, as vice-president. “Think ladies,” said Mr. Franchere, “your husbands, iceboxes, and D.A.R. pins might have been sent to the Hottentots as reverse lend-lease!” Another reactionary professor is Willis Merriam. His mentor is Colonel McCormick of the Chicago Tribune. It is rumored that Bertie asked Professor Merriam to be his best man at his recent wedding. Professor Merriam is an ardent admirer of Francisco Franco. El Caudillo recently made him a knight Grand Cross of the Order of Isabella la Catolcia. Dr. Merriam’s laudatory praises of Franco were castigated by Rob ert Hinds lately in the Emerald. Hinds fought on the Loyalist side in the civil war as a member of the Abraham Lincoln brigade. Mr. Hinds accused Mr. Merriam of be ing in the pay of the Standard Oil company. Dr. Merriam retaliated by calling Hinds a red who de voured “In Fact” and the “New Republic” every week. Gunnery Instructor: Now listen, you guys, this new bullet will pene trate three inches of wood; so you keep your heads down. VIEWING THE NEWS By KIRKE L. SIMPSON Associated Press War Analyst Moscow’s celebration of V-E day when it did come lacked nothing in enthusiasm due to delay. The Russians went at it whole hog once they knew the war in Europe was over. Their spontaneous demonstration before the United States embassy in Moscow, like the fervor of Russian greeting of American troops on the Elbe in Germany, testified to Russian public appreciation of the American share in the vic tory. The signing and sealing of surrender terms at General Eis enhower’s headquarters at Reims was just a preliminary step in Russian eyes apparently. It took formal ratification of the ca pitulation in Berlin to satisfy Moscow that the end had come. Kussians Wait Patiently That had been Russian practice from the first in announcing military victories. They waited long sometimes, even after Nazi official admission that a particular city or fortress had been taken, to confirm the news in a Stalin order of the day. The idea was, presumably, that the victory announced should be beyond ques tion. By the time Moscow heralded it the ground taken had not only been occupied but well consolidated. In effect, of course, Russian procedure tends to dramatize the German surrender in Russian eyes as a Russian victory with allied assistance. Maybe it was planned that way. As this was written no mention had been made in Moscow accounts of the preliminaries at Reims which set off victory celebrations on both sides of the Atlantic. Be that as it may, there is certainly no disposition this time in this country or in Britain to start an argument over who won the war in Europe. Both nations are too deeply concerned with getting on without delay in the remaining war against Japan. Whether Russia is to join the United Nations war-fellowship against Japan is the dominant military unknown quantity of the moment. Pacific War Could Use Reds Russian entry into the war in the Pacific could have as great or greater psychological effect on Japan than its immediate mili tary impact. It might induce a Japanese surrender before utter devastation is visited upon Japanese cities and communications by air as a prelude to invasion. The climax came in Germany with every evidence that panic reigned in and out of German armies over the approach of Rus sian hosts. Japan faces the same situation if armies from China are included in allied invasion forces as they probably will be. Surrender now or soon in the Pacific would mean surrender to the United States which aside from China has thus far carried the main war burden in that theater. A time is coming when in telligent Japanese, perhaps the God-emperor himself, may see that as the better choice. i -tJlXjLA who deserves only the best. * You will find lovely lingerie in white and tea rose. * Smart blouses in white or colors will bring a sparkle into your Mother’s eyes on Mother’s Day at— Gordon’s of course