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THE UNIVERSITY OF OREGON
University of Oregon, Eugene, Oregon
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Clair Johnson, managing editor
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The Oregon Daily Emerald, official student publication of
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periods all of P~ ember except the first seven days, all of
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‘True Princeton
Gentleman”
JOHN DUNCAN SPAETH, whose commence
ment address will give godspeed to the class
of ’36 when it pushes off next month, is by no
means a stranger to the campus. The veteran
Princeton professor seven times has taught at
summer sessions, where his ruddy good-humor has
won him a raft of friends.
Dr. Spaeth's long suit is his eternally boyish
wit, which makes him the kind of teacher that
every young professor must aspire to be, and the
kind whom every student must long to have.
Nothing of the musty academic about him, he did
a double-shift at Princeton for 15 years, coaching
the varsity crew and professing English.
Few men well-qualified as he could he chosen
for sending a body of champing young graduates
out into the world, for there is in Dr. Spaeth
something of the pioneer spirit, a spiirt that has
made him dare to undertake a new career, presi
dency of the newly opened University of Kansas
City, at an age when most men would be thinking
of a quiet place in the country.
# * *
A legend at Princeton, according to Time
magazine, is the account of Dr. Spaeth’s parting
words to a Princeton crew before it went up
against a crack team of Harvard oarsmen, “You
will doubtles be beaten," he said. "But winning
doesn't mean anything. I don’t care whether you
win or not. I just want you to behave like true
sportsmen and true Princeton gentlemen." The
Princeton crew upset the dope, however, and
skimmed in ahead of the Harvard shell. Returning
to the boathouse, still deporting themselves like
“true Princeton, gentlemen," the victorious crew
got somewhat of a jolt to find Coach Spaeth
jumping up and down on the dock, roaring: “We
beat the--s! We beat the - —
-s!”
* * *
In a letter to Dr. James Gilbert, accepting the
commencement invitation, ex-Coach Spaeth insists
that Time magazine has maligned him. “My
friends know that it is not my custom to speak in
blanks!” he cracked.
Chafing all year with resentment that holidays
should be pared and schedules juggled so that
commencement exercises may be held before sum
mer vacation, students can now consider the game
worth the candle, for the chance of hearing Dun
can Spaeth will prove a delightful and illuminating
compensation.
The appearance of Dr. Spaeth, veteran educa
tor, sports enthusiast, good fellow, and “true
Princeton gentleman,” is an event for eager antici
pation, and one that will not be soon forgotten.
Hilarity in Hitlerland
\ N edict prohibiting a sense of humor!
That should be Hitler’s next move.
’Cause some day 60 million people are going to
bust right out laughing in Germany, and Charlie
Chaplin will have to hide out in the woodshed.
A few weeks ago the head of the German
church in Naziland revised the Bible to conform
to National Socialist policies. Salient features of
the new Bible was a new fifth chapter of Mathew,
in which good Nazis were adjured that in case
some ignorant persons should slap them on their
right cheeks, they should not immediately rise up
in wrath, but wait for an apology.
Last week a copy of Hitler’s favorite piece of
literature, “Mein Kampf," was promised to each
birdo and bridegroom, as they left the bridal
halter, in Germany. Presumably it will take its
place in the embryonic library of the newlyweds,
alongside such indispensable works as “What
Kvery Young Married Couple Should Konw,” and
“Care and Feeding of Babies.”
This week Adolph perpetrates- another gem of
humor with the order that the popular sausage
must henceforth be addressed by only one cogno
men, that determined upon by the National Social
ist party. No nation can be really united in spirit
with a dozen localized names for sausages, says
Hitler, so “Frankfurt yellow sausage" becomes
extinct in Nazi usage.
Smedley Butler, in his recent assembly address
on the campus, declared that the most powerful
weapon for the prevention of war is a sense of
humor. ’ Granted he was in large measure right,
what a boon to the rest of the world it would be*
if Germans today saw Hitlerism as others see it!
