Image provided by: University of Oregon Libraries; Eugene, OR
About The united American : a magazine of good citizenchip. (Portland, Or.) 1923-1927 | View Entire Issue (April 1, 1925)
Page Eighteen “I hope,” ¿he said, when he told her about it, “that he’s a nice boy.” “Yes, ma, he is,” replied Bobby en thusiastically. “Does he say any naughty words?” questioned his mother. “No,” replied Bobby with emphasis, •> “an’ I ain’t going to teach him any.” ECHO ANSWERS If a freight train at a crossing Hits an auto fair and square There’s ■the freight train — Where’s •the auto? Echo answers, “Where?” — Boston Transcript. THE NEXT THING TO IT “Ah, I wish I could find some place where I could be cut off entirely from the world.” "Try a telephone-booth.” — Exchange. RESENTED FORM OF DECEPTION Lady- -“My husbund is a deceitfull wretch. Last night he pretended to be- lieve me when he knew I was lying to — London Mail. him.” MIXED TIME Teacher — “How can you tell the approach of winter?” Pupil — “It begins to get later earlier” — Karikaturen (Oslo). THE UNITED AMERICAN mostly yo’ treats me right, but de trouble is dis: Dere am too much shiftin’ of de dishes fo’ de fewness of de victuals.” — American Legion Weekly. INTENTIONS WERE ALL RIGHT Little Mary came into the house bedraggled and weeping. “My goodness,” cried her mother, “What a sight you are! How did it happen?” “I am s-sorry, mamma, but I fell into a mud puddle.” “What!. With your best dress on?” “Y-y-yess, I didn’t have time to change it.” Merely a Mistake. — To Pere Monsa bre, the distinguished French preacher, according to Lippincott’s, there came one Sabbath, after mass, a lady who in sisted that she must see him on an affair of great importance. It was a matter, of conscience, and she explained that she was most seriously disturbed. In fact, she was sadly given to vanity. That very morning, she confessed, she had looked in the glass and had yielded to the temptation of thinking herself pretty. Pere Monsabre looked at her. “Is that all, my daughter?” “That is ail.” “Then go in peace, for to make a mis take is not a sin.” HEADS OR TAILS At a golf club one Sunday morning a member turned up late. Asked why, he said it was really a toss-up whether he should come there that morning or go to church. “And I had to toss up fifteen times,” he added. — Ex. A Regular Odessa. — The Longbow man of the Minneapolis Journal says: A stockyards poet once wrote an ode; then a better poet came along and wrote an oder, but it took one of those talented Russian geniuses to dash off a regular Odessa. TOO MUCH CO-OPERATION “I’m going to fire that proofreader,” said the editor. “Why?” asked the assistant editor. “Why, he’s in the habit of letting funny mistakes go through and then bringing them to the columnist’s at tention.” — Atlanta Constitution. SMILE WHEN YOU CAN By Jack O’Connor When things don’t go to suit you And the world seems upside down, Don’t waste your time in fretting But drive away that frown. Since life is oft perplexing. It is much the wisest plan, To bear your trials bravely, And smile whene’er you can. Why should we dread tomorrow And thus despoil today; For when you borrow trouble, You will surely have to pay. It is a good old maxim, Which should be often preached: Don’t cross the bridge before you Until the bridge you’ve reached. You would be spared much sorrow, If you would keep in mind, The thought that good and evil Are always here combined. There must be something wanting And tho you roll in wealth, You may miss from your casket That precious jewel, health. And tho you’re strong and healthy You may have an empty purse; This earth has .many trials, Which I consider worse. But whether joy or sorrow, Fill up your mortal span, ‘Twill make your pathway brigther. To smile whene’er you can. PROOF POSITIVE Two Negro teamsters were arguing as to how long craps shooting had been a popular pastime in certain circles. “Ah tell yuh hit was invented in the Spanish- American War,” insisted Moses. “Niggah, yoh ig-rance am shocking,” declared Rastus. “A man wrote a book called ‘Pair o’ Dice Lost’ befo’ Gawge Washin’ton was bawn!” HIS EDUCATIONAL ATTAINMENTS Harold — Oh, mother, I got one hundred in school today in two subjects. Fond Parent (kissing him) — Well, well; in what subjects? Harold — Fifty in reading and fifty in arithmetic. PUFFICKLY GOOG REASON Chloride, the colored maid had an nounced her impending departure. “What’s the matter, Chloride?” asked her mistress. “Aren’t your wages suffi cient? Don’t we treat you right?” “Wellum, de wages is all right an’ s APRIL 1925 Statement of the Ownership, Manage ment, etc., required by the Act of Congress of August 24, 1912, Of The United American published monthly at Portland, Ore., for April 1, 1925. State of Oregon, County of Multnomah, ss.: Before me, a notary public in and for the state and county aforesaid, personally appeared H. J. Langoe, who, having been duly sworn according to law, deposes and says that he is the editor of The United American, and that the following is, to the best of his knowledge and belief, a true statement of the ownership, manage ment, etc., of the afoi esaid publication for the date shown in the above caption, required by the Act of August 24, 1912, embodied in Section 443, Postal Laws and Regulations, to-wit: 1. That the name and address of the publishers, the editor, managing editor, and business manager are: Publishers, The Northman Publishing' Co., 227% Washington Street, Portland, Oregon; editor and managing editor EL J. Langoe, 227% Washington Street, Portland, Ore gon; business manager, J. A. Rowley, 227% Washington Street, Portland, Ore. 2. That the stockholders holding one per cent or more of the total amount of stock are: The Northman Publishing Co. (incorporated) H. J. Langoe, B. G. Skulason and W. Peterson, of Portland, Ore., and H. S. Swenson of Los Angeles, ■California. 3. That the known bondholders, mortgagees and other security holders, ■holding 1 per cent or more of total amount of bonds, mortgages or other ■securities are: Security Savings & Trust Co., Portland, Oregon. 4. That the two paragraphs next above giving the names of the owners, stockholders and security holders, if any, contain not only the list of stockholders and security holders as they appear upon the books of the company, but also in cases where the stockholders or security holders appear upon thé books of the company as trustee or in any fiduciary relation, the name of the person or corpo ration for whom such trustee is acting, is given; also that said two paragraphs contain statements embracing affiant’s full knowledge and belief, as to the circumstances and conditions under which stockholders and security holders who do not appear upon the books of the company as trustees, hold stock and securities in a capacity other than that of a bona fide owner; and this affiant has no reason to believe that any other per son, association or corporation has any interest, direct or indirect, in the said stock, bonds, or other escurities than as stated by him. H. J. LANGOE, Editor. Sworn to and subscribed before me this 1st day of April, 1925. E. A. McGRATH Jr., Notary Public. My commission expires February 6,1928 Doctor: “Do you talk in your sleep?’ Patient: “No; I talk in other people’s. I’m a clergyman. He: “I’m going to kiss you when I go.” She: “Leave the house at once.
