ds 111 "i" hands f tho...'
V
HUMOROUS QUIPS
Busting Things Up.
There n a fellow got a hunch
That he u very strictly It.
Jim to get even with hlfl boae
lie quit.
Tt.o boil h bore It wondrous well.
l.'e ntver untied or moanvu or swore,
llut said. "Aa you no out don't alain
The door."
The other boys about the place
1- d not co ir.oini: r.tucU t'.Mii d.iy.
Tiny lauhei) and auld goodly and drew
'ilKir pay.
IIi thought: "They do not realize
Ytiat I have left them to their I He.
Su much th? better. Ll them l.a...i.
but waltV"
And then he ambled down the etreet
,tul tonP.d' ntly told the tovn.
"2ww, fellous. UHtt-h nnd ee the boas
Full down."
Bo-rchow nr other thtnjs wer.t on;
'i l.e buelnera did n-t to a:-aari.
Tb boa T.ct m.i:ni as he grabbrd
The lasn.
r-.l even' day the fallow met
. t it- fi icr.J .o did?) I I:now he'd quit
Aj. ! dum t care Mid u.idii'1 rote
A Lit.
It i.iher stunned ht-n that the world
tnt boom:n.? on ihr-uch day and night
As nil n when he tiaed to kevp
it rigot.
8ienrwr tv. tc isn't rny man
l-'or wl..m the whole vreatlon squirms.
And got tr.- a cluster round a )ob
1 iKe k?r:iia
And wh" cu up and leave your place
And th::ik the whota blame worka will
qui:
The Joker tir:lcra: "Tag. old man!
You're It!"
The world gcee plugging, plodding on,
Aa uncoi'.citied as It can be.
If yoet m. j i ntloned some one asks,
"Who's her"
St. Paul Dispatch.
Rather Stiff.
"That Is u rather ailff assertion,'1
said Senator Cut-tin at a dinner lu
WashlitRton of a reciprocity argument.
AO. f. W. Kixrburg Lodge So lrMeets
I he 2tnl and tin Moik1hi in eitrh uiouth
at 7 uto p. in . tu the r'oivMer'a Hall. All
memtur tu good Ktauitlug arc Invlud to at-W-lul.
J. V. UnwflL, M. V.
K. H. !.,. x, Kevotder.
BP. u. Kl.kf. Koseourg lK.He, tvo.3 Jfrllolds
regular rommuutcatioi,. a: the Elks
leuiiile ou .'tid aud 4th l hurtilays ot . ech
month. All members requet-u-d to atteud
ri-guiarly. and allvlmiug urotbers are cordl
elij IutiuhI toatteno.
S. 8. JONEI'llmON, E. It.
II. C tLici'M. necretary.
DKUKKK t)P HO.NUK MyMIe Lodge No. 1
Meeta 'ilul aud 4tb Mislay eremiirti. ol
eacL monlh lu the it.lj 1VI.hr i 'I'l-tnple.
Vlallltis weiuoera ror.tiaiiT tuviu-d lu euvud.
All l.ANI-oN. . ul ti
p.. H. I.kn.h. Kec.
MaIu kiKK. Kecetrer.
EAl.l.KS. Koeebiirg Aerie meeta In their hall
on jHrkeu. M, 'i.d and Uh Monday e reu
liiaa of ea h moMh. kl H eeUnk. Vlmi.
Ing bietbteu tu Rmd t landing alwnv welcome.
(t. Wi KllllM.IOS.W. I'.
rhol.e MlKil SASAt. .ui.u w.r'kc
O.O.F., rhiltMnn lHise Nn
Mwti ni
! trc,-:. , ,-murtln. cTfiittiR ot ecb
week. Mt inbtrs ot cm urtior lu m inl ii.iiua.
r iimtiM u
itc ml.
J. r Ci-mmin. N. U.
M M. MiLi.kB. K. b.
IO K , KUHlg MAI
Vuil un brethtTt".
imp every KrI.Uy vvtuiDK
n. II AMM.'SU, . i.
. MKlt HLK. K. ! I
IO O V . Initin ttnini'unut No. t-Mu
ill l-1.1 fVlliiW' Irmii .t ih- . ....I ...i
.u.. ..... riruiii".tl run a
mouth. Vt.il-
F K. rtBKlKl. C. P.
M
l-KKN WOOIiMKS OFAMKKU-A, Myrtle
1U11 ot
itir-in rvrn .nil aixl 4th
tuonih In Hi Mi.ra.
t'. H:i. (Htrui r l iiii
liniud to wmi our
lamp.
t'Hti MrKlHiSNT.toimul
H Ml liw, t Ifik,
MO I KK.V HKOIHr-KIIOOlMiK AMKKKA.i
Isllli.n tut-iubnt ft.wrtyit wcUoinv.