And what a brand book of humor could be made
out of a compiliation of the orders issued by Hitler
since the birth of his dictatorship in 1933!
‘Dinner at Eight’
Will Be May 21-23
New York Critics Hail Play
Ah Season’s Best; Lulna
Fcrber is Co-author
Playing dates for the University
theatre production of "Dinner at
Eight,” by George S. Kaufman and
Edna Ferber, have been set for
Thursday, Friday, anti Saturday,
May 21, 22, and 23.
In "Dinner at Eight" Kaufman,
author of many Broadway success
es, and Edna Ferbqp, known inter
nationally for her powerful novels
of American life, have combined
their talents to create a scintillat
ing and moving' drama. When the
play ran in New York it was hailed
by critics as the most successful
production of the year.
Horace W. Robinson, director,
has assembled a rust of 21 students
from the Guild Hall players and
technique of acting class to fill
the roles which range from an
Italian chauffeur who is quick with
a carving knife to Carlotta Vance,
a fading beauty of the stage. Un
der tlic suave exterior of tire char
acters in "Dinner at Eight" seethes
a‘ cross section of love, jealousy,
greed and ruin.
“Dinner at Eight" will be pre
sented on the Guild theatre stage
in the University administration
building. The theatre workshop
class will construct the setting de
signed by Horace W. Kobinson and
act as technical crew for the pro
duction.
SI n«sy (>tmn
(Continued from payc one)
with overalls on?” Inquired the
disappointed interviewer.
“Oli, i lost Al's pin down the
drain, and was trying t<> get it
back.” She displayed seven rusty
fraternity pins, an Kugle scout
badge, and a button that said,
“War? We s:iy no!'' “Hut t didn't
find it, Oh, well," a n d s h e
scratched her back philosophically,
“He’ll get it at the other end."
“I'm here to delve into your his
tory," said the reporter important
ly, opening his notebook.
“Straight A s." announced Slug
ay ptotindly. “You see, die pro!
and I . . . ” >
"Hut I mean your personal his
tory',’’ corrected the interviewer.
“If you think that isn't personal
In exuspe ration, the reporter
swung a right viciously, but
Slugsy deftly side-stepped, then
grabbed his arm, and with prac
ticed ease, s\\ uug him over her
shoulder across the room.
“You don't think I been Al’s girl
all these years for nothing do
you ?" she said, helping the dazed
press representative to his feet,
and then knocking hini down
again. “Now we’ll get on with it,"
she smiled, jumping up und down
on his head. “What did you want?”
An hour later, the reporter, with
his head in a sling, silently took
note, one eye warily on Slugsy, one
on the door, another on his note
book, anil the other roving around
ns a substitute, in case anything
Should take one of his eyes.
Slugsy Gunn was born in Gulp
ing Gulch, Massachusetts, while
her parents were abroad. She at
tended the Belcher School for Ad
vanced Morons, graduating with
honors and several well-known pol
iticians; was matriculated into the
University from the Topeka Horne
for Wayward Girls.
"My favorite book is ‘Grimm's
Hairy Tales,’ by Aesop," simpers
Slugsy, "my favorite music is
Mendelberg’s ‘Wedding March,'
and itry favorite dish is broken."
Master Dance
Tryouts May (>
Numbers for Program oil
May 20 Considered at
Praetiee Meet
try-outs for the annual recital I
of Master Dance will be held Wed
nesday, May (!, at 7:30 p. m. in
the gymnasium of Gerlinger hall.
Mrs. Kaye Knox, director of the re
cital, has announced. Persons or
groups interested need not be in
costume when they present their
dance. Members of Master Dance
and Mrs. Knox will judge the num
bers.
