Lemmy’s Ghost
The Hammer and Coffin Society
Edited by Kolf Klep
NOMINATIONS IN ORDER—
“I HAVE IN MIND—”
(Note great quietness and sincerity of audience)
Candidate at the Camjpa Shoppe
Straight (dreamily)—I love to
dance with you.
Ticket (drowsily)—Whatcha want
this time—cigar, cigarettes, candy,
what I think of the hoard of re
gents’ decision, or whether or not
I favor another fee?
* * *
Junior Mudivil Great Snucksess
Eugene, Oregon, May 9, 1925
(Special Correspondent).—The un
expected illness of one of the stars
of the Vod-vill, and the arrival of
Mrs. Axel and Company to fill the
void in the program, caused a great
deal of favorable comment on the
part of the critics. Mrs. Axel was
assisted in her act by Tina (pro
nounced Teena) the Swedish dance
marvel, and Jarge, impersonator
uncaged. A feature of the act was
the singing and dancing of Mrs.
Axel, and Tina.
Jarge executed with great dex
terity an impersonation of the head
of a tack. This, as did his janitor
work of dusting the lavishly paint
ed back-drop, brought down the
house. He was such a success that
it has been rumored than an honor
ary dramatic society at Salem is
trying to make him a life member.
But genius must go un-rewarded,
for no trace could be found of him
after the performance, and he left
no forwarding address.
The acts were good, but none of
them were like this. The question
which worries'us now-is “Who kill
ed the dead pig?” and why this re
sulted in the bark of the Wagawaga
tree not having a change in the
marketing of asparagus tips in Yap.
Perhaps it was due to the awing
effect of the backdrops garnished
in garlic with a background of to
matoes over a floor of gnarled saw
dust and Taw feet. Who knows—
eh—who knows.
Ya know, Jimmy, I don’t see why
they want to learn us this old Eng
lish for anyway, it ainta gonna do
yd any good after ya graduate from
the place.
,» » * ■
Alas, Annabelle!
Sweet Annabelle, my heart is yourn,
My love I know you will not spurn
Sweet Annabelle, because I know
You have not got another beau.
Sh-h-h-sh
We are letting you in on a little
inside dope. In opening the other
people’s mail this morning we came
across this letter misswritten to the
Lyric Rainbow. It came from two
of our former students who are do
ing time at Walla Walla—on rival
newspapers. The note included with
the following poem stated that it
was to be run in the Rainbow—just
to show you what we poets can do.’
Here it is, even if we did rob the
Rainbow:
Eeny, meeni—
Okity splat—
This is poetry—
WTiolly cat—
Woogle woggle—
Garlic stems—
Suffering catfish—
Rarest gems—
Burning bunions—
Horny toads—
We are hoboes—
Of the roads.
—By Monte Byers, Swede Erickson
—Two young boys trying to get on
in the world, singing psalms and
writing verse in the great open
spaces near Walla Walla, where men
are men and if they don’t like you.
they shoot from the hip and have
plenty of dark to work in. These
immortal lines, the letter informs
us, were written Sunday evening
while the sun was setting on the
sparse treetops of the town where
the bloodthirsty redskins massaerec
the missionaries in 1492.
His father wanted to keep him ir
the Ford class, so he bought Percj
a Lincoln.
• * *
# * *
, I Have.
Have you ever:
been late to class,
or never arrived at all?
flunked?
made Phi Beta Kappa?
lisped soup?
fallen in the miTJ-racje—iby re
quest?
had a blind date?
had a flat tire—two kinds?
done parade rest on the dinner
table ?
been ealled down?
cussed your profs?
cut a date?
hated girls?
loaned your clothes?
If you have you probably belong to
a fraternity.
Not Nice
Do you know what my habits at
night are?—Pajamas, of course.
Do you know why our little cheer
ing section makes so much noise?
Well, we give them that cheering
drink called Boot Beer.
Mugs of co-eds oft remind us;
We shouldn’t let our noses shine,
Or departing leave behind us—
Powder marks on tuxes fine.
Hymn of Hate
I hate the girl who tries to smoke
to prove she is of the “emancipat
ed youth” when one puff back of
her back teeth would take off the
top of her head.
I hate men who tell about their
conquests with the fair sex and are
afraid to offer a woman a seat in
a streetcar for fear the act will be
taken as an improper advance.
I hate the woman who raves
about opera at the women’s club
and works “Memphis Blues” over
time on the victrola.
