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About The nugget. (Sisters, Or.) 1994-current | View Entire Issue (July 18, 2018)
22 Wednesday, July 18, 2018 The Nugget Newspaper, Sisters, Oregon The Bunkhouse Chronicle Craig Rullman Columnist Tight Cowboys and social floppers Last week’s Letters to the Editor offered an important study in contrasts. One was a well-considered essay in which the writer expressed her concerns, approached the discussion with a counter- argument, and finally made an effective, reasonable case in favor of her beliefs. The other was a kind of “First Thought, Best Thought” screed, lacked any argument whatsoever, and finally morphed into an embarrassing public soccer-flop. Soccer-flopping, if you don’t know, is an invention of European soccer players who fail to get enough atten- tion from the referee and so collapse on the pitch in fits of classic Greek agony while hoping for someone to call a foul. Thankfully, such behavior remains anathema to many Americans. It makes us feel queasy and embarrassed for the flopper. Mostly because a grown man feigning injury and writhing around for attention lacks those quali- ties of mature sportsmanship and fortitude we still admire in athletes and others. Incidentally, “predict- able” is one of the better polysyllabic words, par- ticularly in light of the epi- demic of intellectual soccer- floppers who wander onto the field of play only to be carried off on stretchers — apparently near death — after phantom kicks to the shins. Elsewhere, the col- lective soccer-flopping after Trump’s pardon- ing of Dwight and Steven Hammond, now thankfully at home with their families where they belong, has been predictably amusing. The floppers at CNN — who are no longer actu- ally journalists — could do no better than offer the Hammonds’ calculated par- don as proof of presidential racism because — wait for it — no one pardoned any of the key players in the Black Panthers or Philadelphia’s MOVE organization. Which is, in all serious- ness, world-class soccer- flopping. It’s the same strain of grievance-theater that allows them to conflate the Hammonds with the Bundys —despite the fact that the Hammonds disavowed the Bundys’ takeover of the Malheur Refuge from the outset. As for the Hammonds, floppers must ignore two facts. First, that they had already served time — one thinks it was plenty — before being sent back to prison a second time under the man- datory minimum scheme. Second, they must not mind that agencies of government have lost control of more fires, and caused more dam- age to public and private property, without anyone EVER being held account- able, than the Hammonds imagined in their wildest buckaroo fantasies. T h e s e f a c t s m a t t e r because when we empower government to run rough- shod over people we don’t like — for whatever reasons — we might fairly expect government to someday run roughshod over our own lit- tle house of cards. And who will we blame then? Trump? Obama? Our neighbor with the “Visualize Whirled Peas” bumper sticker? One problem underwrit- ing all of this ham-fisted and predictable government nonsense is the notion of mandatory minimum sen- tences, which were always a bad idea, and the only reason the Hammonds found them- selves re-incarcerated. Mandatory minimums are a bad idea because they eliminate discretion from the judicial system, much in the same way that “stats” deprive police officers of discretion when deciding whether or not to cite a Mini-van Mom for a moving violation. Usually, Mini-van Mom only needs a warning, but under pressure by supervi- sors to bring up her monthly traffic stats, an officer is far more likely to cut a cite whether it’s necessary or even helpful. We used to believe, in the long ago, that discretion was a terrific tool, vital to the health and fairness of the judicial system. We expected officials to exercise it. But so many of those officials are intimidated by the weight of discretionary responsi- bility that we’ve flipped the equation in the other direc- tion — which is to elimi- nate discretion altogether and turn every conceivable act of dumb behavior into a crime requiring mandatory punishment. I shudder to think what would happen today, when floppers abound like locusts, to a teacher who did what I did once, which was to instruct my students how to build a field-expedient clay- more mine. That guy, today, would likely be burned alive in the town square. Never mind that it was effective to reach a class full of booger-eaters adrift in the late-semester doldrums. Never mind that there are, in fact, marvelous parallels between building a claymore mine and con- structing a traditional univer- sity term paper. Today, floppers would no-doubt construe that effort as material support for ter- rorism — “Former Marine Makes Students Build Bombs” — but in the pre- flopper era it worked beauti- fully to get the attention of undergraduates, and hold it. That lecture was probably the result of this column’s warm embrace of classical liberalism — which too few remember as an alternative to wearing their punishing binary politics around like a medieval hair shirt. C l a s s i c a l l i b e r a l i s m works because it just always prefers civic freedom above government intrusion and the histrionics of righteous flop- pers, who ruin the beauty of the game because they don’t know how to play it very well. Finally, in a personal note to letter-writer Ms. Dull: this columnist enjoys yoga. It’s an excellent program for my lower back, which, after careers unkind to its evolutionary design, is now made of crushed glass. I hope to see you there. I think we could be friends. I’ll be the bald, bearded, and tat- tooed guy in back, merrily groaning through a Sunday morning session of “Tight Cowboys” and sporting my favorite — and super-com- fortable — Noveske Rifles T-shirt. CHECK OUT this week’s Remind the people of Sisters to Bi-Mart for Products & Services Nugget inserts! Save on the Endless Summer Outdoor Gas Firepit – now $79.99. Enjoy S’mores in your backyard! (gas tank not incl.) Ray’s Food Place Days are hot; cool down with a favorite treat: Ben & Jerry’s Ice Cream! Selected pints are 2 for $5 (fi rst 4) BUY LOCAL Studies show that when people “shop lo- cal” their money circulates at least three times in that community. Help the people of Sisters learn what’s special about you a and your business or service so that they can shop local now and year ’round. Whon: August 1 & 8 What: W Two-wook full-color ad spocial (with mini-story & photo ono wook) Cost: $245. You savo moro than 50% off of rogular ad ratos! 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