1 W ki..ht l-'remi-nt
A. L. lHi-KJiiv. tcr'Ay.
0V.. . K.-twtnr, ( nAptir No f- H Itirll
tiutr mectnif on :t aii.Urt Tluirr-Uy
In rch Month i-tmi nirmlnTf to
fvM HAuJiiif arc rmptt.tfuhy tnviteJ u l-
tUtl.
K ft,
-M.MMB in o.i.i tv. i
rmitlr Tf tt Ti.M v m rmr,i v ..'.t
llr auJ ttrrlhrfo iiit.u .1 to atiru 1
MRja.il J. I.t Np.n
M R. I'Fil t Avt
Mr M 4ht t. i Tiuru
lOIMF Of TH1 ORl.p l mp No. I
" RwtHTr lit in i i Mon ii"
Tenia!. ViunBiDriffhtmiwT.w.n,IB
it ViAErcMeVi
- - -
WOMhN OF WiHIIH RIFT, I liar rirr' Xrv
-Mftu,.0 ui.DtiJM Nou.ii,v,mt
nl e-h Booih At I KM F?lloi' H U
liS" ,JO'1 ,lJ'n ,r'
atsa ua-rtiati.e-rct. 8 R.
"aa caeLfiaia. tiers
"That, lu fact, reminds me of one
of our Kansas stories.
-What In that tall eblinney forT
aald a visitor to Knusus. pointing to
farmyard. 'Ia somebody puttlug up
fnctory In this lonely quarter?'
"'No.' was the reply. That's, Just
Joe Miller's well. Cyclone turned her
Inside out.' " Washington Star.
Playing Safe.
"Ton seem to lie rather fond of
swlss cheese." remarked the dyspeptic.
"I always thought cheese with holec
In It was indigestible."
"The holes are." rejoined the man
who lintl Just finished his fourth sand
wich, "but I uever eat the holes."
Chlcapo News.
Why It Isn't In.
"Got your coal In yet?"
"1 should any not. Do you think
I'm a cheap guy? When I want coal
141 let the neighbors know that I can
afford to pay the tap irce for It."
tietrolt Free Tress.
Awful.
"Well, have you thought of a sen
tence containing the word dynamite?"
asked the teacher.
"Yes, sir. My sister Rose wouldn't
let you kiss her, but my sister Dinah
might" Itoseleaf.
. On Proof.
"I fear that I bare not gathered suf
ficient evidence to convince the court
of any client's Insanity."
"Vcrhnps the court will regard bla
employment of you as evidence."
Houston l'ost.
The Real Thing.
Stranger Have you a good hair ton
ic you cnu recommend?
Druggist (prohibition town) flare Is
something that Is sioken of very fa
vorably by people who have drunk It.
Tuck.
Could Be Avoided.
"Doctor, 1 really can't afford to uu
dergo this operation. I haven't got
the money to pay for it."
"Oh. In that rase 1 guess
be necessary." Chicago lteeord Tier
aid. Never Fired. '
"Cook, did you May long In your
Inst place?"
"I never stays nowhere long enough i
to tie dlschargftl. I s one of theseijus, Dhone 13, Douglas County Mills,
here flreless cooker." Judge.
Sartorial Finance.
Mrs. Knlcker it iMi't what you pty
for clothes tltat makes ji ti well dress
ed. Mrs. Itoeker No. Indeed. It's what
you owe. New York Sun.
8af.
Rnron You y tf- n snfo nllroad?
Ent'tTt- Oh. very. You so you vnt't
own the window-; iva'i-muitly vo
! can't K't nny clnUTH In your eyes.
YontuTs Statesuiain.
Helps Som.
"The itroft'-is.ir fyiys that music we-s
a pmit nV.L Hossinl."
"Whafs KiMilni?"
"Thnt N pn-lmbly Italiau fur 'rosin."
Aa a Bonus.
Yaitr. d you sorre potnto
irith
chh ki'ii?"
"No. ir. tuu if you buy a potnto we
throw hi a hiVken."- St. I.ouU To-st-
Good Mixer.
"Wombat U Tory rmpnirr.
Yes; when nnyUnly te!l an old
vry he t un rut op n pretty com1 Intl
ttivn of a la ujib. Kansas City Jo ir
nal. Cold weather is apt' to cut,don
the quantity of nilis. old Bossy has
been giving. Try this: Make a good
hot mash of brand and ground wheat
and barley, add a small amount of
oil meal and a pinch of salt; stir well
and glv In me-llum doses two or
three times a day. The results wtl!
surprise you. Make sure of the
'quality of your ingredients by buy
ing them from the Kochdale.
' Columbia River Orchard bonds.
hearlns: 7 per cent annual interest.