A tentative program for the re
cital, which will be hold May 20,
was considered at the practice last
evening. The dances are all orig
inated and carried out by the stu
dents themselves; nothing is re
vived from previous performances j
or copied' from other dances, Mrs 1
Knox states. 1 iecnuse appropriate
music cannot be found for several
of the dunces, special music is be-!
iug composed by Mrs. Catherine I
Holman, accompanist for t h o
group.
For the first time in several
years, the men's rhythmic class and
the women's intramural dancing
class will present a number for the
recital.
Orchises, organization at Oregon
State College which corresponds toj
Master Dance, is giving a recital
May 7 and 8, which members of
the local group will probably at
tend.
i
1936 Freshman
Counselors Meet
Dean Schwering Explains
Principles of System anil
Challenges Girls
Dean Hazel Schwering spoke to
a number of University women
yesterday, introducing them to the
principles and ideals of frosh
counsellors, while Josephine Mc
Gilchrist explained the system
under which they were to work
this coining year.
Describing the different attiudes
that would be adopted by fresh
men, Dean Schwering told how
each girl would have the oppor
tunity to help bewildered new
comers in adjusting themselves to
the friendly spirit of the Oregon
campus.
“It is a challenge,” she said, “to
every one of you to see how much
influence you can have on them.
Be sure to remember to foster the
"hello" spirit and also that you are
University of Oregon women.”
The latter statement was made
to impress upon her listeners the
importance of the atmosphere they
would create by their letters this
summer.
Under the new plan for this
year, freshmen will be assigned
throughout the summer, at which
time counsellors will immediately
correspond with their “little sis
ters," encouraging a friendship for
the coming year.
This meeting was the first of a
series to be held each Tuesday un
til the end of the term.
hlll<»C‘IH‘ Mothers
To Name ()f fleers
The Eugene Oregon Mothers
club will meet this afternoon at
-•'30 o'clock in Gerlinger hall to
elect officers for the new year, and
to make plans for entertaining
visiting mothers during Junior
Weekend.
The meeting will be a social tea.
of which ilrs. Dan Johnston and
Mrs, Herbert M. Koome are in
charge. Assisting them are ills.
A. h. Setlier, Mrs. S. A. Sexsmith.
ill - 1>. W. DeBusk. Mrs William
Barker, and Mrs. J. K. Nasholni.
Mrs. Louis k. Bean is now presi
dent of ttie organization, and Mrs.
Dal it. Young is secretary.
•Mrs. Hazel I’. Sclnvering. dean
of women, will speak at the meet
ing. All Eugene mothers are in
vited.
Send the Emerald to your friends.
Subscription rules ijib.ou a year.
Innocent Bystander
❖
lllilllllllllllllllllll!!lllll!ll!lllllllllllllllllll!llllllllll|!lll«IIIUI«llinil
By BARNEY CLARK
!llllillf!llim!lll!l!l!llll!ll!l!!lllllllllllllllllll!
So you thought I was dead
eh, my flabby-faced sextette?
That shows how little you get
around, my pretties. Even
Marsh knew that a flicker of
life still lingered in the old hulk
and Marsh Is practically vege
table at that!
But YOU I curl my lip!
Shall vve discuss something
more pleasant?
* * *
This is a subject I really hate
to go into but it must be done,
if only to expose Harold J. No
ble.
Last week Lyle Baker, B.
Clark, and George “Bugs'’ Cal
las gathered together to do a
spot of studying in preparation
for the morrow's Modern Eur
ope mid-term. Their research
into the subject took hours and
hours and hours and concluded
only when the birdies were twit
tering in the early dawn.
“Now," says Baker sensibly,
“We’d better not go to bed or
we’ll forget all we have learned.
I propose we stay awake until
the exam.” The motion was car
ried and the three fatigue-rid
den victims kept their scratchy
eye-balls open until 11 o’clock.
With joy in their hearts they
hastened to the classroom and
took their seats. They waited.
And waited.
Aid waited some more.
At last, with sickening clar
ity, they realized that Harold
J. Noble WAS NOT GOING TO
TURN UP!
