Image provided by: University of Oregon Libraries; Eugene, OR
About Roseburg news-review. (Roseburg, Or.) 1920-1948 | View Entire Issue (Jan. 25, 1936)
fyertzy 7&piep in E LLIE TOBIN and her house guest, Nan Madison aflectionately known as Nertzy lay tanning themselves on the upper balcony of the Tobin do main, i a "Here comes your poppa from Princeton, Nertzy announced lazily. "Potential poppa, J should say." "If you mean Mr. Nippert Ames is calling on mother," Ellie replied with hauteur, "what of it?" "You tell me." Nertzy drawled. "Not that I don't think your mother's a grand gal, Ellie. Terribly attractive, and everybody says she makes Portia look like a shyster. But when she takes on youths of tender age " "She isn't taking him on, silly." EUie's plump good-natured face attempted a scowl. "Naturally, mother being an attorney is inter ested in somebody who's just passed the bar." . ... "Naturally," Nertzy echoed dryly. . "People don't understand," Ellie went on plaintively, "that mother's a permanent widow. ' Nothing could hold her for long but her prac tice. Certainly not a kid like Nip.'1- "Don't I know it," Nertzy agreed bitterly. "When Nip begins to pall she'll give him the ' busy signal, like she does all the rest." "Well, what can I do?" Ellie shrugged chubby shoulders. "Nip would be perfect for somebody like us," Nertzy sighed dreamily. "Nineteen's more in his line than thirty-seven." "Nobody tries to take a man away from her own mother," Ellie answered, speaking for herself. "At least not outside an O'Neill play. It's morbid." She frowned a moment, then struggled to her feet. "Say, maybe we'd bet ter go down and join them. For all we know, . v Nip's making a fool of himself this very minute." . Iv'E never been so darned excited," Nip was saying, when they walked into the room. "Just think, my first case!" "; EUie's mother was smiling in her fascinating shadowy way. "You know, Nip, .if there's anything I can do " "Sweet lone! But this case is practically in the bag. A lovely lady is irked by t disgust ingly wealthy spouse. I'm charging extreme mental cruelty and a very stiffish fee. The gentleman will not contest. Pretty?" "As one attorney to another, Nip," Mrs. Tobin asked curiously, "whose house is about to divide. itself?" . : . "The Bellwoods". Bellwood's Better Baking Powder. A rich aunt steered her to me." Nertzy coughed. "No use wasting ourselves on the desert air, Ellie." She grinned impish ly at Nip. "S'long, Gladstone or do I mean Blackstone?" "Right," Nip called after her. "Gladstone'! the bag." . "I guess Nip would be furious if he lost his " first case," Nertzy speculated. ' "He won't." Ellie was confident. "You have to be plenty dumb to lose an uncon tested case." "I was just thinking," Nertzy's voice grew wistful, "what a small world it would be if Mr. Bellwood hired your mother to contest the suit." The two girls exchanged a long, significant glance. "Tell me," Nertzy pressed, "what do you know about Mr. Bellwood's private life?" "He golfs," Ellie mentioned dubiously. "Every Saturday afternoon." Nertzy jumped up. "Come along, Lazy ' Bones! We've got golfing to do." THE two girls stationed themselves on the club veranda. "The minute you see him, rush over and sign up," Nertzy advised. "If we're lucky we'll go on with him." Two matrons, dressed in spectator sports wear, sauntered down the veranda and settled near the girls. Their talk ran monotonously to babies, braised beef and Bridge. "Hive you heard," one of them whispered, "that the Bellwoods are about to split ?" The other woman made a clicking noise. "Nobody dreams, of course," the first wo man went on. "But her maid told mine, Ger tie Bellwood only married him for his money. Now she thinks she'd be happier with a prop t erty settlement " , "Is Bellwood going to let her get away with that ?" the other asked indignantly. Nertzy had to strain her ears to 'catch the , reply. "Of course. You see he doesn't sus pect about Betto. If he did oh uh " the voice broke off in sudden confusion. "Good afternoon, Mr. Bellwood!" Nertzy