Oliver Twister
Bv The Dickens
It is a terrible condition, one
which brings tears to the eyes of
the most brutal hearted Just think
of a poor mite of a lad, seated at
an enormous banquet table glitter
ing with silver and glass, asking a
large, swarthy, hulking waiter for
more.
The waiter, after the manner of
most of his kind, glowers at the
poor innocent youth who is trying
to make himself understood by beg
ging in shaking English for more.
Only a frown greets his continuous
entreaties. Until, finally, the head
waiter takes pity upon the scared
over-fed youth, and commands that
the monster learn what is the child’s
pleasure.
“Please, sir, I want some more—
some more olives.”
The waiter in stupefied astonish
ment clung to the table for support.
He was paralysed with wonder; the
boy with fear.
“What!” said the assistant of
Epicurus at length, in a faint voice.
“That’s the third bowl-full of olives
you have had this evening.”
With this, he rushed away to fill
the fourth.
Moral: What has been done can
not be undone.
“I say, Martin, why did you
change the dog's name to ‘Revue’?”
“He’s all legs.”
Junk
When my Ford goes down the street,
All the birdies go cheap, cheap,
cheap;
And in the evening when the sun
goes down—
It ’8 always dark where it’s
around.
The can’s so reliable, I’ll say this:
When she starts to pop, she ’ll
never miss.
When my junk goes down the street,
All the birdies go cheap, cheap,
cheap.
(Apologies to Sugar)
* * *
We have refrained, insofar.as pos
sible, from mentioning the cross
word puzzle. But what’s a five
letter word meaning termination,
beginning with an “f” and ending
with “s.”
FINIS
<3>-—--<>
Communications |
(Continued from, page two)
that the rest of us hack them up?
WINIFRED GRAHAM.
PEO AND CON
Argument: If the proposed
amendment to Section 6, Article 10,
receives a favorable vote, the addi
tional fee of $5 per student will
enable the A. S. U. O. bleachers
to be built this summer and the
basketball pavilion next year.
Answer: It was a fundamental
idea among the originators of the
Student Union plan to build a Un
ion and not a basketball pavilion
or bleachers. Why confuse the is
sues ? The amendment you vote
upon tomorrow contains a rider at
tached to a worthy cause.
Argument: If the compulsory
plan is adopted, a campus drive for
Student Union funds will hereafter
become unnecessary.
Answer: Are you in favor of be
ing obliged to pay for a basketball
pavilion and bleachers? We want
a Student Union and we are going
to have it, but let’s stick to our
original plans for financing it.
Why change the idea and spirit
of a worth while project.
Argument: The Student Union
would be a reality in four years.
Answer: Yes, but by disregard
ing the hardship the increased fees
would impose on many self sup
porting students. A failure of this
amendment to pass your vote does
not jeopardize the ultimate realiza
tion of the Student Union—it only
means we prefer to pay for it ac
cording to our ability to pay.
LESSER FEES.
| IT IS A PAYMENT
PURE AND SIMPLE
To the Editor:
Some say that the old student
union plan was that of gratuiteous
giving. That was the theory—yes.
But more wcrf coerced into giv
ing than we like to admit. Pres
sure and not spirit, put the drives
across.
The associated students is a
body-politic, and like all such bod
ies may be controlled by the bal
lot. If the $5.00 fee amendment
passes we will thereby establish a
uniform payment to go onto a
building fund. The fee would be
voluntarily established and equal
to all.
We would consider the fee to be
just what it is: a payment. There
would be no tendency to disguise
a coerced pledge—as a gratuitous
gift. Far better to recognize our
needs and vote money to take care
I CLASSIFIED ADS I
LOST — Sheaf fer’s Life-Time
fountain pen. Name and address of
Ed. Hicks on pen. Finder please
return to Emerald office or call
above named at 1306. 13-14-15
LOST—Silver mesh bag at base
ball game. Will finder please call
225. 13-14
i FOR SALE—1915 Ford touring.
I Call 1896-J. H. J. Rehn, 412 E.
j 13th. St. 13-14
j WANTED—Two college students
! for work during summer vacation.
| Good salary guaranteed. Write J.
I Faulkner, care Osburn hotel, for
: particulars. Give address and
! phone. 12-13-14.
TODAY LAST DAY
IT WAS A RIOT
LAST NIGHT!