Think of it! Hours of agony
and then no Harold! Clearly a
ease for the American Legion, if
there ever was one.
The long-awaited Chi Psi-Phi
I’si beer bust occurred the other
evening (though ‘occurred’ is
probably the wrong word). The
evening was marked by a start
ling display of fireworks, acro
batics, and oratory. “Rudie the
Rodent" Monte, prominent af
ter-dinner speaker, terminated
the evening by crawling into a
telephone booth and refusing to
emerge no matter what the in
ducement. He dictated the story
of his life (considerably gar
bled) over the wire to an un
known female, however, and of
fered no end of amusement to a
large audience. Bill Marsh fell
over a set of shelves placed at
the head of the third-floor
stairs and accompanied them
down to the landing, where a
considerable area of plaster
wall suddenly ceased to be.
Berk Mathews gave a clever
and persistent imitation of Lady
Godiva and Wendell McCool
added to the jollity of the eve
ning with a case of canon
crackers, from which everyone
got a sample, thoughtfully pre
ignited. Tired but happy the
boys trooped to their cast-iron
cots at an early hour (in the
morning' and dropped into in
stant slumber. All of which just
goes to show you what healthful
exercise can do for a growing
boy.
The following ditty is respect
fully dedicated to Harold J. No
ble, in awe and wonder.
Our t'ul Hal
■ Tell me not in mourtUul aunt
tiers
vThat my GPA’s too low;
That the gin that I’ve been
drinking
Hots the stomach sure-and slow.
Tell me not my gal's unfaithful,
Minor news can't bother me,
Since I’ve just cracked Harold
Noble
For a large and gaudy 'B'.”
“Shucks, It's only beer!’’
The Marsh
Of Time
By Bill Marsh
This writer hates to go Win
ched on you lads and lassies,
but half a dozen or so people
tipped me off to some dirt that
is so dirty that I can’t resist
printing it.
Sc: What Alder street soror
Ity was recently paid a visit by
what recently defeated campus
politician? And why did the
gals living in said sorority tilt
their noses a hit higher than
they are usually tilted, and re
fuse to accept this man's con
gratulations for their being on
the winning side? And why did
they make smart cracks and
catty remarks which added
nicely to the pain of defeat?
And why do these gals think
they’re so darn good anyway
that they don't have to accept
the courtesy of congratula
tions?
It’s a funny thing. People
that are usually the snootiest
are the ones with the least to
be snooty about.
For you chaps who like to
listen to the clink of the chips
once in a while, I have an in
teresting story. It concerns it
self with one Nick-the-Greek,
the most colorful gambler ever
to thrive in the land of suckers
and plenty.
Nick, one fair night, got him
self into a game of stud. Before
long, his sensitive nostrils be
gan to tingle with the unmis
takable odor of dead fish. In
other words, Nick felt that the
game wasn’t exactly on the up
and-up.
The cards weren't marked,
yet the other players always
seemed to know what his hole
card was. He looked around,
innocently enough, and noticed
a mask on the wall behind him.
Through that mask a man was
peeping, tipping the other play
ers off as to what Nick had
buried.
In spit of that handicap, N ick
cleaned up. And here’s how he
did it.
In the clean-up pot, his high
est card showing was an ace,
while his highest rival hand
boasted only a jack. The tipster
signaled the other that Nick’s
hole card was a king. So the
other—with a jack in the hole
kept over raising.
At the showdown. Nick
turned up an ace instead of a
3ST Gamma Pin Beta pin on
campus Thursday night, April
2d. Howard. Call 772.
king, and his pair of bullets
tock the huge clean-up pot. He
had torn off a corner of a king
card, and held it to the corner
of his buried ace during the bet
ting, thus cheating the cheaters
into thinking he had an nec
king high instead of a pair of
aces.
Smooth ?
