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About Heppner gazette. (Heppner, Morrow County, Or.) 1892-1912 | View Entire Issue (Dec. 10, 1908)
Catarrh Is a Constitutional Disease It originates in impure blood and requires constitutional treatment, act ing through and purifying the blood, for its radical and permanent cure. The greatest constitutional remedy ia Hood's Sarsaparilla In usual liquid form or in chocolated tab lets known asSarsatabs. 100dose$l. Nasal and other local forms of catarrh are promptly relieved by Antiseplets or Catarrlets, 50c, druggists or mail." 0. I. Hood Co., Lowell, Mass. I .(juuior. do j oo know what Teacher Tommy, latitude is? Tommy Yes, ma'am. It's distance north and south of the Chicago river. Ghicafo Tribune. Ono Slord I; n fori una t e. The police just tea looked at the bat tered, disreputable specimen of manhood before him and turned to the policeman umcer, ne k.suea, wuat ir tne com plaint?" Rueumatii, y r honor, jraoke up th prisoner, answering for himself. Chicago Tribune. Th. II a b. Osteml Pa, what do they mean when they sny "Money Is easy" lu Wall Street? i a iney mean mat it is mny, my son, because tliey have Just gotten It from easy people. Ostend Then why can't we get It? ra Because those thut Lave a hold on It are not easy. Prom 8 Til 10 P. M. Talk about your moving pictures that they charge a dime to ace, well, they may do real amusing, but Just take a tip from me : There a a transparent curtain and two "spooners" on our srreet. Talk about your moving pictures -well we Rue" wi Hive them beat. JnvrnlU IJetiravlty, "Kitty," said her mother, rebukingly "yon must sit still when you a,re at the table." I can t, mnmma. protested the little girl, "I'm n fil'tnr!nn." Tni-M in ule lliillellna. Iliram Burrow How's yer chawln" terhaeker, Ezra ? Kern Skinner (reluctantly producing plug) Fa 11 In fast; I don't expect it to lust the day out. Tuck. Triumph o( Human Nat a re. "Them seventeen mothers lu the vil lage mothers' club agreed to decide by ballot which had the handsomest baby "Well, who won it?" "Each kid got one rote." Judge. Particulars Itpalrd. "Kitty, wouldn't you like to something about Esperanto?" "Do you have to learn to play it, or it something you eat?" know ii There are now over 2."X),000 words in the English language acknowledged by the bent authorities, or about 70,000 more than In the German, French, Spanish and Italian lanffnai" combined. IP eras IF YOUVE NEVER WORN youVe yet Lto learn the bodily comfort it qives in the wettest weather MAJ5F. fop hAPD SERVICE ANO GUARANTEED WATERPROOF 83OO AT AIL COQD STORES CATALOG FRtt A J TOWfO CO BOSTON U TOWEB CANADIAN CO UNITED T(OT0. 1 A. KASPARf LLA Tbis sterling household remedy is most successfully prescribed for a "world of troubles." For derangements of the di gestive organs it is a natural corrective, operating directly upon the liver and ali mentary canal, gently but persistently stimulating a healthful activity. Its beneficial influence extends, however, to every portion of the system, aiding in the processes of digestion and assimilation of food, promoting a wholesome, natural appetite, correcting sour stomach, bad breath, irregularities of the bowels, con stipation and the long list of troubles directly traceable to those unwholesome conditions. Kasparilla dispels drowsi ness, headache, backache and despond ency due to inactivity of the liver, kidneys and digestive tract. It is a strengthening tonic of the highest value. If it fails to satisfy we authorize all dealers to refund the purchase price. Hovr Chemical, Co. Portland, Oregon C. Gee Wo The Chinese Doctor Thin croMt. OMnoso fhr nit i:m i wi ll kt:iwn 1 hnUAiiout t ho Mori h wi't .'h'iiiip of liiwon- fiermi mill tmirvruum riiroi, unit in Unlay I t r 0 nltio'l li nil h f m put !if.f tn J n tin crt'ut"t of lii" 7 kin.. Ih ire t any m il nil .1, nilk ....... fill 4 hiit'p rHitH. Lrrl ami Imrk t hat nn1 out irly un now 11 to t h n. ii m wifm't cif t )i in innt ry. it h t hew harm. rente) ii lit puarttnUTn to cur cntnrrh, Bothnia, lunn trottt-l". rf runmt im, nTonn, R'oinni-n, Iner mid ! iHr 'y fremiti, alu riat (liekMM of Uipn nml women. CONSULTATION fRCE Pat Irnts oi.!i!n of city write fur blank and c'rculura. Inclose 4c tamp. The C. Ccc Wo Medicine Co. 162"j first St., Nrnr Morrison Portland, Or. A woman and her oplnioim are soon parted. Wlgg I have a noiseless typewriter. Wagg