Colleen Moore
in
“SALLY”
PROLOG
<<
»»
Regular f
Prices•
EVENINGS
MATINEES
30c
20c
Found: Sally
HUGH WINDER
MILDRED BALDWIN
SAM SOBLE
and Company
Night at 7:25
and 9:20
—MORE FUN
‘SIT TIGHT’
—MORE FUN
A Grand
Prize
Eureka
FREE
during spring.
rhyming |
-butyou must /
act quickly /
r
This great National Educational
Offer for a limited time only, gives
every woman a wonderful opportun
ity to gain relief from old-fashioned
cleaning methods.
This Free Offer Good
For a Limited Time Only
Write, phone or call at our store to
day and we will immediately deliver
a new high-powered Eureka right to
your door, and leave it for you to use
just as if it were your own. There is
no charge for this service, and you can
learn from dally use, Juat how swiftly,
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performs every cleanir\p task. Then if
you wish to own the Eureka, pay only
$4.75 Down—Balance Easy
Monthly Payments
We are,author!red to offer you, for a
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ment of $4.75 down, ahd unusually
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FOR LIMITED TIME
down
Eureka Vacuum Cleaner Co.
27 East 9th Street
BALANCE EASY PAYMENTS
of them than to kid ourselves about
voluntary subscriptions.
SAM COOK.
•BACK SEAT’ MIGHT
RESULT IF $5 FEE FAILS,
To the Editor:
Today, I heard a rather wealthy
student say that the proposed fee
was a hardship on the poor man
who was working his or her way
through college.
I also heard a boy who has earned
every cent it took to keep him in
college for the last four years ar
gue the fairness and desirability of
the amendment. He said in part, j
“It only means three or four J
extra hours of work a month, or j
| a matter of $1.65. Some little hard-j
I ship on me—yes. But the thing
means so much to the University
■that I am glad to make the extra
effort. There isn’t a man or worn- 1
an here, that would be forced to
! leave because of it, and it will not
] keep any one away, who is fit to
j come.
I. “If this thing goes through it
means that we get the buildings we
need. If it fails we will be forced
THE OLD RELIABLE
"MAC” "JACK”
VARSITY BARBER SHOP
11th and Alder
"after every meal
Take care of your teeth!
Use Wrigley's regularly.
It removes food particles
from the crevices. Strength
ens the gums. Combats
acid mouth.
Refreshing and beneficial!
F57
SEALED
TIGHT
KEPT
RIGHT
i
I
I
OREGON NIGHTS
^(fiiajsfsis/sjaisjaEiaEisiaiSEJsisisjsi7'
The few hours of sleep that
you do get must be com
fortable.
Buy your Mattresses direct
from the factory.
Also have your over-stuffed
furniture repaired and re
covered. Guaranteed as good
as new.
O’Brien’s Mattress &
Upholstery Co.
Phone 399 391 8th East
i
to lower our standards and take a
back seat among universities. What
student would rather not contribute
a little extra than be graduated
from a second rate institution!”
LILLIAN BAKER.
FIFTEEN DOLLARS A TEAR
Since it seems that about the
only real argument that has been
presented against the proposed
amendment to add $5.00 a term to
the registration fees, I wish to
raise the question whether this ar
(Continued on page four)
Lemon “O” Barber
Shop
Up-to-date Hair Cutting
Bert Vincent, Prop.
ICE
CREAM
N
Whenever friends get together
for a refreshing chat, there is
no dish' that is equal to
Blue Bell
Ice Cream
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TO TICKLE EVERY PALATE
Eugene Farmer’s
Creamery
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Genuine Mexican Dishes
Enchilades Del Heavo
Enchiledes Del Maize
Tortico Del Maize
Chicken Tamales
Texas Tamales (Hot)
Chile Con Carne
Chile Mack
Spanish Chicken Pies
Frijoles
“AND YES”
Chinese Chicken Noodles
Chinese Pork Noodles
_All Above Dishes Made in Our Kitchen
IMPERIAL LUNCH
727 WILLAMETTE STREET
CRITICS!
“I Cast My Bread on the
Waters and It Came Back
Sandwiches,” said Isadore
Solomon.
And New York said:
“If you wish to laugh until you are exhausted,
witness and enjoy this play for the interest never
fails and it is the best comedy of its kind ever
given in New York.”
And it Hits Eugene
—on the wings of a veritable gale of laughter!
Starting
TODAY
—for 2 big days!
AIGMT
AL**YS
tty come ft
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Virginia Brown Faire
Lloyd Hughes
Wm. V. Mong
M M
Dore Davidson
The picturization of the Aaron
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two years.
Noah Beery
Robert Edeson
Otis Harlan
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