Lemmy’s Ghost
The Hammer and Coffin Society
Edited by Rolf Klep
Boob McNulty, or the Worm Who Was Turned j
“Who steals my purse steals trash,” quoted the writhing
frosh with a protestive squeal as he felt the hooks of the Stu
dent Union Drive sinking painfully into his tightly lashed wal
let—the subject located most inconveniently nearest his heart.
“It’s robbery! It’s Holdup! Murder! Police! Call out the
reserves!” At this point his raucous protests were silenced by
the canvasser who throttled his thunderous pleas in a rough
but effective manner. Sitting astride his chest the tactful rep
resentative began the process of converting another infidel to
the cause. With the aid of tooth, tongue, feet, fists and six
inches of gas pipe this collosal task was finally accomplished.
Emitting a last feeble squawk of remonstrance the victim col
lapsed before the inevitable. The victor of a dozen such Water
loos hoisted the vanquished to his feet and unleashed his foun
tain pen. Through a laceration of the skull poured a flood of
light and as it permeated through the soggy brain of the neo
phite he found his fingers responding involuntarily. It is the
age-old story of the dotted line.
“Tempus figits.”—It is the year 1928. The scene is the
lounge of the new Student Union Building. Perched grandilo
quently on the edge of a comfortably bloated chair is a some
what familiar figure. Again we must resort to an old but ex
pressive term; “From the ridiculous to the sublime.” It is
our frosh of the year ’24. Transformation unbelievable! Gone
is that hunted look, but still remains a livid scar wherein pour
ed the light of truth. Grouped at his feet is a cirele of young
innocents, mouths open, tongues lolling, tonsils in evidence,
grasping greedily at the pearls of wisdom which he casts pat
ronizingly before them.
He removes a thumb from the armhole‘of his vest to twirl
the hirsuite adornment which glorifies the area directly beneath
his nose.
“Naow, when I was a freshman we had no such place for
amusement and comfort such as you fellows enjoy today. I re
call distinctly the day that I pledged my hundred. I was get
ting ready for bed when I heard a couple of upper classmen
discussing the subject. Anticipating the rush I leaped from my
pajamas and tore from the house with my clothing in my arms.
My worst fears were confirmed. There were a hundred or so
men there ahead of me and more coming every minute. Well,
we stood there all night and the next morning when the man
in charge got there he had to break a window out of the rear
of thy shack to get in. He never opened the doors. They went
down like a flood gate and the sight was something grand.
Marchingly relently forward with fountain pens drawn they
looked like an advancing army of Philistines. I never hope to
go through anything like it again. If I was Jiarpooned by a
fountain pen once I was stabbed fifty times. My back looks
like the tatooed man in a side show even today. Well, as I
was s^ying/though, it’s the greatest thing that ever struck this
campus. I’m certainly proud of that investment. Boys, it’s
worth a thousand to me today.”
Here he paused and glanced with critical eye at his watch.
“Well, 12 o’clock already. Guess. I’ll drop into the Student
Beanery and take on a little lunch.”
2600 years agp Aesop said: “No matter how hard the rain
falls you can’t catch salmon with a pickle fork.”
Dick’s so dumb that when I told
him it would be a wet party he
brought an umbrella.
“I see the University standards
have been lowered.”
“Why that conclusion?”
“Can’t you see the flag’s half
mast?”
—Pelican.
Pierrot
Pierrot, why do you strum
Your mandolin
When all the notes you hum
Are weak and thin.
Your instrument is true
And richly made,
But music is for you
Another trade.
You cannot make a tune
So soft and light
To fling up to the moon
Above the night.
Pierrot, you plunk and plink,
With ecstacy.
But yet, I really think
You’re stringing me.
—E. D.
Here lies the body of
Silester Slat
A truck ran into the
Back of his lap.
Xote: Students who park on the
curb would be safe from all such
mishaps in the new Student Union
Building.
“Papa, kin I go swummingf”
“They ain’t no water, child!”
“Ikinlt need none. I kin do the
sun stroke.”
—Pelican.
He (noticing some ashes)—Shay,
Bub, someone has been snaoking in
de Student Union Building.
Bub—You’re wrong, old deah.
This is the crematorium.
“Do you believe in student di
vorce?”
“Nope.”
“Then divorce yourself from a
hundred dollars for a Student
Union.”
Bob (eating at the Student Union)
—Say! This is sure heavenly food!
Cat—Yabetcha! I can almost
taste the feathers in this angel cake.
Women are the same in at least
one respect; they do you good—for
every cent.
Heard Anytime
Bum—Do va think that modern j
idealism is tending toward an epis
tomological monism?
Egg (misunderstanding him) —
Diabolically speaking from a hypo
dermical standpoint I should say no;1
not if you consider the inevitable
sublimation of the ego as instinc
tive.
Some Sock
“Those are not your golf socks,
bo’.”
“They sure are. They’ve got IS
holes in them.”