turned and saw a large, rather dis tih"i'i"hed looking man. She turned to poke Ellie. but Ellie was already at the book furi oulv tinning up. Nertzv was positive the gods were pulling for them that afternoon, for, the next four out were themselves, Mr. Bellwood and a bereted male he presented as Robert Varela. "I'm Miss Madison," Nertzy introduced her self after the fashion of the links. "And this is mv friend. Miss Holstein." Ellie said afterwards that it was inexcusable giving her a name which was shared by prac tically every cow in the country. With an apologetic giggle. Nertzy took ber position up at the tee. "Bobby Jones is better than I am," she explained. "Half the time I just pick up my ball and carry it on to the next hole." "So we can make it before sundown," Ellie stuck in cheerfully. At the thirteenth hole the men decided to quit for dinner. Mr. Bellwood looked worn but resigned;, Mr. Varela, on the other hand seemed to be restraining himself with diffi culty. "Gosh," Nertzy sighed, "I'm thirsty." Mr, Bellwood courteously suggested that the girls join him in the club cafe. "Then I'll see you later, Bellwood," said Mr. Varela, grasping this opportunity to break away. MR. BELLWOOD looked inquiringly at Nertzy. . 'Tea, please," she murmured. "A nice hot cup of tea." "Teal In this heat " Ellie gasped, but t well-aimed kick silenced her. Nertzy drained her tea valiantly, then squint ed at the few remaining leaves. "Ever have your fortune read?" she in quired casually of Mr. Bellwood. "I'm afraid I'm something of a skeptic.'' His smite was faintly condescending. Nertzy nodded. "Lots are. But it's fun just the same. ' I'd love to tell yours." Nertzy fixed her big trusting blue eyes upon him. "Why er thank you," Mr. Bellwood sur rendered. " didn't know you could" Ellie began, : but this time Nertzy kicked her hard enough to induce paralysis. Nertzy instructed Mr. Bellwood to pout some fresh tea, drink it and invert the cup. "Now turn ft in the saucer three times and make wish," she directed. .- Mr. Bellwood peered fearfully over one' shoulder before following instructions. "You will soon have cause to forget your business troubles," Nertzy canted father sinis tetly. "You are shrewd, but not shrewd enough." Mr. Bellwood's moustache twitched with amusement. "Your home," Nertzy went on, letting him have it full blast, "is about to totter." - - An involuntary exclamation escaped Mr. - Bellwood. "Why why that's extraordinary!" he cried. "Nobody knows of it but my wife's attorney." ' Nertzy continued to twirl the cup. "You are laboring under the delusion that this uh marital discord has been of your ' making." Nertzy was really getting into her stride. "The leaves ; say your wife has been deliberately stolen from you, Mr. Bellwood. I see the initial B. Do you know a B?" she restioned gently. "A Bob? A Bill? No. -Butt? No, no Bett-ah ... ." Nertzy valiantly tried to recall the name. Mr. Bellwood's fist made the dishes dance. "So Betto's the reason Gertie wants s divorce!" he thundered. "Betto," he explained," is the name my wife has for that fellow Varela who went around with us this afternoon." Mr. -Bellwood was getting red in the face. "Well, just let her try andget the divorce I" , Quick, triumphant glances flashed between the girls. . "What else do you see in that- fool cup?" Mr. Bellwood ordered. Nertzy obligingly turned it again. "I see another woman entering your life, Mr. Bell wood. A good woman. She comes, to you clad in the garb of Portia." "An attorney?" Ellie interrupted, anxious lest Mr. Bellwood be ignorant of Portia's iden . tity. "What's her name?" Mr. Bellwood snapped. Nertzy was not one to overact. "A teacup is not a telephone directory, Mr. Bellwood. I can only say that the woman is near very, very near ... And the leaves wain you not to delay." Mr. Bellwood was breathing hard. "lone Tobin's the only woman lawyer I know of." NIP came to dinner Monday evening, with gardenias in a square black box for Mrs. Tobin. For Nertzy he brought a big pink lollypop wrapped in cellophane. She acted as if he had stabbed her in the back. - "I shouldn't bore the girls with this," Mrs. Tobin said, "but I can't keep h, Nip. Had a new client today." "That's nothing unusual." Nip's grey eyes danced admiringly.'