Is she u deaf-mute? Phlladel phla Iiecord. "What ails me, doc?" asked the gen ial clubman, "i'ou need a Job. You're suffering from overrest." New York Sun. Mrs. Benhain How much did you pay the minister when we were mar ried? Benhani He fined me five dol lars. Harper's Weekly. Teacher -Now, children, what Is the greatest enemy of poultry? Silence. Teacher Who eats the most poultry? I'uplls The minister ! Jugend (Mun ich). The Lndy Little boy, don't you know smoking will shorten your life? The Kid Shucks! Wot do I care? I've seen everyt'lng dere Is. Boston Trav eler. Pat I hear yer wolfe Is sick, Moike. Mike She Is thot. 1'at Is it danger ous she Is? Mike Divll a bit. She's too weak to be dangerous any more! Brooklyn Life. Facetious Friend (teasingly ) Well, which rules you or your wife? Mr. Youngwed (with hauteur) You forget we enn afford to keep a cook. Balti more American. Stella So your father handled him without gloves? Bella Yes, and It would have been better for poor, dent' Ceorgo If be bad dune It without shoes. New York Sun. "The telephone is certainly a great in vention. Think of it! You can talk to your wife fifty miles awny." "That may be your experience. All I've beeu able to do is to listen." "Have you." asked the judjre of a re cently convicted man, "anything to of fer the court before sentence Is passed?" "No, your honor," replied the prisoner, "my lawyer took my last dollar." I saw the major's wife at her win dow early this morning. She looked 40 years old!" "You must be mistaken, your highness; no woman. Is as old as she looks In the morning!" Fliegende Blaetter. "Why are you so vexed, Irma?' "I am so exasperated : 1 nttemiea ttie meeting of the Social Equality League, and my parlor maid presided and had the audacity to call me to order three times !" Fliegende Blaetter. Mulligan The byes sny ye licked poor Casey. Sliure. lie raver nurt luy man's feelln's. Harrlgan He's a sbnake in the grass. The blackguard referred to me as his contlmperary, and I'll be the contlmperary to no man livin'. I'uck. "Before we were married." said Mrs. hatterton, "you used to tell me how much you loved me, but you never do now. (Jr course nor, my near, re lied the masculine partner. "Since our marriage you haven t given me a enanee tell you anything." Said a poet to an unfortunate specu lator: "Hou't you think that the open ing lines of Tennyson's little poem, Break, break, break,' arc plaintive and sad?" "Yes." was the melancholy re ply But I think that 'Broke, broke, broke,' is a good deal sadder." "William." she said, "means good. James means beloved. 1 wonder" a Hush mantled her cheek. 1 wonder she softly murmured, "what George means'.'" "George means business, I hope," said mother, looking up from the wedding r.iinounceinents in the paper. Anxious Mother Nellie, dear, do you think that young Iluggins, who has beeu calling on you twice a week for some time, is matrimonially inclined? I'rctty 1 laughter Iteally, I don't know what to think, mamma, dear. lie has such a knack of keening one in the dark! Old Acquaintance Why, old chap, a few years ago you were the best dressed man in town, but now your lit lit is pretty shnbhy. Hail a reverse.' Companion Well, you may call it that. The truth is. I got married since, and now It's my wife that's the best dressed woman in towu. Young Wife To-morrow will be my birthday, dear. Young Husband You'll be twenty-one? Young Wife No; twenty-live. Young Husband Why, a year ago. just before our wed- you were only twen Yes, but I have aged marriage. said an itinerant giv SOPHIA KITTLE5EN. HEALTH VERY POOR- RESTORED BY PE-RU-NA Catarrh Twenty-five Years- had a Bad Cough Miss bophia Kittleson, Evanston, 111., writes: "I have been troubled with catarrh for nearly twenty-five years and have tried many cures for it, but obtained very little help. "Then my brother advised me to try Peruna, and I did. "My health was very poor at the time I began taking Peruna. My throat was very sore and I had a bad cough. "Peruna has cured me. The chronic catarrh is gone and my health is very much improved." 