,for etchanit. at par. tor farm lands.
The Mad'er Mortsaee tt Land Co.,
... uAw IWti.nH nM
'10 Sr-iding Itidtj.. Portland. Ore.
Piano aati.factioa la obtained by
letting Stone tune yoar plaso. Pbone
2SS-R. dtt
WASHES A Tl ltKl'I.
IX TWO MIN'l'TES.
A Guaranteed Wawlier .10 - Ilelng
I'sed In and Near Itoscliurg.
The Wonder Washer, due to a
principle of suction In Us blade
washes a tubfull of five sheets In two
minutes on the average. We tell
you why and let you try the machine
at our expense.
B. W. STRONG,
The Furniture Man.
Dressmaking
Will go out by the day or sew at
home. Fancy dresses a specialty
Miss Mabel Stone, 717 S. Hamilton.
Phone 288-R.
LOCAL NEWS
Have Arunde tuna It.
Think of It, piano given away
at Josepbson'a. dtf
Have Arundel rune It. tf
"Pride of Douglas" and "Queen
City" flour bring results. Ask the
Douglas County Mills. Dbone 13. dtf
Have you seen the piano at Joseph
sons? dtf
The price of foodstuffs bas come
down at the North Side Grocery, dtf
The best of hair brushes at best
prices. Hamilton Drug Co.
The Roseburg Book Store is head
quarters for Waterman's Ideal Foun
tain Pens. They are the best. tf
Ask for piano certificates at Joseph
son's, Rolled oata and Barley, cracked
and whole corn, wheat and all varie
ties of m'U feed at the Douglas
County Mills. Phone 13. dtf
Empire Livery. Feed aud Sales
Stables, Banks & Welker, proprietors.
New rigs of all varieties, good gentle
teams and careful drivers; also
teams that are safe for ladies to
drive. Blacksmith shop In connec
tion; all work guaranteed. Phone b.
Get your carnations, violets, potted
plants at the Rose, or call up the
Greenhouse, phone Suburban 97. I
will be at the Rose on Saturday after
noons and will be pleased to meet
those Interested In cut flowers and
plants. Mrs
F. 1). Owen, proprietor
dtf
"Pride of Dougias,-' a Roseburg
product, and "Queen City," a hard
wheat article, made at Vancouver,
Wash., are the two best varieties of
flour on the market. Why use any
other kind that costs more? If your
grocer doesn t carry enner uruuu.
and a sack will be dellve.ed at your
homo. on
Dr. J. L. Callaway, Ostopathlc Phy -
lan. Abraham Building. Roseburg
stela
You Don't Have
Go To Sea To
Meat; markeI ji
for Cement Culverts. Oment Sewrr I'lpm, sites to SS Inches.
Cement building foundation end chimney blocks. Cement sldewaike
aid crmeBt work of aay kind.
I bare five or alz house I will sell cheap, as I want to ns the
money in other business. See my burglar-proof window lock, lu
O. K. See Pat's Elastic roof paint for leaky roofs. W build, more
or repair your houses. Business buildings a specialty. Over forty
years eiperlence In building.
ANDTBUItDER F. F. PATTERSON
3-hnoI books and school supplies
at the Roseburg Book Store. tf.
S. K. Sykes nas received a itocn
of bulbs from Holland. Buy one
while tbey last. dtf
Cement, Pressed Bridi
AND
An Inspection of stock and com
parison of prices will convince yon
that the place to buy la at
M. C. Burleson's
Plant and office corner Oak and
Pine streets, Roseburg. Phone lit-
Clean
House
Cleaners
Know there is no
Cleaner that will
CleaD
Cleaner than a
Clean VACUUM
CLEANER Have your
Clean house
Cleaning done with a
Clean VACUUM
CLEANER.
Phone 79 and ask for the
House Cleaning Department of
!.i RnQphuro- Stpflm I fliindrv
"tie KOSeDUrg Steam LOUnary
WELL SKASO.NEU .V-D
SIPEniOH
lumber Is all that ever leaves our
yard. For building purposes, cab
inet makers and carriage builders
we have the best quality of bo '.a. '
bard and soft woods In rich colon
and in large variety. Our price r
the best for superb quality that you
can find In Roseburg.
The J. G. Flook Co.
Roseburg, Oregon.
YOU LEAVE OIR MEAT MARKET
with admiration f r the perfect clean
liness which Is everywhere apparent.
Your own kitchen couldn't be more
free from even the slightest suspicion
ot dirt. So there Is an added aatla
factlon In coming In person to select
the choice cuts we alwaya have ou
hand. Give yourself and us tke
pleasure of a II today.
The Economy Market
Geo. KohltiAKeii, Prop.
To
See
PAT
Build; llaterial