* *
Rif4«-How can I get rid of
mothd^S
Raff—Use moth balls.
Riff—They ’re no good. I threw
them all morning and never hit a
moth.
• • •
The Wreck of the Sperigus
You know I thought that all this
thrU business was confined to the
hio vies, dime novels, snugging a
woman and the possible advent of
a flock of mice into a sorority
house, but the other day something
changed my view, which I now ad
mit was entirely panoramic into a
real honest to Prexy closeup. It
happened this way:
All year I have been hearing noth
ing but the Seniors, and the rest of
the men of experience, prattle about
the fine times to be had on the mill
race. Now all the fine times I have
had so far have been IN the mill
race—but I hadn’t better say any
more because I fly off the handle
too easy and I always try and avoid
any little arguments, especially with
upperclassmen because someone is
always sure to get hurt—but to go
on I was right goodly interested so
I goes to the phone and calls up
Lusan Enamel Hall to get my little
girlie Miss Ayer. I got central al
right and a half an hour later when
I had persuaded her to take the
gum out and had given her a word
as big as the Ad building for her
Cross word puzzle some one answer
ed me at the Hall.
“Hello, this is Lusan Enamel Hall
speaking,” some jane says. I says
polite as I could, “Give me Lotty
Ayer.” Don’t think I wasn’t much
overcome when she comes back
with, “Open the window sap.”
Well I am so hot tempered that I
didn’t dare talk to her any more,
but just waited two days and talked
to Lotty on the campus. What I
did was to arrange a little canoe
ing party with Lotty the next eve
ning. I tells her that I h'ad never
been in a canoe before but that we
will manage alright, as all there is
to do is sit there and paddle, the
only hard part being to paddle up
Stream and then it is duck soup to
drift down.
Well, the next evening we gets
the canoe alright and had a heated
argument as to who shall paddle
hpstream but ime being so hot temp
ered decided to give in to Lotty and
1st her do it. What man ever had
a chance in an argument with a
woman anyhow. It’s always been
that way and always will be. Adam
never had a chance just like the
laugh is on the Texas Legislature
now. So we paddles upstream for
about a mile and I asks Lotty if
she isn ’t getting a little tired, being
a woman, and she says, “Yes.” I
of course, being a gentleman, offers
to take the paddle, and after anoth
er half a mile of going up stream I
did take it. We turned around and
started drifting down stream. This
was fine but I began to get a little
tired, so headed into the bank to
rest awhile. Lotty stepped out onto
the bank and here was where I got
surprise a plenty. When she step
ped out, her end of the ship went
up into the air and here I was, be
fore I knew it, floating down the
middle of the stream with the front
end tilted up in the air at a 45 de
gree angle with the water. I was
some scared and lost my head and
the paddle too. This was jake until
the boat hit an overhanging limb
and flopped the whole thing over on
me in the creek. I aim so mean
tempered that it is a wonder that I
didn’t do something to those Phight
5hvs and Awful Fleas who draped
themselves out of their windows and
all over the banks and gave me the
laugh. Doggonit I am getting so
mad now that I had better quit be
fore I put something on paper to
discriminate me.
ANNA NY AS.
RETAIN IDEALS,
URGES ROBINSON
A telegram from Claude Robin
son, last year’s A. S. U. O. presi
dent, was read at the banquet of
workers last night. The wire read
as follows:
Mr. Randall Jones,
President of Associated Students
University of Oregon, Eugene,
Oregon:
To the Student Union commit
tee of 1925, greetings and heart
iest wishes for a successful cam
paign. I have followed campus
events this year through the col
umns of the Emerald and am
more than ever convinced that in
the fact of increasing numbers,
Oregon needs a student union.,
The Oregon spirit that fosters
social equality and loyalty to
alma mater and clean student
ideals was born in the days of a
small campus population. In the
face of a rapidly growing student
body I cannot see how we can
preserve this cherished Oregon
spirit unless it be enshrined in
some tangible institution such as
the students union. The outcome
of this drive will directly in
fluence the payment of last
year’s pledges therefore your
task is one of more than ordin
ary importance. College men and
women must realize a financial
obligation for higher education
and this must be proven once and
for all by the success of the 1925
Students Union drive. Tour
cause (friends) is rational and
just and your case is absolutely
invincible. Remember how they
built the Woman’s building; yes
turday a dream, today a practi
cal necessity. Catch the vision
of the Student Union. Sell it
one hundred per cent. You can
do it and you will. My only re
gret is that I cannot be present
tonight to convey these thoughts
to you by means of the spoken
word.
CLAUDE ROBINSON.
UNIVERSITY HIGH PLAY
WILL BE GIVEN FRIDAY
“The Florist Shop,” a one-act
play by Winifred Hawkridge, will
be presented by the University high
school Girl Reserves, Friday, April
24, in the high school auditorium,
for the purpose of raising money to
send a delegate to the Seabeck con
vention.
The play, which is being directed
by Genevieve Chase, is a clever,
sparkling comedy full of whimsical
turns, and music is being furnished
by a number of prominent Univer
sity musicians, among them Mr.
