Image provided by: University of Oregon Libraries; Eugene, OR
About The nugget. (Sisters, Or.) 1994-current | View Entire Issue (Oct. 9, 2019)
Wednesday, October 9, 2019 The Nugget Newspaper, Sisters, Oregon 17 Sisters woman helps people build ‘rock solid’ marriages Jim Cornelius Editor in Chief Our marriages are perhaps the most important relation- ships in our lives 4 yet we often neglect them and sud- denly find that we are in trouble. Norene Gonsiewski of Sisters has, in partnership with Tom Higdon, produced <Rock Solid Relationship: Seven Keys to Restore Your Connection & Make Your Love Last.= The book was devised as a handbook to help people seeking counseling through Gonsiewski and Higdon9s practice to get a jump- start on the work. However, Gonsiewski notes, the book can on its own benefit any- one seeking to restore a frayed connection with their part- ner 4 or anyone who wants to ensure that the connection doesn9t become frayed in the first place. Gonsiewski has been work- ing with couples since 1980, and she9s seen a common theme play out over and over again: <People start a romantic relationship and then they run into inevitable problems, in part because they stop tak- ing care of their relationship,= Gonsiewski said. Quality Truck-mounted CARPET CLEANING Instead of recognizing this, couples often jump to a dire conclusion. <Couples tend to think their problems are unique,= Gonsiewski said. <What cou- ples think is, 8I married the wrong person.9= That belief is fed by a false notion that is signaled across society that if we are with the right person, there won9t be conflict. Early infatuation 4 which carries a powerful hor- monal kick 4 tends to paper over differences. But infatua- tion cannot last. <Eighteen months is a long run for infatuation,= Gonsiewski notes. When infatuation fades and differences in outlook, values, and the abrasions of everyday life start to make themselves felt, many couples just don9t know how to deal with it. <They don9t know how to have conflict,= Gonsiewski said. There9s an almost clock- work pattern to fractures in marriages. <There are two bumps in the divorce rate,= Gonsiewski said. <The first is at five years.= That9s the point at which couples start to feel that they just can9t deal with constant conflict anymore. But much of that conflict may be down A cut above to the couple9s inability to communicate effectively. <The book helps because it does teach you how to com- municate,= Gonsiewski said. Good com- munication in a marriage requires respect and validation of the other9s point of view. Communication at this fraught stage in a marriage often slides into debate and from there into argument 4 with neither party really hear- ing the other. <Listen to understand, not to respond,= Gonsiewski advises. <That9s the number- one culprit.= It9s also important for cou- ples to talk about what they need from their relationship 4 not to simply complain to and about their partner. <We don9t talk about the need; we talk about the com- plaint,= Gonsiewski said. Good communication comes when both parties begin <believing that there is a win- win solution.= The second bump in the divorce rate comes much later 4 often when kids are raised and couples find they are almost strangers to each other. A relation- ship may not be filled with con- flict 4 but the connection may be fading away. The question for such couples is <how to get back to having your relationship be priority,= Gonsiewski said. One key to reestablishing the connection 4 that wist- fully-remembered fun that a couple used to have 4 is <returning to love as a verb,= Gonsiewski says. <You have to do things. Love is decision followed by a thousand acts of love.= Sex is a critical component. <We try to help people understand the importance of sex,= Gonsiewski said. It9s not just about gratifi- cation; sex hormones bond A U T H E N T I C J A PA N E S E , S U S H I , A S I A N Dine-In or Take-Out the rest ! Quality Cleaning 16 years in Reasonable Prices Sisters! Tues.-Fri. 11 a.m.-3 p.m., 4-8:30 p.m. Sat. & Sun., 12-3 p.m., 4-8:30 p.m. Closed Monday — Credit Cards Accepted — ENVIROTECH 541-771-5048 DOWNTOWN REDMOND 511 SW 6TH ST. 152 E. Main Ave. • 541-549-8771 Licensed • Bonded • Insured • CCB#181062 RESIDENTIAL • COMMERCIAL people to each other. Gonsiewski recognizes that physical changes and the stresses of everyday life can impact desire. She and Higdon urge couples to focus on <will- ingness= rather than awaiting <desire.= <You need to be willing to give it 10 minutes and see where it goes,= Gonsiewski said. They urge couples to prac- tice <good sexual habits=: Maintain a date night; watch a sunset together; go out to see some live music& Individual outlook is also of critical importance, Gonsiewski believes. <Negativity kills love and you9ve gotta cut it out,= she said. For more informa- tion or to order <Rock Solid Relationship,= visit https://rocksolid relationshiphelp.com/ book-rock-solid-relationship/. 541-548-3035 Jeff • Theresa • Ann • Jamie • Shiela • Terri • Shanntyl Join us for a Your passport to a world of fine cuisine... SPOOKTACULAR... GERMANY Wednesday, October 9, at 3 p.m. Enjoy a demo of tasty food, play trivia, and win prizes! RSVP to 541-549-5634. Your presence at each dinner earns you $250 credit as a ne for the Second-Wed future Seasons resident.* Attend Happy-Hour Tour: three consecutive dinners and r 13 Mexico ... Novembe r 11 double your credit; bring a m be friend and triple it! Sweden ... Decem y Your Travel Itinerar sday *Must be 62 years or older and move in before 12-31-19. OPEN TO THE PUBLIC Luxury Senior Assisted & Independent Living 541-549-5634 Come for free lunch and a tour! Free to everyone, invite a friend! 411 E. Carpenter Ln., Sisters www.Th eLodgeInSisters.com Thursday, October 31 3:30-4:30 p.m. Trick-or-Treating with ghastly goodies and drinks! Enter to win a Halloween treat basket!