Wednesday, January 29, 2020 The Nugget Newspaper, Sisters, Oregon
7
strength-based parenting
down with each of your chil-
dren and read through the list
of character strengths, with
an eye toward identifying
their signature strengths (their
seven most potent character
strengths).
A signature strength will
feel natural to your child and
will be easy for them to apply;
it will feel essential to who
your child is as an individual,
and your child will find that
using a signature strength is
energizing. Children who are
11 through 17 can also take
a free online survey at www.
viacharacter.org that will pro-
vide a profile of their 24 char-
acter strengths, listing them
from the strongest contribu-
tor to their well-being to the
weakest. You can also learn
about the characteristics of
each character strength at the
website.
The next step in adopting
a strength-based approach to
parenting is to compare your
children9s signature strengths
to your own (consider taking
the free VIA adult survey).
When you share a common
signature strength, it will be
easy for you to view the world
from your child9s perspective
and to value this particular
strength. However, when one
of your signature strengths
contrasts sharply with your
child9s, it may increase con-
flict as you might not appreci-
ate how this strength enhances
your child9s life.
For instance, the prudent
parent who tries to avoid
unnecessary risks or making
mistakes may become exas-
perated by the zestful child9s
behavior when his or her
energy and enthusiasm gets
them into trouble in school.
On the other hand, even the
most prudent parent will find
themselves grinning when
they recall how their zestful
child9s adventurous spirit and
endless enthusiasm saved the
last family camping trip when
dreary weather brought down
everyone9s mood.
One of the limitations of
a parenting style that stresses
a child9s weaknesses is that a
child may respond to feedback
with defensiveness and rigid-
ity. Utilizing a strength-based
approach, misbehavior can
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be reframed as a misapplica-
tion of a signature strength,
improving the odds that the
child will respond positively
to feedback. A strength-based
parent speaking to a humor-
ous child might say some-
thing like this: <You are such
a funny kid. Everyone enjoys
your sense of humor and play-
fulness. Your teacher would
really like you to wait until
recess to crack your friends
up.=
So, if you are experienc-
ing friction with your children
due to your attempts to stamp
out their character flaws, con-
sider using a strength-based
approach to parenting. You
are likely to find that spotting,
explaining, and appreciat-
ing your children9s strengths
will bring you closer together,
increase cooperation, and ulti-
mately will accomplish your
goal of preparing your chil-
dren to live happy, responsible
adult lives.
Mitchell L. Luftig, Ph.D.
is a semi-retired clini-
cal psychologist living in
Sisters. He is the author of
the Kindle book <Six Keys
to Mastering Chronic Low-
Grade Depression.= Learn
more at: www.masterchronic
depression.com.
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" Children and adolescents
whose parents used a strength-
based approach to parenting
were less stressed than their
peers, were better at handling
friendship issues, were better
at meeting homework dead-
lines, and they received better
grades.
" Children who built upon
the foundation of their signa-
ture strengths (the seven stron-
gest and genetically deter-
mined character strengths)
improved more rapidly.
" Strength-based parent-
ing enhanced the connection
between parent and child.
" Children felt more trust-
ing of and affectionate toward
parents who appreciated their
strengths, rather than narrowly
focusing on their weaknesses.
" When tensions arose in
the parent/child relationship,
strength-based parents found
it easier to remember the
more pleasant aspects of their
child9s personality (www.
viacharacter.org).
Strength-based parents
help their children to maxi-
mize their strengths by using
the SEA approach 4 Spot
your child9s character strength
in action; Explain to your
child how you observed them
use their character strength;
and Appreciate and reinforce
them for demonstrating their
character strength across all
areas of their life.
Let9s say one of your
child9s character strengths is
kindness. Spot 4 you notice
your child comforting another
child who is sad. Explain 4
<I noticed that when Billy
was crying because he lost at
checkers, you came up to him
and gave him a hug; that9s a
great example of you using
your character strength of
kindness.= Appreciate 4 <I
am so proud of you for being
kind to Billy when he was
feeling sad. Your teacher also
told me how you are kind at
school when other children
are upset.=
Researchers have iden-
tified twenty-four charac-
ter strengths through which
the six universal virtues are
expressed:
Wisdom: Creativity, curi-
osity, judgment, love of learn-
ing, perspective.
Courage: Bravery, perse-
verance, honesty, zest.
Humanity: Love, kind-
ness, social intelligence.
Justice: Teamwork, fair-
ness, leadership.
Temperance: Forgiveness,
h u m i l i t y,
prudence,
self-regulation.
Transcendence: Appre-
ciation of beauty and excel-
lence, gratitude, hope, humor,
spirituality.
In order to become a
strength-based parent and
utilize the SEA approach, sit
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