1 recommend Peruna to all my friends who are troubled as I was. PtRUNA TABLETS: Some people pre fer tablets, rather than medicine in a fluid form. Such people can obtain Pe runa tablets, which represent the medicinal ingredients of Peruna. Each tablet equals one average dose of Pe runa. Man-a-lin the Ideal Laxative Ask Your Druggist for a Free Peruni Almanac for i909. Th St. Petersburg correspondent of the London Mail says tht ear drums mads of thin leaves of silver are being used in the Russian military hospitals for diseases of the ear, to raplace defective organs. Mothers will find Mrs. Winslow 8oothln Byrup the best remedy to use lor their children luring the tcethiug period. Stnnca to a Cborna Girl. I m sorry you can't be my bride, May, But my father won't give bis consent, And if he, in a rage, cut me off, May, Why 1 never could pay for our rent. But why should we live any more? May. In death we should not be apart. I suffer alone, and am seized, May, With a grief that is searing my heart. SOMETHING FOR EVERYBODY So let's flee from the odious world. May, Where there's nothing but troubles and carei. Ah, won't it be grand, when we two, hand in hand, Are climbing the golden stairs? FITS nlB Vitus' Dnnofl ana 'rvoiit ljisoases perm& nentlr cured ly Ir. J -ine's Great Nerve lie torpr. Send (or FREE $2 00 tnnl bottle and treatise Dr. It. Ii. Kline. Ld., 9J1 Arch St., l'hiladelphia, l a. P N U No. 60 08 1rilKX writing to lTertlsra pls mnniion this pr. dine, you told me 1y. Voting Wife rapidly since our "My friends." preacher, "the Scriptural rule for Inp was one-tenth of what a man pos sessed. If you feel yon can't afford so niu h. Just ive a sixth, or a fourth, ac cording to your means. We will dis pense with the next hymn and take up the collection." I.ippincot t's. Wlllb And so you quarreled? Char lie Yes; slie sent back all my pres ents. And what do you supNse I did? Willie Can't guess. Charlie I pent her a half do.cn Inixcs of face powder, with a note explaining that I'd taken about that much home on my coat since I'd known her. The llos-fclp. To A void Mistakes. "I want a bottle of Kybold's Extract aia ine prominent politician of the 'Steenth ward, stepping into a drug store. "Uybold's Ext met V" queried the drug gist. "That's a medicine I never heard of before." "I never heard of it. either, until to-day, but I'm under contract to write a testi monial for it. and I want to find out what diseases it claims to be eood for." You Can Get Allen's foot-Case f REE. Write Aliens. Olmsted. I.e Kov. N. Y., fora free sample of Allen's Foot-Ka'sc. It cun sweating hot swollen, selling feet. It make. new or Unlit shoes chsv. A ceriain cure for 'orns. intnowing nails and bunions. All dr.it; Bisti sell it. 1!,h lAni't accept any substitute Iet's flee from this odious world. May, And go to the land of frotliless sodas, thumbless waiters and countless de lights; where your pipe doesn't go out every few minutes and you don't have to tramp ten miles to Eet a check cashed. Yale Record. j The annual wear and tear on the world's currency Is estimated at two tons of gold and KX) tons of sliver. In all the clvlll.ed countries of the world (X) per cent of the persons over 10 years old have to work for a living. There are In the State of New York forty-three villages of between l.txKi and 2,MK) Inhabitants which have free libraries. The Finns evidently have not found woman suffrage a failure. Nineteen women were elected to their first Par liament. Now twenty-five have just been elected to the second. Iierlin opened a rink on Sept. 1 for Ice skating nil the year round. This makes the fourth permanent lee rink in Europe, others being operated In London, I'aris and Munich. The Ivory nut, vtnlch Is so much used by button manufacturers, Is the fruit of a species of palm which grows In Central and South America. It forms a valuable crop, particularly In Panama, Colombia, Ecuador and Peru. A (ionium statistician has calculated that the steam power in present use on this globe is equal to ll.'(i,(l(K),(K) horse lower. Ihe coal needed to supply this steam for a year would make a freight train extending ten times around the earth. From Mora conies a story of sugar beets more than two feet long and weighing only a trifle less than twelve pounds. There are said to be two of these monster tubers there, and it is claimed they were grown on the farm of a native who lives several miles ur the valley from the town of Mora. Las Vegas (N. M.) Optic. The first recorded production of a play In Australia took place In June of the year lTsti. It was called "The Kecruiting Officer." The proceeds of the first pay night (some 2ti went to the family of a man who had been drown ed, in January, IT'.iO, a rough and