A hundred years is nothing to
a Harvard man. On September
18, 1936, when Harvard's ter
centenary celebrations will of
ficially be over, a member of
the Harvard alumni association,
by prearrangement, will rise
and say, “Mr. president ... I
move that this meeting be ad
journed to September 18, 2036.”
Even so, in 1836 did someone
stand up and say, "Mr. presi
dent ... I move that this
meeting be adjourned to 1936.”
Bang goes a century!
Europe Firsthand
By Howard Kessler
Yesterday there came a letter from the slender, swarthy,
young Blue Shirt whom I met in Malaga, the radio enthusiast and
Fascist who hoped that some day he might come to America and
make his fortune, in the past years his English has improved, and
with it has grown his desire to see the sky-line of New York.
Dear Howard: (he writes)
Very many thanks for your letter. I am so glad to hear from
you and that you are keeping well. I remember also your friend
the old Australian. I am now very busy at work and thinking also
to go to your country, but it is possible that I will go not very
alone, because I will go with my girl.
Have you also a fiance? I am study in the Granada University,
that city is very famous by olds monuments. I go there only for
passing examination, once by year, in June. Now, I want to tell you
something about the last Spanish occurrences. In the present
moments, as you know our president is Dn. Manuel Azana he is very
clever man, but there are many opinions in the country and people
are never satisfied.
La3t months, I know that something happens in Granada and
also in Madrid, but not very dangerous. In Granada socialist and
fascist have arguments.
In Malaga the situation is the same as when you were here,
some people were a little afraid thinking that the communist party
would make some trouble, but nothing happen, so the situation here
is O. K.
This winter has been here many tourist specially English.
I want to know if it is possible to make some business in
your Country with some tipic Spanish object. I have bought in a
little Spanish town some very nice table centre charmingly em
broidered in shades blue and black. I also have some tipic Spanish
bag where girls keep everything necessary for to sew, I have also
Spanish pots and everything you think can be interesting for selling
there.
If you are so kind telling me if it is possible to sell it in your
Country, I thank you very much. Are you interested in stamps
collection? I can send you stamps from my Country that I am
quite sure you have never seen. If you are really interested in it
tell me, and also if you like ours tipical festival Bull-Fight (Cor
ridas de toros) I give you many picture and papers about it.
If you have stamps from your Country and also from America,
I will be very glad if you send some of them to me, because my
girl likes very much stamps collection. We have here stamps from
your Country but generally the most usual.
What do you think about Hauptmann? Here the most people
think he was innocent, and when we know that Hauptmann was
killed, every one said that it was a pity. Of course we dont know
so many thing about him as you know' and possible your opinion
will be different.
I do hope you can understand this letter, I have typed it instead
of writing as I know that it may be a little difficult for you to
read my writing.
Trusting that you will write soon, and that you are well, I am,
Yours sincerely,
Among policemen, firemen,
letter carriers, and waiters, the
last named are most likely to be
afflicted with flattening of the
arch of the foot.
L. Carceles Sanchez
(With a flourish.)
A Brazilian tree, the Andira
Laurifolia, has its trunk under
ground. What appear to be sur
face roots are really the branch
es of the tree.
HALF l HALF MAKES
OHE SWELL SMOKE!
For "loads” of pleasure, load-up with Half & Half.
Cool as the summons: "The dean wants to see you.”
Sweet as his greeting: "My boy, you’ve made good.”
Fragrant, full-bodied tobacco that won’t bite the
tongue — in a tin that won’t bite the fingers. Made
by our exclusive modern process including patent
No. 1,770,920. Smells good. Makes your pipe welcome
anywhere. Tastes good. Your password to pleasure!
Not a bit of bite in the tobacco or the Telescope Tin, which gets smaller and smaller
as you use-up the tobacco. No bitten fingers as you reach for a load/ even the last one.
• Copyright 1936, The American Tobacco Company
HALF V-A HALF
S~7ir6&G>C0
- - . FOR ?IPI ©R CIOARETTi '