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About Semi-weekly Bandon recorder. (Bandon, Or.) 1910-1915 | View Entire Issue (June 6, 1913)
Semi-Weekly Bandon Recorder, June 6, 1913 GEO. W. MOORE LUMBER CO. If Y O U R [ I M E I S WORTH ANY THING YOU WILE APPRE CIATE our PROMPT SERVICE. OHO. W. MOORS LUMBER CO. S. S. ELIZABETH Large Two Berth Outside State Rooms with Running Waterj Eight Day ServiceJBetween the Coquille River and San Francisco First Class Passenger Fare, $7.50 Freight Rates, $3 on Up Freight Reservations; Fuhrman’s Pharmacy, Coquille; Perkins’, Myrtle Point E. & E. T. Kruse, owners and nanagers, 24 California St., San Francisco. J. E. Walstrom, Agent, Bandon. >• Hotel Bandon First Class Cafe • in Con nection E. G. CASSIDA, Proprietor AMERICAN PLAN, $2.00 per day. $1.00 to EUROPEAN PLAN, Rooms 50c, 75c and $1.00. Gatchell Bros.’ Transfer Line GATCHELL BROS., Prop». All kinds of heavy and light draying. Phone orders given prompt attention. Barn Cor. First & Spruce St., Fish Property PHONE <$41 Rates $1.00 to $2.00 per day. Special rates by weekormonth Sample room in connection Bandon AN OPTICAL DELUSION. THE LAST STRAW. The Story of a Martinet Colonel, a Cap tain and a Sword. Circle Bar Bill Was Converted, but Hi, Meekne,« Had a Limit. The colonel of au English regiment, a rigid martinet. is sitting at the win dow of bis room when, looking out. be 1 sees a captain crossing the barrack yard toward tlie gate Looking at him closely lie is slns-ked to observe that, tin- rules and regulations to the con tmry notwithstanding. the captain does not carry a sword. "Captain!" lie calls from the win dow. "Hi. enplaiii. step up to my room for a moment, will you?" The captain obeys promptly, borrows a sword of the officer of the guard. tbe I'linnlrooin being, at the foot of tin 1 stairs. i«nd_ presents himself to tile colonel in irreproachable dress. Tile colonel is somew hat surprised to ■ sei- tlie sword in its place mid. having ! to invent some pretext for calling his subordinate back, says, w ith some con fusion “Beg your pardon, captain, but really I’ve forgotten wluit it whs I wauled to apeak to you about. How ever. it can't have been very impor taut it'll keep. Good morning." The caiXain salutes, departs, returns the sword to its owner and is making off across the barrack yard, where lie again conies within range of the colo nel's vision. The colonel rubs his eyes, stares, says softly to himself: “How in thun der is this? He hasn't a sword to bis waist!” then calls aloud: "Captain! Hi, captain! One moment, please!” Tlie captain returns, borrows the sword again, mounts the stairs and enters the colonel's presence, His com mauding officer stares at him intently, He lias a sword; lie sees it; he hears It clank. “Captain,” he stammers, growing very Imt. "It’s ridiculous, you know, but ha! Iin!—I'd just remembered what I wanted to sny to you, and now—ha! ha!r it's gone out of tn.v bead again! Funny. Isn’t it? Ha, ha. ha! Losing my memory. Never mind, i’ll think of it and write you. Good morning.” Tlie captain salutes, departs, returns the sword-to its owner and makes for tlie gate, As he crosses the barrack yard the colonel calls his wife to Ills side n nd says. "See that officer out there?” “Yes.” "Has he got n sword on?” The colonel's wife adjusts her eye glass upon him. scans him keenly am says. “He hasn't a taste of n sword. The colonel: ••TIuit’s Just where you fool yourself. Yes, he has.” lu the old Dodge City days tlie cow boys were hard citizens. One time a traveling evangelist came aloes aud converted Circle Bar Bill. Uie toughest cow walloper of the lot. . Circle Bar bill decided to convert his old companions, and he determined to convert them with the illustration of tlie necessity and the value of patience and long sufferlugness. He hired a dance hall for an evening, and tlie cow boys all flocked In to bear tils discourse. "Now,” said Circle Bar Bill, “I'm golu’ to show you lenther skinned gee zers tlie long suffer! ngness and patience a nuiu gits when lie is really and truly converted. I'll stand up here, and you fellers kin heap any indignity ou mo von feel like, and I won't kick, although Trials. Trials teach us wli.nt we are. They dig up the soil and let ns see what we are made of; they just turn up some of the ill weeds on to the surface.