ready playhouse was opened and the public had to pay one shilling a head for admission. The payments were made in kind, wheat, flour or rum tak ing the place of the usual currency. Ixjndon Standard. Don't mark your stationery any longer with a monogram. That is out of date. The latest symbol is the thumb mark. It is engraved In gold or silver and lias all the value of a Ber tillon mark of Identification. Station- rs who have Introduced this way of marking use the prints in the center of a correspondence card and about half an inch from the top to make them most effective. The thumb is some times printed in red or blue, although the metal colors are more popular. New York Sun. Mrs. Uertha Ayrton Was succeeded In ascertaining the cause of the refractory behavior of the searchlight in certain respects and In devising a remedy. The Irltlsh admiralty called on Prof. Ayr- ton to investigate the trouble some time ago. After making many investigations turned the problem over to his wife. What has lnwine of the old -fashioned woman who had her photograph taken with one hand holding a ha!f-oiened book? Lame Back Prescription. The increased use of whiskey for lame back rheumatism is causing con siderable discussion among the medical fraternity. It is an almost infallible cure when mixed with certain other in gredients and taken properly. The fol lowing formula is effective: "To one half pint of good whiskey add one ounce of Toris Compound and one ounce Syrup Sarsaparilla Compound. Take in tablcspoonful doses before each meal and before retiring." Toris compound is a product of the laboratories of the Globe Pharmaceuti cal Co., Chicago, but it as well as tht other ingredients can be had from any good druggist. IllunlrnlinK It. ".lo-siah." flkeil Mrs. Cliugwater, look-; :"g up Iroiu the newspaper she was reaJ nir. "what is a 'homestretch'?" "This." answered Mr. Chugvvater. lean i'S back in bis easy t hair, slowly extend g his arms at right angles with his 'Oily, and aevorup.myiiig the exercise with i dismal yawn. "You've seen me do it k '....,, .. tMTi-s." chicHjo Tribune. : Couch Syrup, ijstrs Good. ptj in erne. Sold hv Hiupqi't. tJ In who is the only woman member of the Institute of Electrical Engineers and who received the only medal ever nwnriMl to a woman by the Royal So ciety of London for original unaided work. The Congregational parsonage at Kit tery is one of the oldest houses in tie1 State of Maine. It is the oldest ecclesi astical residence in the State, and the oldest one in present use In New Eng land. The bouse was built in 17-!). in the days of Hon. William Pepperell. father of Sir William Pepperell. It contains the library bequeathed fy Sir William to Ir. Itenjamin Stevens, for forty years minister of the Kittery Point church. lr. Stevens in bis turn bequeathed the library to the Congrega tional ministers of Kittery and York for all time. Many of these Iwtoks con tain the Pepporoll coat-of-arms. Ken nebec (Me.) Journal. In Henderson County, Cain Cox, tiv. miles from Athens, has not only ad hered to diversification in all its forms, raising fruit, tomatoes and the cereal and hay crops, as well as some cotton, but he has been Investing some money in other experiments, some of which are about to turn out very profitably. One of bis side experiments has been almonds, be having put in quite a num ber of the young trees about five years ago. i ne irees are now well grown and are hearing tine almonds, though not as large nor as fine as the import ed variety. The trees bore a few almonds last year and many more this year, anil by another year Mr. Cox thinks he will get a crop large enough o. market. Houston Post. The death of James W. Paul, the Philadelphia banker, recalls this story whbh he told at a Philadelphia club not long ago; "I was going home one night late and saw a man who had evi dently looked divp Into the cup mak ing frantic but unsuccessful efforts t open a door with a latchkey. After looking at him a few minutes I decided to help the man. who was nut so f.ir gone as to have forgotten his polite ness, for before entering the house through the door which 1 succeed ed In opening he asked my name j ami thanked me. I proceeded on my way, but had gone only a few steps, when I heard some one call "Mr. Paul! Mr. Paul !' I turned, and there was my friend of the latchkey coining to ward ine with unsteady gait. When he reached ine he put one hand affection ately on my shoulder, and. looking me In the face, said: 'Say, did you ever get an answer to that long letter you wrote to the Thessaloulaus?" &a urn nra Vift "r, H LOT L t nr unfit enrh A 0 1 0 to 50t fflnrn mnnr.v to m tr th I r. Tn V , tti.i,.