Seifert. The play will begin at
8:00 and the admission will be 10
and 25 cents.
I CLASSIFIED ADS t
❖ —— - ...... .
TWO PENCIL sketches and
drawing pad lost about 14th St.
Please call KAP at 191. R. T. K.
A-23-2-25
LOST—Gold wrist watch. Finder
return to University depot or call
618-J.
LOST—Gold wrist watch. Finder
return to University depot or call
618-J. 1
LOST—Pair glasses, fountain
pen-pencil, and key in brown leath
er case. Return to Emerald office.
A-22-23-24.
HAIRCUT? SURE!
The Club Barber
Shop
Geo.W.Blair 814 Willamette
A GOOD SIGN TO
GO BUY
UNEEDA PRESSING
CLUB
Rex Shine Parlor
The Only Place to Get
Your Shoes Shined
Help Wanted
We have a few more attrac
tive positions for college stu
dents who wish to work dur
ing spring vacation. Good
salary guaranteed. Write
566 Pittock Block, Portland,
Oregon.
ROLLIEN S. DICKERSON
TO TEACH IN NEW YORK
Rollien S. Dickerson, who gradu
ated with the class of ’23, getting !
a bachelor of arts degree, and who
is, at present, head of the history
department of the University high j
school, recently accepted V 'plosD |
tion with the Ethical Cultural col- i
lege in New York.
This eollege has been instituted
by a group of wealthy men of the
East, and its faculty is made up of
men who are noted in their chosen
vocations. Mr. Dickerson will fill
the place formerly occupied by Dr.
David Seville Muzzev, who is not
only a noted historian but whose
books have been chosen as text
books by colleges.
Mr. Dickerson will receive his
master’s degree this June.
E. F. SLOAN MARRIED
IN MISSOULA. MONTANA
Word has been received by Lieu
tenant-Colonel W. S. Sinclair, com
mander of the University R. O. T.
C. department, of the marriage of
Lieutenant Emerald F. Sloan,
graduate of the University of Ore
gon in 1922, to Miss Lucile Schaf
fer of Missoula, Montana, on Mon
day, April 20.
Lieutenant Sloan, a major in
chemistry while on the campus, re
ceived his B. A. degree in 1922,
was a cadet major in the local
R. O. T. C. unit, and prominent in
Oregon club affairs. He was ap
pointed a Second Lieutenant in the
infantry, on January 5, 1923, and
accepted in that capacity, Febru
ary 17, 1923. Lieutenant Sloan is
now stationed at Fort Missoula,
Montana.
PATRONIZE
EMERALD ADVERTISERS
GAY THOMPSON
Marcel and Bob
75c
Manicure, 50c
861 WILLAMETTE ST.
Roome 5 Phone 1091-R
COAL
IS YOUR BEST
FUEL
Rainier Coal Co.
Phone 412 15 E. 7th
FTRGIL “AENEID” SUBJECT
FOB LATIN CLUB MEETING
The first six books of Virgil’s
‘Aeneid” was the subject discussed
3y Professor Frederic S. Dunn, at
:he bi-monthly meeting of the Latin
slub, held Tuesday evening in the
Oregon building. The discussion,
ivhich was a manuscript outlining
the books, was illustrated. May 5
is the date set for the next meet
ing.
MEMBERS OF SIGMA XI
WILL MEET IN PORTLAND
Sigma Xi, honorary scientific so
ciety, meet Friday evening at the
University of Oregon medical school
in Portland, according to O. F. Staf
ford, professor of chemistry, who
will preside.
UNIVERSITY INSTRUCTOR
TO BE STANFORD FELLOW
Harold Benjamin, principal of the
University high school and instruc
tor of supervised teaching in the
University, has received a fellow
ship of $1000 from Stanford Uni
versity. Mr. Benjamin will carry on
the same work at Stanford that he
has been doing here. He received
his master’s degree from Oregon in
1924.
PHONE
YELLOW CAB CO
Pens and Pencils
A student needs a good pen and a good pen
cil. One that he can depend on at all times.
When buying, purchase the best—It pays in
the long run.
A COMPLETE LINE ON DISPLAY AT
Lemon 0 Pharmacy
MAKE THE STUDENT UNION DBTVE 100%
Z'" “ .. n - r- n m n n n « -r n .. -J
New Shipment
OF FLANNEL TROUSERS
for men and young men
Tans, Greys, Blues
.V"**' at
$4.98 to $7.90
.
HAVE YOU PLEDGED FOR THE STUDENT UNION?
m m— ——■—-— .... . I H
TODAY
Friday
Saturday
AMERICA’S
GREATEST
ROMANCE!
THE immortal play of the
"*■ West—William Vaughn
Moody's love epic—now it
comes to the screen—a pic
ture that will live and thrill
forever.
Alice Terry
Conway Tearle
WALLACE BERRY
HUNTLEY CORDON