. "But wait till you hear who it is," said Mrs. Tobin lightly. "M. G. .Jiellwood himself! He's hired me to contest the divorce." "So, you've taken it I" Nip didn't seem too thrilled. "Think I'd miss the opportunity ?" Mrs. . Tobin came back gaily, but a wholly un femi nine tight of battle flamed in her luminous eyes. From then on the dinner became a rather stilted affair. "If I loot in at the Appleton party," Nip Uh-huh! Nertzy Interferes in a Budding Romance ! But NOT Because There's Anything Amiss She thinks She'd Be More Suitable as the Bride ! Illustrated by A. G. SKRENDA said to Nertzy when the boys called for her and Ellie, "how's chances of getting a dance?" Everyone felt positive this was said with no other idea than to pique Mrs. Tobin. That's why Nertzy was so stunned later to see Nio ' pert Ames in the stag hW " "Everything comes to the woman who waits," was her greeting when he cut in. - "I'm. supposed to believe you were wait ing?" "Like this." She let her tongue hang out and proceeded to pant like a puppy. "Crazy 1" Nip shook his dark head, amused. DURING the course of the evening Nip brought up the Bellwood case. "I have to win it," he said. "Can't let lone Tobin beat me. Things would never be the same again." "That's what I figured," Nertzy agreed soft ly. Then, hypocritically: "Poor Nip I" "That's all little Nertzy knows." He lit i cigarette with alarming insouciance. "Ever hear of Exhibit A?" "Animal or mineral?" "Exhibit A," Nip enlightened her, "may be almost anything, but the moment it is dis played in court, it invariably becomes 'suffi cient evidence.' " Nertzy leaned forward anxiously. "And and you have an Exhibit A?" "A pip," he assured her. "A note to Mrs. Bellwood scribbled on a telephone pad by her aliened ly devoted husband." "What did he write, Nip?" "Oh, nothing much just that it would be the happiest day in his life if the little woman cut her throat, or words to that effect." " "Then how can Mrs. Tobin prove f Nip stooped down and tousled Nertzy's bright hair. "That's just the point. Mrs. To bin can't." THE picture of the judge handing Nip the Bellwood decision was beginning to up set Nertzy's digestion. That's why she found herself, the afternoon before the trial, hesitat ing outside a door marked: Nippert Ames Allomey-at-Law She hadn't the faintest notion why she had come. Nip seemed surprised, but pleased. Nertzy perched herself on the edge of his desk. "Thought I'd drop around and see what a regular law office looks like." She surveyed his modest surroundings. "What, no secretary!" Nip grinned. "She'll materialize after I win Mrs. Bellwood her freedom. Like to apply for the position?" Nertzy burst out laughing. "Me in a law office! I'm greener than spinach. Imagine reaching my time of life without having ntimmed an Exhibit A!" Nip rose magnificently to the bait. "That's easilv rectified." He went over to his yawn In. dip "Here! Cast an eye on the Bellwood Exhibit." Florence Ostern . Another young attorney stuck his head in the door just then. "A cash customer," he hissed to Nip. "Can you come over and wit ness a will?" Ijlp. excused himself to Nertzy. - "I'll be right back." . The door closed behind the two men and . she found herself alone with Exhibit A. She - read it, breathless. , You Ult of 'suicide, Gertie, but I am not frightened. You'd never do anything to make me that happy. At the third reading, something hit Nertzy like a thunderbolt. With het heart pounding in her ears, she tried the various pencils on Nip's desk. She didn't call it by the ugly name of forgery, for, as she reminded herself, all she did was add the tiny syllable un- at the end of the third line. . But it seemed to give Mr. Bellwood's note a much kinder tone. VT IP returned just as Nertzy was folding up the papers guiltily. "All wised up?" he