- a- u - aA fat hmiiK ri( fr Price SAnt, Mnrkut Import., (shipping 1 fur, an-l Himt our HUNTERS'& TRAPPERS' GUIDE.?.,' 0 paM, lilhr hound. Hut thinr on the ul.jsr-t tv-r written lllmtralini all ' ir Animli ill at.ul rraniwra Scru, Dr..vt, TrapA. Um lawi. Il-,w.n.l ohara to Iran, anrl U, be.-om a tt CMnillranKir. It a r'tular F.nrirlupwii. I'nr.. fl. To our iulr.mr II !', II l. UrnM into tK-auliful K'.Ua. Our MarnHir Hit and lco 'lri immili ti trap ' On r-r ., ! Mr.,.,,,, Hidoiaudruatoaiaada-istAwlittiuticaa. An Jrw k Krua., Ileal. 121 UliiBeavulla.ULua. RfflAPLEINE A Flavoring. It maV.es a syrup Letter than Maple. J SolJ by grocer. Aeaop la "I.lltlo Italy." A school teacher in the Italian quar ter of an American city told her chil dren the story of the fox and the grapes. Tony was especially delighted with the story, and eagerly sought his chum, Joe, who was in another class. I!y good luck, the teacher overheard Tony's version. In his excited, broken English he told the fable much ns it was written, until he came to the end. This was his rendering of the climax: "De olda fox he say, 'Da grape no good, anyhow; alia sour. I uoss I Co gcta de banan.' " Netv l'e for If. Mrs. Fneuhride (at telephone) Hello! Is that the health department? Voice Yes. Mrs. Pneubride I wish you would send one of your officers to (!l7 Pilous street. This house is full of cockroaches. Chi cago Tribune. what Br Car. Stranger (on horseback) Uncle, is the price of oats to-day V Uncle Jed (sitting on the fence) We don't sell our votes in these diguin's, mis ter. Be you a candidate? Her Impromptu Conundrum. "You called on Miss Tartun and she ereeted you with: 'Why, Mr Sorreltop!' Well, what was there in that harmless exclamation to offend you. Percy?"' "Yes, but slie er didn't punctuate it that way. She said: 'Why Mr. Sorrel top?' " Ho (onlihi'l Tell a Me. "Well, good-hy, dear!" said Mr. Tru- hoy to his beloved spouse. "I must go and dictate those letters twenty-six of them so you mustn't expect me horn very early." "All right!" was the response. "But I wish you wouldn't work so hard." Half an hour biter, Mr. Trueboy en tered his club and sat down, with three others, at a card table. "Just a moment, you fellows, before the first hand is dealt. I've got to keep my word with my wife. One of you Just take down what I dictate: 'Abe d e f g h I j k 1 m n o p j r s t u v vr x y 7.: There! Those letters are oS my mind." He fOli 11 Vol Tell a Me. Inquiring I-ady How much m'.'.i does your cow give a day? Truthful P.oy 'Bout twelve quarts, lady. Inquiring I.ady And how much of that do you so' I? Truthful Boy 'Bout twelve quarts, lady. Human Life. T he Homemen. A veterinary surgeon pronounced a hunter to be afflicted with an incur able disease. "What had I better do?" queried th owner to his groom. "Well, sir," was the reply, "con scientiously speaking. I should part with him to another gentleman." Tit-Bit mm h,m Bay.'! 1 BP K-Crt Z ZV. -A- .V, ALCOHOL 3 PER nr.NT AVegelable PreparalionforAs sirailatingtticFoofJanaRctjuia ling Utc Stomaclis andBwds of Promotes DigcsfionJChferiij! ncss and ResLContainsneiriia Opium.Morphine norftincral. Not Narcotic. idpt afOMIkSlKCZLMIMl Pumpkin Sttdm jHx.Seaa IfomSeii CtmiTttd Sumr WMByrtai'Hanr. Apertect Remedy for Conslifa tion . Sour Stom'acri.Diarrhoea Worms .CoiTvu'sioiis .Feverish ness and Loss OF Sleep. FacSintile Sigaamre of NEWT YORK. For Infants and Children. The Kind You Have Always Bought Bears the Signature of At m .f 1 ir O'J' Use For Over Thirty Years Ex3Ct CPy f WraPPer- The c.t..., eo.r. hi. yo crrr. KJ fefriSffl "ILL PO All Hycii 1'HATAM' i taKriiSiS llllill IR!' XD RESCEN Egg-Phosphate yer a fa Kiss A FULL rOUAT 25c Get it from your Grocer Highest Quality More Converts Every Year Every day in every year that ccmes, more house wives are giving up their exorbitant priced Baking Powders and turning to K C, the honest and reliable, which has stood so well the test of years. They are hndir.g out that KG Jounces .ii BAKIiMG POWDER costs one third the price of powder any where near K C quality, and makes better, purer, more healthful baking tlx) Uucccs lor Jo Cents Perfect Results