—Spur geon. A Quick Answer. An English tourist was sightseeing in Ireland, and the guide bad pointed out the I levfl's gap. the 1 »evil’s [leak and the Devil's leap to him. "Pat,” he said, "the devil 'seems to have a grout deal of property in this district.” "lie has, sir." replied the guide; "lint, sure, he's like all the landlords— he lives in Eugland.” Spoiled the Effect. The story is told of the late Mr. Auguste Van Biene that ouce as he was going on the stage hia malinger banded him ch-inge for a twenty pound note that lie had wanted cashed. The inouey was in gold, and the actor slipped it into his pocket and hurried on to take his call. In the course of Ills part he had to apeak the line, "I am penniless—1 Hotel Gallier Oregon The Job of Barn Painting is one you don’t want to do any help. oftener than you Use our famous Barn and Elevator Paint and you will have a color that- will de fy wind and weather longer than any other paint made. You don’t have to believe it Ask us for the names of those whocan prove it. ' FRANK GREGORY Mechanical Engineer * Contractor and Builder Bandon - Oregon ilrrine for Drink Habit TRY IT AT OUR EXPENSE We are in earnest when we ask you to .five ORRJNE a trial. You have nothing o risk and everything to gain, for your tioney will lie returned, if after a trial rou fail to get results from OR R INK. I This offer gives the wives and mothers if those who drink to excess an oppor« | ¡unity to try the ORRINE treatment, ft is a very simple treatment, can lie fiven in the home without publicity or I om of time from business, and at a nnall pr*re ORRINE is prepared in two forms: No. 1. secret treatment, a powder; OR* RTNE No. 2, in pill form, for those who lesire to take voluntary treatment. Costs »nly 11.00 a box. Come in and talk over he matter with us. Ask for booklet. Orange Pharmacy tin penniless!” and raise Ills handker chief to his eyes to wipe away the tears. Unfortunately he forgot all about the handful of gold he had stuffed In M b pocket, nnd when nt the second “I am |M-nnlleaa'' he pulled out Ills handker chief a shower of gold came with it. The pieces rolled nil over the stage Van lllene stood »taring at them In a innzement while the audience howled. An Invalid’s Craving. Rpeaker Champ Clark has a friend who struck Washlnirton In bad health nnd without fund»*. He became ho III that Mr. Clark seut him to n hospital. A feu dn.vw inter th«» «[(esker received thia letter from the Invalid. Dear ('hnmp-l am much Pl^afle brim? me Morne magazine« Pleaae bring me the makings b»g of tobacco, and book of < <ga retie paper« Pleage bring me sum« of Hit Walter Bcott'a novela P. 8.-Pleaae bring me a pie. —Washington Star. Man Coughs and Breaks Rib Real Estate, Rentals, Insur Alter a frightful coughing spell a ance and Notary Public man in Neenah, \Vis., felt terrible pains in his side and his doctor found two ribs hail been broken. What agony Dr. King’s New Di covery would have saved him A few teaspoonsful ends a late cough, while persistent use routs obstinate coughs, expel stubborn colds or heals weak, sore lungs, “I feel sure its a Godsend to humanity," Mrs. Etiie Morion Columhi i, “for i believe I would have sumption today, it 1 had not this great remedy " Its guaranteed to satisfy, and you can gel a free trial bottle of 50c or $1.00 size at all druggists. Ends Hunt for Rich Girls. fc ft..Jo BILL FOLDED ARMS ▲011088 BREAST, AND THE FUN BEGAN, HIH you know before I whs converted they waru’t ary cowpuncher on the range who was haudier with tils gun or his dukes than me. Circle Bur Bill, who Is now here personlfytn’ meekness and lowliness in the hopes of wiuiiin’ some of you unregenerate sons of the devil to the proper mode of life.” Bill folded I i I h arms across bls chest, and the fun begau. The cowpunchers threw potatoes, tobacco quids, dead prairie bens and other things at Bill, and be made no move, but smiled sweetly. Then Greaser Ike of the Ox bow outfit produced an old and time worn wild turkey egg and let Bill have it smack in the fnce. The egg exploded, and its contents spread over and obliterated that sweet smile. Bill Jumped down among the crowd, shouting, "Fellers, there is now gobi' to lie an intermission in this here long sufferin’ business until I lick the everlastin’ tar outen the white llvered, bow legged, chicken steulin’ coyote who tbrun that egg. I ain't lost my faith in religion none, but they ain’t uo Scripture that forbids me to whip blazes outen a man who would trun a egg like that.”—Philadelphia Saturday Evening Post Happiness. Neither wealth nor rank will insure happiness. Without love and charity anil peace of mind you may tie rich and great and powerful, but you can not be happy.—Lord Avebury. Pelistier and the Canarie». In “Potted Pelissler" 11. G. I'elissier relates that his voice has got blui into a lot of trouble. “I remember on xone occasion," he says, “being left alone in the house with a brace of canaries belonging to my sister, of which she was very foml. ‘Now,’ thought 1, ‘I can at last be cer tain of a really appreciative audience. I will sing to them.' So I snug to them "My sister never forgave me the loss of her canaries. It was the only au thentic case 1 ever met with of 'killing two birds with one's tone.’ ” Th. Kiss She Sold, can Bandon Hardware Co •2 They held a charity bazaar In l'aria not long ago, where one of the moat beautiful of the French actresses of fered one of her kisses at auction The bidding soared higher and high er amid a fever of excitement until It reached 20,000 francs. “Any advance on 20.000 francs?” asked the fair auc tloneer, flushed with pride at tlie value placed on one of her kisses, of which she had any number In reserve. Then, amid a silence that was almost pain ful in its Intensity, the dainty hammer fell. "To you. monsieur!" she said, smiling bewltchlngly at an old gentle man. “Madame." was the answer, “I am profoundly honored. But such prizes are not for old ng'- so with madunie's gracious permission I will depute the honor to my grandchild,” and. raising a sweet little boy in Ills I arms, he received his kiss by proxy amid thunders of cheers and delighted ! laughter. An Important Question. Professor Bliss Perry likes to tell this story about a suffrage meeting which , friend of his attended After considerable business had tu-en disposed of by the suffragettes one of their number made a motion that the women living tn the town where the meeting was held should endeavor at the next election to place a woman on the school board. The presiding offi cer said, referring to the motion. "Is there any question7" For a few mo ments there wns silence. Then n shrill voice far up In the gallery said sweet ly, "Will you please tell us bow you jet that smooth effect over the blpeF* Top’ ór tk u JC a 'OK OVER a hundred Hart lord Fil e Insurance (Company has years t'ne Often the hunt for a rich wife en.Is when the man meets a worn in tli.H uses Electric Bitters. Het strong nerves tell in a bright brain anil even temper. Her peach bloom com plexion and ruby lips result from her pure blood; her bright eyes from restful sleep; her elastic step from firm, free muscles, all telling ol the health and strength Electric Bitters give a woman, and the freedom from indigestion, backache, headache, fainting and dizzy spells they pro mote. Everywhere they are woman's favorite remedy. It weak or ailing try them. 50c at all druggists. prelection it gives the American people it stands above every other fire insui«nce company, Makes the Nation Gasp. Contractors and Builders The awful list of injuries on a Fourth of July staggers humanity. Set over against it, however, is the wonderful healing, by Bucklen's Arnica Salve, of thousands, who suffered from burns, cuts, bruises, bullet wounds or explosions Its th< quickest healer of boils, ulcers, zema, sore lips or piles. 25c at druggists. Less Bowel Trouble Bandon. been climbing the fire insurance ladder until to-day it stand» at the top. , In the volume of fire When you need fire insurance E. E. OAKES. LEEPER & CAR Estimates Furnished Phone 932 P L RANDLES GENERAL BLACKSMITHING Horseshoeing a Specialty '111 I )nfort Btiiklino (.'<»luinbi;i Ave. in Bandon people have found out that a single dose of simple buck thorn balk, glycerine, etc., as com pounded in Adler i-ka, the ('erm.in appendicitis remedy, relieves cons tipation, sour stomach or gas on the stomach instantly. This simple mixture antisepticiz.es the digestive organs and draws off the impurities and it is surprising how quickly it helps. C. Y. I.owe, Druggist. Give Us a Call Move on Now. We furnish plans anil speci fications and il you are go ing to build anything, no matter says a policeman to a street crowd, and whacks heads if it don’t ‘ ‘Move on now,” says the big, harsh mill eral pills to bowel congestion anil suffering follows. Dr. King's New Life Pills don’t bulldoze the bowels. They gently persuade them to right action, and health follows. 25c at all druggists. Brown & Gibson I lie Leading Contractors and Builders JI PURE DRUGS When your child has whooping cough be caieful to keep the cough loose and expectoration easy by Do you want pure drugs and giving Chamberlain's Cough Retne drug sundries, fine perfumes, dy as may be required. this rem hair brushes anti toilet arti cles? If so, call on edv will also liquify the tough mucus and make it easier to expec torate. It has been used su< < <>s- Bandon, Oregon fully in many epidemics and is sale and sure. For sale by C Y. I.owe. C. Y. LOWE It is now well known more than one case of rlu in ten requires any intern nient whatever. All that is is a tree application of ( l iin's Liniment and m iss;i parts at each applii.ition and see how quickly it will the pain and soreness So Y. I.owe. not Saturdays at Lorenz’ Store M. G. POHL. Optometerist Kryptocks, the Most Perfect I.en.es M. I. Randall ! Building Contractor See me fur estimates and plans. BANDON, OREGON Bo,672 Thete is no real need of anyone being troubled with constipation. Ch irnlierlain's Tablets wilU ause an agreeable movement of the bowels without any unpleasant effect < ,ive them a trial. Lowe. A sprained ankle may as a rule be cured in from three to four days by applying Chamberlain's Liniment and oliserving directions with each bottle. For sale by C. Y. Lowe. E. B. FISH Painter. Decorator and Paper Hanger J he Hi. h Standard Jaiwe (Ills, ( olors, V'anushrs Cur. Coquille and iir< Wall Paints, Piper I hird Sts.