asked. He put an arm about her and gave her a little hug. "I'll ring you the minute I win tomorrow. It's funny, Nertzy, but I've had a hunch all along you've been rooting for . me." . After that Nertzy felt horrible. In fact she went home feeling like a criminal. She made a mental note to ask Mrs. Tobin how many years a citizen could get for tampering with legal evidence. But EUie's mother didn't ap pear at dinner to relieve her mind. "Mother's with Mr. Bellwood again," Ellie ,-. mentioned. "You know his case comes up in the morning." Sleeping tablets, warm milk and one hundred fence-jumping sheep failed to put Nertzy to sleep. She hadn't even the excuse of having acted from a purely selfless motive. Wasn't she crazy-mad about Nip? Didn't she, all along, feel this might send him rebounding in her direction? Most likely she wouldn't ever sleep again until she'd confessed the whole thing to him. Of course he never would look at her after that. Just the same she was going to phone him the first thing-in the morning. The night went on and on and on . . . NERTZY awoke to find a brilliant sun pouring through the windows. She lay there for a blinking moment before bounding out of bed. Ellie came upon her just as she was beseeching the supervisor to try Mr. Nip pert Ames' office just once more. "She'll be able to raise the dead about as easy," Ellie pointed out. "It's almost eleven. Nip's in court. Why, what's the matter, Nertzy? Don't you feel well?" -"I'm all right," Nertzy muttered. Yes she was! As all right as a month old corpse. She walked slowly back to her room and locked the door. She tried not to think, but her mind was maliciously active, conjuring up pictures of Nip's face, accusing and not lit tle perplexed. "But why? Why did you do "... I've had a hunch you've been rooting for me.'1 Nertzy felt horrible . , She wondered how many years a citizen could gel for tampering uilh legal evidence. . it?" He'd be sure to ask her -that. And what could she tell him? v "Hey, Nertzy!" Ellie was calling. "Nip's on the phone. Wants to speak to you." . Trembling violently Nertzy crept to the tel. ephone. "Hi, Blackstone!" she quavered feebly. "How's my little mascot?" he was demand, ing. "Just like poppa promised. I won the case." "Nip!" "By a default," he was explaining. "lone didn't appear. TeU you about it when I come over. She home yet ?" Nertzy put the receiver back with cold, stift fingers. So Mrs. Tobin cared enough for Nip to deliberately lose the case . . . It wasn't easy to pack and cry at the same time, so Nertzy concentrated on the crying. She found a hat and jammed it on, .utterly unconscious that her coat had gone over her sleeping pajamas. At the front door she bumped into Nip. "N Nip!" Nertzy gulped. "I mean con congratulations. I mean, it was grand Mrs, Tobin doing all that for you." "For me)" Nip echoed. "Sa ay, when a woman decides to marry a man it's impractical to fight his wife's divorce. lone phoned roc . the glad tidings early this morning. Not that I was surprised. Knew she fell for Bellwood the day she met him." Nertzy sat down weakly on top of her suit case. "Oh!" she gasped. "Oh!" "It's just as well she didn't contest that case," Nip was saying ruefully. "I must have been blind or somethlnn thinking I had t slick exhibit. When I oked at it again this morning it sounded all awectness and liiht to me." From his poker expression Nertzy couldn't tell whether he suspected anything of not. "Nip, I" "And may I inquire where you are going all dressed up in your sleeping pajamas?" he interrupted dryly. Nertzy looked down aghast. "Oh, for irood ness sakes!" Then suddenly she gi"ltd "I'm running home. The folks have been sending threatening letters." 1 "How about letting me drive you V he sug gested. "It mightn't be such a bad idea if I were to meet your family." Nertiv glanced up quick lr. "Sounds as if the pen'leman has honorhl Intentions." At that Nip swooped down, pausing just long enough to remark: "If he hasn't, the lady can Hurt a swell breach of promise suit." PAGE SEVEN I
