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About The nugget. (Sisters, Or.) 1994-current | View Entire Issue (Feb. 26, 2020)
2 Wednesday, February 26, 2020 The Nugget Newspaper, Sisters, Oregon O P I N I O N The game that no one wins Elks Club meeting.... By Leigh-Anne Durham Guest Columnist PHOTO BY JEFF OMODT Letters to the Editor… The Nugget welcomes contributions from its readers, which must include the writer9s name, address and phone number. Let- ters to the Editor is an open forum for the community and contains unsolicited opinions not necessarily shared by the Editor. The Nugget reserves the right to edit, omit, respond or ask for a response to letters submitted to the Editor. Letters should be no longer than 300 words. Unpublished items are not acknowledged or returned. The deadline for all letters is noon Monday. To the Editor: This is a long overdue thank-you to the teachers of Sisters middle and elementary schools. Our two boys love going to school and regularly talk about their teachers and lessons with excitement. Teachers provide the founda- tion that makes all other careers possible, and we feel honored that they are under your guid- ance and care. Thank you for all that you do. David and Suzy Hayes s s s To the Editor: Kudos to Jeff Mackey for his <Modern Fable,= (The Nugget, Letters to the Editor, February 12). It was really clever and well-written. I sent it to many of my family and friends so they could enjoy it as much as I did. I still chuckle every time I think of it. Linn Watson s s s To the Editor: Jim Cornelius9 editorial is spot on! We have previously written a couple of letters regarding this subject, but none stated so well. Also, we were going to write an additional letter, how- ever decided not to continue the arguments with the naysayers. Just as McDonald9s and Dairy Queen objectors, I wonder if these people will boy- cott or visit such businesses; I9m sure it will be the latter. Growth happens, just as our generations of birth and raised in Bend (oh, the days when there was one high school and junior high, two elementary schools for us, our siblings and cousins). It is not what it used to be and does get disappointing, but what can be done other than getting involved and doing the best we See LETTERS on page 6 Sisters Weather Forecast Courtesy of the National Weather Service, Pendleton, Oregon Wednesday Thursday Friday Saturday Sunday Monday Partly Cloudy Sunny Mostly Sunny Mostly Sunny Partly Cloudy PM Showers 57/31 63/32 64/35 51/30 48/28 51/33 The Nugget Newspaper, LLC Website: www.nuggetnews.com 442 E. Main Ave., P.O. Box 698, Sisters, Oregon 97759 Tel: 541-549-9941 | Fax: 541-549-9940 | editor@nuggetnews.com Postmaster: Send address changes to The Nugget Newspaper, P.O. Box 698, Sisters, OR 97759. Third Class Postage Paid at Sisters, Oregon. Editor in Chief: Jim Cornelius Production Manager: Leith Easterling Graphic Design: Jess Draper & Lisa May Community Marketing Partners: Patti Jo Beal & Vicki Curlett Classifieds & Circulation: Kema Clark Proofreader: Pete Rathbun Owner: J. Louis Mullen The Nugget is mailed to residents within the Sisters School District; subscriptions are available outside delivery area. Third-class postage: one year, $55; six months (or less), $30. First-class postage: one year, $95; six months, $65. Published Weekly. ©2020 The Nugget Newspaper, LLC. All rights reserved. Reproduction in whole or in part without written permission is prohibited. All advertising which appears in The Nugget is the property of The Nugget and may not be used without explicit permission. The Nugget Newspaper, Inc. assumes no liability or responsibility for information contained in advertisements, articles, stories, lists, calendar etc. within this publication. All submissions to The Nugget Newspaper will be treated as uncondition- ally assigned for publication and copyrighting purposes and subject to The Nugget Newspaper’s unrestricted right to edit and comment editorially, that all rights are currently available, and that the material in no way infringes upon the rights of any person. The publisher assumes no responsibility for return or safety of artwork, photos, or manuscripts. In the game of basketball there are winners and losers. Lovers of the game hate los- ing. It9s like a bad taste you can9t get out of your mouth. Those of us that have grown up in athletics tend to have this winners and losers, Viking or victim mentality. As a former col- legiate basketball player, I believed that in order for me to win, someone else has to lose. As it turns out, this is a really unhealthy lens when it comes to interpersonal rela- tions. Over time, my thera- pist helped me to understand that in the game of life, there do not have to be win- ners and losers. Moreover, I learned about a game where no one wins called The Drama Triangle. The Drama Triangle, outlined by psychologist Stephen Karpman M.D. (1961) describes a dysfunc- tional mode of operation through which the <play- ers= in the game are either Persecutors, Rescuers or Victims. The Persecutor is verbally, emotionally and/ or physically aggressive or abusive, the Rescuer is a people-pleaser who fixes and rescues others, and the Victim is powerless and without choices. We play the game unknowingly, assign each other roles, then switch roles. The reality is that no one can win at this game, and the roles change depending on who you talk to. (See https:// karpmandramatriangle. com/) Over the past year, our community has observed the narrative of the high school girls9 basketball investiga- tions. After three investiga- tions into the same allega- tions of harassment, intimi- dation, and bullying on the part of the coaches, three rulings have been issued that did not remove the coaches from their positions. Parents and coaches all started with a mutual goal of a rewarding and educa- tional basketball experience. Turns out whilst we all set out to play basketball, we were actually playing a dif- ferent game. Instead of the classic basketball triangle between point-guard, wing, and center, it seems the players of the game became Karpman9s triangle of perse- cutor, rescuer, and victim. A recent opinion article in The Nugget stated that <The administration, through their action in keeping the coaches, left the victims with no other choice but to retreat while the coaches remained. The administration claimed they wanted the players back on the court but at the expense of facing their per- petrators, which caused fear and anxiety. The District tried to mitigate this issue by hiring a monitor (rescuer) to keep the coaches in check.= (Emphasis added). It is ironic that the suit was about harassment, intimidation and bullying, yet after multiple cleared investigations one might wonder if the victim being persecuted, intimidated and bullied is the coach. Perhaps I become a rescuer by defending a friend who patiently teaches our most vulnerable kindergarten stu- dents, and volunteers to run free basketball clinics for young hoopsters that have barely learned to lace up their sneakers. We are all susceptible to being caught in this game that no one wins. To win, Karpman out- lines a new strategy. The Persecutor learns to har- ness their personal power by assertively and responsi- bly setting firm boundaries. The Rescuer learns to reach out to others with empathy. Finally, the Victim learns vulnerability, owning their choices while being open and trusting with healthy people. It9s time to call a timeout and analyze our game plan, or at least recognize which game we are playing. Our kids are learning from our behaviors. Our job as par- ents, educators, and coaches is to model the healthy thinking patterns and humil- ity we hope to one day see them develop. My heart hurts because we have all lost in this recent scrimmage. In the words of David Brooks (<The Road to Character=), I hope this defeat gives us humility and a greater awareness that we all are both splendidly endowed and deeply flawed. Opinions expressed in this column are solely those of the writer and are not necessarily shared by the Editor or The Nugget Newspaper.